Recently, I had this thought. 'We are born through pain and we die through pain.' It's only the in between part that's not filled completely with pain. Life can bring us such immense pleasure, joy and laughter. Not that these things ever last long. Granted, they are fleeting. But they do make us feel better about ourselves and about life. And, therein, lies the crux of the matter. We can choose to be miserable or we can choose to be happy. Circumstances often push us one way or the other, but they don't have to. We can choose to be happy even in unhappy circumstances.

Yesterday was a perfect example of what I'm talking about. When I came home from work, Lanie was in the bathroom with Joshua washing his mouth out and making him brush his teeth. She was very upset at him for getting into a five-pound bag of sugar stored in the garage. So, I comforted poor Josh who didn't understand why Mommy was so upset. Only when I sat down to the dinner table with her did I discover what was really bothering her. A student at Timberline High School had thrown some grapes at her and hit her in the face. This was no accident. It was a deliberate attempt to get Lanie's attention and test her resolve. She reported the incident to her supervisor but no one admitted to throwing the grapes. For the rest of that day and up until bedtime, Lanie was emotionally upset. She forgot John-John's parent/teacher conference at the Meadows Elementary School. She was cussing and swearing a lot. She was angry with her mother who didn't remind her about the parent/teacher conference. She was upset at me for drawing money out of our checking account to pay for my doctor's visit at Group Health.

The point is, a single event early in her day had set the mood and the tone for the entire remainder of her day. Fortunately, she relented and felt better before going to bed. It is an unwritten rule in our house that no one can go to bed angry or with tears in their eyes. There must be calm before bedtime. Whatever it takes - an apology, a confession, a word of praise, a hug, a joke… just so long as the person upset feels better before drifting off to sleep. I hope my family is always like this - even after I'm gone. Bad things happen. No one wants them to, they just happen. How we choose to react to those bad things makes all the difference in the world.

John R. Haws
November 8, 2001