Jimbo's Dating Dilemmas: Erogenous Zones

About a year ago I met a girl, who I fell in love with, called Kate, although she had a boyfriend who she didn't really like.

We became really good friends and one of my friends at the time started dating her brother. She finally split up with her boyfriend but when I asked her out she didn't really reply.

On a very intense evening fuelled by alcohol, I had an argument with her brother which led me to our falling out. Also on this night while very frustrated I sent some terrible messages to her mobile, which I regret to this day. We met while we worked together then I moved to a different town a short while away to start a new job, meaning i wouldn't see her anymore

I haven't stopped thinking about her to this day. That's almost a year now and she doesn't really answer my texts either. And I now I want to make a move to get her back. My friend and her brother still date but I have now fallen out with both of them. This isn't a great situation, but I value another input.

It looks like you made a right mess of things. Texting those awful messages with your mobile. Now a year later, you want to set things right.

I'm sorry, mate, life doesn't work that way. I'm afraid as they say in America, you screwed the pooch on this one. Best plan is to move onto greener pastures.

Dating from the Beginning of Time

In the beginning God created heaven and earth. Then he took a rest--a long rest. It wasn't until much later, after being particularly displeased at some of the antics on earth, that he created dating.

We have been dating, courting, and wooing each other for hundreds of years now. Yet we haven't gotten any better at it. In fact, we've gotten worse. That's the reason why I'm writing the essential tome on this topic--my "New 20th-Century Unexpurgated Guide To Dating." Written by someone who has. Here are some excerpts.

There are no bounds to the many forms that dating takes. But scientists (all right, I) have identified the three most common varieties.

Fun Dating

This is the type of dating most preferred by men. Men want to be with a girl who knows how to have a good time and is not afraid to actually have one. But those who think this is the only kind of dating need to graduate from adolescence.

Undating

Few men would rather undate than fun date. Women are different. They don't understand how they can be good platonic friends with a guy for over a year and then find that same guy attempting to plant a lip-lock on them. The answer is that he's a man.

Looking-for-the-One Dating

This type of dating leads inexorably to the altar. But beware of those who date in this mode exclusively. Many are looking more for someone to marry than for someone to love.

The categories aren't exclusive and who would want them to be? Relationships can cross the line from undating, to fun dating, to looking-for-the-one dating.

Oh, I almost forgot. New Jersey Governor Jim McGreevey created a dating type of his own:

Oops, Now-Look-What-I've-Done Dating

The Latest Dating Dilemmas

I started a new job about a year ago and on the first day I saw this beautiful girl, I fell in love with her right at first sight. I talked to her few months a go about it, but she's always busy with school. A few weeks ago we were supposed to go out on a friendly date after knowing that she likes me as a friend, but she cancelled on me at the last moment something came up.

So I went to work just to see her and we talked for a few minutes the she gave me a French kiss!!!!!The day after I called her and she told that she was hoping to feel something from that kiss, but she didn't so all she can offer is her friendship.

Naturally I agreed. she was worried that her ex- boyfriend who works at the same place might know about the kiss, that made me suspect that she might have feelings for him??

I love her so much and there's another guy who is trying to get her and I'm not sure if it's over or not Thank you very much

Talk about your mixed messages. Even though you really seem to like this girl, it sounds like she's working through a few things. Try dating someone else and maybe that will bring her around. But don't stay in dating limbo, wondering, wondering if she really likes you.

American Idol crossword puzzle

I went out with this girl and had a pretty good time. We went to the movies and the after that to a ice cream store and then she dropped me of at my home (car was broken) and she walked with me to the door and said good night and that she had a good time. I also had a good time and told her that and then I went into my house when I said goodbye to her.

As you probably guessed, it was my first date with her and I'm a kinda shy guy to start, so I really need some help on how to show my feeling to her more.

So I really need some help on how to open up to her and show some affection to her.

When it comes to kissing, just show what's in your heart. First dates are always a little awkward, so it doesn't count against you not to have made a romantic move. However, if you go out again and have a similarly good time, she may be expecting you to kiss her.

What should I do with my tongue when I am kissing my girlfriend? I never really know what to do? Please hurry and write back!!!

Sorry for the delay in getting back to you. Hopefully, you've figured out what to do with your tongue by now.

I have to say that I'm reluctant to choreograph your tongue movements. Call me old-fashioned. I just can't do it.

I am very confused and hurt by this rather sticky situation. Perhaps you can help me make sense of it. I broke off a 4 1/2 year long relationship with my ex-boyfriend John in March. The reason being was that I felt as though I was being taken for granted and my family reportedly told me about seeing him with other women.

During our break up I happened to meet a wonderful man named Eric. I did let him know that I was coming out of a long-term relationship and was not really looking for anything serious. He understood and backed off. I ran into him again and this time exchanged phone numbers with him.

To make a long story short, we've been dating since March and he's been talking about marriage in the year 2002. I have been spending much time with him at his apartment and he's even given me keys to his place. I have not moved into his place but he stresses that he wants me to.

Recently, my ex-boyfriend has proposed marriage to me claiming that the loss of me has humbled him and he wants me to become his wife and work out our differences. I still love my ex but am falling in love with Eric more and more everyday. My mom says that I should drop John and be with Eric. My heart is used to John and misses him very much but I also love Eric and don't want to hurt him. Please help me! I don't want to get two marriage proposals at the same time! I'm not a player nor have I ever been the type of woman to intentionally date two men and lead them on at the same time. I love them both. What do I do?

You insecure little f*ck. What makes you think you know anything about dating and relationships? I've been visiting your site for months now, and I see no real advice here . . . I would expect the kind of expert advice that a registered counselor or degreed sex therapist would advise. What makes you an expert? I bet you're some kind of introverted dweeb caught in a bad marriage himself and scared to have kids. . . why don't you take your own advice? *sshole. . .

Glad you enjoy the site. I agree that you would expect expert advice from a site called "Jimbo's Big Book of Dating." Seriously, you sound like one of my most devoted readers.

And for the record, introverted dweeb, yes. Bad marriage, no. Scared to have kids, no.

Do you think it's possible to have a long distance relationship without having first established the relationship part of that distance? My boyfriend and I have been together for a little over a month now, but for 2 weeks out of that month, we were (and are) a continent apart. I have never been in a serious relationship before, so I question the intensity of my emotion--you know, that new never-been-in-love, don't-know-what-love-is kind of naivete.

He is wonderful, but things between us have changed and I don't know how much blame to put on distance and how much blame to put on us. When I try to talk to him about this, I can't find the words and we both become frustrated. I know he doesn't want to give me up, and really, I don't want to lose him either, but maybe for the sake of our relationship, for the "big picture", we should try and spend this time apart as friends, without the pressure of having a relationship. He is complex, however, and has quite a history of relationships, so I fear constantly that I'm going to end up the subject of a No Doubt song (I bet you know the song, but in case you don't, lol, "ex-girlfriend"). I know I'm confusing you, but I can't explain the situation when I can't understand it myself! Why don't you take a stab at it, hmm? Thanks!

No, don't give up. Long-distance relationships can work but you have to work harder at letting each other know about the little things happening in your life. The Internet makes things a lot more convenient. Why not get a video camera for your computer so you can see and hear each other. Also check out Net2Phone, which I think lets you make calls over the Internet at no costs.

I've had my eye on this girl for a while now. I didn't exactly like her at first site, but I saw her in class and I kinda fell in love. My best friend is just like me in most ways, he started talking to some girls and they said that they would go out with him if he wasn't friends with me...

Well he is still kind of friends.. but he started hanging out with this new kid. He smokes and he got accepted into this group of people they all smoke and they're popular with the girls... ever since he's had already 3 girlfriends in like 1-2 months. Although every girl he asked before that said no. Now when he asks out a girl its no problem. But what I want advice in, is how can or what is the best way for me to ask out this girl? She's more popular than I am, and I don't think she would go out with me.

Um what could I do to make me feel more comfortable with this? Ok now when I'm online witch I have been addicted to lately, I've been going to this same chat since September and I've met a lot of girls and made friends, they all fell in love with me. They all like me. And they all say I'm really really sweet. All of them said that. I act different in real life and online. Online they don't know me. So I interact better. In person I think I am a shy guy. But I can still talk to them and pretend to act normal. please help me out here!

Trying to date above your social status is a big challenge, and there is no more finely designed class system than high school. So you have to ask yourself, what do I have going for me? Looks? Personality? Intelligence? Then try to take advantage of those qualities. Rather than asking the girl out without any real foundation, I'd try to just talk to her. Try to get a sense of whether the feeling is mutual. There's no point risking rejection when you don't have a legitimate shot. Who else are you attracted to? Is there a stronger connection there. Don't be afraid to seek out other possibilities.

As for the popular kids who smoke, I have to agree that there's nothing more attractive than getting an early start on lung cancer and emphysema. Jimbo _________

Normally, I wouldn't even think of writing about this, but having read some of these other people's sorry stories, I've been inspired. I have made pitiful attempts to ask out girls. Obviously, none of them have ever worked out. I am suicidally shy and can't seem to do anything about it.

SCENARIO: let's say there's this attractive, fit, slender female sitting next to me in class. I'll start to think about her, I'll think about talking to her, I'll think about what she looks like naked, what she looks like when she's gettin' it on, if she can do cartwheels or not, and other things. But, I'll think about what I want to say to this girl, and nothing pops in. And, on top of that, since I've been thinking all of these "dirty" thoughts about this girl, I am now for some reason even more shy around this girl now; than if I was never attracted to her in the first place.

When this anxiety kicks in, questions follow. Does she have a boyfriend? Does she find me attractive? Is there any chance whatsoever? I run these and other questions around in my head, and when the opportune striking time comes, it passes just as quickly. I have NO balls. I think it would be safe to say that I am basically afraid of girls and the rejection that comes with them. My parents probably think I'm gay, I haven't been with a girl in three years. Just Another Dumbass

The articulateness of your letter shows that you're a smart guy. So as basic as this: wise up and stop thinking with your dumbstick. I'll cut to the chase. Rather than thinking about the absolutely right thing to say and mulling over possible scenarios about the children you'll have with this woman, just say something. Go out of your way to be verbose. Instead of fearing rejection, court it. Eventually it will lose its sting, and you'll wonder why you were so uptight to begin with. Another thing, try to talk to a woman as a person first, rather than a possible date. That way there won't be as much pressure to be clever or witty or whatever. Finally, get out and circulate a little more. Give yourself more chances to meet people and get to know them.

For example, get yourself a website. I'd be glad to link to JustAnotherDumbass.com, and I'd bet you'd be able to generate a lot of traffic just from the name alone. Plus, you could sell T-shirts. So long story, even longer, don't sell yourself short. Shyness is a bitch. It took me a year to ask out my wife, when in retrospect she was sending me all the "I'm available" signals she could muster. And once I was over that hump, things were a lot easier. But before I did ask her out I did make a point of talking to her whenever I could and trying to amuse her with my inane jokes.. You might find it helpful to take a public speaking or acting class to get over your fear of being in the limelight.

I am 17 years old, and just broke up with my girlfriend of 6 weeks. Now it is 2 and a half weeks later, and I just went out on a date with another girl. I am afraid of hurting my ex-girlfriend if she finds out I have already gone on another date. I mean, I really want to be friends with my ex, but don't know if I should have waited longer before dating again, or if I should tell her I went on a date, or what. In other words, how do I keep the peace with all concerned? Please help What Now.

If the break-up was mutual, then you have freedom to do what you want. But from the tone of your letter, it sound like what you want to do is get back with your old girlfriend. Jimbo

The guy that I am seeing right now is a great on paper guy, and he's so cool when we're alone...but when we're with other people, he acts like my little brother, and I am a bit embarrassed. I know that is just his personality and I have no right to change it. I don't want to change it, I don't even know how I really feel about him...I know I like him, or else I wouldn't be seeing him, but sometimes he acts too immature for me.

Hey, a relationship is what you make of it. So if your boyfriend's behavior bothers you, let him know (It's good training for being a wife). Still, you may find his goofiness is a major part of your attraction to him. Sorry, I can't help with his bent equipment (nor would I want to). Jimbo

My question is about a girl that I went out a while ago but it ended with me going to a private school. we broke up and she said it was cause she would never see me.

A couple months go by and I am still hanging out with my friends that go to the school she does, its a public school so I know everyone. so then I start seeing her at parties and other things and we start talking again, after a while we become real close. part of it was due to the fact that I got closer to her family because of some weird run ins and some events that were one on one and somehow I saw a lot of her parents. that just brought us closer cause it was like I was in the family.

The summer goes by and she is just about my best friend and definitely my closest girl friend not to be confused with someone you are dating. we talk about everything, the stuff that no one else knows which also brings us closer. we hang out a lot too. Recently we were going over who we like with each other and she starts getting real serious and ends up telling me she really wants to hook up with me and all but she thinks it will get things all weird and it wont work out cause we don't go to the same school. She is also just about the hottest girl in her school so obviously I like her a lot too. ever since she told me every time we talk its a little uncomfortable cause I don't know what she is thinking about the situation, its been about a week since she told me and we saw each other once at this public place where all our friends were at so we didn't do anything but we hung out and everything was cool. but it still seems uncomfortable, but I really like her. if you could help me out with some suggestions on what to do I would appreciate it.

"Try kissing her." That's your wonderful advice. Oh great, cause you know, that clears it all up for me. I appreciate all the help. Hey next time, don't even worry about spending the 2 seconds that it took to think about that one, just write, "ha, ha, u fell for my bullsh*t scam".

You're kind of in a dating limbo. She acts like she likes you, but as what--a friend or a boyfriend? The longer you have a relationship with her where she sees you as a friend, the less likely she will see you as dating material. Kissing her is the only way to see how she really feels about you. The danger: if she doesn't respond in kind, she's going to feel awkward and you're going to feel terrible. But you can't live life by playing it safe--unless you're happy living in a perpetual state of undating. Sorry I couldn't be more helpful. Jimbo

Gang, how about offering Mr. T some advice? Please put Mr. T in the subject line. ______________________________

I have a serious problem. I live in a place that people don't like big people that much. Is it true that if you big, you wont get the fine girls that u want or end up suffering no love life at all. I'm 18 yearz old, 290 poundz, big!! I just don't see why women dislike big people like us. The world is so cruel. It makes me wanta c.r.y.!!! 4 real!!!

Lookz matter, but not as much as you think. Look at Ric Ocasek of the Cars. His wife, Paulina Porizkova, is a model with a smoking bod but if you look up ugly in the dictionary, you see his picture. The message: If you can't have good lookz, be talented, powerful, successful, or kind and helpful.

That said, being overweight has serious health implicationz. Does the name John Candy mean anything to you?

1. Recognize that you deserve to be happy, no matter how big or small you are.

2. Find a passion, an activity that fulfills you more than food does. My brother, after a tortured adolescence of drink, drugs, and despair found his calling, strangely enough, as a weaver. He cut back drinking, began bicycling all over the place, and became fitter than he ever was in his life. If you want to meet girls, learn to play the guitar or how to dance.

3. Eat less, exercise more. Whenever you can, do the more active thing. Take the stairs instead of the elevator. Park far out in the mall parking lot rather than circling for a spot near the door. Bike rather than drive.

5. Spread the word about DatingDilemmas.com. I deserve my share of Internet IPO riches, and you can help me find them.

I have a tremendous trouble, I'm the ugliest man on the world and I'm in love with a beautiful, simply perfect gal. We're both 16 and I wrote her exactly five letters each one telling that I love her, but it has sort of arrange, the first one was like and introduction, the second I tell her that I'm deeply in love, the third I apologize because of my "go-get-'em" attitude, the fourth I wrote the most beautiful words that came from my heart that evening. I already knowed that she's in love with other man, but she didn't said nothing to him, I didn't give myself much of a chance but I still wrote to her, but when my a mutual friend told me that she's crazy about the other guy, and will it be hard to me, I wrote the fifth and final one, telling her that my love will live forever and I'll wait for her. The next day I deliver the letter (I gave it to her sister, inside some notes from my class, because we go to the same college) she called me to thank me for the letter, that she liked a lot them, and I have not to worry about "you'll go along, you'll forget me" she said, but I can't, that's my trouble. To tell you the truth, I don't even want to forget her, I want her to love me too, and that's why I'm writing you, to help me to take the next step. I'm from south america, so we're on summer vacations now and I'm afraid she'll move to another college for the next period, and never see her again. We're almost neighbors, she lives 12 blocks away from my house, but I'm too shy to walk down to her home to ask her out, specially now that I think her sister read the last three letters.

Please help me, and forgive me for my spelling mistakes, we talk Spanish not English. The fastest you reply me, the better will be. Thanx.

Don't worry about your appearance. Most women are less shallow than men about that kind of stuff. As for getting her to love you, I'd say you're going too soon, too fast. Slow down. Give her some space. Take some time off (say a month) and then give her a call.

I am a sixteen year old girl with a major dilemma. I live in Salt Lake City where there is a large population of Mormons (for those who don't know they are not in a cult they just have very strict religious beliefs). I have lived here my whole life and I am not Mormon.

There is a boy who I have known since I was seven who comes from a very strict Mormon family. When we were younger we were very good friends and hung out a lot. In ninth grade we started "making out" with each other. This continued on and off for two years. I have very strict religious morals as well (Roman Catholic) so we never went very far. We never committed to each other, but neither of us really wanted that. I run to him when I am sad or when I need someone to hold me. We talk about once every two weeks and see each other at least once a month.

But lately he only calls me when he wants "action", I can't blow him off because I depend on him so much. He has also started to take steroids for Rugby and I think it has changed his chemistry. I think because I am not Mormon, he puts me in a compartment in his brain and says that it is alright to treat me a certain way. HELP! I don't want to lose him but I also don't want to be treated like a whore.

If he makes you feel uncomfortable, you need to set him straight. If he won't treat you the way you need to be treated, drop him like the loser he is.

A portrait of Jimbo as a young man

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Our latest dilemma

Dating from the Beginning of Time

Fun Dating

Undating

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The Latest Dating Dilemmas

American Idol crossword puzzle

Send your dating dilemma to Jimbo's Big Book of Dating

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Send Jimbo Your Dating Dilemma