Bylaws

The text above represents the basic problem with lawyers. They have very little to say, and insist upon making it difficult to understand. Pay a fee and we'll explain it later.

Article 1 - Membership

1.1 - A prospective member may be sponsored by a current member in good standing. Said prospect will be a guest for one trip. As a guest, said prospect will perform the following duties:
 
1.1.1 - Wash dishes.

1.1.2 - Serve drinks and hors d'oeuvres to members in the hot tub.

1.1.3 - Not speak unless spoken to.

1.1.4 - Willingly participate in initiation activities (eyebrow shaving).

1.1.5 - Drive other members up the mountain to catch that virgin powder run. 


1.2 - Proposed guests are selected based upon satisfactory responses to the following questions. More than one incorrect answer and you're out.
 
1.2.1 - Who makes the best biscuits and gravy in the world?
a. Betty Crocker
b. Jerry Henderson
c. Aunt Jamima
 
1.2.2 - Who invented the SHMEAR turn, landing, and underwear stain?
a. Mark Smith
b. Scott Schmidt
c. MoRon Kelly
 
1.2.3 - When 12 Add A Man members want to go out on the town, who is in the greatest danger?
a. Any farm animals along the way
b. Anyone sitting downwind
c. Children under the age of 6
d. All of the above
 
1.2.4 - How many Add A Man members can ski Cubby's Chute in Alta without fear?
a. Only the three or four best skiers
b. About half of us
c. Most everyone
d. Everyone, it's part of the initiation
 
1.3 - Membership is for life, as long as you respond to the yearly inquiries. If you blow us off and ignore a mailing, may the fleas of a thousand camels infest your arm pits (unless you happen to like that feeling).

2.1 - Whining is not allowed.
 
2.1.1 - Exceptions to the no whine rule:
 
2.1.1.1 - Whine may be served during hot tub hours, 5:00PM til 9:30PM.

2.1.1.2 - Whining is permitted when negotiating reduced rates for any club activity.

2.1.1.3 - Whining is permitted when airline or car rental companies leave us stranded.

3.1 - All members are expected to coordinate and plan a trip, unless you're really stupid.

3.2 - Coordinators are chosen at the end of the previous years trip by vote of the majority. The coordinator is not allowed to campaign against their election.

3.3 - Trip coordinator responsibility: 


3.3.1 - Must be cheap.

3.3.2 - Must allow for half day skiing on travel days.

3.3.3 - Must have a hot tub available.

3.3.4 - Must stop in cultural mecca similar to Missoula, Montana on the return trip.

3.3.5 - Must put all accommodations in someone else's name.

3.3.6 - Must provide at least one day of powder skiing.  May the snow gods be with you.

4.1 - Cowboy Tex is not permitted to drive.

5.1 - Add A Man ski philosophy dictates complete emersion into skiing. If you want to go out to dinner, dance with girls, talk about work, etc., get lost!

5.2 - Add A Man members must live, eat, and sleep skiing. There is no gray area here, just gray hair (if you're lucky).

5.3 - The Dallas ski club has openings for any bootlicking, girlie mon, hot dog, fancy pants, loud mouthed skiers who have a problem with this philosophy. Remember, if God intended Texans to ski, he'd have made bullshit white.

5.4 - He who finishes with the most vertical, wins. We have the technology to measure this to within 10 feet.

5.5 - On powder days, it's every man for himself.

6.1 - Add A Man members are encouraged to freely and openly express themselves in this manner. Members are reminded that proper flatulence etiquette must be observed at all times.
 
6.1.1 - Flatulence on a chair lift is highly respected. Anyone who can clear a chair is a real Add A Man. Bonus points are awarded if said chair is greater than 50 feet above the ground at the time of said clearing.

6.1.2 - Never hold back flatulence in the always crowded ticket room at Alta. This sacred ground is worthy of your best.

6.1.3 - On mornings after Frick's chili, NOBODY EVER LIGHT A MATCH. 


6.2 - Credit is given for both volume and odor. 5 points are possible in each category, with an overall perfect 10 everyone's hope in life.

6.3 - Don't even think of out performing JR.

7.1 - The Add A Man Ski Club has committed to recent technology and adopted a club radio standard. The use of the radios is to allow constant communication between all members at critical times such as the following:
 
7.1.1 - Airport rental car and luggage team coordination.

7.1.2 - Restaurant waiting period analysis and reconnaissance team reporting.

7.1.3 - Establishing Brian's whereabouts.

7.1.4 - Communicating base lodge facilities from leading team members to those securing the car and the driver putting on his boots. (webmaster note: I have no idea what this means)

7.1.5 - Ordering drinks from Blue Run during the last run down.

7.1.6 - Communicating optimal run and air opportunities to fellow club members. 


7.2 - The new technology is any General Mobile Radio Service radio.  It is backward compatible with the first 7 channels of FRS, providing seamless integration with existing equipment while boosting the operating range to 5 miles. 

8.1 - The Add A Man club has no uniform, per se, but, certain colors are reserved.
 
8.1.1 - Flaps is the only member allowed to wear red.

8.1.2 - Yellow has been officially retired after Blowout quit wearing that butt ugly shell. 


8.2 - Color Rule exceptions.
 
8.2.1 - Face Plant can still wear his girlie mon yellow North Face suit, if he ever shows up again. He paid a lot of money for it.

9.1 - Liquor is an important part of any Add A Man trip.  Skiing is most important, but alcohol is a close second.  The majority of male bonding is done with a drink in hand.  From that first beer on the way into the mountains from the airport, to that beer in the parking lot after a great day of skiing.  From the first scotch in the hot tub, to chugging leftovers before getting on the plane to go home.  If we're not skiing, we're drinking.

9.2 - Hors d'oeuvres are even more important than the alcohol.  Picture this, an anchovy wrapped around a green olive sitting on a triscuit.  Or, an oyster and dijon mustard on a wheat thin. Or this; extra sharp cheese, summer sausage, minced garlic and dijon mustard on a ritz.  It's all good!  Hors d'oeuvres served in the hot tub, with cocktails.  Anything less would be uncivilized.

9.3 - Meals can be broken down into individual daily units, breakfast units and dinner units.  Units are interchangeable within their time of day category, with two exceptions.  First, it is considered proper etiquette to serve the spaghetti unit before the chili unit.  Better to add left over spaghetti to the chili than the other way around.   Second, leftovers are always last.  

9.3.1 - Dinner is a structured event, in spite of the fact that it immediately follows the cocktail hour.  Everybody eats together.  The success of dinner isn't measured by how quite everyone gets.  The success of the cocktail hour is measured by how loud everyone is.
 
9.3.1.1 - Spaghetti with garlic bread.  Tossed iceburg lettuce with tomatoes and green pepper.  Croutons and a choice of dressing.  Parmesan cheese.  Red wine.

9.3.1.2 - Marc's chili with cornbread.  Shredded chedder cheese garnish.  Beer.

9.3.1.3 - Steak, baked potato with butter and sour cream.  Tossed iceburg lettuce with tomatoes and green pepper.  Croutons and a choice of dressing.

9.3.1.4 - Leftovers. 


9.3.2 - Breakfast is a semi-smorgasbord.  Feeding times are staggared to accommodate the variety of sleep schedules and morning routines.  That's the thing about men our age, don't go messin' with our morning routine.  In addition to the unique daily offering, fruit, cereal, bagels and juice are always available.
 
9.3.2.1 - Pancakes and link sausage.  Imitation maple syrup and partially hydrogenated soybean oil (lube).

9.3.2.2 - French toast with syrup, lube and peanut butter.  Bacon and eggs.

9.3.2.3 - Jerry's biscuits and sausage gravy. It don't get no better than this.

9.3.2.4 - Clean out the refrigerator.  This may include leftover dinner units.  Yum!

9.4 - Procurement of said provisions will made easier with this printer friendly shopping list.  JR, I mean, the Provision Procurement Team (PPT), should obtain a copy of this form prior to departure.  The liquor inventory is listed in a separate, easy to tear off list, so that a Liquor Aquisition Unit (LAU) can be dispatched to expedite the completion of the shopping objective.