Potty Training: A Step by Step Guide

by Rebecca Dell
process
research

When I began to potty train my first daughter, I thought it was going to be difficult. Messes are not fun and I wasn't looking to forward to having to clean up pee and poop all over the house. But I found a method that works very well and I've learned that potty training a child is easy if you do it the right way.

The first thing you have to do is WAIT! And then when you think you and your child are ready, you have to WAIT some more! I cannot stress enough how important this step is, even though many disagree. The American Academy of Pediatrics recommends starting most children at 18-24 months and all children by thirty months. There are even some child raising "experts" who advocate starting even earlier; Margaret Kolbeck says that "[her] children were potty trained and in training pants during the day from the time they were 1-year-old"1. That is not the right way to potty train a child, but the way to "potty train" a parent. The right way is to wait until your child can communicate and speak very well, usually around age two or three for girls and three or four for boys.

When you've waited long enough, the second step is to talk to your child about using the toilet. This should be something you've done for a while. Have your child accompany the same-sex parent when they use the bathroom and buy a few books about going potty in the toilet. There are a number of good books about the toilet out there, but my personal favorite is "Everybody Poops" by Taro Gomi. Talking and reading about using the bathroom helps prepare your child and makes him more excited about taking this big step.

Third, you have to buy a child's toilet. They make seats that snap onto regular toilets, but my experience has shown that the best way to go is to buy a child his own seat. It's easier for him to use and easier for you to clean up. Take your child to buy the "potty chair" and let him help pick it out. I say "help" pick it out because you want to be sure that the emptying tank is easy to remove. Test it at the store. Testing is critical to making potty training easy; if you have to yank the tank out, the ensuing mess can be so traumatic for both parent and child that no one wants to continue potty training.

The fourth step is crucial in making potty training something your child wants to do. Make a colorful and encouraging reward chart for your child. Show your child how the chart will work and what his reward will be when he fills up his chart. Have him help you pick out stickers to go on the chart and let him put the stickers on the chart. I suggest one sticker for pee and two for poop (pooping tends to be the more difficult task to teach). Some ideas for rewards are a trip to the toy store or an ice cream date. Or let your child choose what he would like to have as a reward.

Then you need to actually put all that you've learned into practice and start! Tell your child ahead of time when you will be starting and what that will entail. The best way to go is to dress your child in only underwear from the waist down. That way he will be completely aware of every time he goes to the bathroom. It may cause messes, but it is the quickest and easiest way. Ask your child frequently if he needs to go to the bathroom, but don't pressure or ask too much or he will rebel and not want to go.

The last thing to remember is to keep your child in pull ups on long outings and at night. It may take a while for him to get used to not having accidents at night. After two weeks of dry pull ups in the morning, it's time to try just underwear at night. The same thing goes for running errands. You don't want to be caught in the middle of shopping with your child screaming that he has to go to the bathroom right now!

And remember, you have many battles to fight with your child: dating, curfews, friends, pierced body parts. Don't make this into a battle. If your child has problems, go back to step one and WAIT! Follow these simple steps and I guarantee success.

1. Margaret S. Kolbeck, "Potty Training," Affirmative Parenting (1998)