You might be driving a Hummer if...
...Other cars quickly scatter
out of the way when they see you in their rear-view.
...You don't measure fuel efficiency by miles per gallon, but rather gallons per
mile.
...Military personnel salute you as you drive by.
...It’s so large that a dropped wrench will slowly orbit around it.
...Even Kragen Auto can't supply you with wiper blade replacements.
...It weighs more than an RV.
...When you return from shopping, you find it has nose and handprints all over
the glass.
...Its brake disks are large enough to cook pizzas on.
...You can't reach far enough to slap the person sitting in the passenger seat.
...Police and highway patrol pull you over just to ask you questions about your
car.
...The cup holders appear to have been designed by Russian scientists for use on
the Mir Space Station.
...Transporting the service manual requires you to increase your tire pressure
due to the additional weight.
...An entire class period can be disrupted by simply driving it into the school
parking lot.
...The drive-thru lane at McDonalds is wider now than when you had entered.
...Complete strangers appear from nowhere and invite you on hunting trips.
...Annoyances like curbs, speed bumps and fire hydrants are no longer a
nuisance.
...You come to the conclusion that Miss Manners has done a lousy job based on
the number of people who point their fingers at you.
...Jeep owners avoid looking at you.
...The center console is larger than a Buick trunk.
...The glove box is smaller than a Toyota coin tray.
...Your left knee has a perpetual bruise on it from pressing against the window
control.
...Your wife refuses to drive it.
.... Your wife refuses to let you drive it.
...You now find khaki and camouflage clothing fashionable.
...Your two-car garage has become a one-car garage.
...You have 7 clever ways of replying to the question, "How much did it
cost?" without telling them how much it cost.
...You find that two "compact" parking places are better than one
standard parking place.
...You purchase a massive stereo amplification system just so you can hear the
stereo.
...It’s larger than your friend's apartment.
...The service manuals cost more than your first car did.
Some Days Are Diamonds
