Relationship Rights

by Christina Hazelwood
Recently I confronted someone about his repeated hostile acts against me and my repeated requests that he cease them, which came to no avail. I told him his behavior demonstrated bad character, requiring me to distance myself. He then became furious and said that I had no right to judge him. He induced guilt, calling me a judgmental person who claimed rights I did not have.

Then I watched a PBS documentary about the tree woman of Africa, Wangari Maathai, who won the 2004 Nobel Peace Prize for her environmental activism. She was eventually elected to Africa’s Parliament and was appointed Deputy Minister of Environment, Natural Resources and Wildlife. Born in Kenya, Dr. Maathai, first captured the attention of her nation when she lead mothers in a sit-in rebellion, demanding that then-President Daniel arap Moi release their sons, who were being held as political prisoners. Dr. Maathai suffered beatings and imprisonments when she demanded her rights in divorce court, as a mother, as a citizen of Moi’s government, and as a caretaker of the earth. Her demonstrations and education of African citizens about their rights and responsibilities marked her as "a mad woman" who threatened "the order and security of the country," according to Moi.

Then I thought of the beautiful, talented and articulate actress Halle Barry, who relayed in an interview why she divorced her adulterer husband and why it took her so long to do so, in spite of his philandering ways. Ms. Barry was home baby-sitting her husband’s daughter, who she later adopted, when he showed up around 2 a.m. She asked Eric Benet where he had been. Enraged, her husband told Ms. Barry she had no right to ask him where he had been as he was a grown man who could do as he pleased. Ms. Barry said she eventually grew to realize that, as his wife, she had every right to know where her husband had been and why he was showing up in the wee hours of the morning.

All this made me think about the Declaration of Independence, the U.S. Constitution and Bill of Rights. It made me reflect on the powerful words our forefathers wrote about the citizenry having "unalienable Rights." It caused me to contemplate what rights I actually have and where they came from. The declaration says our rights are "endowed" by our "Creator," the "Laws of Nature," and God. In actuality, I believe we have earned them, every single one of them.

When one enters into a relationship of any sort, whether with a mate, a friend, an employer, or a government, we inherently invest our life force energy into that relationship. By doing so, we earn the right to have knowledge about those things that affect us and about those things that result from the relationship and that are associated with it. We also earn the right to discern or "judge" whether or not those things are in our best interest. Because we are giving our life energy to it, we inherently earn the right to have an opinion about the relationship and all that occurs as a result of it and that is associated with it. The investment of our life essence to its existence, earns us the right to express our opinion about it and to express it directly to the individual or group with whom we have the relationship.

If we are paying a company to remove our garbage and that company then dumps it on someone else’s front lawn, we, as a customer, have the right to be made aware of it and the right, perhaps even the duty, to express our opinion about it. We also earn the right to demand that the behavior be changed.

If we are the person upon whose lawn the garbage is dumped we now have a relationship with that company and have earned the right to protest. If we are a neighbor who must observe and smell the garbage dumped on our neighbor’s front lawn, we now have rights because our life force energy has become involved. If the garbage company employs us, we have a relationship with it and therefore have the right to offer our opinion about it and to protest that act.

Because we are investing our life force energy in any relationship in which we become engaged, we have a right to know about the kind of activities that result from it, the right to express an opinion about it, to call for and demand change. We also gain the right to end that relationship because it is not in our best interest to continue the investment of our life force energy. Just as our country’s forefathers, as citizens of these now United States, chose to end their relationship with the King of England and the British government.

We have earned these rights as a result of the investment of our life force energy into them. We earn rights in a marital relationship, a friendship, in business and in our relationship with our government at the local, regional and national level and even as a member of the world community. Our rights are not "given" to us by God, or anyone else. We have earned them, because we have contributed our life force energy to their creation.

Associated Links

PBS Independent Lens Documentary

About Wangari Maathai on Wikipedia

Declaration of Independence
About actress Halley Barry