Boundaries - The Graceful Art of Saying “No”
When I first came across the concept of boundaries, I was amazed at how much it dramatically can change lives. I started relating to others in healthier ways and started standing up for myself and my beliefs and values.
Learning about Boundaries is like opening your eyes to a new reality. It becomes powerfully refreshing. Let me help you make your boundaries stronger so you can gracefully stand up for yourself.
So what are Boundaries?
Boundaries are personal property lines or lines in the sand we invisibly draw around ourselves for protection. They protect us physically, mentally, and emotionally. When our invisible boundary is crossed we experience a whole variety of emotions. Examples of boundaries are; words, actions, values, and beliefs. Our boundaries define who we are, what we stand for, and how we view our place in the world.
Some common boundaries are; “No one may disrespect me”, “Do not touch me without my permission”, “No one can tell me what to feel”, “I won’t tolerate belittling or put-downs”, and “I will not date a smoker”.
Building Better Boundaries
The first step to gaining better boundaries is to be aware of them. Notice next time you’re feeling strong emotions – was it something someone said or did? What exactly triggered this reaction? Did you just let them do or say something without any reply? Or did you try to say something but the words got stuck in your throat? What did they do or say that caused you to react?
After a while you will be able to see the triggers and clearly see what your biggest boundary issue is. Most people don’t realize when a boundary has been crossed until a long time after the event. But after taking a class on boundaries, reading the book, Boundaries or being coached to set a boundary they become adept at defining and defending their boundaries. But it takes work.
Scared? Does it feel selfish or petty? Setting boundaries is not selfish or petty. It’s taking care of yourself and asking for the respect and love you deserve from others. It gives them a chance to grow themselves too.
Knowing your boundaries and defending them can make a huge difference in your life.
No Boundaries; No Power
Check out a great resource for setting boundaries: Boundaries, by Henry Cloud and John Townsend, (1995) Zondervan Publishing House
Terry Lynn Humphrey LMFT
(978)245-2997 (603)771-2038