This article appeared in "Lowcountry Parent" magazine.
The caregiver explained that another child in the group bit Danita. "That's the second time this week," he said. "What's wrong with that biter? Get rid of that biting monster, or I'll move my child to another center."
It's easy to understand Mr. Martinez' feelings. He wants his child to be in a safe environment. So, who is in the wrong here? The biter? The biter's parents? The bitten child? The child care center for harboring a biter?
Is Biting Normal?
Pat Campbell, a professor of early childhood education at Ryerson Polytechnic University in Toronto, says that biting among toddlers is more common than many people think. "Many children go through a biting phase; it's quite normal, and it isn't anyone's fault," she said.
While it isn't a welcome attribute, biting is a normal part of children's development. Child care licensing consultant Robert Mills said, "Some children talk a lot and others don't. Some are more aggressive than others. Some bite more than others."
Reasons for biting:
Most biting is done by older infants and toddlers, and they bite for many different reasons.
| 1. Exploration: Young children learn about their world by
touching, smelling and tasting. They put things in their mouths then tongue
or gum them to get information. "Is this soft? Is it hard? Have I tasted
this before?"
A young child may bite another child, a caregiver's shoulder or a mother's breast in an effort to gain more information. While this behavior is not appreciated, it is normal. |
| 2. Affection: Linda Harrison of the Dept. of Early Childhood
Studies at The University of Melbourne says that biting may occur when
children are expressing affection. From birth, young children receive
tender kisses and gentle nibbling actions from adults. In time they try to
return these loving "nibbles", but "...the toddler's kisses and hugs
sometimes turn into bites. The child needs to be helped to understand about
affection and taught how to express these feelings," Harrison said. As
beginners, they don't have the small muscle control to "pucker" and kiss. |
| 3. Communication: Mills said, "Biting is a precursor to
communicating verbally. Not only is it normal, it should be expected
behavior, especially in a group situation."
Being in group care with other kids is sometimes stressful. "Because toddlers do not have very good language skills, they often communicate physically. They point, they push, they shove - and they bite," Campbell said. As beginners at learning language, young children understand more words than they are able to speak. When they become frustrated and want something another child has, they are unable to use their mouths to speak. Instead of saying, "You have the toy I want to use," they communicate by biting the offender. Biting certainly gets results. In surprise (and sometimes in pain), the bitten child drops the toy, and the biter has what he wants. "Biting shows a desire to express ones self," Mills said. Children don't intend to inflict pain when they bite. They "...may understand that other children cry when they bite them, but they don't really understand that it hurts that child," Campbell said. |
| 4. Teething discomfort: Teething causes pressure and discomfort in children's gums. Pressing the gums onto another surface seems to bring relief. If the "surface" is a person, the result can be a painful bite. |
What Can Adults Do?
Provide the explorer with a variety of surfaces to play on (carpet, hard floor, firm mattress, soft blanket). Give the child toys and teethers with a variety of textures to mouth and gum. In a calm but firm voice, tell the child, "I can't let you bite people. Biting hurts! Bite on this toy if you feel like biting." Never give the child a doll to bite.
Bites of affection often come during moments of quiet interaction with another and seem to have no motivation. If a child bites you, react immediately. Pull the child away from the bitten spot and say, "No! Biting hurts."
At other times during play, show the child how to "pucker up." Some call this game "making fish faces." Touch your arm to the child's puckered lips and say "kiss." If the child responds with a bite, say, "No! Biting hurts," then interrupt the game immediately.
For bites of frustration and communication, help children learn to use words to get what they need. Say things like this: "Don't bite. Tell Amanda that you are playing with the blocks. Use your words." "Tell me that you are tired. I can hold you and we can sit in the rocking chair."
Mills said, "In a child care center, biting can be greatly reduced by having duplicates of toys and by providing many ways to keep the children from being 'in a pile.' Good room division with many small centers (or interest areas) can greatly reduce incidents of biting." Discuss these ideas with your child care provider.
Give the teething child many items to gum. Teething biscuits offer a nice texture. A cold, wet washrag or a frozen bagel may be particularly soothing.
Remember This:
Remember that biting is a normal part of children's development. Children who bite are not monsters. In a brochure for parents, Union Hospital Child Development Center in Terre Haute Indiana says, "It [biting] is an unpleasant, but very common behavior in this age group. It is important to keep the issue in perspective. The perspective? Biting is outgrown."
Mills added, "Many children go through a biting stage and it will pass." Mr. Martinez can ask his child's caregiver to be vigilant with the biting child and that the caregiver intervene whenever the biter appears ready to strike. With time and loving guidance, the biting child's behavior will change. And who knows, maybe Danita Martinez will become the next (normal) biter in the group. And Danita is not a monster!
Tips About Biting:
| 1. Always treat biting as a serious matter. Never laugh when your child bites, and don't "chat" or gossip with others about the incident. If your child realizes that biting can bring a lot of happy attention, she may continue biting for the joy it seems to bring. |
| 2. Never give "love bites" while playing with your child and make sure that older siblings understand the reasons for refraining from this game. |
| 3. Never bite back to show your child that biting hurts. This only teaches young ones that biting is permitted if the biter is bigger and stronger than the one being bitten. |
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