Glossary of Relationship Terms

Marriage, Love Relationships

& Polykoity

Norman Elliott Anderson

E - F

Table of Contents

Introduction

- A -

- H -

O

U

- B -

- I -

- P -

- V -

- C -

J

Q

W

- D -

K

- R -

X

- E -

- L -

- S-Si -

Y

F

- M -

- Sk-Sz -

Z

- G -

- N -

- T -

©

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Table of Contents
Introduction
- A -	- H -	O	U
- B -	- I -	- P -	- V -
- C -	J	Q	W
- D -	K	- R -	X
- E -	- L -	- S-Si -	Y
F	- M -	- Sk-Sz -	Z
- G -	- N -	- T -	©
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E&E:

Eject and explain, that is, to leave a sexual or potentially sexual relationship with someone but in a way that allows that person an opportunity to understand why one is leaving and to correct matters in a way that could lead to reconciliation.

See also break up, dump, EwE, get the sack, get the shaft, jilt, leave, sack, separate, split up, throw over, unilateralism, walk out.

x eject and explain.

easy:

1. With regard to a person:

a. Not difficult to get along with or to please; laid-back; characterized by companionable qualities.

b. Promiscuous; characterized by susceptibility to being engaged in sexual activity by an indefinite number of people.

2. With regard to a relationship, characterized by affinity or compatibility.

See also easy virtue, liberal to a fault, loose, promiscuous, sexually non-monogamous, slutty, wild; affinity, compatible.

easy lay:

A person who readily yields to sexual advances; a person who is not difficult to engage in sexual activity; a person who, with little effort, can be enticed to copulate.

See also slut.

easy virtue:

Moral laxness, especially with regard to one's own sexual behavior; the inclination to follow one's desires, especially one's sexual desires, rather than rules when desire and rules conflict.

Comments: The term is common in the phrase, "woman (man, person) of easy virtue."

Generally the phrase is not used of violent behavior.

See also easy, licentiousness, sexual immorality, sexual permissiveness, slut, virtue.

x man of easy virtue.

x woman of easy virtue.

ecclesiastical divorce:

Divorce (q.v.) of a Christian believer that is granted or formally recognized by the church to which he or she belongs. The grounds for divorce (q.v.) and the procedures may differ from civil divorce, so it is possible to be divorced under civil law but not under ecclesiastical law. Most Protestant churches yield to the civil authorities on matters of divorce but take moral positions on the grounds for divorce.

See also porneia, rabbinical divorce.

ecclesiastical marriage:

A marriage (q.v.) of a Christian believer that is formally sanctioned by a church; a marriage that employs ecclesiastical authority for official recognition, particularly one where the wedding is conducted by a member of the clergy in ecclesiastical capacity. (Members of the clergy sometimes and in some places function instead or in addition as civil magistrates.) In most jurisdictions these days, ecclesiastical marriage is recognized by civil law, although civil law may add certain requirements.

Contrast belief in marriage, believe in marriage, civil marriage (q.v.), informal marriage (q.v.), and marriage by contract (q.v.). See also lead to the altar, irregular marriage, marriage ceremony, married but not churched, sacramental marriage.

eclectic relationship:

A love relationship, generally of three or more people, entailing diversity, for example with regard to sexual orientation, such that one or more members are heterosexual and one or more are homosexual.

See also mixed relationship.

e-flirt, or eflirt:

An electronic flirtation, particularly online; an act of cyberflirting; an act of being erotically playful or amorously teasing online, especially in order to attract the person on the other end.

See also cyberflirtation, eflirtee, flirtation.

e-flirtee, or eflirtee:

The person with whom one is flirting online; the person to whom one is directling erotically playful or amorously teasing acts online.

Contrast cyberflirt (q.v.), eflirter (q.v.). See also eflirt, Net mate, target.

e-flirter, or eflirter:

A person who acts in an erotically playful or amorously teasing manner online, especially in order to attract the person on the other end.

Contrast eflirtee (q.v.). See also cyberflirt, firt.

égoïsme à deux, or egotism à deux:

1. "Selfishness of two" or "double selfishness"; a satirical description of love, variously and dubiously attributed sometimes to the French medieval writer of romances, Antoine de la Sale (circa 1385-circa 1460), to the 18th century philosophe, Antoine de Lassalle, and to the Swiss-French belle-lettrist, Madame de Staël (1766-1817): "L'amour est un égoïsme à deux," which translates as: "Love is a selfishness of two."

2. A situation in which two people are in love with each other but lack brotherly love for others.

See also égotisme à deux, folie à deux, love, religion of two.

x egotism à deux.

x French terms.

Quotation from D. H. Lawrence Illustrating "égoïsme à deux"

[Rupert Birkin] "... marriage in the old sense seems to me repulsive. Egoïsme à deux is nothing to it. It's a sort of tacit hunting in couples: the world all in couples, each couple in its own little house, watching its own little interests, and stewing in its own little privacy -- it's the most repulsive thing on earth."

From the novel: Women in Love, [by] D. H. Lawrence; with a foreword by the author and an introduction by Richard Aldington (New York: Viking Press, 1960): chapter 25, p. 344. Early editions:

New York: Privately printed for subscribers only, 1920.

London: Martin Secker, 1921.

Quotation from D. H. Lawrence Illustrating "égoïsme à deux"
[Rupert Birkin] "... marriage in the old sense seems to me repulsive. Egoïsme à deux is nothing to it. It's a sort of tacit hunting in couples: the world all in couples, each couple in its own little house, watching its own little interests, and stewing in its own little privacy -- it's the most repulsive thing on earth."
From the novel: Women in Love, [by] D. H. Lawrence; with a foreword by the author and an introduction by Richard Aldington (New York: Viking Press, 1960): chapter 25, p. 344. Early editions: New York: Privately printed for subscribers only, 1920. London: Martin Secker, 1921.

Quotation from Erich Fromm Illustrating "Egotism à deux"

Frequently the exclusiveness of erotic love is misinterpreted as meaning possessive attachment. One can often find two people "in love" with each other who feel no love for anybody else. Their love is, in fact, an egotism à deux; they are two people who identify themselves with each other, and who solve the problem of separateness by enlarging the single individual into two. They have the experience of overcoming aloneness, yet, since they are separated from the rest of mankind, they remain separated from each other and alienated from themselves; their experience of union is an illusion. Erotic love is exclusive, but it loves in the other person all of mankind, all that is alive.

From: The Art of Loving, by Erich Fromm (New York: Harper, c1956; in series: World Perspectives; v. 9): p. 55.

*Quotation from Erich Fromm Illustrating "Egotism à deux"*
Frequently the exclusiveness of erotic love is misinterpreted as meaning possessive attachment. One can often find two people "in love" with each other who feel no love for anybody else. Their love is, in fact, an egotism à deux; they are two people who identify themselves with each other, and who solve the problem of separateness by enlarging the single individual into two. They have the experience of overcoming aloneness, yet, since they are separated from the rest of mankind, they remain separated from each other and alienated from themselves; their experience of union is an illusion. Erotic love is exclusive, but it loves in the other person all of mankind, all that is alive.
From: The Art of Loving, by Erich Fromm (New York: Harper, c1956; in series: World Perspectives; v. 9): p. 55.

egoistic ethical hedonism:

See ethical hedonism.

ego jealousy (Ronald Mazur, 1973):

1. Placing one's own ego above one's partner's need for freedom and quest for self-actualization.

2. Fear of what others will think of oneself if one's partner has another lover, that is, fear of being humiliated or judged. Typically the less desirable the lover, the greater the humiliation.

Comment: Also called egotism jealousy.

See also amour de vanité, jealousy.

x egotism jealousy

egotism à deux:

See égoïsme à deux, égotisme à deux.

egotism jealousy:

See ego jealousy.

égotisme à deux (Oneida community):

"Egotism for two"; monogamy (q.v.).

Comment: The 19th Century utopian community in Oneida, New York considered pairing off to be contrary to the ideals taught by Jesus. See, for example, Matthew 22:23-30 and John 17:21.

See also égoïsme à deux.

x French terms.

eject and explain:

See E&E.

eject with explanation:

See EwE.

elective affinity:

Being allowed to choose a mate on the basis of spiritual connection, even if, as in a monogamy-only system, that requires divorcing one's present spouse.

See also affinity, connaturality, Hauerwas's Law, husband in truth, mystic betrothal, night-wife, soul mate, spiritual bride, spiritual connection, spiritual husband, spiritual intimacy, spiritual marriage, spiritual wife, universal permanent availability, wife in truth.

electronic wedlock:

The union of individuals as spouses of each other, this as a result of a marriage ceremony performed online, typically via the Internet.

See also cyber relationship, e-mail marriage, onlne relationship, marriage, wedding, Web husband, Web wife, wedlock.

elementary family:

A social unit consisting of a husband, a wife, and at least one child.

See also family, nuclear family, two-parent family.

eleutherophilism:

1. A doctrine that promotes freedom.

2. Liking the idea, practice, or advocacy of free love.

See also eleutherophilist, free love, libertarianism, libertinism, liberty, licentiousness, sexual freedom, sexual permissiveness.

eleutherophilist:

1. A freedom lover.

2. A person who likes the idea, practice, or advocacy of free love.

See also apolygist, eleutherophilism, free lover, libertarian, libertine, sex radical.

eligible:

1. Unmarried and appropriate to be a given person's spouse.

2. Suitable, as in "an eligible match."

Contrast ineligible (q.v.) See also available, free, jeune fille à marier, marital status, marriage market, marrying kind, single, unattached, unmarried.

eligible bachelor:

Relative to a particular woman or group of women, an unmarried man who is appropriate and desirable for marriage. As for a man who is in a committed love relationship but not legally married, some women may regard him as an eligible bachelor and others not.

See also bachelor, eligible bachelorette.

eligible bachelorette:

Relative to a particular man or group of men, an unmarried woman who is appropriate and desirable for marriage. As for a woman who is in a committed love relationship but not legally married, some men may regard her as an eligible bachelorette and others not.

See also bachelorette, eligible bachelor

elope:

To run away with a lover, especially with the intent of marriage or cohabitation and generally without parental consent.

See also elopement, go to Gretna Green, go to Scotland, gretna green wedding, Lochinvar, run away with.

elopement:

A running away with a lover, especially with the intent of marriage or cohabitation and generally without parental consent.

See also elope, Flagg marriage, gretna green wedding.

Quotation from Jane Austen Illustrating "Elopement"

... though she [Elizabeth Bennet] did not suppose [her sister] Lydia to be deliberately engaging in an elopement, without the intention of marriage, she had no difficulty in believing that neither her virtue nor her understanding would preserve her from falling an easy prey.

From the novel: Pride and Prejudice, [by] Jane Austen (New York: Barnes & Noble Books, c2003): chapter 46, p. 348. Originally published: Pride and Prejudice: A Novel ..., by the author of "Sense and Sensibility" (London: T. Egerton, 1813).

Quotation from Jane Austen Illustrating "Elopement"
... though she [Elizabeth Bennet] did not suppose [her sister] Lydia to be deliberately engaging in an elopement, without the intention of marriage, she had no difficulty in believing that neither her virtue nor her understanding would preserve her from falling an easy prey.
From the novel: Pride and Prejudice, [by] Jane Austen (New York: Barnes & Noble Books, c2003): chapter 46, p. 348. Originally published: Pride and Prejudice: A Novel ..., by the author of "Sense and Sensibility" (London: T. Egerton, 1813).

e-mail marriage, or email marriage:

1. A marriage (q.v.) that eventuates from a relationship that was largely conducted by e-mail, that is, by way of typed messages sent electronically (hence the "e") from computer to computer.

2. A marital relationship that is being conducted, at least for the time being, largely by e-mail.

See also commuter marriage, cyber relationship, distributed commitment, duolocal residence, electronic wedlock, long-distance relationship, love letter, mail marriage, online relationship, telegamy, Web husband, Web wife.

emotional cheating:

Emotional infidelity (q.v.).

See also cheat.

emotional divorce:

A marital situation in which bonding has faded and the spouses live parallel lives with little interaction with each other.

See also cagamosis, divorce, dysfunctional relationship, estrangement, fall out of love, loveless marriage, marital blues, mock marriage, unhappily married, WMD.

emotional fidelity:

Refraining from falling in love with someone outside of one's marriage or love relationship, especially when this is according to expectations within the marriage or relationship.

Comments: Sometimes the expectations are for both emotional fidelity and sexual exclusivity (q.v.) and sometimes not. For instance, swingers often expect emotional fidelity but not sexual exclusivity.

Some people regard emotional fidelity as an unrealistic expectation, since love happens. In other words, it has been the observation of many that they did not seek or choose to fall in love, but they did anyway; therefore to expect emotional fidelity is like expecting the weather to conform to one's wishes. There is much to unpackage here in terms of psychology, ethics, mores, and the institution of marriage relative to love.

See also constancy, emotional infidelity (especially the comment), exclusivity, extramarital friendship, fidelity, free affection, give one's heart away, love-ends-interest-in-others myth, matrimonialism, monamory, monoamory, monogamy, open marriage, open relationship, sexual monogamy, swing, zero-sum view of love.

emotional incest:

1. Treating a close consanguine relative as if he or she were one's lover.

2. Ties of erotic feeling between close consanguine relatives.

See also incest.

Quotation from Susan Cavin on Emotional Incest

Incest victims are not only physically violated, but emotionally violated as well. Daughters who are emotionally treated as if they are their father's lover, mistress, wife or mother are denied their childhood, their trust in parental figures, which sometimes extends to loss of trust of the world at large; sometimes they lose trust in themselves as well.... Aside from these [and other] considerations, I believe that emotional incest (emotional intercourse) is the basis of all family social ties -- and without it, family social roles (such as mother/son, father/daughter, brother/sister) would not have historically developed into the rigid role sets we see today. Thus certain forms of emotional incest are healthy and functional for family life, while others are dysfunctional and damaging.

From: Lesbian Origins, [by] Susan Cavin (San Francisco: Ism Press, c1985): pp. 57-58.

Quotation from Susan Cavin on Emotional Incest
Incest victims are not only physically violated, but emotionally violated as well. Daughters who are emotionally treated as if they are their father's lover, mistress, wife or mother are denied their childhood, their trust in parental figures, which sometimes extends to loss of trust of the world at large; sometimes they lose trust in themselves as well.... Aside from these [and other] considerations, I believe that emotional incest (emotional intercourse) is the basis of all family social ties -- and without it, family social roles (such as mother/son, father/daughter, brother/sister) would not have historically developed into the rigid role sets we see today. Thus certain forms of emotional incest are healthy and functional for family life, while others are dysfunctional and damaging.
From: Lesbian Origins, [by] Susan Cavin (San Francisco: Ism Press, c1985): pp. 57-58.

emotional infidelity:

1. Falling in love with another person besides the person or persons with whom one is in a committed love relationship when doing so is contrary to the expectations of the relationship or detracts from emotional investment in the relationship.

2. Diverting to others or to another attentions that one should be giving to one's partner or partners, e.g. flirting with others but not with one's spouse.

Comment: Traditional ideas of infidelity focus exclusively upon sexual relations; and chaste love for another outside of one's institutionally framed marriage has a long tradition of being celebrated. However, the idea of emotional infidelity naturally arises where there is a convergence of sexual exclusivity and affectional ties as the heart and rule of committed love relationships.

The idea of emotional infidelity lends itself easily to a zero-sum view of love, whereby it is thought that the supply of love is exhaustible. For more, see comments under "in love" (q.v.).

See also adultery, alienation of affections, cheating curve, comarital, double adultery, emotional cheating, emotional fidelity, extramarital friendship, feel betrayed, free affection, heart-swapping, imaginative split triangle, inconstancy, infidelity, love-ends-interest-in-others myth, male-female frienship, more evolved, peccadillo, polyrelationship, soul mate, unfaithfulness, zero-sum view of love.

emotional-jealous intimacy:

A friendship or love relationship that is characterized by the sharing of feelings and expressions of jealousy, especially in a way that dominates or excludes communion at the level of ideas; or else that sharing and those expressions themselves.

See also intimacy, jealousy, spiritual intimacy.

Quotation from D. H. Lawrence Illustrating "Emotional-Jealous Intimacy"

[Rupert Birkin to Ursula Brangwen regarding Hermione Roddice] "But Hermione's spiritual intimacy is no rottener than your emotional-jealous intimacy."

From the novel: Women in Love, [by] D. H. Lawrence; with a foreword by the author and an introduction by Richard Aldington (New York: Viking Press, 1960): chapter 23, p. 300. Early editions:

New York: Privately printed for subscribers only, 1920.

London: Martin Secker, 1921.

Quotation from D. H. Lawrence Illustrating "Emotional-Jealous Intimacy"
[Rupert Birkin to Ursula Brangwen regarding Hermione Roddice] "But Hermione's spiritual intimacy is no rottener than your emotional-jealous intimacy."
From the novel: Women in Love, [by] D. H. Lawrence; with a foreword by the author and an introduction by Richard Aldington (New York: Viking Press, 1960): chapter 23, p. 300. Early editions: New York: Privately printed for subscribers only, 1920. London: Martin Secker, 1921.

enamored (British spelling, enamoured):

In love or infatuated.

See also besotted, bitten by the love bug, blinded by love, captivated, doughy-nosed, enchanted, gone on, infatuated, in love, love-cracked, love-struck, mashed on, pussy-struck, smitten.

Quotation from Aldous Huxley Illustrating "Enamoured"

[Henry Wimbush] "... if he [Ferdinando] had not had the good fortune to become so madly enamoured of the Rector's daughter as to make a proposal of marriage..."

From the novel: Crome Yellow, [by] Aldous Huxley (New York: Harper & Row, 1974; in publisher' series: Perennial Library; P 336): chapter 19, p. 90. Originally published: London: Chatto & Windus, 1921; in the United States: Garden City, N.Y.: Doubleday, Page, 1922.

Quotation from Aldous Huxley Illustrating "Enamoured"
[Henry Wimbush] "... if he [Ferdinando] had not had the good fortune to become so madly enamoured of the Rector's daughter as to make a proposal of marriage..."
From the novel: Crome Yellow, [by] Aldous Huxley (New York: Harper & Row, 1974; in publisher' series: Perennial Library; P 336): chapter 19, p. 90. Originally published: London: Chatto & Windus, 1921; in the United States: Garden City, N.Y.: Doubleday, Page, 1922.

enate:

1. Related by female descent.

2. Related on the mother's side.

Contrast agnate (q.v.). See also cognate, kinship.

enchanted:

1. Emotionally riveted as though under a spell, for instance, the spell of a person's physical beauty or personality.

2. In the grip of romantic idealization, such that the person now beloved is perceived anew, as if by magic.

3. Thoroughly delighted, especially by a particular person's presence.

4. A greeting meant to suggest any of the above, but usually only as a politeness. Often the French form is used: enchanté, which is roughly equivalent to, "Delighted to meet you!"

See also blinded by love, captivated, enamored, enchantment, in love, love-cracked.

Quotation from D. H. Lawrence Illustraing "Enchanted"

[Regarding Ursula Brangwen and Rupert Birkin] She looked at him. He seemed still so separate. New eyes were opened in her soul. She saw a strange creature from another world in him. It was as if she were enchanted, and everything were metamorphosed. She recalled again the old magic of the Book of Genesis, where the sons of God saw the daughters of men, that they were fair. And he was one of these, one of these strange creatures from the beyond, looking down at her, and seeing she was fair.

From the novel: Women in Love, [by] D. H. Lawrence; with a foreword by the author and an introduction by Richard Aldington (New York: Viking Press, 1960): chapter 23, p. 304. Early editions:

New York: Privately printed for subscribers only, 1920.

London: Martin Secker, 1921.

Quotation from D. H. Lawrence Illustraing "Enchanted"
[Regarding Ursula Brangwen and Rupert Birkin] She looked at him. He seemed still so separate. New eyes were opened in her soul. She saw a strange creature from another world in him. It was as if she were enchanted, and everything were metamorphosed. She recalled again the old magic of the Book of Genesis, where the sons of God saw the daughters of men, that they were fair. And he was one of these, one of these strange creatures from the beyond, looking down at her, and seeing she was fair.
From the novel: Women in Love, [by] D. H. Lawrence; with a foreword by the author and an introduction by Richard Aldington (New York: Viking Press, 1960): chapter 23, p. 304. Early editions: New York: Privately printed for subscribers only, 1920. London: Martin Secker, 1921.

enchantment:

1. The condition of being emotionally riveted as though under a spell, for instance the spell of a person's physical beauty or personality.

2. Existing under the influence of romantic idealization.

3. A state of thorough delight, especially with regard to a particular person's presence.

Contrast disenchantment (q.v.). See also admiration, Aphrodite's girdle, Armida's girdle, attraction, blindness of love, chemistry, crystallization, enchanted, girdle of Venus, heartthrob, incandescence, love-passion, new relationship energy, proceptive phase, zsa zsa zsu.

Quotation from Philip Roth Illustrating "Enchantment"

[The character David Kepesh ruminating] It's nice that she's from Cuba, it's nice that her grandmother was this and her grandfather was that, it's nice that I play the piano and own a Kafka manuscript, but all this is merely a detour on the way to getting where we're going. It's part of the enchantment, I suppose, but it's the part that if I could have none of, I'd feel much better. Sex is all the enchantment required. Do men find women so enchanting once the sex is taken out? Does anyone find anyone of any sex that enchanting unless they have sexual business with them? Who else are you that enchanted by? Nobody.

From: The Dying Animal, [by] Philip Roth (Boston: Houghton Mifflin Co., 2001): pp. 15-16.

Quotation from Philip Roth Illustrating "Enchantment"
[The character David Kepesh ruminating] It's nice that she's from Cuba, it's nice that her grandmother was this and her grandfather was that, it's nice that I play the piano and own a Kafka manuscript, but all this is merely a detour on the way to getting where we're going. It's part of the enchantment, I suppose, but it's the part that if I could have none of, I'd feel much better. Sex is all the enchantment required. Do men find women so enchanting once the sex is taken out? Does anyone find anyone of any sex that enchanting unless they have sexual business with them? Who else are you that enchanted by? Nobody.
From: The Dying Animal, [by] Philip Roth (Boston: Houghton Mifflin Co., 2001): pp. 15-16.

endogamic:

Pertaining to endogamy (q.v.).

Comment: "Endogamy" has two adjectival forms, "endogamic" and "endogamous" (q.v.). Where there is any distinction at all, "endogamic" tends to be more specialized and technical than "endogamous," as in, "the endogamic system" but "an endogamous culture."

endogamist:

1. A person who marries within his or her social group.

2. A person who, without dissent, lives in a society where the prevailing custom is endogamy (q.v.).

3. An advocate or supporter of endogamy.

Comment: Absent in the dictionaries I've checked, but a natural permutation of the word "endogamy," so here included.

endogamous:

Pertaining to or characterized by endogamy (q.v.).

See comment under "endogamic."

endogamy:

1. Marrying within one's group -- for instance, kinship group --per social expectation.

2. The degree to which people within a given community or society marry others who share a common background, for example, an educational, occupational, religious, or social class background.

Contrast exogamy (q.v.). See also assortive mating, endogamic, endogamist, endogamous, -gamy, homogamy, kinship.

engaged:

See become engaged.

engagement:

1. A verbalized agreement to wed.

2. The period of the relationship between such an agreement and the wedding.

Contrast betrothal (q.v.). See also assurance, become engaged, long engagement, pinning, sponsalia, sponsalia per verba de futuro, wedding.

engouement (French):

Infatuation (q.v.); obsession (with a person).

See also amour fou, besotted, go gaga over, hot love, love-passion, madly in love.

x French terms.

enoch arden law:

A statute that addresses situations in which a spouse is missing and is supposed dead, even if the spouse should later turn up alive, by providing for divorce (q.v.) or by exempting from liability for remarriage (q.v.) after a specified period of time has elapsed. Named after the character of the poem, "Enoch Arden" (1864), by Alfred Lord Tennyson.

See also desertion, heart balm statute, statism, sumptuary law.

entelechy:

1. In philosophy:

The state of completion or perfection (Aristotle).

The tendency towards completion or perfection (Aristotle).

A monad, since it possesses the above qualities (Leibniz).

The inner controlling force of an organism (Hans Driesch).

2. In psychology, self-actualization.

3. In matters of love, the realization or supposed realization of an ideal in a particular individual, especially an individual who is a desired mate.

Comment: Entelechy is also the name of the kingdom of Queen Quintessence in the History of Gargantua and Pantagruel (1532-1534), by François Rabelais.

See also ideal.

Quotation from E. Cobham Brewer Illustrating "Entelechy"

Ente'lechy....

The word is used to express the realisation of a beau ideal. Lovers have preconceived notions of human perfections, and imagine that they see the realities in the person beloved, who is the entelechy of their beau ideal.

From: Dictionary of Phrase and Fable, Giving the Derivation, Source, or Origin of Common Phrases, Allusions, and Words That Have a Tale to Tell, by E. Cobham Brewer (New edition, revised, corrected, and enlarged; to which is added a concise bibliography of English literature. Philadelphia: Henry Altemus, c1898): p. 421.

Quotation from E. Cobham Brewer Illustrating "Entelechy"
Ente'lechy.... The word is used to express the realisation of a beau ideal. Lovers have preconceived notions of human perfections, and imagine that they see the realities in the person beloved, who is the entelechy of their beau ideal.
From: Dictionary of Phrase and Fable, Giving the Derivation, Source, or Origin of Common Phrases, Allusions, and Words That Have a Tale to Tell, by E. Cobham Brewer (New edition, revised, corrected, and enlarged; to which is added a concise bibliography of English literature. Philadelphia: Henry Altemus, c1898): p. 421.

envy:

See envy jealousy, ex-husband envy, ex-wife envy.

envy jealousy:

The desire to have another person's partner for oneself alone.

Comment: Coined by Ronald Mazur, 1973.

See also cowboy, cowgirl, jealousy.

x envy.

EPC:

Extra-pair copulation (q.v.).

See also IPC.

ephebophilia:

1. A psychological condition on the part of a non-adolescent in which sexual arousal is dependent upon having a sex partner that is post-pubescent but still in adolescence, either in reality or in the imagination.

2. A dominant and compelling sexual attraction to post-pubescent youths.

See also gerontophilia, nepiophilia, pederasty, pedophilia, -philia.

epididymo-orchitis:

See under "blue balls."

epigamist:

1. A person who mates primarily on the basis of physical features and displays.

2. A person who advocates or supports mating primarily on the basis of physical features and displays.

Comment: Absent in the dictionaries I've checked, but a natural permutation of the word "epigamic," so here included.

See also epigamy.

epigamic:

1. Relating to features on the part of males that serve to attract females for mating and on the part of females that serve to attract males for mating.

2. Tending to attract a mate or mates during breeding season.

See also epigamy, mate.

epigamy:

1. A mating primarily on the basis of physical features and displays.

2. Attraction of a mate or mates during breeding season.

Comment: Absent in the dictionaries I've checked, but a natural permutation of the word "epigamic," so here included.

See also epigamic, epigamist, -gamy.

epithalamic:

Pertaining to a wedding (q.v.) or a nuptial song.

See also bridal, hymeneal, matrimonial, nuptial.

equal marriage:

A political slogan on behalf of the view that gay marriage ought to be legal and and share in all the civil rights afforded heterosexual marriage.

See also gay marriage, homosexual marriage, marriage, same-sex marriage.

equalitarian family:

A family (q.v.) in which the members, especially the spouses, are considered equal, that is, as having the same standing.

See also democratic family.

erastes:

See pederast.

erëbu marriage:

A situation in which a male leaves his parents to take a wife.

See also marriage, uxorilocal residence, walk to and fro.

x Akkadian terms.

x Bible.

Quotation from Cyrus H. Gordon Illustrating "Erëbu Marriage"

The Nuzi tablets confront us with some illustrations of marriage whereby the husband is to live with his wife in her father's domain. The plainest reference to this kind of marriage appears in the Assyrian Laws. Normally, in the Near East (ancient and modern), including the Assyrian Laws, the wife leaves her own family to join the house of her husband. However, Assyrian Law A:27¹ reads: "If a woman is residing in her father's house, (and) her husband pays visits² to her, any settled property³ which her husband has given to her, he may take back; (but) he shall not touch⁴ what belongs to her father's house." The Akkadian verb erëbu, as used here, has given rise to the terminology whereby such marriages are called "erëbu marriages." Yet this is illogical because in normal marital arrangements, where the wife enters the husband's house, the same verb (erëbu) is employed (as in A:28⁵ and A:29⁶).

"Erëbu marriage" is not necessarily a permanent arrangement obliging the couple to reside in the house of the bride's father as long as the couple remains wed to each other.

[Gordon's Footnotes]

1 G. R. Driver and J. C. Miles, The Assyrian Laws, Scientia Verlag Aalen (Germany), 1975 (reprint of the Oxford edition of 1935), p. 399.

2 The frequentative -tan- infix in e-ta-na-ra-ab (literally, "he keeps entering") suggests that the husband does not reside steadily in her father's house, but instead visits his wife there regularly.

3 Nu-dun-na-a.

4 The verb (i-qa-ar-ri-ib) is literally "he shall draw near" (i.e. to claim).

5 Gt te-ta-ra-ab "she has entered."

6 Again Gt, this time spelled te-ta-rab "she has entered."

From: "Erëbu Marriage," [by] Cyrus H. Gordon, in: In Honor of Ernest R. Lacheman on His Seventy-Fifth Birthday, April 29, 1981, edited by M. A. Morrison and D. I. Owen (Winona Lake, Ind.: Eisenbrauns, c1981; in series: Studies on the Civilization and Culture of Nuzi and the Hurrians; [v. 1]): pp. 155-160, specifically p. 155. Spine title: Nuzi and the Hurrians.

Erëbu has an "e" with a line over it, which, due to html limitations, I have rendered as an "ë."

Among the literary examples of erëbu marriage offered by Gordon are these: Genesis 2:24; 29-31; Exodus 2:16-3:1; 4:18-20; 18; Judges 14-15:8; Homer, Odyssey 6:244-245.

*Quotation from Cyrus H. Gordon Illustrating "Erëbu* Marriage"**
The Nuzi tablets confront us with some illustrations of marriage whereby the husband is to live with his wife in her father's domain. The plainest reference to this kind of marriage appears in the Assyrian Laws. Normally, in the Near East (ancient and modern), including the Assyrian Laws, the wife leaves her own family to join the house of her husband. However, Assyrian Law A:27¹ reads: "If a woman is residing in her father's house, (and) her husband pays visits² to her, any settled property³ which her husband has given to her, he may take back; (but) he shall not touch⁴ what belongs to her father's house." The Akkadian verb erëbu, as used here, has given rise to the terminology whereby such marriages are called "erëbu marriages." Yet this is illogical because in normal marital arrangements, where the wife enters the husband's house, the same verb (erëbu) is employed (as in A:28⁵ and A:29⁶). *"Erëbu* marriage" is not necessarily a permanent arrangement obliging the couple to reside in the house of the bride's father as long as the couple remains wed to each other.**
[Gordon's Footnotes] 1 G. R. Driver and J. C. Miles, The Assyrian Laws, Scientia Verlag Aalen (Germany), 1975 (reprint of the Oxford edition of 1935), p. 399. 2 The frequentative -tan- infix in e-ta-na-ra-ab (literally, "he keeps entering") suggests that the husband does not reside steadily in her father's house, but instead visits his wife there regularly. *3 Nu-dun-na-a.* *4 The verb (i-qa-ar-ri-ib) is literally "he shall draw near" (i.e. to claim).* *5 Gt te-ta-ra-ab* "she has entered." 6 Again Gt, this time spelled te-ta-rab "she has entered."**
From: "Erëbu Marriage," [by] Cyrus H. Gordon, in: In Honor of Ernest R. Lacheman on His Seventy-Fifth Birthday, April 29, 1981, edited by M. A. Morrison and D. I. Owen (Winona Lake, Ind.: Eisenbrauns, c1981; in series: Studies on the Civilization and Culture of Nuzi and the Hurrians; [v. 1]): pp. 155-160, specifically p. 155. Spine title: Nuzi and the Hurrians. Erëbu has an "e" with a line over it, which, due to html limitations, I have rendered as an "ë." *Among the literary examples of erëbu* marriage offered by Gordon are these: Genesis 2:24; 29-31; Exodus 2:16-3:1; 4:18-20; 18; Judges 14-15:8; Homer, Odyssey 6:244-245.**

eromance:

Romantic sexual love.

See also amour-physique, carnal love, erotic love, erotosexual, love, love's lust, romantic love, sexualove.

eromenos:

See catamite; also discussion under "pederast."

erôs or eros (Greek):

1. Erotic love (q.v.).

2. Captialized, the Greek god of love, the Latin equivalent being Cupid.

Comment: Sometimes the term is capitalized in the first sense as well.

See also agapê (which see for additional lexical example), Cupid's golden arrow, Love.

Quotation from Lauren Slator Illustrating "Eros"

Does passion necessarily diminish over time? How reliable is romantic love, really, as a means of choosing one's mate? Can a marriage be good when Eros is replaced with friendship, or even economic partnership, two people bound by bank accounts?

From: "Love" = Cover title: "Love: The Chemical Reaction" = Table of contents title: "True Love," by Lauren Slater; photographs by Jodi Cobb, in: National Geographic; v. 209, no. 2 (February 2006): pp. 32-49, specifically p. 35

Quotation from Lauren Slator Illustrating "Eros"
Does passion necessarily diminish over time? How reliable is romantic love, really, as a means of choosing one's mate? Can a marriage be good when Eros is replaced with friendship, or even economic partnership, two people bound by bank accounts?
From: "Love" = Cover title: "Love: The Chemical Reaction" = Table of contents title: "True Love," by Lauren Slater; photographs by Jodi Cobb, in: National Geographic; v. 209, no. 2 (February 2006): pp. 32-49, specifically p. 35

erotic:

1. Characterized by or pertaining to either sexual attraction, the mental and physical excitement of sexual desire, the physical expression of sexual desire, or romantic love.

2. Characterized by the depiction of that which can be expected to arouse sexual desire, a depiction meant to be received appreciatively.

Comments: The word "erotic" is sometimes used synonymously with "sexual"; however, sometimes they are nuanced differently: For instance, "erotic" may connote stimulation by way of the brain or it may connote a sensual atmosphere; whereas "sexual" may connote more of a biological emphasis.

The word "erotic" is occasionally used synonymously with and often in contrast with the word "romantic." When contrasted, "erotic" often emphasizes the sensual and "romantic" the emotive, the engendering of love.

The word "erotic" is sometimes used synonymously with and sometimes in contrast with the word "pornographic." Ever since the publication of a famous essay by Gloria Steinem, "erotic" has sometimes connoted, as a characteristic, a celebration of sex without the denigration of any participants, that is without violence to any of them and without a power imbalance; and the word "pornographic" has connoted denigration as a characteristic.

Reference

"Erotica vs. Pornography," in: Outrageous Acts and Everyday Rebellions, [by] Gloria Steinem (New York: Holt, Reinhart and Winston, c1983): pp. 219-230. Adapted from "Erotica and Pornography: A Clear and Present Difference," Ms. magazine, November 1978, p. 53, and "Pornography--Not Sex But the Obscene Use of Power," Ms. magazine, August 1977, p. 43.

See also erotocosm, passionate, romantic, sexual.

Reference
"Erotica vs. Pornography," in: Outrageous Acts and Everyday Rebellions, [by] Gloria Steinem (New York: Holt, Reinhart and Winston, c1983): pp. 219-230. Adapted from "Erotica and Pornography: A Clear and Present Difference," Ms. magazine, November 1978, p. 53, and "Pornography--Not Sex But the Obscene Use of Power," Ms. magazine, August 1977, p. 43.

erotic connection:

1. Mutual attraction, especially when combined with shared desires as to sexual activities.

2. Being mentally attuned to each other in such a way as to be specially capable of turning each other on sexually, even if not in proximity with each other.

See also connection, cyber relationship, cybersex partner, irregular connection, long-distance relationship, online relationship, phone sex partner, sexual connection, soul mate, vibe.

erotic deontology:

The theory or study of moral obligation and commitment with respect to human sexuality.

See also "All's fair ...," "an it harm none, do what ye will," consent to sex, moral code, moral equivalence, new morality, sexual ethics, sexual justice, sexual morality, third way in sexual ethics, traditional morality.

x ethics.

x theories.

erotic friend:

A partner (q.v.) in an erotic friendship (q.v.).

Comment: Absent in the dictionaries and glossaries I've checked, but a natural permutation of the term "erotic friendship," so here included.

See also cuddle buddy, friend, friend with benefits, f*** buddy, intimate friend, lover, mistress, poplolly, sex buddy, umfriend.

x friend.

erotic friendship:

An amiable and sexual relationship between individuals living apart, a relationship from which the ties often associated with romantic love and the restrictions often associated with committed love relationships are excluded by design.

See also casual relationship, erotic friend, friendship, heterosexual friendship, intimate friendship, male-female friendship, physical relationship, secondary relationship, sexual relationship, tertiary relationship.

Quotation from Milan Kundera on Erotic Friendship

Tomas desired but feared them [women]. Needing to create a compromise between fear and desire, he devised what he called 'erotic friendship.' He would tell his mistresses: the only relationship that can make both partners happy is one in which sentimentality has no place and neither partner makes any claim on the life and freedom of the other.

To ensure that erotic friendship never grew into the aggression of love, he would meet each of his long-term mistresses only at intervals. He considered this method flawless and propagated it among his friends: 'The important thing is to abide by the rule of threes. Either you see a woman three times in quick succession and then never again, or you maintain relations over the years but make sure that the rendezvous are at least three weeks apart.'

From: The Unbearable Lightness of Being, [by] Milan Kindera; translated from the Czech by Michael Henry Heim (New York: Harper & Row, c1984): p. 12.

Quotation from Milan Kundera on Erotic Friendship
Tomas desired but feared them [women]. Needing to create a compromise between fear and desire, he devised what he called 'erotic friendship.' He would tell his mistresses: the only relationship that can make both partners happy is one in which sentimentality has no place and neither partner makes any claim on the life and freedom of the other. To ensure that erotic friendship never grew into the aggression of love, he would meet each of his long-term mistresses only at intervals. He considered this method flawless and propagated it among his friends: 'The important thing is to abide by the rule of threes. Either you see a woman three times in quick succession and then never again, or you maintain relations over the years but make sure that the rendezvous are at least three weeks apart.'
From: The Unbearable Lightness of Being, [by] Milan Kindera; translated from the Czech by Michael Henry Heim (New York: Harper & Row, c1984): p. 12.

erotic hostility:

A state in which the expression of antagonism masks sexual attraction.

See also ambivalent feelings, love-hate relationship.

eroticism:

1. Appreciation of sexual desire and sexual love.

2. An orientation to sexual desire or sexual love.

3. A permeation of sexual desire in something, such as a piece of literature or a party; an erotic spirit, ambiance, or character.

4. The cast of one's own sexuality; distinctives with regard to one's own sexual attractions and arousal.

5. A set of factors that leads to sexual arousal.

6. Sexual arousal itself.

See also ask-and-tell eroticism, attraction, erotic, erotism, libido, lust, passion, sexual correspondence, sexuality.

erotic justice:

See sexual justice.

erotic love:

1. Intense sexual attraction to a particular individual or between individuals.

2. A passionate desire to know and to enjoy another person's body and mind, accompanied by a strong sense of deprivation if separate from that individual.

See also amour-physique, carnal love, eromance, erôs, love, love's lust, romantic love, sexul desire, sexual love.

x erös (Greek)

x Greek terms.

erotic revolution:

See sexual revolution.

erotic suicide pact:

A promise that lovers have made to each other to die together, this by their own hands or by way of one taking the life of both. (Nowadays, the latter is called a form of murder-suicide.)

Comment: A famous case was that of the German author, Heinrich von Kleist, and Frau Henriette Vogel on November 21, 1811.

See also desperate, lover's leap, wertheritis.

x suicide.

erotism:

Eroticism (q.v.), albeit sometimes with more of a medical nuance, especially in the sense of sexual arousal.

erotogenesis of religion:

The impulse to worship, the desire for communal fellowship, the quest for personal and corporate ecstasy, the turn to inwardness, and the placing of trust in a higher power for both the preservation of life and fulfillment in life all having their origin in sexual energy.

Comments: The theory of the erotogensis of religion is offered both as a historical explanation for the rise of some or all religions and as a psychological explanation for the development of religiousness in many an individual, a development which typically occurs during adolescence. (The two explanations can be distinguished by speaking of the theory of the erotogenesis of religions versus the theory of the erotogenesis of religiousness.)

The observation that some religions suppress sexual expression, far from demolishing the theory, first, points to the relevance of sexuality to religion; second, puts a finger on one of the mechanisms by which sexual energy is diverted; and third, needs to be held in tandem with the observation that physical sexuality, rather than going away, becomes associated with opposing powers, such as the demonic, in the world-views of those religions.

Among the many objections to erotogenesis as a historical explanation for religion is the observation that each of the three so-called "great" monotheistic religions -- Judaism, Christianity, and Islam -- originally provided a place for sexuality and its regulation in balance with many other aspects of life and that as the social systems to which the regulations were native passed into history and restrictions accumulated, sexuality became increasingly a central focus, to the point that the most sexually restricitive (if not severe) of the three religions, Christianity, is today largely defined by its attitude towards sexuality in the minds of many people. In other words, the history of religions provides counter-examples, examples where the direction of development is exactly the reverse of the theory: from sex as peripheral to sex as central.

Among the many objections to erotogenesis as a sufficient psychological explanation for religiousness are these: (a) the fact that many asexual people are religious, and (b) the observation that spirituality and other religious phenomena are separate from sexuality in the lives of many people.

One underlying conflict with respect to many of the issues raised is a conflict of world-views, the world-veiw that gives primacy to materiality versus the world-view that gives primacy to spirit. Thus, from the latter perspective, the tables could be turned and it might be argued that some of the erotic impulse that is in excess of what is needed for the propagation of the species, if not every erotic impulse, has its roots in religious energy or the drive towards spirituality.

Of course, not all issues raised by the theory need be resolved on the basis of "either/or"; resolution might sometimes be a matter of degree.

See also sexual morality.

x theories.

Quotation from Theodore Schroeder Illustrating "Erotogenesis of Religion"

EROTOGENESIS OF RELIGION, the theory held by some modern psychologists, that religion had its origin in primitive man's ignorant mystification over sex, through which originated sex worship. Sex is the oldest and geographically the widest spread object of religious adoration. According to this theory the advent of religion was a phenomenon of racial adolescence. The theory, that individual evolution is a condensed recapitulation of our racial evolution, finds confirmation in the fact that even in our time, religion is peculiarly a phenomenon of adolescence and pubescence....

[Bibliography] The phrase, erotogenesis of religion, was first used by Theodore Schroeder (Alienist and Neurologist, 1907, 330-41)...

From the article: "Erotogenesis of Religion," [signed] T.S. [i.e. Theodore Schroeder], in: Encyclopaedia Sexualis: A Comprehensive Encyclopaedia-Dictionary of the Sexual Sciences, edited by Victor Robinson (New York: Dingwall-Rock, in collaboration with Medical Review of Reviews, 1936): p. 200.

Quotation from Theodore Schroeder Illustrating "Erotogenesis of Religion"
EROTOGENESIS OF RELIGION, the theory held by some modern psychologists, that religion had its origin in primitive man's ignorant mystification over sex, through which originated sex worship. Sex is the oldest and geographically the widest spread object of religious adoration. According to this theory the advent of religion was a phenomenon of racial adolescence. The theory, that individual evolution is a condensed recapitulation of our racial evolution, finds confirmation in the fact that even in our time, religion is peculiarly a phenomenon of adolescence and pubescence.... [Bibliography] The phrase, erotogenesis of religion, was first used by Theodore Schroeder (Alienist and Neurologist, 1907, 330-41)...
From the article: "Erotogenesis of Religion," [signed] T.S. [i.e. Theodore Schroeder], in: Encyclopaedia Sexualis: A Comprehensive Encyclopaedia-Dictionary of the Sexual Sciences, edited by Victor Robinson (New York: Dingwall-Rock, in collaboration with Medical Review of Reviews, 1936): p. 200.

erotographomania:

An obsessive desire to write of amorous love or sexual desire.

See also cyber relationship, cybersex partner, discourse of desire, food of love, instant messaging, love letter, online relationship, sexual correspondence, trattàto di amore.

Related term beyond the scope of this glossary: poitriniographia.

erotomania:

Insatiable or over-abundant sexual desire, especially as a symptom.

See also andromania, erotomaniac, gynecomania, hypersexuality, libido, nymphomania, satyriasis, sex drive, sexual addiction, sexual desire, tragolimia.

Quotation from Maureen Dowd Illustrating "erotomania"

It's that old erotomania thing -- the irresistable urge to get your hands on an unappetizing man.

From: Are Men Necessary? When Sexes Collide, [by] Maureen Dowd (New York: G. P. Putnam's Sons, c2005): p. 301.

Quotation from Maureen Dowd Illustrating "erotomania"
It's that old erotomania thing -- the irresistable urge to get your hands on an unappetizing man.
From: Are Men Necessary? When Sexes Collide, [by] Maureen Dowd (New York: G. P. Putnam's Sons, c2005): p. 301.

erotomaniac:

A person subject to insatiable or over-abundant sexual desire.

See also erotomania, nymphomaniac, satyr, sex addict, sexaholic, sex maniac.

erotophilia:

Being especially attracted to, being comfortable with, and/or enjoying sexuality and sexual matters.

Contrast erotophobia (q.v.). See also sex-joy, sex-positive stance, -philia.

erotophilous, or erotophilic:

Characterized by erotophilia.

Neologism?

See also erotopositive, sexually positive.

erotophobia:

Being repulsed by, uncomfortable with, and/or irrationally fearful of sexuality and sexual matters.

Contrast erotophilia (q.v.). See also aterpism, gamophobia, genophobia, -phobia, prudery, sex-negative stance.

erotophobic:

Characterized by erotophobia (q.v.).

See also sexually negative.

erotopositive:

1. Pertaining to the view that human sexuality, including one's own, is delightful in itself, even apart from attempts at procreation; pertaining to the view that the stimulation of the mind-genital axis is, in itself apart from unwelcome admixtures, entirely appropriate for human beings.

2. Pertaining to the belief that healthy sexual expression should be encouraged.

See also erotophilous, sex-joy, sexually positive.

erotosexual:

Having to do with both sexual arousal and the process of reproduction, which are separable.

See also acceptive phase, conceptive phase, eromance, love's lust, metasex, proceptive phase, romantic love, sexualove.

error of fancy:

An infatuation that failed to result in a love relationship; a wished-for romance with a particular person that never materialized.

See also crush, fancy, infatuation, unfulfilled love, unrequited love.

Quotation from Jane Austen Illustrating "Error of Fancy"

[Jane Bennet] '... I will not repine, It cannot last long. He [Charles Bingley] will be forgot, and we shall all be as we were before.'

Elizabeth looked at her suster with incredulous solicitude, but said nothing.

'You doubt me,' cried Jane, slightly colouring; 'indeed you have no reason. He may live in my memory as the most amiable man of my acquaintance, but that is all. I have nothing either to hope or fear, and nothing to reproach him with. Thank God! I have not that pain. A little time therefore. I shall certainly try to get the better. '

With a stronger voice she soon added, 'I have this comfort immediately, that it has not been more than an error of fancy on my side, and that it has done no harm to anyone but myself.'

From the novel: Pride and Prejudice, [by] Jane Austen (New York: Barnes & Noble Books, c2003): chapter 24, pp. 174-175. Originally published: Pride and Prejudice: A Novel ..., by the author of "Sense and Sensibility" (London: T. Egerton, 1813).

Quotation from Jane Austen Illustrating "Error of Fancy"
[Jane Bennet] '... I will not repine, It cannot last long. He [Charles Bingley] will be forgot, and we shall all be as we were before.' Elizabeth looked at her suster with incredulous solicitude, but said nothing. 'You doubt me,' cried Jane, slightly colouring; 'indeed you have no reason. He may live in my memory as the most amiable man of my acquaintance, but that is all. I have nothing either to hope or fear, and nothing to reproach him with. Thank God! I have not that pain. A little time therefore. I shall certainly try to get the better. ' With a stronger voice she soon added, 'I have this comfort immediately, that it has not been more than an error of fancy on my side, and that it has done no harm to anyone but myself.'
From the novel: Pride and Prejudice, [by] Jane Austen (New York: Barnes & Noble Books, c2003): chapter 24, pp. 174-175. Originally published: Pride and Prejudice: A Novel ..., by the author of "Sense and Sensibility" (London: T. Egerton, 1813).

erstwhile dear:

A person who is a past love; someone one had a temporary love relationship with.

Comment: Often an allusion to the poem, "Passer Mortuus Est," from Second April, [by] Edna St. Vincent Millay (New York: M. Kennerley, 1921).

See also dear, ghosts of relationships past, lost love, lover, old flame, promisacuity, TOTGA.

Quotation from Edna St. Vincent Millay Illustrating "Erstwhile Dear"

After all, my erstwhile dear,

My no longer cherished,

Need we say it was not love,

Just because it perished?

From: Collected Poems, [by] Edna St. Vincent Millay (New York: Harper, c1956): p. 75. This is the third stanza of "Passer Mortuus Est."

Quotation from Edna St. Vincent Millay Illustrating "Erstwhile Dear"
After all, my erstwhile dear, My no longer cherished, Need we say it was not love, Just because it perished?
From: Collected Poems, [by] Edna St. Vincent Millay (New York: Harper, c1956): p. 75. This is the third stanza of "Passer Mortuus Est."

erusin (Hebrew):

Betrothal (q.v.); in Judaism, the ceremony by which a woman becomes a wife so that she can marry no one else unless she is parted from her husband by death or divorce. This is the first ceremonial stage of becoming married.

Comment: The second stage is nissuim (q.v.).

See also hatunnah, kiddushim, sponsalia per verba de futuro, wedding.

x Hebrew terms.

escapade romantique (French):

"Romantic escapade": an adventure involving love; a temporary affair.

See also affair, affairette, amourette, conquest, dalliance, fling, intrigue, liaison, one-night stand, peccadillo, pickup, short-term relationship, zipless f***.

x French terms.

x romantic escapade.

Quotations from John Updike Illustrating "Escapades Romantiques"

[Harold little-Smith to Janet Appleby] "Of course, we won't [go to bed together]. We're married now and we've had our flings, our escapades romantiques. We have others besides ourselves to think about."

From the novel: Couples, [by] John Updike (New York: Alfred A. Knopf, 1968; "A Borzoi Book"): p. 120.

Quotations from John Updike Illustrating "Escapades Romantiques"
[Harold little-Smith to Janet Appleby] "Of course, we won't [go to bed together]. We're married now and we've had our flings, our escapades romantiques. We have others besides ourselves to think about."
From the novel: Couples, [by] John Updike (New York: Alfred A. Knopf, 1968; "A Borzoi Book"): p. 120.

escape into love:

See love-found-solves-all myth.

escondich (Occitan = langue d'Oc):

1. "Exculpation"; a defense of oneself cast in lyrics, especially a song of self-justification to a beloved.

2. The genre of such song lyrics.

Comment: The term is associated with the troubadours of Provence (southeastern France) in the late Middle Ages.

Source: The historical novel, The Fool of Venus: The Story of Peire Vidal, by George Cronyn (New York: Covici-Friede, 1934): p. 434.

See also comjat, courtly love, descort, discourse of desire, love lyrics, love poem, love song, maldit.

x Occitan terms.

escort, as in "an escort":

A person, generally of a complementary sexual orientation, who accompanies another either to a social event or for a period of time.

Comment: Escort services provide such accompaniment for a fee.

Contrast, for instance, consort (q.v.). See also cavalier, companion, date, escort, plus one.

escort, as in "to escort":

To accompany a person, generally of a complementary sexual orientation, either to a social event or for a period of time; to serve as a temporary companion to.

See also date, escort.

eshet-hayil (Hebrew):

See virtuous woman.

Eskimo terms:

See aiparik, aleupaaktuat, allupaareik, angutawkun, aypareet, aytpareik, doused lights, ketuuneraareic, kipuktu, nangsaegaek, nukaxrareik, nuliaqatigiit, nuliaqpak, nuliinuaroak, nusukaaktuat, qatangun, seed raising, simmixsuat, ungetaken(?), young people's house.

esposa (Spanish):

Wife (q.v.).

x Spanish terms.

Quotation from D. H. Lawrence Illustrating "Esposa"

He [Cipriano Viedma] asked for a room where his esposa could rest....

"I said you were my wife," he said [to Kate Leslie], in his small, soft Indian voice. "It is true, isn't it?"

From the novel: The Plumed Serpent (Quetzalcoatl), by D. H. Lawrence (New York: Alfred A. Knopf, 1926): chapter 20, p. 318.

Quotation from D. H. Lawrence Illustrating "Esposa"
He [Cipriano Viedma] asked for a room where his esposa could rest.... "I said you were my wife," he said [to Kate Leslie], in his small, soft Indian voice. "It is true, isn't it?"
From the novel: The Plumed Serpent (Quetzalcoatl), by D. H. Lawrence (New York: Alfred A. Knopf, 1926): chapter 20, p. 318.

esposo (Spanish):

Husband (q.v.).

x Spanish terms.

espouse:

1. To take to oneself, for instance, to adopt an idea.

2. To take a person in marriage.

See also despouse, wedding.

esteem, as in "esteem for":

High regard; respect; a valuing of a person's innate qualities.

Comment: In some modelings of romance, esteem is a prerequisite for and potentially a precursor to love, as well as a vital component in ongoing love. The association with love can be so close that the term is used as a misdirection away from an admission of love or even as a euphemism for love.

See also admiration, esteem (verb), love, pretz, proceptive phase, respect, secret of a successful marriage.

esteem, as in "to esteem":

To have a high regard for; to respect; to value a person's innate qualities.

See also admire, esteem (noun), love, respect.

estovers:

Necessities as allowed by law, alimony (q.v.) and child support (q.v.) being examples in the case of divorce (q.v.).

estranged:

No longer emotionally bonded; alienated from one another.

See also banish (a person one's) bed and company, divorced, estrangement, fall out of love, marital status, separated, stranger.

estrangement:

The condition of having once been emotionally bonded but now no longer so; a state of alienation from one another.

Comment: In some marital scenarios, estrangement progresses to separation and divorce.

See also cagamosis, divorce, dysfunctional relationship, emotional divorce, estranged, loveless marraige, marital blues, separation, stranger, unhappily married, WMD.

Quotation from Jane Austen Illustrating "Estrangement"

They [Anne Elliot and Frederick Wentworth] had no conversation together, no intercourse but what the commonest civility required. Once so much to each other! Now nothing! There had been a time, when of all the large party now filling the drawing-room at Uppercross, they would have found it most difficult to cease to speak to one another... there could have been no two hearts so open, no tastes so similar, no feelings so in unison, no countenances so beloved. Now they were as strangers; nay, worse than strangers, for they could never become acquainted. It was a perpetual estrangement.

From the novel: Persuasion, [by] Jane Austen (New York: Barnes & Noble Books, c2004): chapter 8, p. 78. Originally published posthumously in: Northanger Abbey; and Persuasion, by the author of "Pride and Prejudice," "Mansfield-Park," &c.; with a biographical notice of the author [by her brother, Henry Austen] (London: John Murray, 1818).

Quotation from Jane Austen Illustrating "Estrangement"
They [Anne Elliot and Frederick Wentworth] had no conversation together, no intercourse but what the commonest civility required. Once so much to each other! Now nothing! There had been a time, when of all the large party now filling the drawing-room at Uppercross, they would have found it most difficult to cease to speak to one another... there could have been no two hearts so open, no tastes so similar, no feelings so in unison, no countenances so beloved. Now they were as strangers; nay, worse than strangers, for they could never become acquainted. It was a perpetual estrangement.
From the novel: Persuasion, [by] Jane Austen (New York: Barnes & Noble Books, c2004): chapter 8, p. 78. Originally published posthumously in: Northanger Abbey; and Persuasion, by the author of "Pride and Prejudice," "Mansfield-Park," &c.; with a biographical notice of the author [by her brother, Henry Austen] (London: John Murray, 1818).

^hetaira (Greek):

See hetaera.

eternal triangle:

A couple plus a lover of one or both, or else three lovers at least one of whom is involved with the other two -- either way conceived of as an ever-repeating pattern found within humankind.

See also biamory, bi-trio, domestic trio, French arrangement, letter group (V, delta), ménage à trois, third party, three-cornered establishment, threesome, triad, triangle, troika, vee.

eternal union:

A bond and communion between certain individuals that is conceived of as transcending even death.

See also belief in love, Celestial Marriage, Liebestod, love-death, match made in heaven, mystic betrothal, mystic marriage, "neither marry, nor are given in marriage," soul mate, spiritual marriage, spiritual wifery, undying love, union.

ethical hedonism:

1. The philosophical position that human life and activity ought to be oriented, at least over the long-term, to pleasure.

2. The philosophical position that an individual can both satisfactorily fulfill civic and private responsibilities -- including responsbilities to his or her family and primary relationship -- and, at the same time, pursue pleasure with multiple sex partners on a consensual basis, in fact that doing both is a greater good than doing just one or the other, provided that one's primary partner is agreeable.

Comments: Ethical hedonism in the first sense has many permutations. For instance, egoistic ethical hedonism holds that a person ought to act in a way that will bring him or her the most pleasure in the long run. This contrasts with universal ethical hedonism, which maintains that each person ought to act in a way that will bring the most pleasure to the greatest number over the long run.

Ethical hedonism in the second sense is particularly associated with the swinging lifestyle.

See also "an it harm none, do what ye will," ethical hedonism, hedonism, Lasterkatalog, moral code, moral equivalence, new morality, primemate, sex-positive stance, sexual ethics, sexual liberation, sexual morality, sexual permissiveness, swing.

x egoistic ethical hedonism.

x ethics.

x universal ethical hedonism.

Quotations from Susan Block on Ethical Hedonism

[112] ... "ethical hedonism" ... was defined by Dr. Susan Block, the most popular seminar leader at Lifestyles conventions, as "an erotic etiquette to guide you (and me) toward fully and dramatically expressing our sexual, animal nature, while maintaining the peace as civilized, considerate ladies and gentlemen."

[115] ... in Susan Block's words ... "the pursuit and cultivation of pleasure within strict limits of consensuality for the peaceful benefit of the individual, the couple, the family, and society."

From: The Lifestyle: A Look at the Erotic Rites of Swingers, [by] Terry Gould (Buffalo, N.Y.: Firefly Books, 2000): pp. 112, 115.

Quotations from Susan Block on Ethical Hedonism
[112] ... "ethical hedonism" ... was defined by Dr. Susan Block, the most popular seminar leader at Lifestyles conventions, as "an erotic etiquette to guide you (and me) toward fully and dramatically expressing our sexual, animal nature, while maintaining the peace as civilized, considerate ladies and gentlemen." [115] ... in Susan Block's words ... "the pursuit and cultivation of pleasure within strict limits of consensuality for the peaceful benefit of the individual, the couple, the family, and society."
From: The Lifestyle: A Look at the Erotic Rites of Swingers, [by] Terry Gould (Buffalo, N.Y.: Firefly Books, 2000): pp. 112, 115.

ethical non-monogamy, or ethical nonmonogamy:

Non-monogamy (q.v.) practiced in an above-board manner with each of one's partners in sex or love, that is, so that each is made aware of the others in a timely manner and can decide whether to consent, accede, or depart with that knowledge in view. (In the view of some, acceding is not enough: negotiated consent or even a prior understanding is necessary for ethical non-monogamy to be ethical.)

Comments: Often used synonymously with "polyamory."

To some "ethical non-monogamy" sounds like an oxymoron. How, they ask, can a practice widely regarded as immoral -- that is, non-monogamy -- be considered ethical? Answers typically run alog the following lines:

In different cultures and different ages, different virtues have been at the forefront of moral consciousness. In the Middle Ages, honor was often at the forefront. In many countries influenced by modern Western ideals, honesty is at the forefront. In terms of importance to the continuation of a relationship, trustworthiness, as measured largely by honesty, often trumps even love.

Furthermore, many analyze the essential moral problem with non-monogamy in the past as being two-fold: (a) sexual inequality, which is or can be rendered null where there is social equality of the sexes and where mutual consent is the ground rule; and (b) dishonesty in matters of love and sex. The remainder of the suppoed moral content in positions against against non-monogamy (so it is argued) is, first, a residue of patriarchalism, which should go the way of the dinosaur, and, second, a concession to jealousy, which is an inappropriate foundation for morality and which is best viewed as a signal of problems to be addressed in a relationship.

Honesty is viewed not just as vital, but also as a constructive value. It means (again, so it is argued) living authentically, in touch with one's feelings and acting upon those that are well received by a love interest -- each and any love interest of age. It means fostering intimacy by together grappling with needs, jealousies, anxieties, insecurities, resentments, and other feelings that monogamy is supposed to keep in abeyance but often fails to do. It can mean laying a ground for a new future for relationships, one that affirms honesty as a preeminent value in conjunction with affirming the axiom that one's body belongs irrevocably to oneself; affirming romantic love, without requiring that one love be supplanted when another comes along; breaking down barriers to intimacy, both between people who are drawn to each other and within each relationship; and setting a stage both where personal fulfillment and growth can be enhanced by a multiplicity of intimacies and where a person's various love relationships have the capability of benefiting each other. Regarding the future, some go even further with a utopian vision, seeing ethical non-monogamy as a key way of reducing social conflict, radical honesty being viewed as a prerequisite for ultimate peace. However, it should be said that many who embrace ethical non-monogamy reject utopianism and seek only to live in a way they see fit.

See also "Communicate, communitate, communicate," ethical slut, new paradigm relating, polyamory, sexual ethics, sexual morality, sexual utopia, utopian swinging.

ethical relativism:

The view that there are no universally applicable criteria for moral judgments, for instance, the view that external criteria that do exist quite properly vary from culture to culture.

Comment: The cultural-variation example is associated with the Finnish philosopher and historian of marriage, Edward Westermarck (1862-1939).

In some forms of ethical relativism, mores, taboos, and other behavioral patterns are immune from the sort of critique that is capable of leading to reform, although they might be demoted from being regarded as absolutes. In other forms, such as situation ethics, a spiritual principle, such as agapic love, might enable such a critique, while yet respecting a diversity of cultural systems.

See also contextualism, ethical subjectivism, mores, new morality, sexual ethics, sexual morality, sexual mores, situation ethics, taboo.

x moral relativism.

x relativism.

ethical slut:

A person who is in charge of his or her own body as a matter of principle, who likes sex, and who will have sex however and with whomever he or she pleases, however in a way that treats everybody involved respectfully, the emphasis commonly being upon consent, honesty, and minimizing emotional pain; especially such a person who practices ethical non-monogamy.

Comment: The term was popularized by Dossie Easton and Catherine A. Liszt.

See also ethical non-monogamy, lifestyler, polyamorist, sexual ethics, sexual morality, slut.

Quotation from Dossie Easton and Catherine A. Liszt Illustrating "Ethical Slut"

[21] We are ethical people, ethical sluts. It is very important to us to treat people well and not hurt anyone. Our ethics come from our own sense of rightness, and from the empathy and love we hold for those around us....

Most of our criteria for ethics are quite pragmatic. Is anyone being harmed? Is there any way to avoid causing that harm? Are there any risks? Is everybody involved aware of those risks and doing what can be done to minimize them?

And, on the positive side: How much fun is it? What is everybody learning from it? Is it helping someone to grow? Is it helping make the world a better place?

First and foremost, ethical sluts value consent....

[22] Ethical sluts are honest -- with ourselves and others....

Ethical sluts also recognize the ramifications of our sexual choices....

[Etc.]

From: The Ethical Slut: A Guide to Infinite Sexual Possibilities, [by] Dossie Easton & Catherine A. Liszt (San Francisco, CA: Greenery Press, c1997): pp. 21-22. For their definition of "slut," see under "slut." For their definition of "consent," see under "consent to sex."

Quotation from Dossie Easton and Catherine A. Liszt Illustrating "Ethical Slut"
[21] We are ethical people, ethical sluts. It is very important to us to treat people well and not hurt anyone. Our ethics come from our own sense of rightness, and from the empathy and love we hold for those around us.... Most of our criteria for ethics are quite pragmatic. Is anyone being harmed? Is there any way to avoid causing that harm? Are there any risks? Is everybody involved aware of those risks and doing what can be done to minimize them? And, on the positive side: How much fun is it? What is everybody learning from it? Is it helping someone to grow? Is it helping make the world a better place? *First and foremost, ethical sluts value consent....* *[22] Ethical sluts are honest* -- with ourselves and others.... Ethical sluts also recognize the ramifications of our sexual choices.... [Etc.]**
From: The Ethical Slut: A Guide to Infinite Sexual Possibilities, [by] Dossie Easton & Catherine A. Liszt (San Francisco, CA: Greenery Press, c1997): pp. 21-22. For their definition of "slut," see under "slut." For their definition of "consent," see under "consent to sex."

ethical subjectivism:

1. Formally: The view that any ethical judgment is able to claim correctly no more than that the person making it has an attitude of approval or disapproval towards the behavioral choice in question.

2. Less formally: With respect either to all areas of life or to a particular area, such as human sexuality, the theory that no external, objective standards or criteria exist for the determination of right and wrong behavior or of good and bad effects., especially standards or criteria that are universal in nature, and that the feelings of affected individuals are the sole measure of goodness and badness. In this theory, a broad consensus of the feelings of individuals.would be the closest approximation to a universal standard.

Comment: The formal sense of the term is associated with the Finnish philosopher and historian of marriage, Edward Westermarck (1862-1939).

See also ethical relativism, new morality, sexual ethics, sexual morality.

x ethics.

x subjectivism.

ethics:

See contextualism, erotic deontology, ethical hedonism, ethical subjectivism, hedonism, moral absolutism, personalism, pragmatism, public character of sex, relationalism, sexual ethics, situation ethics, third way in sexual ethics.

etiquette:

See sexual etiquette.

et uxor:

See uxor.

eugenics:

1. The pseudo-science that seeks to improve future generations of human beings by genetic means, especially breeding.

2. Improvement of future generations of human beings by genetic intervention as a social philosophy.

Comments: The term "eugenics" was coined by the British biologist, Francis Galton (1822-1911), in 1883,¹ from the Greek word, eugenês, which means "well-born." Subsequently, in a paper read before the Sociological Society on May 16, 1904, he elaborated upon the term. Therein Galton defined it, saying,"Eugenics is the science which deals with all influences that improve the inborn qualities of a race; also with those that develop them to the utmost advantage."² He said, "The aim of Eugenics is to bring as many influences as can be reasonably employed, to cause the useful classes in the community to contribute more than their proportion to the next generation."³ He urged that eugenics "be introduced into the national conscience, like a new religion. It has, indeed, strong claims to become an orthodox religious tenet of the future, for Eugenics co-operate with the workings of Nature by securing that humanity shall be represented by the fittest races. What Nature does blindly, slowly, and ruthlessly, man may do providently, quickly, and kindly."⁴

In the following year appeared his more widely disseminated definition of eugenics as "the science which deals with those social agencies that influence, mentally or physically, the racial qualities of future generations."⁵

Galton was merely applying a new name to an old idea, indeed one that arose anciently in various cultures. See, for example Theognis (6th century B.C.E.), lines 183-192; and the Laws of Manu (1st century C.E. or earlier) 3:4-10.

By the 1960s eugenics had fallen into disfavor as a principle of medical and social policy, in part because it was shown to be highly susceptibe to subjective, often discriminatory, values, including classism and racism; furthermore many people were involuntarily sterilized under eugenic policies, a fact which offended the consciences of many. That the Nazis took up eugenics and bound it together with an ideology of racial superiority didn't help. To top all of this off, it has become increasingly clear that the human gene pool is far more complex than many advocates of eugenics took account of. For all those reasons the term carries an odium in many a circle to the present day.

Ordinarily instead of eugencis, genetic counseling, in which the values of the parents are preeminent, and gene therapy, which places the emphasis upon the health of offspring, are practiced.

See also breed, genetic counseling, stirpiculture.

References

1 Inquiries into Human Faculty and Its Development, by Francis Galton (London: Macmillan, 1883): p. 44 or 49. Not examined.

2 "Eugenics: Its Definition, Scope and Aims," by Francis Galton, Sociological Papers [1904] (London: Macmillan, 1905): pp. [45]-50, which was followed by discussion (52-63), written communications (64-78), Mr. Galton's reply (78-79), and press comments (80-84). For the quotation, see p. [45].

3 Galton (1905): p. 47. The italics are his.

4 Galton (1905): p. 50.

5 "Restrictions in Marriage," by Francis Galton, in Sociological Papers; v. 2 (London: Macmillan, 1906): pp. [3]-13, specifically the footnote on p. [3].

References
1 Inquiries into Human Faculty and Its Development, by Francis Galton (London: Macmillan, 1883): p. 44 or 49. Not examined.
2 "Eugenics: Its Definition, Scope and Aims," by Francis Galton, Sociological Papers [1904] (London: Macmillan, 1905): pp. [45]-50, which was followed by discussion (52-63), written communications (64-78), Mr. Galton's reply (78-79), and press comments (80-84). For the quotation, see p. [45].
3 Galton (1905): p. 47. The italics are his.
4 Galton (1905): p. 50.
5 "Restrictions in Marriage," by Francis Galton, in Sociological Papers; v. 2 (London: Macmillan, 1906): pp. [3]-13, specifically the footnote on p. [3].

ever-married:

1. The class of persons who have been wedded according to socially recognized procedures, at least at one time, whether currently married or not.

2. The class of persons who consider or have at one time considered themselves married; the class of persons who either have or have had a mate.

Contrast never-marrried (q.v.). See also divorced, formerly married, marital status, previously married, re-singled, separated, widowed.

x statistics.

everything to:

See be everything to.

evolved:

See more evolved.

EwE:

Eject with explanation, that is, to leave a sexual or potentially sexual relationship with someone but in a way that allows that person an opportunity to understand why one is leaving and to correct matters in a way that could lead to reconciliation.

See also break up, dump, E&E, get the sack, get the shaft, jilt, leave, sack, separate, split up, throw over, unilateralism, walk out.

x eject with explanation.

ex; plural, exes:

1. A former spouse; a person from whom one is divorced.

2. A former lover (q.v.).

Comment: Sometimes a spouse from whom one is separated is called an ex, but some regard that a deceptive use of the word unless explained.

See also divorce, ex-boyfriend, ex-ex, ex-girlfriend, ex-husband, ex-lover, ex-partner, ex-wife, ghosts of relationships past, left-over desire, left-over love, letter group (X), past attachment, postmarital blues, quondam husband, quondam wife, right of return.

x X.

ex-boyfriend:

A person who was once one's boyfriend, but who is so no longer.

Contrast ex-girlfriend (q.v.). See also ex, ex-lover, ex-partner, past attachment.

exception-game list:

See freebie list.

exclusion jealousy (Ronald Mazur, 1973):

Fear of being left out or neglected by one's partner.

See also jealousy, odd-one-out syndrome.

exclusive relationship:

A relationship not open to bringing in more lovers.

Contrast inclusive relationship (q.v.). See also exclusivity, lovestyle, monogamism, monogamy-only position, sexual exclusivity.

exclusive sexually:

See sexually exclusive.

exclusivity:

A shutting out of all other people with regard to one or more aspects of a relationship.

See also caging, closed group marriage, closed marriage, closed relationship, emotional fidelity, exclusive relationship, faithfulness, fidelity, love-ends-interest-in-others myth, matrimonialism, monamory, monoamory, monogamism, monogamy, monogamy-only position, myth of togetherness, polyfidelity, reconstituted marriage, sexual exclusivity, sexually exclusive, zero-sum view of love.

ex-ex:

A person with whom one had once been in a love relationship and with whom one may now be forming a fresh love relationship but whom one is not yet ready to call a girlfriend (q.v.) or boyfriend (q.v.) or partner (q.v.).

See also ex.

Quotation from Nester Taconnus Illustrating "Ex-Ex"

#14 ex-ex

"Who's your hot new girlfriend?"

"She's not my girlfriend."

"Aww, you're embarrassed."

"Look, she's my ex-girlfriend. The one Donkey Kong kidnapped. We're not at a point in our new relationship where I feel comfortable calling her my girlfriend. I prefer to call her my ex-ex."

From the Web comic strip, Nestacos, by Nester Taconnus (last modified April 12, 2003) at: http://nestacos.fefea.org/14-ex-ex.html

Quotation from Nester Taconnus Illustrating "Ex-Ex"
#14 ex-ex "Who's your hot new girlfriend?" "She's not my girlfriend." "Aww, you're embarrassed." "Look, she's my ex-girlfriend. The one Donkey Kong kidnapped. We're not at a point in our new relationship where I feel comfortable calling her my girlfriend. I prefer to call her my ex-ex."
From the Web comic strip, Nestacos, by Nester Taconnus (last modified April 12, 2003) at: http://nestacos.fefea.org/14-ex-ex.html

ex-ex-gay:

A person who had quit homosexual practices and who had tried to take up either exclusively heterosexual practices and desires or perpetual abstinence but who abandonned the effort and resumed homosexual practices.

Comment: Naturally the exes can keep accumulating, so one might also find the term, "ex-ex-ex-gay."

See also ex-gay, gay, homosexual.

ex-gay:

A person who has quit homosexual practices and who has tried to take up either exclusively heterosexual practices and desires or perpetual abstinence.

Comment: Typically the effort is associated with religious convictions, either one's own or those of others.

See also ex-ex-gay, gay, homosexual.

ex-girlfriend:

A person who was once one's girlfriend (q.v.), but who is so no longer.

Contrast ex-boyfriend (q.v.). See also ex, ex-lover, ex-partner, past attachment.

ex-husband:

A man to whom one was once married; a man from whom one is divorced.

Contrast ex-wife (q.v.). See also divorce, ex, ex-husband syndrome, ex-partner, ex-wife, husband, past attachment, quondam husband, stephusband.

ex-husband envy:

A sense of jealousy ostensibly because one's ex-wife's current husband has what one once had or what one once wanted to have with her or because of his relationship with one's own children.

Comment: Coined by NEA, 2008, on analogy with "ex-wife envy."

See also ex-wife envy, jealousy, lust, stephusband, Renth Commandment.

x envy.

ex-husband syndrome:

The inability of a man to move on with his life in a happy and fulfilling way after the loss of a wife, whether the loss be due to death or divorce -- especially insofar as this inability is distinct from the common effects of grief and it entails feelings and behaviors that are injurious to his happiness.

Comment: Coined by NEA, September 23, 2006, on analogy with "ex-wife syndrome" (q.v.).

See also broken heart, ex-husband, ghosts of relationships past, grief, jealousy, left-over desire, left-over love, love trauma syndrome, miss, post break-up funk, postmarital blues, second-husband syndrome, withdrawal anguish.

x syndromes.

ex-lover:

A person who was once one's lover (q.v.).

See also ex, ex-boyfriend, ex-girlfriend, ex-partner.

Quotation from Armistead Maupin Illustrating "Ex-Lover"

[Michael Toliver] "... and last year I happened to mention this to my ex-lover.... I mean, he's my ex-lover now.... He was my lover at the time."

From the novel: Tales of the City, [by] Armistead Maupin (New York: Harper & Row, 1978; "Perennial Library"; in: Tales of the City Series; v. 1): p. 158. The elisions are Maupin's, except that the first also functions to indicate omission, on my part, of speech within quotation marks.

Quotation from Armistead Maupin Illustrating "Ex-Lover"
[Michael Toliver] "... and last year I happened to mention this to my ex-lover.... I mean, he's my ex-lover now.... He was my lover at the time."
From the novel: Tales of the City, [by] Armistead Maupin (New York: Harper & Row, 1978; "Perennial Library"; in: Tales of the City Series; v. 1): p. 158. The elisions are Maupin's, except that the first also functions to indicate omission, on my part, of speech within quotation marks.

exogamic:

Pertaining to exogamy (q.v.).

Comment: "Exogamy" has two adjectival forms, "exogamic" and "exogamous" (q.v.). Where there is any distinction at all, "exogamic" tends to be more specialized and technical than "exogamous," as in, "the exogamic system" but "an exogamous culture."

exogamist:

1. A person who marries outside of his or her social group.

2. A person who, without dissent, lives in a society where the prevailing custom is exogamy (q.v.).

3. An advocate or supporter of exogamy.

Comment: Absent in the dictionaries I've checked, but a natural permutation of the word "exogamy," so here included.

exogamous:

Pertaining to or characterized by exogamy (q.v.).

See also exogamic.

exogamy:

1. Marrying outside of one's group -- for instance, one's kinship group -- per social expectation.

2. The degree to which people within a given community or society marry others who have a different background, for example, an educational, occupational, religious, or social class background.

Contrast endogamy (q.v.). See also allotriorasty, exogamic, exogamist, exogamous, -gamy, group switching, heterogamy, intermarriage, kinship, miscegenation, rule of the gift, sunasova.

expanded family:

1. A conjugal family (q.v.) composed not only of a husband, a wife, and their children, but also of one or more single relatives living with them.

2. A household with a nucleus of three or more adults who have chosen to be in a committed love relationship together, whether or not all are sexual with each other.

See also cellular family, compound family, extended family, family, intentional family, multimate relationship, non-monogamy, polyfamily, stem family.

ex parte divorce (legal term):

A divorce proceeding with only one of the parties present or participating. Typically a divorce may go ahead if sufficient notice has been given to the absent spouse.

See also divorce, unilateralism.

ex-partner:

A person who was once one's spouse or lover, but who is so no longer.

See also ex, ex-boyfriend, ex-girlfriend, ex-husband, ex-lover, ex-wife, letter group (X), partner, past attachment.

experienced:

See sexually experienced.

experimental marriage:

An arrangement in which a man and a woman live together to test their compatibility and to see whether they wish to marry each other formally.

See also companionate marriage, living together, Portland custom, trial marriage.

expiration dating:

The practive of dating a person knowing that he or she will be available to date for only a limited period of time; to go on a series of dates with someone up to and only up to a deadline.

See also affair, affairette, amourette, casual relationship, dalliance, date, fling, liaison, one-night stand, short-term relationship, speed dating.

express love:

To show one's affection, ordinarily by verbal means, by tender touch, or by pleasuring.

See also affection, discourse of desire, I love you, love, love letter, pillow talk, public display of affection.

extended family:

1. A social unit made up of parents and children plus some of their close relatives living together.

2. A social unit made up of at least three generations of close relatives.

3. A social unit made up of two or more nuclear families (q.v.) tied together by at least one member of each having a common ancestry.

4. A social unit made up of two or more nuclear families tied together by having at least one spouse in common.

5. One's relatives, especially as gathered together.

See also clan, compound family, expanded family, family, family life, great-family, immediate family, polygamy, stem family.

extracurricular:

1. Outside a school's curriculum; not for credit.

2. By analogy, extramarital (q.v.).

extradyadic:

Beyond the confines of a two-person love or marital relationship.

See also dyad, extramarital affair, extramarital sex, extramural sexual affair, extra-pair copulation, nonmarital sex, open couple, out-of-marriage love affair, step out.

extramarital:

On the part of a married person, outside of or beyond that person's marriage.

See also comarital, extracurricular, extra-relational, intermarital, intramarital, marital, nonmarital, postmarital, premarital, step out.

extramarital affair:

A sexual relationship between two people not married to one another, at least one of whom is married to someone else.

Comment: The term is often used in a pejorative way, implying immorality and/or destructive competition with at least one marriage.

See also adultery; affair; ajois relationship; arrangement; clandestine polygamy; comarital; de facto polygamy; don't ask, don't tell; extradyadic; extramarital lark; extramarital love affair; extramarital sex; extra-mateship liaison; extra-pair copulation; illicit love; intrigue; liaison; love affair; myth of affairs as symptomatic; nonmarital sex; out-of-marriage love affair; out-of-marriage lover; overlapping; play around; rules of adultery.

extramarital friendship:

An affectionate relationship with a person of the opposite sex outside of one's marriage, especially such a relationship that is not characterized by sexual activity.

See also comarital, emotional fidelity, emotional infidelity, free affection, Sunday husband.

Quotation from B. F. Skinner Illustrating "Extramarital Friendship"

[133, the character T. E. Frazier speaking] "... Our marriage ceremony is unambiguous, and I'm sure it's entered into in good faith. If in the course of time extramarital friendships weaken the original tie, we try to avoi

Glossary of Relationship Terms

Marriage, Love Relationships

& Polykoity

E - F

Quotation from D. H. Lawrence Illustrating "égoïsme à deux"

**Quotation from Erich Fromm Illustrating "Egotism à deux"**

Quotation from Jane Austen Illustrating "Elopement"

Quotation from Susan Cavin on Emotional Incest

Quotation from D. H. Lawrence Illustrating "Emotional-Jealous Intimacy"

Quotation from Aldous Huxley Illustrating "Enamoured"

Quotation from D. H. Lawrence Illustraing "Enchanted"

Quotation from Philip Roth Illustrating "Enchantment"

Quotation from E. Cobham Brewer Illustrating "Entelechy"

**Quotation from Cyrus H. Gordon Illustrating "Erëbu Marriage"**

[Gordon's Footnotes]

Quotation from Lauren Slator Illustrating "Eros"

Reference

Quotation from Milan Kundera on Erotic Friendship

Quotation from Theodore Schroeder Illustrating "Erotogenesis of Religion"

Quotation from Maureen Dowd Illustrating "erotomania"

Quotation from Jane Austen Illustrating "Error of Fancy"

Quotation from Edna St. Vincent Millay Illustrating "Erstwhile Dear"

Quotations from John Updike Illustrating "Escapades Romantiques"

Quotation from D. H. Lawrence Illustrating "Esposa"

Quotation from Jane Austen Illustrating "Estrangement"

Quotations from Susan Block on Ethical Hedonism

Quotation from Dossie Easton and Catherine A. Liszt Illustrating "Ethical Slut"

References

Quotation from Nester Taconnus Illustrating "Ex-Ex"

Quotation from Armistead Maupin Illustrating "Ex-Lover"

Quotation from B. F. Skinner Illustrating "Extramarital Friendship"