Life with baby
During the later part of the 90’s, my life consisted of
frequent outings to movie theatres, days
spent fishing, Saturday night dancing, fine dining, and many other
activities. On July 18th,
1999, my son, Andrew Martin Padilla, was born. He is the first
child born to my wife and
myself. Moments after his birth, I became very aware that my life
was about to change
significantly, just as many people had informed me during my wife’s
pregnancy. In the five and
a half short weeks he has been on this planet, it has become keenly
aware to me that many
changes are to come, some good, some great, and some bad.
Virtually each and every week during my wife’s pregnancy,
at least one person told me how
much my life was about to change. This was not a complete shock
to me, as I did have some
idea that my life would be different once my child came. The extent
to which it has changed and
will change, however, have been a bit of a surprise. My wife and
I were married on April 25,
1998. Prior to our meeting, I frequented WPLJ’s dance club
in Walnut Creek almost every
Friday and Saturday night. That is where I met her. On Saturday
and/or Sunday afternoons, I
could almost always be found viewing a first run movie in either
the Pleasant Hill, Walnut
Creek, Concord, or Berkeley areas. If not at the movies on Saturday,
I was quite often reeling in
a fish at Lafayette Reservoir. Approximately two meals a day were
purchased at a restaurant or
fast food facility. Marriage did not have a significant change
on any of these favorite activities
of mine, the only exception being that the number of meals purchased
outside of the home
decreased to about five times a week.
My son Andrew is six weeks old today. He has changed the lives
of my wife and myself
significantly. We have not been to the movies since the day before
his birth. Going to the
movies is almost impossible at this point. My wife is breast feeding
and only this week has she
begun to pump her milk in order to make bottle feeding possible.
We feel that we are still
several weeks away from baby-sitting. When we finally reach that
point, it will probably be
Andrew’s grand- mother or aunt who watch over him. Since
they both live in Antioch, we will
probably choose a movie playing in the Antioch area, rather than
doubling back to the Pleasant
Hill vicinity. At this point, taking our child with us to a movie
is out of the question, unless we
decide to go to a drive-in theatre. Very few people would be pleased
that a crying baby was
disrupting their viewing of the latest Harrison Ford movie. Having
viewed approximately forty
first run movies a year, during the later half of the 90’s,
I can tell you that I am going through
withdrawal. I am not very familiar with the process of waiting
for a movie to hit video. I enjoy
viewing and critiquing movies, in particular the various Academy
Award candidates and
Independent films.
Weekend dancing has also come to a screeching halt. Dancing
creates even more of a dilemma
than movie viewing. Within a couple of years, Andrew will be old
enough to sit through and
appreciate the latest film from Disney. Until he is twenty-one,
however, he will not be able to go
out dancing with us, which will probably not have much appeal
to him by that age. Until my son
and any future sibling reaches their mid-teens, a baby-sitter
will be necessary each and every
time that my wife and I desire to “shake our booties”
in public.
My wife has quit working to stay home with our child. She felt
that as a low paid pre-school
teacher, it did not make much sense to get paid to watch other
people’s children while paying
someone else to watch our child. I work full time and quite often
bring work home. With this in
mind, it has become very difficult to leave my family and go fishing.
I will admit that for the
most part my reasoning is primarily a guilt issue. I feel that
it would not be fair to my wife for
me to disappear every Saturday. In addition, I do not want to
miss my son’s youth. The
weekend accounts for about half of all the hours that I spend
with my wife and son.
Another feeling that only a parent can truly understand is
the immediate sense of responsibility
you feel after the birth of a child. Approximately an hour after
Andrew’s birth, I went to pick up
lunch for my wife and myself. Prior to his birth, I for all intents
and purposes, drove as fast as I
could, all of the time. As I drove to the cheesesteak fast food
restaurant, I realized that I was
driving with a caution previously unbeknownst to me. That cautious
driving has continued to
this day.
My first few nights of sleep were severely disrupted, but not
for the reasons you would think.
Sure, he needed to be fed or have a diaper changed during the
middle of the night, as do all
babies. My problem, however, resulted in my complete fear of sleeping
at the same time as my
wife and son. This idea was a completely scary concept to me.
If all three of us were asleep,
how would we know if he stopped breathing for some reason? Thus,
on several occasions I spent
up to three hours in the middle of the night just sitting next
to his bassinet watching television
and him. It took me several days and frequent reassurance from
my wife and other parents that I
could sleep at the same time as the rest of my family. In many
cases, the other parents had
already been through the same feelings that I was experiencing.
When my wife takes Andrew and drives to a destination without
me, I worry more than I have
ever worried about anyone. I have always been concerned for my
wife’s safety, but the thought
of this infant in a car without his daddy to protect him is scary.
I assume that my wife and I
would survive most automobile accidents, but my son is only six
weeks old. He is significantly
more fragile than either of us. I have always gotten upset with
people in automobiles who cut me
off, but now it has taken on a different feeling. The feeling
is more along the lines of “Hey
A__hole, you just endangered my beautiful precious child!”
Getting to a particular destination by a given time is a complete
adventure. If, for example, we
are going to the 10:30 a.m. Mass on Sunday morning, we need to
be driving out the driveway at
approximately 10:10 a.m. To accomplish this, we need to wake up
by about 8 a.m. The morning
consists of both my wife and myself bathing and getting dressed.
In addition, Andrew will
probably require two feedings during that time, one being his
first feeding of the day and the
other being in an effort to avoid a hungry baby at church. Andrew
also needs to be dressed. At
some point, usually when we have decided to walk out the door,
he will need a diaper change. In
addition, the small little package that is my son comes with lots
of stuff. My wife and/or myself
must make sure that his diaper bag has new diapers, diaper wipes,
plastic baggies for dirty
diapers, at least two pacifiers, a change of clothes, spit-up
cloths, and a few other items. Last,
my wife and I usually scrounge up ourselves something to eat for
a quick breakfast. Once we get
to the vehicle, we still have another time consuming event to
contend with, placement of the
baby in the car seat. On days when we take the stroller with us,
the packing up takes even
longer, since the stroller needs to be disassembled each and every
time it is taken out or put into
the vehicle.
Even home life is different. Rarely does more than two hours
go by without Andrew needing
care of some sort. His need can be hunger, a dirty diaper, pain
while passing gas, or simply, the
apparent need to be held by his parents. These needs make it difficult
and will continue to make
it difficult for my wife and myself to eat an uninterrupted dinner,
conduct sexual relations,
complete household chores, work on hobbies, or even write this
essay. I have already picked
Andrew up three times during this writing.
I may be the “head of the household,” but Andrew
clearly controls life in our home. Any time he
cries, either my wife or myself stop what we are doing and pick
him up to tend to his needs.. He
even has his own people who come to see him or who call to ask
about him, such as Grandma
Loretta or Uncle Carlos. My wife and myself were never this popular!
You can be told many
things about parenthood by many people, you can read numerous
books about raising a child,
you can even baby-sit another’s child, but until you’ve
had your own child, you have no idea of
what you are in store for. My son has completely disrupted my
life. He has turned it upside
down. Honestly, I wouldn’t have it any other way! He is a
complete joy. Every time I pick him
up and hold him or look into his beautiful blue eyes, I know that
I am going to love him till the
day I die. I look forward to his three siblings that my wife and
I plan on having. Most parents
would agree with me: a child leads to a lot of sacrifices and
is a lot of work, but well worth it!