Sample essay analysis:

by Jim Renton

Essay reviewed: "My Country Tis of Thee" by Kevin Williams swimininsf@aol.com

Kevin,

For McKinney's online English class, I analyzed your essay. It was a very convincing essay and I enjoyed reading it. In your essay, you state that politicians are not helping to eradicate the problem of homelessness. You also mention that corporate America has contributed to the problem of homelessness. The example of Nike diverting many operations oversees is a compelling argument. Most of all, I like the human touch you gave to the essay. You related the problem of homelessness to yourself from being homeless for a night and also discussed this history of another man who is homeless.

I would like to make a few suggestions if you ever re-write this essay. Many charities, some of which are legitimate and some of which are bogus, claim to help the homeless. Despite that, there are many homeless people still on the street. I have read in the San Francisco Chronicle that some homeless people primarily drink and do not wish to get treatment and shelter. If you investigated this claim and then mention this in your essay, along with your view, I think it would strengthen your essay.

Also, instead of just listing the unjust actions against the homeless by corporate America and politicians, why not call to action? For instance, you could call for legislative action banning the relocation of operations oversees. This would be tricky because companies such as Nike could contract these services out to a foreign company it "just happens to buy." Yet, some sharp attorney's could draft such legislation. Also you could call for a law that all cities and counties must provide adequate accommodations for homeless people found on the street and assist them in getting education and permanent employment.

Great essay. A pleasure to read.

Online guides for writers:

Purdue's online resources for writers
Capital Community-Technical College's guide to grammar and writing
Jack Lynch's guide to grammar and style (Rutgers)
Common errors in English (and non-errors to which some English teachers object)