In-law or out-law

by Rikki Hall

division-classification

When a relationship between two people develops into something more, there are always tests. Passing these tests will make or break the relationship. One test might be meeting the parents of your significant other or in particular-your mother-in-law. Will she accept you or hate you? Are you going to be the daughter she never had but always wanted? Or will you be a thief who's stealing her son? The type of mother-in-law you end up with is not always the one you wished for.

There is one type of mother-in-law who is constantly involved, IN EVERYTHING. You are afraid to have a conversation with her, and if you're not…you should be. Don't tell her how much you spent at the grocery store today because she'll tell you steak is too expensive, and you should be eating pork. Keep your guard up when she comes for a visit. You should have gotten up at 5 o'clock to do a load of laundry, vacuum, and clean the kitchen. And may the Lord be with you if your child suddenly gets ill on a holiday. Yes, you guessed it! This mother-in-law is a control freak.

On the flip side, you can have a mother-in-law who you never see or hear from. After 25 years of marriage, she still calls you Carol when your name is Carolyn. You recall being invited for dinner, but suddenly remember being left in a room alone because the men were outside and she felt the need to speak with her daughters in private. You moved 5 years ago, yet you still receive forwarded mail from her. Do you even have a mother-in-law anymore, at this point? Depressing as it may seem, this non-existent woman is a blessing in disguise.

Then, there's what I like to call your BFF mother-in-law. She is not your mother, nor will she ever act like your mother. She is your best friend. She is the one you call when you need to vent about your husband. She will take your side even when her son is to blame. She hangs out with you and your girlfriends. She will never meddle in your affairs without being asked. She will always be there to help with your kids. Sounds perfect, doesn't it? You love her, but you will never respect her as a mom.

Some mother-in-laws just can't relax, no matter how hard they try. They take your kids to the park, but sit there and fret whether they'll fall off the swing or the slide. They start to panic when your baby spits up. Do you have enough groceries in your house? Have you paid all your bills? Make sure your kids wear long sleeves and pants with elbow and knee pads before they get on their bike! She simply can't stop worrying. Don't fret; this mother-in-law won't last long because she's going to give herself a coronary.

The mother-in-law we cherish is the one who cherishes us. She will listen to our problems without prying. She brings a bag of groceries over when she knows money is tight. She rearranged her work schedule to help save money on day-care. You call her to ask if your husband can stay at her house while you're going through marriage problems. She cancels a trip she planned for a year and doesn't receive a refund because you had a miscarriage. She is the one we want to be our mother-in-law. She is the nurturer.

Whether you're stuck with a control freak or a best friend, your mother-in-law is who she is. You may not like that you're not important enough for her to remember your name. Truth be told, you may never be good enough for her son. You may grow to love your relationship with her just the way it is. You might find yourself bored with hearing every sickness known to man has come her way. You may want to one day wish she was still here, and not be able to get her back. Through this experience, the one thing you will know is the type of mother-in-law you will someday be.