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The
Quote List 2.0
"Here's 20 bucks, now do
something
to my body with your mouth."Eric
Filipkowski
"I
didn't care enough to
remember."Ron
Lesko
"Lord have mercy! Where DID you
get all that fat?"
Long John
Silver's Lady
"Every time I drink large
quantities of jack daniels, I end up in a
field with a goat with my pants off."
Audrey S.
"I can't eat eggs by an open
window." Janis
Dimarzi
"You bring out something in me
that doesn't always find proper
expression." Zev
Belringer
"The hero of yesterday becomes
the tyrant of tomorrow, unless he
crucifies himself today." Joseph
Campbell
"The biggest cause of trouble in
the world today is that the stupid
people are so sure about things and the intelligent folks are so full
of doubts."
Bertrand Russell
"I wanna be happy, but not all
the time."
Morphine
"Only the fakes survive" Johnny Rotten
"Insofar as I am static, I am
enslaved."
Goethe
"Piracy cannot be controlled and
there is zero point in trying to fight
it. What you have to do is remove the need for it. We take absolutely
no steps to combat piracy. We just sell our products inexpensively and
package them nicely."
Julian Colbeck
"Hell is other people." Jean Paul Sartre
"Don't follow in the footsteps of
the old poets, seek what they sought." Basho
You can say any foolish thing to
a dog, and the dog will give you a
look that says, 'My God, you're right! I never would've thought of
that!'"
Dave Barry
"If you can't beat them, arrange
to have them beaten."
George
Carlin
"People do not like to think. If
one thinks, one must reach
conclusions. Conclusions are not always pleasant."
Hellen
Keller
"Taste is the enemy of
creativity." Pablo
Picasso
"You're not gonna play any of
that snot-scraping music, are you?"
Janis
Dimarzi
"Self esteem is an imaginary
friend too polite to tell you how much you
suck."Jeff Ulicny
"If we can get 2 women on the
supreme court, we can get 1 on you."
Will
Stuart
"Don't trust anything that bleeds
for 5 days and doesn't die."
Unknown
"5 out of every 4 Americans has
trouble with fractions."
Unknown
"Fuction Diction" Jeff Ulicny
"I am so tired of pretending,
wishing I was ending, when all I'm really
doing is trying to hide." nine
inch nails
"I'm not proud to say I hate
myself" Trent
Reznor
"My aspiration is to make
something that is digestible, but that you
have trouble processing." Trent
Reznor
"An intelligent man is sometimes
forced to be drunk to spend time with
his fools." Ernest
Hemmingway
"It's easy to shock Americans
because they're all so stupid. My band is
a reaction against the fake, sunny, cheerful, Disneyworld America."
Marilyn
Manson
"Of course, getting most bands to
talk about their music is like asking
an adolescent to explain the finer points of masturbation technique. It
seems somehow inappropriate , and for good reason, because music begins
where words leave off, and if musicians could clearly explain what they
were doing they'd turn into essayists." Tom Maxwell, CMJ
"Kids today don't know bands like
Journey, they just know those stupid
groups like the...Punk-Ass Bitches." Tracey Bevington
"There's two types of people in
this world, those who believe there are
only two types of people and those who know better."
Tom
Robbins
"Everywhere there's lots of
piggies, living piggy lives. You can see
them out for dinner, with their piggy wives, clutching forks and knives
to eat their bacon." The
Beatles
"It's never too late to have a
happy childhood."
Tom
Robbins
"What bothers most critics of my
work is the goofiness. One reviewer
said I need to make up my mind if I want to be funny or serious. My
response is that I will make up my mind when God does, because life is
a commingling of the sacred and the profane, good and evil. To try to
separate them is fallacy." Tom
Robbins
"I can only see myself reflected
in your eyes."
Stabbing
Westward
"So the hands that build can also
tear down, even the hands of love."
U2
"Music is your only friend, until
the end."
Jim
Morrison
"I see myself as a sensitive,
compassionate man but with the soul of a
clown who always seems to blow it at the most crucial moment."
Jim
Morrison
"Anything that solicits your
belief is not worth believing"
Thomas
Ligotti
"I almost had a psychic
girlfriend but she left me before we met"
Unknown
"Tell me what you need, and I'll
tell you how to get along without it."
Dogbert
"Humpbunny" Melissa Scott
"I'm not really upset that we
broke up, I'm just bored."
Brian
Rooker
"Think of all the orifices you
have in your body, and think of all the
things that go in and out of them every day."
Amanda
Morris
"I just came from the doctor and
he told me I was gonna live and I said
SHIT!"Linda
Shelhamer
"It's going to be either me or
everyone else I kill, so pray for my
quick suicide." Unknown
"I got a lot of good ideas,
trouble is most of them suck."
George
Carlin
"Have another pop-tart, tubby" Lisa Simpson
"The ship is going down, it's
time to charge the galley and eat all the
funions you can grab." Adam
(Loveline)
"The truth will set you free, but
first it will piss you off."
Unknown
"Screensavers are the macrame of
the 90's"
Douglas
Coupland
"Got a brand-new, high-speed
modem and a silver plated scrotum!"
Pimpbot
5000
"Is it the beginning of madness
to think myself the only one sane?"
M.W.
Tsepesh
"I like having low self-esteem,
it makes me feel important."
Daria
(Shouted from across the room)
"Is there a lot of nudity in that?"
Video Guy
"Love is a trick nature plays on
us to get us to reproduce. I want no
part of it." Callisto
"I am slashing a path through the
rank vegetation of American popular
culture with the warped machete of my mind."
M. Leyner
"Anyway, if you stopped tellin'
people it's all sorted out after
they're dead, they might try sorting it all out while they're alive."
Adam(antichrist)
"Look, I didn't ask for this
penis!" Jeff
Ulicny
"I have a very fertile ass this
evening."
Lynn
Koehler
"I'll bet your copy of the Kama
Sutra has more dog-ears than a Korean
Buffet."Dennis
Miller
"Remember, You're Unique, just
like everyone else."
Unknown
"... I don't like movies with sex
and violence, so you'll have to pick
one or the other." Roseanne
"...and a sense of humor,
properly developed, is superior to any
religion so far devised." Tom
Robbins
"Magic is what I do, music is how
I do it."
Jerry
Garcia
"Isn't that just kick you in the
crotch and spit on your neck
fantastic?" Rachel
"Everyone has 5 pounds of
undigested bundt-cake in their colon and
you're only as clean as your colon." Sean Chevalier
"He's special, like as in
olympics." Brian
McKnight
"I'm just a fuck-chimp for HBO." Dennis Miller
"Go to Starbuck's, get a
quadra-latte and wake the fuck up!"
Dennis
Miller
". . .you've ruined my melon!"
The State
"What limits people is that they
don't have the fucking nerve or
imagination to star in their own movie, let alone direct it."
Tom
Robins
"Don't get me wrong, I love kids
. . . they taste just like chicken."
Renee
Nard
"Hey, look, it's Jesus!" Sean Chevalier
"Don't mistake a lack of talent
for genius."
Unknown
"..because Christmas iz de most
givin' time, dey is."
Mickey
Cherico
"Trust me, I know my
pelvis." Jeff
Ulicny
"Well, slap my ass and call me
Judy!" Jon Lovitz
"May the Gods grant me the
courage to change things that I can, the
serenity to accept the things that I cannot change, and the wisdom to
hide the bodies of those people I have to kill because they piss me
off."The Pagan Page
"Put a bag on your head and hop
on the ugly bus."
The State
"We all have great asses each in
our own way!"
The State
". . . that's because you have
such a paragon of virtue to have to try
and emulate." Shari
Bennett
"'Aint no luggage racks on a
hearse." Don
Henley
"Nobody's shakin' their weenie in
my house, fake or otherwise!"
Davina
Bailey
"You want a piece of me fatboy?
I'll spork your ass!"
The
Critic
"Your body is a filter for
coffee" Bob
"Jesus loves you, everyone else
thinks you're an asshole."
Exorcist
III
". . .getting some stanky on my
hangdown."
Arsineo
Hall
"It's not the fall that kills
you, it's the sudden stop at the end."
Unknown
"'I guess there ain't no Santa
Claus.' Not for you Jewboy!"
Joni
Ulicny
"Are you wacky on the junk?" David Letterman
"We're the only band that can
suck and blow at the same time."
Ed Leheny
"That's it, I'm goin' twinky
huntin'." Craig
Morris
"Synchronious Rooting" Craig Morris
"Come have a turkey pot pie with
the bad guy."
Joni
Ulicny
"Don't go takin' my pills." Tom Bogdan
"He Shoots, He Scores! Holy
Shit!" Mike Lange
"Strangers in the fucking night.
. ." John
Kovalchik
"It's nudity music!" Jeff Ulicny
"Screw you Letterman!" Dwight the
Toubled Teen
"I saw the landlord masturbating
on the roof, he was relaxing and
feeling quite aloof." Crazy
Daisy Ed
"...and another thing, What's
with these lesbians, with their
pitchforks and their torches, and their clothes and their hair?"
Ian
Podraza
"Are you sure you're not too easy
to rape?"
Suellen
Ulicny
"I Like your ass, can I wear it
as a hat?"
Bruno
Kirby
"Back in the 70's, when dinosaurs
ruled the earth."
Jeff
Ulicny
"Spackle your ass shut!" Ian Podraza
"I'm not a pansy, I'm a daisy!
Now move before I run out of bottles!"
Crazy
Daisy Ed
"I don't feel like being stupid
today." Liz Boehm
"That was so . . . . . . . . . .
. . . BAD!"
Scott
Hamilton
"Ian, you want to see a penis?
C'mere." Jeff
Ulicny
"I am a love goddess." William Schulman
"I love you man!" Paul Podraza
"The turban is not for sale."
David Letterman
"Son, that ho is wack."
Ian Podraza
"I have boobs, so I'm cool."
Dr. Drafall
"We know just enough to know that
what we know isn't worth knowing."
Dr.
Anderson
"A Vibrator! A big, shiny,
aluminum vibrator!"
Ian
Podraza
"You're an asshole, Mr. Grinch."
Ian Podraza
"You like the shorts? I give you
good deal on the shorts."
Merchant
"Did I mention that this sucks?"
Jeff Ulicny
"You can start by wiping that
dopey-fucking smile off your rosy-fucking
cheeks."Steve Martin
"Fifty years of bad karma linger
in this apartment."
Dan
Burnham
"Want me to drag him outside,
beat the shit out of him?"
Charlie
Sheen
"Another victory in the Anal
War." Dave McHugh
"The rotund love pickle"
Craig Morris
"The Nun wants another beer."
Alene
"There are very few problems that
can't be solved by a sharp blow to
the head." Jeff
Ulicny
"Go Boneless on the Squib-Squab."
Craig Morris
"Aww Gee, We're all out of salt
lick!" Tiny Toons
"Whose is this and what is it
doing in my mouth?"
Craig
Morris
"Hello? 911? There's a big-ass
fight out here."
Craig
Morris
"If I could talk to the animals,
I wouldn't because they're fucking
animals!"Unknown
"I'm like a dog. If I can't eat
it or screw it, I piss on it."
Mike
Manzo
"He would crawl across his dying
mother to fuck his dead sister."
Mike
Manzo
"Boo, Slew is a fake."
Jeff Clarke
"Is love happening?"
Jeff Clarke
"Shit in the heater Ricky!"
Mike Manzo
"If there's grass on the field,
it's time to play ball!"
Mackie
Sheckfie
"Who wants to smell any part of
my body?"
Craig
Morris
"Will you come look at my ass?"
Craig Morris
"Shin-kicking butt-monkey"
Craig Morris
"Everything tastes the same and
it all tastes good."
Shannon
Stillwagon
"Gimmie 'da boob."
Randy Schmuck
"If I was Roman, I'd be Flavius
Flav." Mike Manzo
"Hairy Carrie? I used to date
her!" Jeff Ulicny
"Love is a bed of nails, and I'm
a hammer."
Unknown
"If you didn't know what that
was, you wouldn't be able to tell what it
is."Joni Ulicny
"Well it's your anal scather now.
Here, happy god-damned birthday!"
Sean
Chevalier
"You're only darker than me
because I'm lighter than you."
Virginia
Cole
"You're so fat . . . . You're
just fat!" Mike
Manzo
"Oooh, Mr. Wizard, I don't want
to be a college student anymore!"
Jeff
Ulicny
"I don't think you're in any
immediate danger of being encased in
gypsum."Jeff
Sebastian
"I can't remember my last good
enema." Craig
Morris
"I had my hand in the honey jar
twice, and not once did I take any to
smear on my bread stick!" Craig
Morris
"It's a big shit microwave."
Jeff Sebastian
"Whole House Hookna"
Craig Morris