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1. First .... dress for the
occasion. A 4-ply rubber wet suit is suggested, along with a helmet, face mask
and welders gloves.
2. A Bathtub with a glass enclosure is
preferred to the one with a shower curtain. A frenzied cat can shred one of
these in about 2.5 seconds.
3. Have the Kitty Bubbles and towel in
the enclosed bathtub area before hand. No ... blow drying the cat after the
bath is not suggested.
4. Draw the water, making it a little
warmer than needed as you still need to find the cat. Position everything
strategically in the shower, so you can reach it even if you are face down or
prone in the tub.
5. Find your cat. Use the element of
surprise. Pick the cat up, nonchalantly as if you were simply carrying him/her
to the supper dish. No need to worry about the cat noticing your strange
attire... the cat barely notices you anyway.
6. Once you and the cat are inside the
bathroom ... speed is essential. In one single liquid motion shut the door to
the bathroom, step into the shower, close the sliding doors, and drop the cat
into the water. While the cat is still in a state of shock, locate the Kitty
Bubbles and squirt whatever part of him is above the water line. You have just
begun the wildest 45 seconds of your life. Remember that cats have no handles
and add the fact that he now has soapy fur. His state of shock has worn off
and he's madder than a wet hornet.
7. As best, you can, wearing welder's
gloves, try to field his body as he catapults through the air toward the
ceiling. If possible, give another squirt of Kitty Bubbles with his body now
fully exposed.
8. During the 5 seconds you are able to
hold onto him, rub vigorously. No need to worry about rinsing. As he slide
down the glass enclosure into the tub, he will fall back into the water,
rinsing himself in the process.
9. Only attempt the lather and rinse
process about 3 times. The cat will realize the lack of traction on the glass
by then and will use the next attempt on the first available part of you.
10. Next, the cat must be dried.
No...this is NOT the easiest part. By this stage, you are worn out and the cat
has just become semi-permanently affixed to your right leg. We suggest here
that you drain the tub and in full view of your cat reach for the bottle of
Kitty Bubbles.
11. If you have done step 10 correctly,
the cat will be off your leg and hanging precariously from your helmet.
Although this view of the cat is most disgusting, he will be in a much better
position for wrapping the towel around him.
12. Be sure cat is firmly wrapped in
towel before opening tub enclosure. Open bathroom door ... put towel wrapped
cat on floor and step back quickly. Into tub, if possible, and do not open
enclosure until all you can see is the shredded towel.
13. In about 2 hours .... it will be safe
to exit the bathroom. Your cat will be sitting out there somewhere looking
like a small hedgehog while plotting revenge. |
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