LIFE LINE

I remember, that when I have appeared in this world, the pleasure was the main feeling, strangely enough. Around so it is interesting! We However, lived though and almost in the centre of Moscow, but not to tell, that in paradise. Municipal apartment in the old house – eight rooms, as much families, - an oven, cold water which quite often froze in the winter, on kitchen cockroaches, in a room bugs and other, other. I do not remember mum, she constantly was ill, has died in hospital when to me it was not executed also six. The father was at the front and when has returned, was lost in accident when to me was eleven. All relatives died successively. Lived with the grandmother and the cousin who was more senior me for ten years. And then and the grandmother has died.
In the childhood and a youth I have had been ill almost with all illnesses which are, but at school, the truth, studied well. And 8th class has fallen in love with the first beauty of "female" school - then there was «a separate training». The beauty answered me as though with reciprocity, but I even to kiss her have not dared never. Though in a class children respected me, even have chosen the head, but I considered, that is badly dressed, ugly, and the orphan. The complexes then and has not managed to overcome, but has started to keep a diary. There was nobody because frankly to share the experiences.
All also has begun with my diary. I wrote fairly as saw and felt, I shared the most secret with pages of writing-books, thereby trying and to understand, comprehend, and «to stop an instant», then to have possibility to re-read and – to go through all again! And when re-read, saw: it turns out … Sometimes even slightly similar on lines from the most favourite books, the most liked my writers. And them was much – I very much liked to read …
And, perhaps, then, in the eighth class of school, having fallen in love and having started to write the diary, re-reading it, I have solved: I will become the writer!
School has finished with the Gold medal and has arrived on physical faculty of the Moscow university because already then understood: the writer in our country to be very difficult – and it is necessary to have just in case still any trade. And the physics too very much liked me.
Nevertheless, I have studied at university only two courses, and from the third have decided to leave, because have understood: first, it is necessary to choose nevertheless either physics, or writing as both that, and another demands many time and concentration. And secondly, visiting employment, reading newspapers, listening to radio, I have understood also that to freely me all the same will not allow to be engaged in physics in the Soviet country – will force to do any bomb or other weapon not on pleasure to people and to support the absolute power of our next Secretary general and its retinue - the Political bureau …
So I have left from 3rd course of the Moscow State University and have rushed to learn a life – went on hunting and fishing, worked at different jobs, met many people, travelled, read many books and tried to understand something about a life. The main thought constantly disturbed: why people live so badly, boringly and why so say lies much? Think one, speak another, and do in general the third! And all time something are afraid. However, I and itself was afraid of much, therefore have managed to overcome the hateful chastity, in particular, only in 23 years old. Then I have understood, that it is necessary to study and to IT too.
To write the present story, the story or the novel very difficultly if you wish not to imitate someone, and to make it in own way. Moreover to invent and not to say lies nothing. And to say lies and invent, as very many writers, I did not want. The life always seemed to me more interestingly, than any inventions. Therefore I could not write the story in any way – all only a diary and a diary. And at the story or should lead to be a certain composition – an outset, a plot, a culmination, an outcome …
And more a problem: the Soviet magazines printed mainly «industrial subjects» and if it is simple about people it is obligatory with «a communist party or Komsomol role». Even about the nature managed to write with any party sight. That is that it necessarily benefited for a socialist economy. But I did not believe, what is it it is interesting to writers, I suspected, that those who writes about it, like actually another. The problem tormented: how to me to formulate at least in the story all what I feel and I think? That those who will read, have felt, as I, and to me have believed …
At last, has tried to describe simply at least one of the trips on fishing – fairly, diligently as saw and felt. Has named so - «the Winter fairy tale». Because it was really similar to a fairy tale! Night in a rural log hut, a way early in the morning on snow-covered wood, sunrise, open space of the frozen water basin … And thoughts that there, in water, under a thick ice layer, probably, the magic world where fishes … And a mysterious window lunki float, and the first perches with ruby, burning in beams of the sun fins … And then a bright huge sunny day under the cleanest cloudless sky. The present fairy tale!
After that has decided to describe a small summer trip with friends on a summer residence to one of friends. With me there was a girl who very much liked me, but from it meanwhile anything serious it was impossible to us, and there were continuous innuendoes from both parties, the hints, the latent desires, whims. For something we have once again taken offence against each other, and on any children's intuition I have run on the ravine which has densely grown with a bush - and leaves ironed and beat me on the person – as if wished to tell to me something … And all trip, and then and provozhanie girls home, and a kiss under leaves of a tree at its house were as one sweet, pressing I smother a song … And I have named this small story - "Leaves".
Then – again about a trip to the beginning of summer on fishing in loneliness under the dazzling sun by a boat, with disembarkation to small island, with bathing by naked child, with penem birds … Has named - «the Smell of birches» …
And the most-very first rasskazik at me was called "Siskin" - how in the childhood I held houses of a siskin, it flied on a room, had a seat to me on a hand when I called him, spent the night in a cage. And then I it, not wishing that, by absent-mindedness, have betrayed, in time not having poured water in a cup, not having fed. It has departed from me, and I very much worried …
I already veins one – at sister was for a long time the husband and two children. Certainly, they, as well as all my acquaintances, have apprehended my leaving from university as something extremely silly and not clear – me after all after school designated in "Soviet Lomonosovy". And that I have decided to become the writer though in one magazine at me it has been printed nothing, and for the sake of it has left the best high school of the country, it seemed symptom of sincere illness all almost. I them, certainly, understood and even regretted, because they and have not understood anything.
From books to me especially liked then Jack Londona's novel "Martin Eden" - about the seaman who adored a life, has decided to become the writer and became them. The End in the book was tragic – become well-known the writer Martin Eden has decided to commit suicide, because, despite the glory, and remained not understood by the fellow tribesmen. But I have been assured, that such end does not threaten me – first, fellow tribesmen certainly will understand me, and secondly, Martin's error was that it was the American and gave too great value to the Yellow Devil, that is money.
rasskaziki the I altered the first many times, achieving that each word was exact that in the text there was a rhythm and music. Already then has understood, that in the present prose it not less, and can be and it is more important, than in poetry. Then, years later, has read about the same at one of my most liked writers – Ivan Alekseevicha Bunin, and at that time about which now I write, its books at us have been forbidden.
At last, I have started to dispatch and carry the rasskaziki on magazines – as in due time Martin Eden. And in the same way, as to Martin Eden, them to me invariably returned … Certainly, I understood editors: what fishing, what experiences with girls, what on a smell of birches! The country, whether understand, builds socialism in a capitalist environment, I achieve labour productivity increase under Party guidance, and here with purely children's experiences! So reviewers also wrote, returning to me my gained creations, not refusing, however, in reserved compliments concerning "literary language".
But I already then began to understand, that the majority of people, especially that pompously speak about the politician, the people blessing, service to high ideals moreover and idolise the leaders, actually literally and do not leave a condition of children's feebleness and nerazumija. Children actually they, instead of I! Only children bad because the present life remains unknown to them – they do not become neither men, nor women, neither fathers, nor mothers though create families and give birth to new children to whom not in a condition to give though a little useful knowledge of a life. And the poor chain of the souls lasts, not managed to learn, feel, estimate this world. Becoming as if adults, all of them equally play children's games on a theme, who pervee, who more abruptly who has more than cubes, kulichikov, small houses, rags, machines and live dolls man's or a feminine gender, that is sonnies and daughters. And the huge, polyphonic, polichromatic world and remains unknown, not learnt, not experienced by them. And that pleasure what it can give to each being on the Earth, and remains almost not claimed. Why they just also suffer …
All my feelings, all mine let not so big, but sincere life experience and – all my liked books! – constantly confirmed: my liked writers and I, instead of those who «attacks a throat to own song» as wrote Majakovsky are right. Which, alas, too has terminated badly. It is impossible to sell itself to anybody, in no event it is impossible to change to itself, for any material benefits, what seductive they seemed – I affirmed as it all more accurately! Sincere, pure pleasure of a life – here the most important value! If the pleasure is not present, what for all the rest?
So, to me it was executed already 24, and I have written and have definitively finished only a little small rasskazikov, any of which and has not been published. Once in the newspaper I have read, that Creative competition at Literary institute of a name of A.M.Gorkogo is declared. And what if to send and there my "creations"? You never can tell! Has sent. And, to great surprise, in three months has received the notice, that creative competition my first stories have passed! But to go on interview and to pass examinations did not become. Judging by that atmosphere, that still reigned in the country, I understood: in spite of the fact that creative competition my stories have passed, me will learn all the same at institute to be correct first of all not to the literature, and Communist party of Soviet Union and its leaders.
However the next year again has sent stories on competition and has again received the victorious notice. This time has decided to go on interview and to pass examinations – first, interestingly, and secondly, let nevertheless there will be at me a diploma about higher education. It named then – "float" …
And … has arrived. As I was the Muscovite and a hostel did not require, me, as well as all other Muscovites, have enlisted on the first course of correspondence branch. Study consisted that we wrote course jobs on each subject, received offsets, and in the spring to us gave paid holiday in a job place for forty days in which we listened to lectures and passed examinations. Within all academic year we were going to on Tuesdays on so-called creative seminars, on each of which one of us read the new compositions, and all discussed them.
And the first discussion of my stories at a seminar poverglo me in a true shock. Students – same, in effect, beginning writers as I, - expressed about my "thoughtless" rasskazikah in the same way as reviewers and editors in the Soviet magazines! That supposedly they «about what», what is it all is frivolous", that« them nobody will print »… the Same the wife of the famous Soviet writer Alexander Fadeeva – Valery Anatolevna Gerasimov spoke and rukovoditelnitsa our seminar. How it« about what »how it is frivolous"?! – I was indignant. My stories – about the main thing! About for the sake of what only also it is necessary to live – about beauty, about love, about pleasure of a life! And you for the sake of what live, students my dear and the teacher?! I am not going to always to write only about fishing and girls, but to begin with it I consider necessary because it that I know well and is the truth! To put it briefly, I have been so shaken and disappointed, that have seriously thought of that from Litinstituta to leave. But here I was come to mind by interesting thought: and how then there have passed creative competition my "thoughtless" stories? After all forty persons for one place applied at this competition! And my stories not only have passed, but on interview zavkafedroj creativity with special liking looked at me and smiled … As so?!
And I have gone on chair of creativity and have asked to show the secretary to me selection committee responses on the sent stories. As an exception it has shown them. A response was two. Both sharply positive. Words from one me were remembered for all life: «that this person has the right to be student Litinstituta, each paragraph from its stories testifies. I – FOR!» This response has been signed Managing creativity chair. Well and well. At a seminar I after all read stories same most! How to be?
At me by then, except stories, the small story – too about fishing from under ice, more precisely, about the magic spring nature, about air, the sky and the sun, about boundless open spaces of the Universe has already been written, about simple rural people, fans of a life and subglacial fishing … it Was called simply: «On Rybinsk the sea». I have solved: I will send it on creativity chair by mail. Will pass me of Valery Anatolevna «on creativity» - I will remain at institute and I will increase «nosorozhju a skin» to suffer any "discussions". Will not put – I will leave. And it is more in the first semestre at creative seminars was never. Has put.
I so have in detail told about the beginning of the of "a literary life» that the subsequent was clear. Because all proceeded absolutely as, only scales others. I considered, that I write the truth and about the main thing, and on whom depended to publish it or not to publish, considered, that all at me is thoughtless, frivolous, naive …
The quantity of my stories gradually grew, began to appear and to lead, I still sent and carried them in magazines, newspapers, but anywhere printed nothing. Even in spite of the fact that I nevertheless was now the student of Literary institute who was considered unique and the best as "creative high school» in the world. Stories sometimes praised, but all the same did not print …
Time, however, gradually varied. Even One day of Ivan Denisovicha »Solzhenitsyna, and then and more two its stories has been published«. And I, being the student-zaochnikom, worked during same time at automobile factory. And once has decided to write the story not on the habitual themes – about the nature and girls, - and on a theme "industrial", about the worker who "has regretted" the rejected motor and instead of sending in a meltdown, has debugged it as follows, having made quite high-grade. After all people worked on the motor as it is possible not to respect their work! Through this "industrial" plot I all the same spoke about the: about love to a life and to the live. The motor for my hero, the experienced worker, too as if a live being – with the character, a habit, a voice … Still speech was about respect for all in this world, that the main thing nevertheless not "industrial" faceless "plan", and – human warmth, care, love. Without it, the last, nothing has sense. I have named the "industrial" story so: "Foundling".
And, of course, has there and then sent it in some magazines. Including in «the new world», the best, it is possible even to tell, legendary magazine of that time, under the guidance of A.T.Tvardovskogo. After all there have printed A.I.Solzhenitsyna! From everywhere me this story have returned. Though it and "industrial", and very "gloomy" - so wrote and spoke. And anything in him is not present about a good role of communist party and about great successes of socialism in our country. To Tvardovsky in «the New world» it has not reached – litsotrudnik I have turned it to me immediately though has validly concerned that fact, that student Litinstituta.
That have returned the story from other magazines, to me was clear. But «the New world»! Cannot such be, that it there have not estimated! And I have carried it in second time there. Fortunately that litsotrudnik there any more did not work, the story has got to other person – the woman, - and … the Way through an editorial board and the editor was long enough, but has come to an end that have published my "Foundling"! In the best, most serious magazine of that time! After many years of full my boycott! Each student Litinstituta, each teacher dreamt to be published in «the New world». And at me, imagine, it has turned out! And reviews in a press were excellent!
But on it my successes have ended. Tvardovsky with the «the New world» entered into disgrace, as well as Solzhenitsyn, and my success has appeared exclusively success among readers, but in any way among editors and publishers. Boycott proceeded …
I, certainly, continued to write in own way, any CPSU did not enter, open-cast mines in literary circles to do was not going to, in parties of colleagues did not participate, but – veins! Travelled on woods and fields, has started to be engaged in a photo, comprehended a science of love with charming girlfriends, was engaged in sports exercises, not strengthening the health, and in effect creating it, overcoming detsko-youthful morbidity and a bad heredity. And earned for a life an independent photo in kindergartens that was considered those years as activity almost criminal as I in any state organisation did not consist. My photos liked, parents with all the heart thanked, teachers collected money and fairly gave to me …
I wrote and improved the stories persistently. Also sent. But still anywhere anything – me "sent" too. With dissidents I have put had no and not tusovalsja. At all because something was afraid. And simply saw: their majority in the same way as writers vulgarly Soviet, profess values not vital, not in what I believe. Think of career, about material, are too keen on the West. It seemed to me, that their majority is mainly primitive contra. Not pro something truly the present, and is elementary against Soviet. Not the nature, not love to near, not kindly, sympathy, pleasure of existence involve them, not immemorial human moral values, and - desire of self-affirmation by all means, irrespective of others, aspiration in indispensable, purely personal well-being. I understood, that my compositions for them too "thoughtless", "children's" and «about what».
As experiment I have decided to write «an industrial detective» on a plot which to me was prompted by my friend, the husband of sister. Has written it quickly, has carried in «the New world». There it has got to litsotrudnitse which read it … One and a half year! Yes, all postponed and postponed, referring to terrible employment though I after all was already «their author» … For these one and a half year the story washing has visited several other "thick" magazines, whence it returned with a crash, accusing me in "antisovetchine" - in it after all it was a question of a revision committee which chairman has risen against general cowardly lie and has decided to tell the truth …
At last, litsotrudnitsa from «the New world» has read - has estimated, has given "above", on an editorial board, it was estimated by everything, including the Tvardovsky which has given OK and has compared me already with Saltykovym-ShChedrinym! But …
Time has been missed - the Prague spring has begun, censorship has become tougher, and censors of the Central Committee have pulled out mine «an industrial detective» from already typed number. And about him, by the way, hearings already went, and to me directors of the best Moscow theatres – Satires, "Contemporary", theatre of Mossoveta, - and also film studios Lenfilm have already addressed. They waited for an exit to lead, immediately to put and picturize it … But censorship has not passed – and all has immediately decayed. If litsotrudnitsa has read it at least a year earlier! Alas …
Yes, my personal «the literary detective» proceeded. Interestingly, only very slowly. "Foundling" left in «the New world» in 1965 year. And following my publication has taken place only in 1971 … And that it was not the story, not the story, and small article in popular scientific magazine "Knowledge-force" - how I photograph small beings of the live world – butterflies, spiders, snails, bumblebees, bugs – in «grass jungle». And the beginnings – in the city Moscow court yard … Article was pleasant, photos too, my articles on the same theme began to leave both in it, and in other magazines, too with photos.
But the main stories to lead, even already and the novel, laid dead cargo. Almost to all who read them, they liked, some even very much. But did not print anywhere.
And my free life proceeded! Free, despite of everything! After the termination of Literary institute me as one of the best students, have directed on the Central TV as "editor-methodologist". There I have worked only half a year, having left "at own will" because unequal and senseless struggle against the heads and censors took away too much time and forces, not giving me possibilities to be engaged in the main business.
But … But I, for example, some times capitally travelled on a bicycle – both on automobile, and on country roads, spending the night at local residents in log huts and on mows, observed, enjoyed, rejoiced lives and - learnt it! The third under the bill travel lasting many days was together with the friend: I have departed by the plane to it to Magadan where it worked as the trainer after the termination of Sports institute in Moscow, from Magadan we have floated by the ship to a Far East Find, there have sat down on bicycles and rolled already to Novosibirsk, passing Primorski Krai, Pribaikalye, Baikal, Irkutsk, Krasnoyarsk, Kemerovo … Two months went, stopping on a lodging for the night, besides, at local residents. Naturally, there were also adventures … We – lived! … a little lasting many days I conducted-travel have done one. And about the very first, fortnight, has quickly written the story – it has appeared, what is it there were one of the happiest days of my life! The story and has named: "Travel" …
Well and, of course, girls. CHudesnejshaja from sciences though and not without serious difficulties, it is final … Certainly, stories to lead and even the novel – in this connection … And a photo. Charming girls and other miracles of the nature. Certainly, also friends, acquaintances and, certainly, books, books, books.
It is important to add: in the described years, then anybody financially did not help me, I lived absolutely independently, money earned itself, did not steal and was not engaged in swindle. As to a photo in kindergartens I considered that I do pleasant to people, concerned the job honesty, brought nobody, did not deceive, did not overestimate the price. All was on voluntariness bases from different directions. If so our "legislative" officials arrived! Even I did not enter the CPSU, though me strenuously invited, promising, that my literary destiny will strongly be facilitated … But, having entered, I after all should observe unconditionally «a party line» and constantly say lies! And I am far not always with "line" of this agreed …
Here it is possible to tell: everyone cannot live so! Certainly. I also do not urge to live so. Only it is assured, that each person has the right to live and arrive how he considers it necessary also correct, instead of the government, Party and different big chiefs. And everyone also has the right to be engaged in liked business, to like that is pleasant, to get or not to get a family – to arrive how it wants. All in hands of everyone, and everyone has the right to make the choice. Nobody has the rights to make a choice for the person. Otherwise it will be not the free person at all, and the slave.
I too did not deceive girls, did not powder brains, did not promise to marry - so to enter with me in close relations or not to enter was their free choice. I even did not do expensive gifts and never any of the girlfriends drove in restaurant because at me it was not simple on it of money. But I with pleasure photographed them, because as it is already told, adored female beauty. And girls – in spite of the fact that there was Soviet time when sex at us, as is known, "was not", and any images of the bared female body were considered as a pornography for which could plant, - girls willingly allowed me everything, without fears and without any payment, except, naturally, love, respect and gratitude sincere. I say it at all as boasting and as the proof of that for achievement of the purposes is completely not obligatory to be the buyer, the rascal and the liar.
Every year I was convinced again, that the majority of people lives poorly, sadly, sadly not on someone's, and on the fault – because do not believe itself, to the feelings, conscience, reason, submit to different nonsenses with which those who or and has not understood anything about a life pump up them, or deceives them in own interests. It is necessary to tell, explain it to people, to help them to live, whenever possible, interestingly, joyfully in this difficult, but the perfect, mysterious world to help not to give in to violence and despair – so I considered. For this purpose after all completely not necessarily the outstanding career and many money is necessary. For this purpose it is enough to be only correct to itself, to appreciate that is valuable actually, to arrive on conscience, not to deceive others and, to try to help another and, of course, to work. Well, and to think the head is the most important thing.
In the beginning of 71st year at Allied level the Meeting of young writers on which I have been sent from magazine «New world» though after "Foundling" there it has not been published anything from my things has been organised. One of the best writers of that time Jury Valentinovich Trifonov was the head of a seminar to whom I have got. He has read the manuscript of my "Travel" and recommended it in publishing house «Soviet Russia». Editor Valentine Mihajlovna Kurganova has invited me in publishing house and asked to bring all manuscripts. I have brought almost everything, and she has chosen a little for the small book. Censorship will slip hardly as she has told, however it managed to find two rather dear reviewers, and the foreword was written by Jury Valentinovich Trifonov.
And left in three years – in the end of 1974 – my first book "Leaves". The things written both five, and eight, and fifteen years ago … It have entered Into it has received excellent reviews in a press from the most dear literary figures of that time – not vlastimushchih, namely respected. In connection with it me out of turn also have unanimously accepted in the Union of the Soviet writers about what even «the Literary newspaper» has written. Though turns on reception then have been stretched for years, and at those whom accepted, there were, as a rule, some books.
There is nothing to brag, of course, considering years and years but also to complain there is nothing! The Book was RATHER MINE, in the best sense of this word! I did not serve chiefs, was not humiliated before anybody, did not follow the tastes of anybody. I arrived in own way, wrote, that wanted, and with huge work, with the big delay, but – have won!
However … However all has stopped again. Manuscripts as which I considered as the best including the novel written already in 1965 year, still laid in a table. Also there have passed 14 years since my stories have passed creative competition in Litinstitute …
The following small book containing one small story «Rostov elegy», could leave in a year in the same publishing house, however has been cut"by the reviewer any more for the reason of" a political sharpness », and for reasons"moral". For I, according to the reviewer, have dared to concern floor questions too thoughtlessly. It has surprised me extremely because anything such in the story was not and in pomine. However the barrier has been put it. Running forward, I will tell, that this story taki has been published, and in one of the popular magazines of times of"reorganisation"-"Banner". However, in 11 years after the described events and through 13 after a writing … It not only has received magnificent responses, but also"has cleared the way"for the most known subsequently from my publications, to lead"Pyramid".
Second my book - "the Moon over desert" - left only in six years after the first – in 1980 year, - and the main manuscripts and not the novel, and - the description of expedition to Central Asia have been published in it again not. There was it in publishing house «Children's literature» and that not normal by and after managing department Jury Trifonov revolted with has called that the manuscript to me was returned, in spite of the fact that «internal reviews» of it were excellent. Manuscript return redaktorsha has explained that the plan at them ostensibly the next years is filled, and therefore let I will come to them of year through three-four. And the manuscript has been written already several years ago … I has shared the sad information with Jury Valentinovichem. After its call the place in the plan all the same was … Here any more Central Committee censorship interfered, and something another. As well as in many subsequent cases.
All still somehow could be understood it, having referred to a free competition if it really was. If we had rich literature, and my manuscripts – as well as manuscripts of other writers with similar destiny – would be weaker than others. But it not so. "Not Criminal" manuscripts - not only mine – laid in tables, but books of literary and party chiefs, and also those who pushed in any "left" image or «» - that in other publishing houses they pushed it left in huge, many thousands and million circulations immediately, - or is simple for a corresponding bribe. And after all business consisted not only in glory, and – in fees which depended on circulation … About the literature actually the few thought very much and very much. And precisely same occurred to the inventions, many discoveries, pictures of artists, pieces of music …
Years, years and years … Here that were done by officials and dishonourable people who with a considerable kind broadcast about «to struggle for the Light Future» - they stole from us the LIFE! They lived happily, they did not need to wait the Light future - they already lived in him! Though I doubt, that their life was light. More likely, on the contrary. Conscience for a while to deceive it is possible. But eventually it the all the same takes. As proves to be true constantly …
In 1975 year I have sent the letter to «the Literary newspaper» concerning one of its publications. The invitation in edition and business trip to Turkmenia in connection with action of proceeding was result. I have written the documentary story how good people self-denyingly struggled for justice and have managed to rescue the innocent person from a death penalty. The story has met with the higher approval from sent me in business trip of the head of department of letters of Z.A.Rumera which has compared me already to the noblest Russian publicist V.G.Korolenko. However the manuscript "have cut". It not somebody Also has cut, and the famous Soviet publicist-truth lover A.Vaksberg who has fairly told Rumeru, that the story good, but he does not want its occurrence in so popular newspaper where with such work he has made the way, A.Vaksberg and where its own sketches and articles are widely printed. Here too all has decayed.
Once – already in 1976 - I was waited by an unexpected surprise. In a corridor of our old communal flat phone call was distributed – the employee of the greatest and terrible newspaper of those times, body of the Central Committee of the CPSU, - "Truths" called! He read my book "Leaves", it very much was pleasant to it, and he wishes to send me somewhere to business trip! It was truly amazing – I after all was not neither a member of the CPSU, nor the author something especially Soviet! It was explained simply: decent people meet everywhere, even at times in body of the Central Committee of the CPSU. To tell in detail not I will, but I nevertheless have gone to business trip, a sketch about good people, kombajnerah, have written, and it has been published! The fee scanty, but … the Relation to me has suddenly changed sharply. Speech about has come even to give one-room apartment from the Union of Writers! Even a little my small rasskazikov have printed immediately in "thick" magazines! To two of them published in magazine "October" there was a case simply comical. On Plenum of the Union of Writers the editor-in-chief of "October" from a tribune has declared, that they «have opened perfect Russian writer». Also has named my surname! And rasskaziki were – the very first, that have passed once creative competition in Litinstitute and "were discussed" at a creative seminar. I have written them NINETEEN YEARS ago. However, should tell, that as me in "October" have opened – and have closed. More anything in this magazine from my manuscripts and have not printed … Probably because in "Truth" has appeared two more mine of a sketch, to co-operate with Body of the Central Committee of the CPSU I any more did not become, though to me and offered. So …
To tell about everything, that occurred, it is possible very much and very long. About the literary destiny, actually, I have already written the book – it is called «… For do not know, that create». About further here I will write whenever possible absolutely shortly.
For all "Soviet" period at me has come out only eight books, not considering ten absolutely small – for children (publishing house "Kid"). From eight only three books of the present prose – to lead and stories, - other five about expeditions and photographing of miracles of the nature close up. Any of eight books and any of several tens publications in magazines and newspapers did not leave simply, without any overlays – that petty tyranny of censorship, war to the death with the editor literary or the editor-in-chief, with the editor art either because of a breadboard model, or that slides my "narrow", that is not on a wide, "professional" film the book leaves on an awful paper and with ugly polygraphic quality – so excellent, at times unique, having not only art, but also scientific value of a photo are looked disgustingly … Interestingly that the main obstacles were nevertheless not from censorship. And from correct attendants of system – editors, officials of different level, - and also from prohindeev and bunglers …
In 1987, at the height of "reorganisation", in one of the most popular and "sharp" magazines of that time – "Banner" - left my "Pyramid", the story about the story – about that which have cut in the Literary newspaper 11 years ago. I have told all history – and as made a business trip as wrote the documentary story, meeting its heroes as tried to publish it and as from this it has turned out nothing, but its main hero who fearlessly struggled for the truth … "Pyramid", alas, has suffered is a peaked social system, when "above" one or the several untouchable, and "below" - all other, obedient and silent. Yes, this story left in two issues and has called huge, unprecedented as to me have told, a stream of sympathetic reader's letters. It has occupied one of the uppermost lines in «a rating of reader's interest». To me endlessly called, invited to performances, there came correspondents, including foreign, but in a press "Pyramid" have tightly become silent … Reviews did not print, films with my performances did not start up in an aether, and one, television, even have arrested. All history of occurrence to lead in the press and the subsequent events were so interesting, that I almost have there and then started to write continuation – «Пирамиду-2», - in which have switched on some tens the most expressive letters and the histories, told to me readers. It has been written quickly enough, but … This "hang up about" to lead about the story "it is not published till now.
When there was in 1991 year a Yeltsin revolution, the CPSU has stopped the existence (as well as the great country USSR), censorship officially in general have cancelled, many thought: well, now, probably, we will begin to live freely and joyfully! As to manuscripts which unscrupulously clamped and ignored, and also any inventions, opening to which did not give to a course during Soviet time now will set in motion all and will publish all! Many after all considered, that the main trouble of our life – in evil deeds of the CPSU and in terrible Soviet censorship …
Since then there have passed 16 years. For anybody not a secret, that position with our literature during the period is not become better than "the wild market», and is worse! Much worse! As well as in the country if to speak seriously.
The huge quantity of various books, in overwhelming majority absolutely worthless, superficial is published, write now all to whom not laziness, these "books" are not better at all, than any "Soviet" unless with a return sign. If earlier even the most primitive literary hand-made articles nevertheless did not corrupt the people, did not force "seamy side", "pornuhu", rage, hatred to near, "pofigizm", disrespect for a life in general, to knowledge, beauty, advantage, did not learn to be enriched at the expense of others, to use foul language uncontrollably, to spit on all and on everything all now is allowed! And not only it is allowed, and it is welcomed! Beat, destroy, press, «tear the contender on scraps», be enriched by any ways, forget all past, other life has begun! Money – here the most important thing! Money solves all! The market will place all in the places!
It also has placed. So, that the life on-being became actually to even more sad, than in Soviet Union! It is possible to list long disgraces which are with impunity created now: country disintegration, ruin, hatred, quantity of victims of "reforms" (on different sources from two to eleven millions lost and not born), quantity of homeless children (more than after Civil and domestic wars), fantastic rupture between incomes of citizens, and absolutely unnatural; humiliating poverty of pensioners, physicians, teachers, rural workers, workers of a science, culture - at monstrous, unimaginable capitals of so-called "oligarchs" … there Was a huge, unprecedented wreck in histories of the great country, at the same time and wreck of its literature.
Actually all is not so surprising. There, where on a pedestal not reason, not conscience, advantage, honour, love, beauty, and – money and gold which our Vladimir Vladimirovich – not Putin, and Majakovsky – has named the Yellow Devil to wait for another and it is not necessary. The talent, beauty, conscience and other HUMAN cannot be appropriated, for the sake of all it it is necessary to work, respect others and, to work. And money can be stolen elementary, hapnut, to kill someone, to plunder, deceive and other, other. Money it is, of course, good, but when they really are what should be – an equivalent of true value and the spent work. But if faceless, pretty often soiled with tears and blood of a piece of paper to consider as the higher value of a life, on what to count? There is nothing to be surprised.
Again all problem – in values …
For 16 years of "freedom" at me left only two books. And that is casual and in awful covers – not through my fault. Publishers still do not consider "authors" as owners of the work, dispose of it exclusively at own discretion, and pretty often ineptly and to the detriment. Besides at us now all artists, and the "producers" to which majority are necessary not the literature, not art, not something human, and money operate not. It is unnatural, that is why all at the majority goes head over heels.
And more I had one album of photos – too casually, at the initiative of rich, but kind people.
Finally it is published percent twenty written (besides, not the best) and one-two percent removed. My manuscripts, as well as photos (as well as video films now) – not in "format". That too it is not surprising. "Format" which undividedly reigns in the market, speaks for itself.
I have told about difficulties in the literary destiny, but this small essay in any degree not is the complaint. On what to complain? Actually my life has been penetrated by pleasure of existence in this world – at all very considerable difficulties. And now I am happy especially, because not one – with me the young beloved who completely shares all my belief. It not only my liked, but also the talented, charming assistant.
What for me always was important in a life? To be engaged in liked business, not to be humiliated, how it is possible to use more full the possibilities given by the nature, to travel, learn the world, to communicate with friends and perfect women. All it was much! Also is! In 1981 year in the foreword to the book «in a court yard» Nikolay Nikolaevich Drozdov (become subsequently known TV presenter) wrote Jungle: « Having read excitedly the manuscript of the book and is a lot of having admired colourful photos of landscapes, butterflies, bugs and other «menshoj brotherhood», I have wanted to meet the author, imagining sedenkogo the old man in dense wrinkles and with a beard, the such wood troll. To my surprise, the author has appeared the young, harmonous person with the thin smiling person radiating goodwill and calmness. However life experience to Jury Tosik would suffice on the whole company of its coevals. He has had time to work both the loader, and the fisherman, both the mechanic, and the turner, has worked both the laboratorian-chemist, and the editor on TV. And from the new vital impressions which were laying down on pages of sketches and stories, published in newspapers and magazines … It everywhere took out the person of various interests: takes a great interest in a photo, acts with display of slides before different audiences, goes on the country much. And Jury's liked transport – a bicycle "Progress" on which it has travelled Moscow suburbs, Ukraine, Carpathians, Siberia, the Far East … »
All it has been written in 1981. Since then «the express train of my life» did not slow down the movement not for a moment. I think, it is possible for itself to present, how much still "life experience" has increased for the last years! What complaint? And here disappointment – an another matter. About disappointment I am ready even to shout! My disappointment of that because of nonsenses created in the country I cannot share with others that I have itself. At me - and now I can tell, that we with my liked – HAVE manuscripts, photos, films – as an echo, the certificate, FRUITS of my and our life from it. And at our compatriots is not present! We are absolutely convinced, that normal people – and all of them at us the majority! – on advantage would estimate made and – would rejoice together with us. It because we see what exactly of they be PLEASURES especially would be desirable! BEAUTY! SENSATIONS of the CHARM of the REAL! – does not suffice in their life. And we like the compatriots, despite of everything.
Why "despite of everything"? Because we can not reconcile that good, kind people so easily submit to liars, to hypocrites, the unscrupulous predators, the powdering people brains maintaining them, doing their life sad and sad. It is impossible to give in to a deceit, it is impossible to submit to a pettiness, it is impossible to idolise the power, whatever it was! The king is played by retinue! Without retinue any king is helpless. There should not be people only retinue of the leader, whatever this leader was! The law and decency should supervise over people! The law accepted! The law, instead of the leader, which actually the same person as everything and if it changes to the law, it it is necessary to expel and choose another. And to judge not by high position, not by words, and – ON AFFAIRS. Here that does not suffice us, compatriots. Here paternal disappointment.
We with my liked from the bottom of the heart wish all good luck and pleasure. The world in which all of us live, is for the present perfect. And in our forces to transform it from "vale of tears" into Paradise. All for this purpose at us is.
Simply we should do it TOGETHER.