How to Write Parodies the Visionary Way


October, 1998

Parody's Biggest Secrets---REVEALED!!!!!

Hi, I'm Visionary. You may know me from such messageboards as the AMB and BZL. You know, people constantly are stopping me on the street and asking "Hey, Visionary, how do you write so many adequate to mildly amusing parodies?" Well, that got me to thinking. How DO I do it? It turns out the answer was easier than even I would have ever imagined, so easy that someone else is bound to realize it sooner or later, then take all the credit. Being the selfish ego-maniac that I am, I decided to beat them to the punch. Here, then, is the simple formula for churning out parodies by the dozens....



1) Quality is your enemy.

Think about it, where does doing quality work get you? Nowhere, that's where. Do you think Rob Liefield would be sitting in his mansion, eating lobster, if he worried about quality? Not a chance. Now, think of all the quality creators out there: How many of them are in the process of going bald? 60%? 70%? 80%?. Now look at all the luxurious heads of hair throughout the rest of the industry. It becomes quite obvious: If you do quality work, you're likely to care about it. When 'The Man' comes and craps all over it, it causes you stress and, Bingo!, you go bald. Screw quality. Besides, quality takes time. Think quantity instead. If you write ten parodies, you have ten times the chance of one of them being good! Math doesn't lie.

2) Stereotypes are your friends.

Sure, you could create delicately nuanced characters, but that's liable to take a while. Far better to go the direct route: Stereotypes. Once a character gets locked into a certain stereotype, he becomes easy to write. Let's look at some characters:

Lisa: a slut. Visionary: a moron. Space Ghost: pantsless.

For those of you who want a little more meat to chew, go with multiple stereotypes:

NTU-150: An inventor with gender-specific role issues. Yo: A cheerful, genderless, bunny lover.

Now, without knowing anything else about these characters, you're ready to start writing! Which brings us to our next subject...

3) The Plot: How much is too much?

This ain't Shakespeare. For a real plot, you need to work out character motivations, settings, timing, create a mood and actually know how it all works out BEFORE you start writing. Who needs that? You sure don't. What you need is some story structure from which to hang your gags. Your best bet is to take some cliche'd story as your plotline, that way, you already have some idea about what should happen. Some oldies but goodies:

An alien invasion
Evil Twins
The Incredible Journey (shrunk guy inside large guy)
A quest to slay an invincible opponent.
Etc. etc.

Sure, you may be saying "But Visionary, you already used those storylines!" Well, yeah. So what? I wasn't the first to use 'em, and I won't be the last. They're public domain, so it's not really plagiarism. Besides, if you toss in a joke or two, it becomes a 'parody'. Then it's supposed to be derivative.

4) Adding Humor.

Two words: Easy Targets. That's what you want. Let the political cartoonists strain themselves trying to take on the topical stuff. Instead, go for the older targets and give your work that 'nostalgia' feeling. Besides, how embarrassing would it be to post the SECOND Monika Lewinsky/Linda Tripp parody? Anybody can get the latest Clinton joke at the water-cooler, but where are they gonna go to satisfy that Dan Quayle craving? Washed up has-beens offer another advantage: They have very few loyal fans. If you say 'Neve Campbell is a whore' you run the risk of starting a flame war with a Neve Campbell fan. However, Dolph Lungren's fans, if any ever existed, have already had their spirits crushed. Feel free to yell "Dolph Lungren is a whore" all you like, with little fear of repercussions.

Which brings us to our next source of humor: Sex and violence. No red blooded American can resist either, and, judging from the world's population and propensity for wars, neither can anybody else. Nudity is best left to the main characters of the story, while violence is tailor made for the has-beens mentioned above. Exceptions, of course, are permitted.

As for other places to find humor, well, look around you. In this post-modern, self-referential age the best way to turn a statement into a joke is to throw some brand names into it. Be specific. An example:

'Visionary got into his car and went to the store.'

Funny? You bet. But it could still use a little work...

'Visionary got into his El Dorado and drove to Blockbusters to rent "Porky's".'

Now you're cooking with gas, baby! Of course, If you have the time, try some comparison shopping, Is a Kia Sportage a funnier vehicle? Would it have been funnier to say he was going to rent 'Dorf on Golf'?

Now, combine all your sources of humor for truly advanced comedy:

'Visionary got into his 1978 baby blue Ford Pinto wagon. Throwing it into reverse, he backed over a peaceful bunny that was sleeping blissfully on the warm drive-way. (Miles away, for seemingly no reason, Yo broke down into hysterical sobbing.) Visionary never noticed the faint thud. He was on his way to Irving's Discount Video and Muffler Emporium, and was in a rush. He had heard from a discussion group on the internet that, if paused at just the right moment, one could see Carrie Fisher's right nipple as she and Mark Hamill swung to safety in 'Return of the Jedi', but only on the 'Special Edition' version. This required immediate investigation! He only hoped that, if the nipple had been digitally added, it was more realistic than that scene of Harrison Ford talking to the computer generated Jabba the Hut.'

Now that's comedy! (Although I wonder if it would have been funnier if it had been Alan Alda sleeping blissfully on the warm drive-way...)



Well, there you go folks. Parody made easy. Just follow these simple steps and you too can write cheap parodies with paper-thin characters and cliche'd plots, just like yours truly! Til next time, true believer!