What's Right is Right
by Christina Hazelwood
Everybody wants to be “right” and nobody wants to be “wrong.” Every individual is convinced that their viewpoint or behavior or beliefs or thinking process is “right,” while the other individual, who may have the exact opposite viewpoint or behavior or belief or thinking process, is “wrong.” Clearly this sets up a scenario of conflict, with each individual, each family, each group, each nation pitting themselves against each other in righteous defiance. Such conflicts can then erupt into battle and violence. The violence can be direct or indirect, physical or emotional, taking a toll on the psyche. Or it can simply create an impasse or gridlock, with each side digging in their heels, convinced of their “rightness” and no progress being made.

The trouble begins with us believing ourselves to be “right,” which Webster’s dictionary defines as: just, lawful, morally good, proper, correct, true. So if we define ourselves in those terms, then of course the other guy who has reached an opposite conclusion must then inherently be “wrong,” which Webster’s defines as: not right, not just, not lawful, not morally good, not proper, not correct and not true. So perhaps the real problem is in how we define ourselves. If we are neither right, nor wrong, then the other fellow is neither right nor wrong. He and we just are.

Perhaps we could redefine ourselves, our opinions, our viewpoints, our beliefs, our behaviors, our values, our lives, as that which is desirable and effective for us, at this point in time. This gives both, us and the other guy, room to breath, room to change, space in which to grow and develop. So that when we come across an individual or group who has the opposite or different opinions, viewpoints or beliefs, we no longer have to define them as “wrong,” but as in holding a particular position at a particular point in time. If there truly was a RIGHT and a WRONG for everything, then of course, since we all want to be “right,” we would all agree and everyone would be on the same side, the same team and there would never be any conflict, never any change or growth.

In reality, there is no right or wrong. There are only choices. Choices that must be made within the context of a particular situation for a particular individual or group. And because every individual is unique and every situation is unique, one choice does not fit all. What would be good for one individual in a particular situation would be a poor choice for a different individual in the exact same situation. So ultimately there is no pat “right” or “wrong” about anything. Rather there are degrees of effectiveness or desirability. There are effective beliefs, values, attitudes, viewpoints, that result in positive and desirable outcomes, or not. And within that, there are degrees of effectiveness or desirability.

Morals have change over the course of time. Values and what is considered “right” and proper has evolved and changed as humanity has evolved and changed. The purpose for the teachings of morality were to provide a set of guidelines to aid people in making effective choices for their lives. Morality and rightness are not a strict set of rules to be indiscriminately and slavishly adhered to. Morals were established as a touchstone, a reference point, a starting point that would help us to know ourselves better and make good choices. Morals and mores, were not created for the purpose of beating up on each other, determining to who is “right” and who is “wrong.”

By insisting that there is a “right” and a “wrong,” it allows us to avoid personal responsibility. It allows us to turn off our brains, disengage, avoid listening, validating and understanding. By determining in advance that these things are wrong and these things are right, we no longer have to listen to another person’s point of view. We can invalidate and discount them. We can predetermine that their thoughts and viewpoints, regardless of circumstance and individuality, are simply “wrong” and we are absolutely “right.” We can predetermine that our way is the “right” way. This creates a comfort zone in which we can convince ourselves that all our choices were and are correct and that the way we live, the way we are is the only way to be. And so therefore everyone else is “wrong.”

This way of looking at life and at our choices takes away the opportunity for growth. It prevents us from making better choices in the present and in the future, thereby improving our lives. By sticking to our program of “rightness” we can avoid change, avoid growth, avoid challenge. We can simply disengage from others, avoid interaction, close our eyes and ears to other viewpoints, other ways of being, other possibilities and live in our ivory tower of “rightness.” God forbid if we actually listened to someone else’s viewpoint and considered it valid. It might force us to take a look at our own choices and values, our own lives, our own mistakes. Oops. Did I say mistakes? I don’t mistakes. I’m always RIGHT, aren’t you?