A great book for new fathers
Ever since I found out that my wife and I were having our first
child, I have scanned or read
several books and magazines about raising a child. One book,
however, has stood out from all
the others. It prepares fathers for many of the emotions, events,
and other factors surrounding the
first year of a child’s life. It has helped me immensely.
The book is The New Father - A Dad’s
Guide to the First Year by Armin A. Brott. I would highly
recommend this book to any new
father or anyone desiring to be a father. It is a valuable source
of information that has aided me
substantially in the raising of my child and also in dealing with
my wife’s emotional state in the
days that followed my son’s birth.
My primary reason for enjoying the book is the way that it
is arranged. Each chapter discusses
items pertinent to one month in a child’s life, i.e. chapter
one explains factors relevant to the first
week of a baby’s life, chapter two deals with the first month,
chapter three provides information
for the second month, and so on. This makes it easy to locate
information for a specific period in
your baby’s first year. I have found it useful to read at
a pace that keeps me approximately a
couple of months ahead of my son’s age. The information
prepares me for the next month’s
developments. This information allows me the time to purchase
supplies, toys, or make other
necessary preparations. Knowing which events are coming also
allows me to watch more closely
for signs of development. Because our son was born eight days
late and doctors have informed
my wife and me that his development and size place him in the
ninetieth percentile of babies his
age, it is important to be prepared for these developments. In
many cases, my son has reached an
anticipated development at an earlier age than the age of the
typical baby. The frequent early
developments are the primary reasons that I have for reading approximately
two months ahead.
My son’s safety is of the utmost concern to my wife and me.
The information helps us to prepare
for various mobility improvements that would allow Andrew to maneuver
his way into a harmful
situation.
The book prepares a father for his mate’s emotional state
in the days and weeks that follow the
birth of their child. I am glad that this section was included.
My wife was a pre-school teacher
for several years prior to the birth of our child. She has always
been great with kids and wanted
more than anything to have a child of her own. I knew that she
would be a wonderful, loving
mother. If I had not read this book, I would have been shocked
by my wife’s emotional state
after our son’s birth. I would have expected her to be the
happiest woman on the planet, who
wanted nothing but the baby she waited all her life for, in her
arms all day long. That was not the
case. Luckily, I was prepared to expect what actually happened.
She was depressed, easily
annoyed by the crying baby, disgusted that she could not sleep
more than an hour or so at a time,
and extremely frustrated by the breast feeding experience. All
of these were typical symptoms of
postpartum depression, as described on pages 45 through 47 of
the book.
The book also discusses sexual relations after childbirth.
It is important to know about the
recovery time that your mate will need after she has given birth,
especially if the birth was
vaginal. Both parties may also be experiencing emotional issues.
These issues are discussed
early in the book. I think that most men would assume there was
something wrong with
themselves if they were not “dying” to have sexual relations
with their mate shortly after the
birth of their child or at least by the time the female was physically
capable. The author explains
that many couples may wait several months until resuming sexual
relations. In many cases, the
female may have physically and mentally recovered quicker than
the male, who may still be
dealing with emotional issues.
It is important that any new father realize that he may be
a second-class parent in the first few
weeks or months of his baby’s life. The author makes this
point clear, preparing the father for
the lack of love he may feel from his baby. When a woman is breast-feeding,
the father’s role in
the early months of his baby’s life is reduced even further.
These feelings can be extremely
difficult for a father, watching the baby bond with his mate and
not being able to experience that
same bonding himself.
As I mentioned earlier, this book teaches the new father when
to expect various developments.
In addition to the safety concerns that I wrote about previously,
it is important for the father to
know when to expect developmental advancements. Without this
information, a father may
become unnecessarily concerned, thinking that his child is slow
or has a serious problem. The
author gives the reader an approximate time frame in which to
expect events such as the first
smile, the first words, crawling, standing, walking, and holding
rattles.
I have read portions of other books and magazines written with
fathers in mind. I also read Paul
Reiser’s book titled Babyhood. His book is significantly
more informative than most people
would expect, because it is intended to be humorous. Neither
his book or any of the others that I
have looked at, however, compare with The New Father - A Dad’s
Guide to the First Year. It
is informative, well written, and accurate. I have been able
to anticipate numerous events that
have occurred during the first ten weeks of my son’s life.
I enjoy reading the book and intend to
purchase the follow-up book titled The New Father - A Dad’s
Guide to the Toddler Years by
the same author. Mr. Brott’s experiences and research have
made him an excellent resource for
the new father.
Brott, Armin A. The New Father - A Dad’s Guide to
the First Year.
New York. London. Paris: Abbeville Press, 1997.
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Questions? Brian McKinney (bmckinne@home.com)