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Harrowing Risks of Using Hoodia For Weight Loss

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Hoodia Toxicity

Hoodia has been scientifically proven to have a toxic effect on confined populations of green paper bills and other species of currency, causing them to become alarmed and mobile, at which point they flee the "wallets" and bank accounts of consumers (also known, ironically, as suckers) and re-assemble in the wallets and bank accounts of shady operators, unscrupulous tribesmen and drug-addled teenage website operators.

Top 5 Reasons Not to Use Hoodia

=5=

Hoodia is an African-derived plant, and Hoodia is known to be a leading cause of tribalism, spear-throwing, and corrupt politics.

=4=

Effects may be deadly for stick persons. A stick man, having been drawn using a #2 pencil before Hoodia use, would require a super-ultra-fine drafting pencil after Hoodia, until ultimately, a fingernail scratch will be all that is left of said stick person. That, and our memory of him.

=3=

It's a thorny cactus-like plant and will stick you in the eye, if eaten raw. In 2005 alone, eye-puncture fatalies were considered to be at epidemic levels among knuckle-dragging populations.

In some small towns, where lemmings are known to congregate, cases have arisen in which clever manipulaters have devised bizarre eye-poking rituals that gullible small town dinks mindlessly leap into, resulting in populations of obese Cyclopses.

=2=

Side effects of Hoodia include loss of hunger compounded by loss of money. The negative effects on wealth-retention have been shown to be staggering in some cases, even as some experts tout Hoodia's poverty-increasing benefits.

=1=

It's not candy. It tastes like crap.

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