The less sleep, the better

by Rebecca Dell

I haven't had a full eight hours of sleep in God knows how long. My oldest daughter is seven and only started sleeping through the night at five, just when I found out I was pregnant with my third daughter. I currently work, attend college full time and am the single mom of three girls. Needless to say, I can't find enough hours in the day to get everything done. I can't cut back being a mom, or working, or school, so sleep gets cut. Really, it's the only thing that can be sacrificed. So I average about five (interrupted) hours of sleep a night. While many studies report the negative effects of sleep deprivation, I, however, have found that little to no sleep is good for you.

One of the benefits of little sleep is you feel like you're moving slowly, like under water. This is a cool feeling. You really have to push your brain to make it work. So you talk slower, think slower, and sometimes even move slower. Who needs weed or alcohol? Just don't get enough sleep for a few days in a row and you'll get that natural high.

The other great thing about not sleeping is drinking lots of coffee. I can drink up to four cups of coffee a day without getting the jitters. Many of my friends who get eight hours of sleep can't drink coffee after 4 p.m. or they stay awake all night. Now, if they weren't getting so much sleep, they would actually need the coffee just to function; they could drink as many cappuccinos, lattes, and mochas as they wanted. I can tell they are secretly envious of all the coffee I need to drink.

I'm usually up until 12:30 or 1:00 in the morning and I get to see a lot of great television. I'm not sure why but the networks save all their great shows for that time of night. I like to watch the Carson Daly Show; that man is witty and smart. One of my favorites is She Spies, a spy drama starring some great actresses who I can only assume are former Playboy models. I can't believe it's not up for an Emmy. If I were asleep at those hours (like most people), I would be missing this riveting television. Whenever I talk to my friends about these shows, I know they really wish they had seen them. But they decide sleep is more important. Whatever!

My favorite thing about little sleep is I can fall asleep at any time. Sometimes, if I sit down for too long, I doze off. My friends complain about not being able to fall asleep quickly when they want to take a nap. Not me. As soon as I close my eyes, I'm asleep. Sometimes it happens even if I don't mean to fall asleep. (This can be a problem if you fall asleep during a class, so watch out; I always drink two cups of coffee before a class so I don't fall asleep while sitting there.)

I know, I know, you wish you could enjoy all these side effects of little sleep. But you can! Just limit your sleep to five hours a night and soon you'll be moving slower, pounding the coffee, watching late night T.V. and falling asleep at the drop of a hat. You'll be enjoying a great life.