Ahh, at long last...the results of the extremely fourth occurrence of those beloved Krida Awards. Of course you've all been waiting much too impatiently for the votes to be received, tallied, altered, disregarded, misspelled, and finally presented in their finished form...as far as you all know, of course. So if you have any last minute prayers to Symo (incumbent champion of too many categories to name), now would be the time to spit ‘em out.

And as for those Results!!...

The winner of Best Goodie is Leelas, ironic considering his boycott of this very system. Of course, Dragyn, the second place winner, has no qualms about perpetuating a harmful ideological system.

As for Best Baddie, blooddrake wheedled and cajoled his way into first place. Obviously the memory of Dworkin's planetary theft these many months ago has been relegated into mere second place.

*psst* The winner of Most Secretive has been told by GK message. The runner up has been told nothing but maybe will be able to figure it out if e tries hard enough ;)

The winners of Most Polite are both archangels-- Cimi pulls off the victory by being sure to notify us clearly when we're being deleted, while Streben oft burns away our puny flesh with lightning without a single apology.

Of all the @%$#ing &*%^$@#s that were nominated for Most Insulting, Melkor pulls off the victory with flowery rhetoric and dastardly digs at your mother's maiden name. Aeneas, on the other hand, barely got second place through rote memorization of “yo momma” jokes.

The Most Annoying Kridian this time around was lildude, though it doesn't get us any closer to solving the problem. The second-rate Trivates had the sense to stop it....after he fell asleep of exhaustion.

Verily, our most Beauteous Spellificator was the honorèd Streben, as he will be quick to point out grammatically. Ertai, obviously, can't spell for beans. I mean, literally. F-O-R B-E-A-N-S. It's like he isn't even trying.

7h3 w1nn3r 0f W0r57 5p3||1n6 4nd 6r4mm4r 15 |1|dud3. 1 b37 h3 c4n 3v3n r34d 7h15. f r e 1 nos futurebeatle cant tho.

The Most Talkative Krida gets awarded to Trivates, whose flapping mouth can be seen from space. The second placing Dragyn, however, has a flapping mouth best viewed from 18 to 20 feet away. And that's, like, nothing.

Least Talkative is Symo, then Arzyeka. Now shhh!

The winner of Most Trustworthy is Leelas, and he's totally got your back. For real. He even gets to know who's Most Secretive. Ain't that cool? On the other hand, TransProp, who got second, gets to know how many votes Murtagh got for Best Sky Soul. And we know Murtagh wants to know that badly.

Least Trustworthy of all Kridians (that were nominated) goes by Kcunda and while he says he's got your back, we all know what happens because of that. And we mean you, Ecko-gay. Felice could probably be trusted with your socks, and only if you didn't really mind losing your socks under suspicious circumstances.

The Best Glazie, is, as the name would suggest, the Great and Glazèd Himself-- the Almighty Symo. He will not hesitate to smite His enemies from upon high (or wherever He is at the time). One of these enemies may or may not be Azirex, the runner-up.

The winner of Best Name is the ever-lyrical Eclipse, though we are still unsure if he is total, solar, lunar, or something else entirely penumbra-y. The second-placing Maleficencia just couldn't get enough syllables. Nice try though.

The Worst Name Krida is handed to null...and considering the new ability to change names, he should take this as a not-so-subtle hint. Next in line for the changes, of course, should be Nizham-nalli. Nice choice on that unchoosable name, Nizzy...

The Best Archangel award, unsurprisingly, goes to Streben. Who knows why we vote for him so much? Maybe we think he'll teach us some über-sorcery in return. Myself, I'd be suckering up to second placing figgywiggy, if for no other reason than to make sure I don't get renamed “Dragydiot” or “Dullgyn” or something.

Of all the literary masterpieces that have come from GoKrida, the only one we care about is Sproo's “Book of the Tribes”, his cautionary tale of a dystopian future ruled by half-cyborg something or others, but I couldn't be bothered to read it. I hear the Descryer gave a good review to TransProp's “TP's Gullibility”, though.

The Most Dangerous Goodie Krida is won by Sproo, which means he should either work on the PR or make sure more word doesn't get out about the RY Incident. Second-rate Shzuru is viewed as harmless and probably couldn't even forcebolt an apple. No worries there.

The award for Most Dangerous Baddie is won by blooddrake (remember him from Best Baddie?). Winning both Baddie awards, of course, elicits a whole new reaction from the Kridian public, and lemme tell ya, it ain't congratulatory. Dworkin, though, will help make sure that there's still nothing we can do about it. Sigh.

Most in Need of A Roadmap...err, the Traveler Krida goes to Chmmr, who has disrupted to so many Brotherhood worlds, it's past counting. On the other hand, At the drop of a hat Dragyn will tell you the story of that one time he went to Black Grotto, and it's the same story every time. Great Symo >.<

Proving that torches are once again in style, Leelas wins the Coolest Lookup Award. That fat guy on bloodrake's lookup is probably what stopped him from winning, which is why the Krida Awards desperately need more American voters.

The winner of Most Overlooked is...uhh....shoot, I was sure I'd remember it! It was like, Grandmother or somebody. At least, I'm pretty sure that was it. And then it was somebody starting with an “S” for second place...oh yeah! Sacred! That was it!

The Most Dead Krida goes to Josh, but there's no guarantee he even noticed the link here. Dworkin is still lost in Greyness, but don't worry, he'll be back soon to do what he does best (or what this award indicates he does second best, at any rate...)

The most religious of all the nominees, the Best Religion itself, is awarded to the Church of Ahsratma, and if this surprised you, you should be shot. Of course, those followers of The Seven are always around to officiate a nice funeral. But please, no cremations. Who burns stuff nowadays anyways?

The Best Faction award is crowned upon the monarchy that is The Kingdom of Kobalos, which goes to show that sometimes the LA can almost help create stuff that doesn't suck. And when the LA fails to meddle, organizations like Rome butt in and steal the second place award. It's not like anyone was really trying to save this award anyhow...

In the first of the elemental awards, Dragyn crashes clumsily to a victory as Best Sky Soul. Chmmr would have gotten it too, but he accidentally triggered to this aggressive hamlet and he's sorta busy now.

The Best Metal Soul is Copasetic, who will promptly reward the runner of the Krida Awards with his adamant-made SE. Hint hint. And if he doesn't, I suppose we can always count on second place Gecko to get the job done.

The Best Leaf Soul goes to the enchanting Leelas, busy spending time in his garden of freakishly sized minor leaf souls. The second spot goes to Eclipse, who loves the moss nearly as much as the nominees for Best Sky Soul.

The winner of Best Water Soul is Grandmother, which goes to show that owning an interplanetary ocean world does have its perks. The presence of Copasetic as second place for this award speaks less for Copa's qualifications than for the entire state of water people all over the universe. You soggy souls sicken me.

The Best Earth Soul is xiaomu, and we can expect her born from the ground if anyone disagrees. Anyone like TransProp, whose terrauctus projects would get off the ground if maybe he could pull off a simple Krida Awards victory.

The heavenly Best Angelic Soul winner is the mighty Symo, though by all rights he enjoys Bermuda much more. Streben and Cimi were too busy being dead for either of them to pull off a win, so they settled for a second-rate tie.

Finally, the Best Chaos Soul Krida goes to Koldstare, who loves to simply look longingly at the delicious cake he bakes. Symo, of course, is content to get ress'd once as Chaos and then stay a nominee forever.

*pfew*

So there you have it. The fourth ever Krida Awards. One can only hope that by KA-V this July I'll have learned how to make a spiffier system of voting that doesn't involve me counting everything by hand (not that that isn't emotionally fulfilling). But until then, it's “see ya later” to the great hexamonthly tradition that is...THE KRIDA AWARDS!


[gokrida]