The Power of Positive Coaching

Azriela Jaffe

I am a little league mom. What that means is that currently, every Monday and Wednesday evening I sit in the park on the bleachers and watch my eight-year-old son in baseball practice. Every Sunday afternoon, weather permitting, I'm watching him in a game. At the practices there are a few parents who relish the idea of free babysitting for an hour, so they drop off their kids and get something else done. I can't blame them—I know what it's like to be split in so many conflicting directions. Truthfully, the reason I'm there without fail is that my son asks me to be. Maybe most of the other young players don't care much if their parents are there, or even prefer them not to be. My son asks me to watch him, and I do, because I know all too well that in a few short years he'll have no interest in me watching him from the bleachers, or for that matter, he won't be playing baseball at all. So I watch batting practice, and catching practice, and running around the bases, and I've seen my share of little kids fumbling the ball and trying to get a hit.

My son is one of the lucky ones who got a great coach this year, accompanied by an assistant coach who also follows the same philosophy. Every time I'm on the bleachers watching the kids play, I think to myself, "Wow, this is a great way to parent, or to approach every relationship we're in. I wish I could do this as a mom and wife!" This is what I mean:

Let's just say, nicely, these 7 and 8 year-old kids aren't exactly star players. Mostly they are a bunch of little tikes just learning how to play baseball. A few of the kids can land a good hit some of the time, and every once in a while they catch the ball when it's hit to them, but when they do, they look surprised that they caught it. Mostly what I'm watching is a bunch of kids striking out, fumbling the ball, and from someone else's perspective, they could look like "losers."

You'd never know that from listening to their coach. Every word out of his mouth is a positive one. If a child is striking out, he comments on how improved their swing is. If they pop the ball up one foot in front of their head for a foul ball, he compliments them on connecting with the ball. He is consistently kind, gentle and encouraging, managing to find a way to put a positive spin on any child's behavior, even if it's striking out, or letting a home run happen because of a fumbled ball. His goal is to make sure that the kids are having fun, and feeling good about himself. If he cares about winning a game, it doesn't show. If his ego wants him to be the coach of the team in the finals, he doesn't let that drive him to come down hard on the kids. He's simply out there having a good time, and making the kids feel good about themselves for wherever they are, at whatever skill level they have. I'm astonished at the number of different ways he's come up with for complimenting a child for, according to someone else's perspective, screwing up. Seems like there are at least twenty different ways to make a child still feel good about striking out or dropping the ball.

Isn't this kind of sweet, gentle approach to our children what makes them flourish? Heck, isn't it what we all need as adults as well? Do we really need well-meaning friends and family to tell us how deficient we are, and how we should improve upon our losing behavior—to point out how we have "dropped the ball?" Aren't we better off moving through the world using our words for kindness and encouragement?

I'm glad that my son asked me to watch his practices, because not only am I given the treat of seeing my happy son out there doing his thing with joy and skill, but I am also reminded, at least three days a week, that my children, my husband, and certainly myself, deserve to be spoken to with at least the same measure of encouragement and appreciation as a little league baseball coach who doesn't even know my son. Thank you, coach, for reminding me to focus on the positive, and for showing me how you can always find something nice to say, if being kind and encouraging is your goal.

My Mother Kept a Garden

Author Unknown

My Mother kept a garden,
a garden of the heart,
She planted all the good things
that gave my life its start.

She turned me to the sunshine
and encouraged me to dream,
Fostering and nurturing
the seeds of self-esteem...

And when the winds and rain came,
she protected me enough—
But not too much because she knew
I'd need to stand up strong and tough.

Her constant good example
always taught me right from wrong—
Markers for my pathway
that will last a lifetime long.

I am my Mother's garden.
I am her legacy—
And I hope today she feels the love
reflected back from me.

Useful Tech Support

Author Unknown

Tech Support: Yes, how can I help you?

Customer: Well, after much consideration, I've decided to install Love. Can you guide me through the process?

Tech Support: Yes. I can help you. Are you ready to proceed?

Customer: Well, I'm not very technical, but I think I'm ready. What do I do first?

Tech Support: The first step is to open your Heart. Have you located your Heart?

Customer: Yes, but there are several other programs running now. Is it okay to install Love while they are running?

Tech Support: What programs are running?

Customer: Let's see, I have Past Hurt, Low Self-Esteem, Grudge, and Resentment running right now.

Tech Support: No problem, Love will gradually erase Past Hurt from your current operating system. It may remain in your permanent memory but it will no longer disrupt other programs. Love will eventually override Low Self-Esteem with a module of its own called High Self-Esteem. However, you have to completely turn off Grudge and Resentment. Those programs prevent Love from being properly installed. Can you turn those off ?

Customer: I don't know how to turn them off. Can you tell me how?

Tech Support: With pleasure. Go to your start menu and invoke Forgiveness. Do this as many times as necessary until Grudge and Resentment have been completely erased.

Customer: Okay, done! Love has started installing itself. Is that normal?

Tech Support: Yes, but remember that you have only the base program. You need to begin connecting to other Hearts in order to get the upgrades.

Customer: Oops! I have an error message already. It says, "Error—Program not run on external components." What should I do?

Tech Support: Don't worry. It means that the Love program is set up to run on Internal Hearts, but has not yet been run on your Heart. In non-technical terms, it simply means you have to Love yourself before you can Love others.

Customer: So, what should I do?

Tech Support: Pull down Self-Acceptance, then click on the following files: Forgive Self, Realize Your Worth, and Acknowledge your Limitations.

Customer: Okay, done.

Tech Support: Now, copy them to the "My Heart" directory. The system will overwrite any conflicting files and begin patching faulty programming. Also, you need to delete Verbose Self-Criticism from all directories and empty your Recycle Bin to make sure it is completely gone and never comes back.

Customer: Got it. Hey! My heart is filling up with new files. Smile is playing on my monitor and Peace and Contentment are copying themselves all over My Heart. Is this normal?

Tech Support: Sometimes. For others it takes awhile, but eventually everything gets it at the proper time. So Love is installed and running. One more thing before we hang up. Love is Freeware. Be sure to give it and its various modules to everyone you meet. They will in turn share it with others and return some cool modules back to you.

Customer: Thank you, God.

Lucky

Author Unknown

Mary and her husband Jim had a dog, Lucky. Lucky was a real character. Whenever Mary and Jim had company come for a weekend visit they would warn their friends to not leave their luggage open because Lucky would help himself to whatever struck his fancy. Inevitably, someone would forget and something would come up missing. Mary or Jim would go to Lucky's toy box in the basement and there the treasure would be, amid all of Lucky's favorite toys. Lucky always stashed his finds in his toy box and he was very particular that his toys stay in the box.

It happened that Mary found out she had breast cancer. Something told her she was going to die of this disease, she was just sure it was fatal. She scheduled the double mastectomy, fear riding her shoulders. The night before she was to go to the hospital she cuddled with Lucky. A thought struck her...what would happen to Lucky? Although the three-year-old dog liked Jim, he was Mary's dog through and through. If she should die, Lucky will be abandoned, Mary thought. He won't understand that I didn't want to leave him. The thought made her sadder than thinking of her own death.

The double mastectomy was harder on Mary than her doctors had anticipated and Mary was hospitalized for over two weeks. Jim took Lucky for his evening walk faithfully, but the little dog just drooped, whining and miserable. Finally the day came for Mary to leave the hospital. When she arrived home, Mary was so exhausted she couldn't even make it up the steps to her bedroom. Jim made his wife comfortable on the couch and left her to nap. Lucky stood watching Mary, but he didn't come to her when she called. It made Mary sad, but sleep soon overcame her and she dozed.

When Mary woke for a second she couldn't understand what was wrong. She couldn't move her head and her body felt heavy and hot. But panic soon gave way to laughter when Mary realized the problem. She was covered, literally blanketed, with every treasure Lucky owned! While she had slept, the sorrowing dog had made trip after trip to the basement bringing his beloved mistress all his favorite things in life. He had covered her with his love. Mary forgot about dying. Instead she and Lucky began living again, walking further and further together every night.

It's been 12 years now and Mary is still cancer-free. Lucky? He still steals treasures and stashes them in his toy box but Mary remains his greatest treasure.

Digging for Gold

©2006 Tony Masiello

When I was a young boy in Santa Cruz, California I used to help my Grandfather in the fields by his home. This was not his land but back in those days it was not unusual to barter with the neighbors to work it for them so he could grow the vegetables that he loved. He would then share them with the neighbor for payment. He grew corn, beans, peas, zucchini, cucumbers and garlic. And nobody could grow bigger dahlias than my Grandfather.

As I worked along side him he used to love to tell this story of a man named Giuseppe (Joe) and his wife who moved to a new farm with their three sons. They were settling into the new community when a nearby farmer told Joe that there was gold in the dirt of his new property. Joe took that statement as that there was actual gold in the land. He thought to himself, "I have three healthy sons, I'll tell them about it." Indeed he told his sons that there was gold to be found in their new property. Needless to say his sons actually took charge of their personal enterprise right on their own land. They had visions of what they would do when they found gold. Each son had a different vision. For as young as they were, they set up quite a professional approach in the digging for gold.

They began in one corner with a certain width and kept going until they got to the end. Once they got to the property line they would start another swath and go back in the other direction. They began to realize that digging for gold was fun! This procedure went on for about six months and they still weren't finished going through the whole property.

Meanwhile Joe thought he would plant some crops in the area where the dirt had been turned thoroughly. He planted corn, tomatoes, potatoes, and onions. His sons continued to dig through the soil, determined to find gold. As more dirt was available, Joe planted more crops. An interesting point here is that Joe had never farmed before but it had always been a dream of his to do so.

As each different crop became ready to be harvested Joe started to realize that there was more than he and his family could ever eat. One of Joe's neighbors suggested that he set up a vegetable stand. Joe and his wife did that very thing. They called it Joe and Family Vegetables. Joe even had to leave some crops on the ground because he had more than enough to meet the demands at the vegetable stand.

What were Joe's sons doing in the meantime? They were still working the land even after they had finished the entire parcel. They started once again in the original corner, working in the leftover plant material while they were still on their quest to find gold.

This process went on for years and Joe and his wife became quite wealthy from their little vegetable stand. They were even able to send their sons off to college simply because they wanted to find gold.

Remember at the beginning of the story when Joe was told by his new neighbor that there was gold in the land? Well, the truth is, Joe's understanding of the English language was less than perfect. His new neighbor friend actually told him that his land had rich soil. So you can see where the concept of gold came in.

Did Joe's sons become slaves to the digging? No, they were inspired because they had visions of what money could do for them and did not focus on the money itself.

Is there a way we can take this story to a higher level? Yes, the Universe provides us opportunity and sometimes dangles the carrot to inspire us. In essence, Joe's sons were inspired with the possibility of finding gold in the soil. Some of you I'm sure will draw your own meaning, but here is one to consider. Go out and pretend that there is gold in all your challenges and setbacks so that you can be inspired to motivate yourself to allow the Universe to provide all that you need and then some. The Universe will never give up on you, if you never give up on yourself.

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