A survival guide for riding in Portuguese taxis
research
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Less than twenty-four hours after arriving in Portugal, I was introduced to my first taxi ride. I was traveling with a native Portuguese girl, Sandra Batista. Sandra called a taxi to take us to our home.
I hadn't, yet, experienced a taxi ride in Portugal. I had heard how dreadful these rides can be, especially the first time.
"Consider yourself forewarned," a friend had cautioned a few minutes before I boarded the plane. He was, of course, referring to the taxi drivers in Portugal. I laughed.
"The taxi drivers can't be that bad," I reasoned with him. He laughed. He had the last laugh. In fact, he still laughs about my ignorance.
The taxi pulled up and Sandra and I got in. She took the passenger's seat; I sat in the rear. I felt calm. After the first acceleration, that serenity transformed to sheer panic and nausea. I was praying silently as I held on for dear life.
Sandra was nonchalant; she animatedly spoke in Portuguese to the driver. The spoken language was foreign to me; her body language was not. She was completely unaffected.
Fifteen minutes later we arrived home. "For cars and motorcycles the speed limits are 60 kilometers per hour (37 m.p.h.) in built up areas (city streets)." (Baedeker 388) Our driver was averaging about 90 kilometers per hour (55 m.p.h.). Sandra thanked and tipped our driver. I lost my lunch in the nearest bush.
It was my first "near-death experience," as I like to call it; little did I know, I would endure several more experiences similar to this one in the following year and a half, while residing in Portugal. After several months of fearing, my life, followed by vomiting, I decided to create a method for relaxation in the Portuguese taxi.
First, give yourself time to prepare for the event. You will need a good amount of time to think about and prepare for your excursion. Meditation is powerful. In Lamaze classes, for example, you are told to have a calm and peaceful setting to think about when labor pains get climactic and intense; the Portuguese taxi ride qualifies as "intense." Prepare your mind by thinking of a peaceful scene; this scene could be a beach or a forest setting. Pondering a roller coaster ride would not be a good idea. Thinking through an entire calm setting can put your mind into "relax" mode. Now, you're on your way to repose.
Next, visit your local pharmacy. Ask for three medications. First, sea bands or Dramamine. Both of these medications are used to calm a nauseous stomach caused by motion-sickness. Take a hefty dose of the Dramamine and wear those sea bands with the buttons on the proper pressure points in the wrist. Second, Valium or another tranquilizer. Valium helps you to relax. After taking Valium, you shouldn't be feeling any stress. Third, an enema. An enema will clean out your bowels, so that when that extreme fear for your life hits, you won't make a mess in the back seat of the taxi. That could be humiliating.
After visiting the pharmacy, visit your attorney. Tell him that you need to make out a living trust and a will. It is important to have these legal documents in case you don't survive the ride. After all, you are risking your life. You will want your loved ones to have security if your near death experience is more than "near."
Now you need to make sure that you have all the needed items in your handbag or purse. You will need a distraction. I would suggest a Walkman. You can lose yourself in the music. The music will take your mind away from the fear. Perhaps a nature-type CD that simulates that serene setting that you are planning to create in your mind. Also, bring a barf bag. Don't plan on using it, but have it just in case. Interior cleaning for taxis can be very expensive.
It's time to take the trip. You have planned well. Now, comes the tricky part. No matter how big of a hurry you are in, never tell the driver that you are in a rush. He will already be driving like a maniac; he doesn't need an additional reason to hustle.
Another piece of advice: "Keep your mouth shut!" You do not want to distract your driver in any way. Don't talk to him. Don't give lengthy responses to his questions. State the destination. Other than that, keep your trap shut. Act too busy to talk. Trust me; it's for your own good.
The taxi starts moving into traffic. You're instantly whipping around and your stomach is forming more knots than you learned as a scout. You're feeling pretty calm because of the tranquilizer; you are still nervous. Anxiety is to be expected. Put on the headphones, turn up the music, and think of that serene setting. Read a book. Take a nap. Do anything, except look out the windows. If you can avoid doing this, you will survive the ride.
Finally, the ride is coming to a grand finale. Don't fool yourself into thinking you are home free. The final stop is the worst part. Everything in your lap could go flying; everything in your stomach could erupt. Brace yourself. The taxi comes to a screeching halt. You pay the driver and give him a tip.
Congratulations! You've conquered your fear. Now you know you can do it again. Believe me, each trip gets easier.
Reference
Baedeker Stuttgart, Baedeker's PORTUGAL, New Updated
Edition, 1992 United Kingdom and Ireland Edition: US and Canadian
Edition Prentice Hall Press, 1992