Believe it or not, it has been hard to find good martial arts jokes. I have put some of
the martial arts humor that seems at least mildly funny below, with some links to other
sites in case you want to see what I didn't include. But it would be great if you
could send in any martial arts jokes you know, or could make some up. Send them to girlsinkarate.
A funny photo from Becky Q.
It gets harder and harder to keep Anna under control! ;-)
(Again, thanks to Becky Q.)
Jokes
Q: Why did the Karate Girl cross the road?
A: To break the board on the other side.
Q: What did the Zen master say to the hot dog vendor?
A: Make me one with everything!
Q: What is "de ja fu"?
A: The feeling that somewhere, somehow you've been kicked in the head like this
before.
Q: How many Karate people does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: Three! One to hold the lightbulb. A Sensei to teach
technique. And one to come "with empty hands."
The following are adapted from the Judo Jokes site (judoinfo.com/humor.htm):
Q: Why are the Olympics qualifiers in Karate so hot?
A: Because there's hardly a fan in the place.
A girl walks into a smoothy bar with a dog. The chef says, "You can't bring
that dog in here."
"You don't understand," says the girl. "This is no regular dog, she
can talk."
"Listen," says the chef. "If that dog can talk, I'll give you a
hundred bucks."
The girl puts the dog on a stool, and asks her, "What's on top of a house?"
"Roof!"
"Right. And what's on the outside of a tree?"
"Bark!"
"And what kind of a sport is Karate?"
"Rough!"
"I guess you've heard enough," says the girl. "I'll take the hundred
in twenties."
The chef is furious. "Listen," the chef says, "get out of here before
I belt you."
As soon as they're on the street, the dog turns to the girl and says, "Do you think I
should have said 'gentle'?"
There were two women who continued to compete in Karate tournaments well past their
prime. One day, while relaxing after yet another competition, they were chatting and
wondering if there was Karate in Heaven and made a pact that whoever passed away first
would come back and let the other know. About a week later, one of the women passed
away. About a month after that the surviving woman was at yet another competition
when all of a sudden she saw a ghost. Sure enough, it was her old friend who had
come back to see her. "Well, please tell me," asked the surviving
woman. "Are there Karate competitions in Heaven?" "I have good
news and bad news for you," replied the ghost to her old Karate friend.
"The good news is that, yes, there are Karate competitions in Heaven. The bad
news is that your first match is against a Shaolin Sensei day after tomorrow."
(Adapted from a judo joke by Brian Lamarre)
A Karate competitor, a Karate coach and a referee were all about to be executed by
firing squad. They had heard that the executioners were scared of natural
objects. The first day the Karate competitor was placed in front of the firing
squad. At the last moment she yelled out "WATER!" and they all ran
away. The next day the Sensei was brought to the firing squad but she yelled out
"WIND!" and they all ran away again. The next day it was the referee's
turn. Knowing that it worked for the other two, he yelled "FIRE!" ...and
they shot him.
Helga's mom brought her to her first Karate competition. Noting that the
organizers seemed a little shorthanded she approached the table. "Good
morning," she said to the Director, "you look a little shorthanded.
Anything I can do to help?" "Well it just so happens we're short a
fighter for the under 90 kg division," the director replied. "Sorry,"
Helga's mom said, "I don't know a thing about Karate." "That's
OK" said the director. "We need referees, too."
Stories, Etc.
Adapted from Ghostwheel's Top Ten Signs you're in a McDojo
10. Your instructor has a Grandmaster's Certificate. In Crayon.
9. The Senior Assistant Instructor is a 4-year-old black belt.
8. The sign in the window says the school trains in more than 10 martial arts.
7. It specializes in a Scandinavian Martial Art.
6. Your instructor tries to sell you Amway products.
5. While examining the school's tournament trophies, you find 3 for spelling bees.
4. Reading the contract for the school is considered a kata (and a long one at that).
3. No one sweats.
2. While at a tournament, your opponent finds out who your teacher is and high-fives
her teacher.
1. When paying for your belt examinations, the instructor asks: "Do you want fries
with that?"
