Behind the Stove - Mother of All Memes

What was the last thing you threw into a trashcan? A little plastic piece of curved brown plastic – no idea what the heck it was, just knew that I didn’t want the baby to eat it. I am sure it will turn out to be an integral part of one of the older boys’ toys.
When was the last time you ate cake, and what sort of cake was it? Ages ago, at work – strawberry cream.
Do you believe in reincarnation? What were you in a former life? Maybe. Maybe—a fish? Nothing glamorous, that’s for sure. Ever notice that people are always Princess This or Queen That in former lives? Not me.Probably some sort of slave or peasant field worker.
What is the closest object to your left hand? The computer keyboard
A friend calls you up and says, "Hey, me and some of my buddies are headed your way for a [insert reason here... concert, bike race, conference/trade show, etc.]. Can we crash at your place Saturday night?" What do you say... yes; no; depends on how many people they're bringing? Despite what you'd tell this friend of yours, if you made the effort, how many people could you accommodate for a one-night sleep over? Probably yes. For one night, if they didn’t mind sleeping on floors – about a dozen. Well, frankly, we could fit close to six in the playroom alone, so maybe even more total. In beds…six, if they didn’t mind doubling up.
Quick, I need to suggest a book for my guys & gals book club. What title should I assign to everyone to read (for the month of June)? The Thin Place – Kathryn Davis. Because I just read it, and think it’d make great book club discussion.
If you were asked by a toothpaste manufacturer to come up with a new flavor, what would be your top three suggestions? Mint, mint, mint. Sorry.
When you're on a horse farm and you want to get a horse's attention, you make a clicking sound with your mouth. What sort of sound would I need to make to get your attention? Clicking on computer keys. Or start talking about books.
What would the US postal stamp commemorating you and your life portray? Do you really need to ask?
I'm headed to the grocery store. Is there anything I can get for you? Bananas, gorgonzola dip, chocolate, bagels. Oh, forget it, I’ll go myself.
What's the last thing you sold (both personally and professionally)? Three little stools with metal legs and red tops
How many different birthdays do you have committed to memory, and aside from using your own noggin, how do you keep track of all the others? About twenty – the rest are on the kitchen calendar and get transferred every year from one to the next.
When was the last time someone took a picture of you, and what were you doing? I don’t know – maybe last Christmas?
Could you survive living on the streets of your town for an entire month with no access to any of your money or other assets? Why or why not? Probably but I wouldn’t want to find out. Could I just show up at Gina’s? I’ll bet she’d take me in…
How many light bulbs are in your home, and when was the last time you had to change one? No idea, but I just had to change the fridge light this morning.
If you were recovering from major surgery in a hospital and could have any person, from any era, recovering in the bed next to you, who would it be? Someone mute, who would leave me the hell alone.
If you were reborn the child of a celebrity, who would you choose to be your celebrity parent(s)? I’ll bet I could talk Angelina and Brad into adopting me….no, I guess, lemme see – Jane Kaczmarek and Bradley Whitford.
What's the last book you read, and, what book are you planning on reading next? Last Lessons of Summer, by Margaret Maron/ The Dead Beat
Who, out of anyone either dead or alive, would you like to see host an upcoming episode of SNL? I would love to see Jesus Christ guest host SNL.
What's your favorite kind of cheese? How often do you eat it? Any kind of blue – at the moment Point Reyes blue. I have had it once but intend to eat a lot more of it very soon.
What's one invention that would dramatically change your life for the better? I don’t know if this counts as an invention but if moms could sprout an extra arm upon the birth of each child, and then it would go away when no longer needed, like when they turn four or so – that’d be awesome.
I keep seeing this bumper sticker that reads, "Jesus Is The Answer!" What do you think the question is? 42?
If you got on an elevator in which everyone had their back to the door, what would you do? Not get on. That’d be too weird. It would be like that movie bit, “Want to see something that REALLY scares you?”
If you jump up in the air just as a plunging elevator hit the ground, would you live? Sure. I wonder this every time I get on an elevator.
Knock knock. Who's there? Land shark!
On October 21, 1915, American Telephone and Telegraph Company engineers in Arlington, Virginia, initiated the very first transatlantic radiotelephone call (they called a telephone placed at the Eiffel Tower in Paris, France). What was the last country you placed a call to besides your own? Australia
What's the last item of clothing you ironed? H’s tan pants and a blue dress shirt
What were the last food and/or drink items you bought from a vending machine? Coffee
What are three things you wish you could do while sleeping? I am happy to be sleeping. It’s all I want to do, thank you very much.
How many ice cube trays do you have in your freezer, and have you ever used them to make anything other than traditional ice cubes? Three. I also use them to freeze pureed fresh parsley and pesto.
When you prepare to eat a hamburger or a sandwich, do you prefer to cut the burger or sandwich in half before eating it, or are you okay eating it whole? I eat it whole, tomatoes and condiments dripping down my arm
If you were given a one-year, all expenses paid, all-access assignment to make a documentary film on any subject of your choosing, what do you think your film's focus/topic would be? I’d love to do a cool documentary on reference librarians, and change the world’s view of us.
What are your favorite sections of a bookstore? Fiction, cooking, children’s
If you knew for certain that it would extend your life expectancy by 8 years, would you reduce your daily caloric intake by 30%? Yes. I suppose I could live without my daily chocolate or Ben & Jerry’s.
Peppermint Patty... straight or gay? Oh so gay
If a stranger leaves a voicemail message on your home phone for someone you don't know, do you call the person back to tell them they reached the wrong party? Sometimes. Depends on how charitable I am feeling at any given moment.
Do you have a favorite weird food or weird drink combination? If so, what is it? Do bacon and avocado sandwiches count?
If you could choose one event from any point in the future whose outcome could be known to you now, what would you like to know? If/when I’ll become a grandmother
If you arrived in the same amount of time, would you rather take the short way slow or the long way fast? Long way fast
Elton John has those colorful glasses. Former U.S. President Ronald Reagan (b.1911 - d.2004) had his Jelly Beans. And former U.S. Senator Paul Simon (b.1928 – d.2003) had bow-ties… lots and lots of bow-ties. How about you... do you have any 'signature' or 'trademark' items; things that just scream that it's you because you either always have it on your person, in your car, at your office, etc., and which friends, family, or colleagues universally know you by? Green-inked pens, a book in my bag, a bottle of seltzer water
If you had the talent to compete for a medal, which Olympic sport(s) -- summer and/or winter -- would you choose to participate in? Summer-gymnastics/winter- luge
When you get home from work, do you keep your work clothes on or do you immediately change into something else? Almost always change – I do live with the Spit-Up Champion of the World
What, if anything, never fails to give you the shivers?My children dying
What's your favorite board game of all time? Parcheesi
If you were to trade your current license plate in for a vanity plate, what letters or word(s) would you choose for your new plate? I think it'd be funny to apply for a random set of letters and numbers - that is, a vanity plate that's JUST LIKE the ones they assign you. Noone would get thejoke but me but I would laugh every time I drove my car.
Have you ever used a fire extinguisher? No
If you could be any cartoon character for a day or two, which one would you be, and why? I have always had a soft spot for the Pink Panther.
Do you collect anything in particular? Sharks, little boxes
What's in the trunk of your car right now? A box of wipes, a blanket, a sweatshirt, some plastic bags (empty) a trash truck toy, an empty coffee to-go cup, some bungee cords, an umbrella
Have you ever lied about your age? Yes
If you didn’t order any GS Cookies this year, which kind would you most likely be accused of swiping off a co-worker’s desk? Thin Mints
What's your dream car? It USED to be a hunter-green Jaguar XJ-6; now I’d settle for a minivan with automatic locks
What household chore do you dislike the most? Vacuuming
Is there an actor or actress whom you dislike so much that you wouldn't even see a movie or TV show they were in? Mel Gibson, Richard Dreyfuss
If you had a band, what would you name it? Teutonic Thighs
If when you got to work today, someone told you that you and all of your co-workers had been given a mandatory day off, what would you do with your day? Read, maybe go thrift shopping, go out to lunch
What one object in your home or apartment are you most embarrassed about owning? The complete oeuvre of Judith Krantz
If you were offered the opportunity to have cost-free and risk-free plastic surgery, would you? If so, and you're comfortable sharing, what do you think you'd have done? Tummy tuck! Tummy tuck! Right here, over here, yoohoo!
Would you rather vomit marbles or sweat cheese? Vomit marbles.
What's your favorite line to quote from a movie? It’s Cosmo’s moon!
What's your favorite thing to cook? I like to bake, and I enjoy baking pretty much anything.
When you were a kid, what did you want to be when you grew up? Quincy
Have you ever ordered something from a television infomercial? No. But I’ve been tempted.
Did you go to your high school reunion? Sadly, yes. How lame. And afterwards, I got very drunk and behaved inappropriately.
What are the last four books you read? Last Lessons of Summer - Margaret Maron; Encyclopedia of an Ordinary Life - Amy Krouse Rosenthal; The Thin Place - Kathryn Davis; Life and Death on Mount Everest - Sherry Ortner
If you were asked to name a puppy what name(s) come to mind? Spot
Does it bother you when the 13th day of the month falls on a Friday? Not really, but I am aware of the fact
Have you ever seen a dead body? Yes. Several. I watched an medical student dissection/autopsy thingey once – it was so wild.
How old were you when you got your first kiss? 14
What is the last thing you downloaded? A Microsoft file enabling WPA2 encryption for secure wireless networks
Pool or ocean? Both. I believe I was a fish in a former life. See Number three.
Favorite comic strip? For Better or For Worse/Get Fuzzy
Have you ever won a trophy? Yes. I was the private schools state spelling champion in third grade, and the honor came with a lovely trophy. I think I still even have it somewhere.
What time is it now? Two-oh-one pm
Do you believe in The One? Nope.
Siblings? Two.
Least favorite color?Orange.
Do you have a favorite kind of pen? Yes, Pilot G-7 in blue or red. Medium point.
What is your favorite number? 7
If you could pay anyone in the world to be your friend, who would it be? I don’t have to pay Gina. For some reason, she loves me anyway. But I think I would ask John Cusack to come hang out on her porch with us.
What is the proper order in which to eat M&Ms? Who cares? They’re chocolate.
Proper way to eat an Oreo? All together, in little bites, with milk
Proper way to eat a Reese’s peanut butter cup? The edges, and then the middle
What color is your house? Red brick/white and olive green trim
How old were your parents when you were born? My mom was37, my dad was 41.
Favorite coin? Dimes.
Can you swim? Yep…like a ….see Number three, and Number seventy-one
Have you ever broken a bone? No
Pepsi or Coke? Coke
Favorite flavor ice cream? Mint chocolate chip, or Baskin Robbins German chocolate cake
Desert island discs (5): Mortal City – Dar Williams; Happier Blue – Chris Smither; Kid A – Radiohead; La Boheme (the one with Victoria de los Angeles); Cruel Sun – Rusted Root
Desert island books (5):Roller Skates – Ruth Sawyer; Pride and Prejudice – Jane Austen; Brothers Karamazov OR War and Peace; the Bible; the OED
On average, how many hours do you sleep per night? 5-6
Do you believe in an afterlife? Yes. My eitheen years of Baptist upbringing has ingrained the belief in me.
Window seat or aisle seat? Aisle. I’d rather not WATCH the plane plummeting from the sky, thank you very much.
You have another child. What sex do you want, and what would you name it? The boys have decided another brother is in order, and his name shall be called Thomas. I’d lobby hard for a girl. I think. And I’d name her Eleanor.
Can you drive a stick? Yes. Real men drive stick. So do real women.
What is the last gift you’ve received? A co-worker and friend brought me a book – I’d already read it but it is the thought that counts! The same day practically another friend gave me a Starbucks card. It was a good day!
How many magazine subscriptions do you have? Just me? 5. Me and H? 8
Are you bored yet? Never