The Salem Cowtippers topmid_players.jpg (19715 bytes)
Monkeyballs"Monkeyballs"
by Lewis Michaels

Prologue | Chapter 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | 11 | 12

Chapter Six: The Eye of the Hurricane

“We’ve entered the eye of the hurricane,” Reuschel says, as he washes down a few dozen pizza bagels with a Diet Coke on a Tuesday afternoon. It is eerily quiet inside the Salem front office. The phone has stopped ringing, staffers have come out of hiding, and Glander sits behind his desk, reading a dog-eared copy of “The Art of War.” It is a stark contrast to the frenzy of activity this room has seen over the past several weeks.

“We’re just waiting for that phone call from ‘Nova,” says Reuschel. “Nothing happens here until we get that call.”

That call will reveal whether or not Villanova GM Tony Chamra will trade his prized pitcher, Brandon Webb, to Salem. If Webb comes on board, Salem’s Draft Day strategy completely changes. Acquiring an outfielder would become the main focus of the auction, with a few million spread out between a #4 starter and a catcher. If the trade doesn’t occur, Salem goes back to the drawing board. Until that decision arrives, the Salem front office has nothing to do but wait.

Chamra has been presented with four separate trade offers, all involving various combinations of players, prospects and salary. The fifth option, of course, is to simply walk away from the table. Glander and Reuschel enjoy a casual lunch together this afternoon, then return to find a message waiting for them at the front desk. The entire office has been vacated, sending a clear signal that the message is not positive. Staffers have fled so quickly, phones are left dangling off their hooks, water is left running in the sink and jackets are left hanging on their hooks. Apparently, whatever that message says, it has caused the entire staff to drop whatever they were doing and run for the nearest exit. Glander clicks on the message.

Chamra has chosen option number six.

The offer now on the table is the same as the night before. Chamra still insists upon throwing in Hanrahan along with Harden, Reed and the entire $6.5 million of Beltre’s salary. Phillips will not be added to Villanova’s side.

Glander is so furious, steam pours out of his collar, a vein pops in his forehead and his keyboard is pulverized into sand.

“Who does that (bleeping bleep bleep) think he is?!?,” Glander screams. “He’s messing with the wrong (bleeping bleep)!! This is (bleeping) outrageous!!”

An hour later, after Glander has trashed the entire office once again, he and Reuschel sit down to assess the offer, as calmly and rationally as possible.

“You think he’s bluffing?,” asks Reuschel, through a mouth full of barbequed potato chips.

“No,” replies Glander, his voice hoarse from screaming. “If we walk away now, he puts Webb on the block, then you know what will happen next.”

They both nod their head in silent agreement. If Webb were to hit the open market, what would inevitably happen next is that Villanova would accept an offer for Webb that would be far less than what the Cowtippers are offering. It happened with Roy Halladay, it happened with Matt Clement, it happened with Joe Mauer, it happened with Carlos Zambrano, and it has happened countless other times in the past. Nothing is more frustrating to Glander than winning the bidding war, but losing the player.

“You know, we really don’t need Hanrahan,” Reuschel says after a long pause.

“I know…but it’s the principle, Big Daddy.”

“Are you willing to let Webb walk on principle?”

Glander exhales deeply, then begins pacing around the office. Big Daddy is right. Hanrahan is expendable. Reed is expendable, too. With Berkman and Kearns locked up through the 2008 season, there is room for only one more player in the Salem outfield, and that player will hopefully be Chris Snelling. If not Snelling, there are plenty of other outfielders on the free agent market to choose from each year.

If Reed and Hanrahan are truly expendable, then the trade basically boils down to Rich Harden in exchange for Webb and $6.5 million in salary. Glander would gladly pay $6.5 million for a pitcher like Webb. That $11 million Salem had earmarked toward Curt Schilling would then go toward Webb, with $4.4 million remaining to spread between an outfielder and a catcher. When framed in that way, there really is nothing left to consider.

“Get Chamra on the phone,” Glander orders. “We’ve got ourselves a deal.”

Next up:
Chapter Seven: The Aftermath