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Thursday, July 31, 2003 ( 6:24 PM ) EK B - Of Salary and Salad I got paid today. This is a good thing. I would have been paid earlier today, but my boss sat yakking to someone for an hour about baseball. God, baseball. How in the fuck can baseball conversation take up an entire hour? Oh well, as long as I got the check by lunch, so I could take it to the bank, deposit it, and prepare to spend. Which I have indeed done. You know, I'm not a good shopper, never have been. And I don't mean value-wise. Although I'm probably not a good shopper in that sense either. I just buy what I want. I'll never forget the fight Mr M and I had in the mushroom aisle at Kroger. He was upset because he didn't like the prices of the mushrooms for the meat loaf we were having. He kept waffling back and forth between jars of mushrooms. You see, jar one was more expensive, but the actual PPM (price per mushroom) was cheaper. And the other jar was cheaper, but had about 3 less mushrooms, therefore the PPM was higher. And I kept saying, "get the cheaper jar!" And he kept saying, "But it's not the cheaper jar, look, the PPM is higher!" (Although I can promise you Mr M has never used, and will never use, the term "PPM.") And I kept saying, "It's for a meat loaf! If there are three less mushrooms in the meat loaf, who's gonna know??" And I think it was at that point he walked away from me, and very obviously avoided me through every other aisle at Kroger. (We ended up with the cheaper jar, though. Only I couldn't find him to show him that, with him hiding there behind the suntan oil display.) But what I mean about not being a good shopper is, well, I guess basically, I hate to do it. I've never been a person who "goes to the store" (as my mother did all those years) every week for groceries and sundries. I'm just one person. I pick up a few things here, a few there, if I run out I do without till I want to go back. Then every few weeks or so I have to end up making a list-checking, aisle-crawling, checking-account-busting, four-trips-from-the-car-and-back-carrying-it-all-in, all-inclusive trip to the store. And I did that today. I was in dire need of: garlic pills, contact lens solution, shampoo, conditioner, hair goop (that would be "gel" to those of you who don't use so much of it), Rolaids, deodorant (that's important), a new toothbrush, vhs blank tapes, orange juice, then whatever foodstuffs I need to sustain me for the nearish future. Including stuff for my salad. I have to go to a Sauerkraut Band party this weekend that's starting as a practice and ending as a party. Or maybe starting as a practice and continuing into a party and ending as a knock-down/drag-out brawl. I've never been to one of these before, but that's what someone told me. And of course, since I've never been before, I've got the absolute shits being nervous about going. Because of course, everyone's going to hate me. Anyway, beer and brats are being provided. It's up to us to bring the side dishes. And you know me and cooking. If you'll recall my pre-Thanksgiving blogs, while others are being asked to bring casseroles and cakes, I'm being asked to bring paper plates. And these folks don't know yet that I'm the paper plate-bringing type. So I've decided to try my Hoppin' John salad on them. I haven't made it in probably five years, but when I have in the past it's been a success, a "success" being defined as no one's thrown it in the floor, or keeled over to their eternal rest after ingesting it. The Hoppin' John salad came to be one night when a bunch of us were in Atlanta. We were having dinner at Pittypat's Porch, and this was back when they had this salad bar that was fantastic (if I recall correctly, they've scaled it way down last time I was there). It had all these different vegetable and fruit and pasta salads that went on forever. And our favorite was the Hoppin' John salad. This night, after my sister, our friend Leslie, and I had had way too many "Pittypat's Pitch" drinks (those fruity vodka drinks that taste just like Kool-aid, then you realize your legs won't work anymore), we decided to put our talents to the test deciphering the ingredients of the Hoppin' John salad. Two points here. One: I have no talent in this area. I mean, if the salad has big noodles floating around in it, I can come up with "big noodles" as an ingredient, but that's about it. My sister and Leslie, however, are kitchen whizzes. And two: It didn't really matter, even with one talentless person on the deciphering team and three heads full of vodka, because this is one salad where the ingredients are quite easily deciphered. You can see and taste them all in short order. So here's the salad. It's rice, corn, black-eyed peas, green onions, jalapenos, all mixed together and chilled in an oil and vinegar type marinade. I know, it doesn't sound like an ambrosia of ingredients in combination, but it does work well. I hope it does, anyway, or my feelings may be hurt when I find Hoppin' John salad stuffed in the plants, and in between the cushions of the couch, and in the cat's bowl, and et cetera. Then next time they'll ask me to bring paper plates. As God intended. # Wednesday, July 30, 2003 ( 11:25 PM ) EK B - Pbbbt Hi, buds and budettes. I've worked, I've swum (swam?), I've eaten, I've drunk. I'm tired, and I've lost one game of checkers and one game of Scrabble to Mr M. I'm defeated and I haven't an idea as to what to blog about. So.....Pbbbbbbbbt! Tonight, a special shout-out to Venice, who was, because of a liiiiiittle bitty boo boo by the Blogathon team, not mentioned in my "thank you's" at the end of things. (They neglected to tell me she sponsored.) So thank you to Venice. Another shout-out to LilyG, who's not so scary at the moment because she seems to be quite under the weather. Ooooh, or does that make her scarier? Something to ponder. And while we were speaking of telethonish feats, my very own Sherman is performing one himself of Herculean heights. Seems Sherman wants a doggie, and has taken to standing on his head until I give in. It's been three days now, and he's still at it. If he's still at it tomorrow night, maybe I can get a picture. He seems very determined. Geez, I feel like such a slug. I need energized! # Tuesday, July 29, 2003 ( 10:00 PM ) EK B - Living In The Box I've had a really down and draggy past couple of days. I'm tired, apathetic, described by those around me as "awful quiet," sleepy, and slightly depressed and disgruntled. I'm blaming it on the Blogathon. But not really in the way you'd think. I talked to my folks on Sunday afternoon and tried to explain to them the fun and frenzy that was Blogathon 2003. They listened, well, I suppose they did, they could have put the phone receiver down and gone and made a sandwich. But the only reaction I got from them was when I mentioned that in the wee hours of Sunday, Stennie had decided to put up her kitty Buster for governor of California. That got my dad and he had a great laugh. But they didn't understand what went on, really. I think they think I just sat in a chair 24 hours and goofed off to raise some money. When I got to work Monday, no one even mentioned it. Everyone's way too wrapped up in their own lives to give a shit about what's going on in mine. I've no idea why this came as some kind of revelation to me. It's been like that a long time. I hear what's up with everyone else, then when it gets to be my turn to tell, everyone goes their separate ways. And I don't even know that I care, save for the fact that I sit and listen to them. I feign interest. The least they could do is reciprocate and feign a little for me. In the case of the Blogathon, though, it probably wouldn't have mattered. Unless you were around, the excitement of the day was completely lost. And these people - including my family - think sitting in front of a computer when you're not at work is a colossal waste of time and energy. And therein lies the problem. The real revelation. I'm finding that the people I care most about in this world are, as Mr M calls it, "in the ether." When I have a problem, something really weighing on me, whether it's being fed up at work, or self-loathing taking me over again, or my dad using that tone of voice at me that says, "you're a layabout and you never were my favorite" and making me want to cry, do I call up a friend? Mom? My sister?? No fuckin' way. Why would I? I go online. Stennie knows how it feels, we share a brain, as apparently do our dads as well. So I email her and vent. When I've been at my downest and darkest, my online buddies (and you know who you are) have said the most incredibly kind and encouraging things to me, extended invitations to come visit them, sent me cheer-up cards - I don't get that from people in real life. People in real life have problems of their own, and - well, to paraphrase a quote from Designing Women's Suzanne Sugarbaker - they have a plan and I'm not in it. Thank God I have Mr M. A real person I can actually touch and tug on and hug. He's my living embodiment of an internet friend. And that's because, of course, we first "met" online, many years ago. He's a dream come true - an internet buddy who came to live near me. I often wish I could fill my life with all my internet buddies. They could live in town, or surrounding areas. I'd never want for someone to go to dinner with, or go to the movies, or just sit around and watch TV. And then I realize that probably wouldn't work. We'd all be busy with our jobs and activities, complaining to each other when we happen upon each other in the grocery, "We never get together and do things! When are we gonna get together and do something?" We used to talk in #Squeeze about having a Squeeze Party. Picking a central location, be it New York or Chicago, and all flocking to that city for a weekend of fun and frivolity. And of course, it never came to pass. Although I did spend the Millennium New Year's in Reno with Stennie and Eric, which was a blast of proportions totally unrelayable. And a bunch of us #Squeezesters met in DC to catch a Glenn Tilbrook show, and had a great time. I introduced Mr M into the #Squeeze community fairly early on. I loved him, I loved them, and so I wanted them to all love each other. He still pops in to this day, although I'm not overly sure what he thinks. I used to think he probably just tolerated us, but a couple of times I've found him in there before I was there to invite him, so I know he must like it. And the night of the Blogathon Jellybean came by #Squeeze and stayed with us and chatted a while. And everyone got along. You know why? Because nice people are just nice people, no matter what branch of your friendship tree they come from. And in the end, where the Blogathon was concerned, online friends outnumbered real life friends 2 to 1. 12 to 6, to be exact. Now, the interesting part of this is that four of the six real lifers were family members, who we all know are obligated to support, right? I counted Mr M and his buddy the Deep Fat Friar in the internet grouping, since that's where they originated from. So take out my family and it's 12 to 2, onliners. And check this out: two more people in my real life? Stiffed me for sponsorship. Flat-out stiffed me, after I asked them for support. Maybe I should print this out and keep it with me. And whip it out when someone asks me why I spend so much friggin' time on the internet. # ( 9:24 PM ) EK B - Acrowinners! Well, well, well, well well well well well well well well well well well. I do believe someone is tallying up the final scores even as we speak and we should be announcing an acrowinner soon. Too late now for bribes. The very icky letters this week were I V I E M I. And the entries were: *It's very interesting, Elizabeth -- M's inquisitor? *I value ice, even mushy igloos. *Inside Venice -- it's exciting, moving, invigorating. *In, Victor, in! Enter me! In! *I'm virtualy inebriated, Elizabeth, my idol. *Insipid viruses invade even my intestines. *Introducing: Viral inserts - entering market. Inexplicable! *Izzard's very inner Eddie meditates introspectively. *Ingmar's voluminous insects eat mainly intestines. *I've vacationed in eastern Marshalltown, Iowa. *In Vienna I've entertained many industrialists. *Itching, vomiting, inflamed ego....maybe insane. *If vanquishing isn't evil, move in! *In Venice, Italy, even Mandy's immoral. *Indeed, vegetarianism interests elderly matrons. Interesting! And now here he is, the toast of the Tidewater area, the bacon of Blacksburg, the egg of the Eastern Seabord.........Mr M! Although there were many clever entries this week, the sheer perversity of Michelle's Introducing: Viral inserts - entering market. Inexplicable! made it stand out for me...so to speak. (I've gotten viral infections before, but never in quite that way. It may be inexplicable now, but I'm sure it would soon catch on in California.) Well, I told him to be entertaining. I wouldn't say that compared to, say, a hip-shaking number from Pelvis Parsley or anything. (But if I may be honest, he did pick the one I would have.) # Monday, July 28, 2003 ( 6:49 PM ) EK B - Acrochallenge! It is Monday, and you all know what that means! Yes, the workweek's just begun and we're all feeling shitty. But! It also means it's time for a round of Acrochallenge! We're going to have a guest judge this week. For some reason, out of the blue, Mr M asked me if he could judge the acros this week, and well, my being afraid of him and all, how could I say no. I mean, really. Have you ever gotten the evil eye from Mr M? So, I'm going to randomly draw the tiles from the acrobasket, and you all have three entries to give me the best acronym to the corresponding letters. (btw, the letters in the acrobasket are Scrabble tiles. Let Mr M tell you about my Scrabble game Sunday night.) The judging will begin at 9pm est on Tuesday. And here are the letters: I V I E M I Damn. That's ugly, isn't it. Well, I can only post what the acrobasket gives me. So, what are you waiting for? # Sunday, July 27, 2003 ( 11:16 PM ) EK B - Post Traumatic Blog Syndrome Why am I blogging now, after just posting 48 blogs in 24 hours during the Blogathon? Because I'm afraid if I don't, I'll never blog again! I was off to bed this morning by about 9:30, after rising at 8:30 on Saturday morning. I had decided, after much discussion with Stennie, in what fashion I would sleep, in Comfy Chair, atop bed with blankie, or diving into bed under the covers. I'd said I was opting for the diving in, but when the time came, I went into the bedroom and laid down on the bed with a blankie. After about 15 minutes of being cold and not sleeping, I re-opted and did the diving in under the covers. And slept till about 1pm. Then I rose and milled around a little, and moved to the Comfy Chair to doze. But dozing would not come. So I watched a movie I'd rented, "The Good Girl," which was very good, btw, and then I started to doze off and on till about 7:30 or so. I'm still draggy and tired, and I'm wondering how I'm going to feel tomorrow at work. But I shall survive. If I survived yesterday, I can take anything. I'd been hedging watching "The Good Girl," because I'm not really what you'd call a Jennifer Anniston fan. But she was quite good in this movie, which is about the trouble a bored married woman gets into when she decides to begin an affair, and her friends start finding out (as they always do). And it also starred someone near and dear to me, Tim Blake Nelson, "Delmar" from "O Brother, Where Art Thou." The other movie I rented was directed by Nelson, "The Grey Zone," about Sonderkommandos - Jews who prepared fellow Jews for the gas chambers in Nazi camps. That's an awfully heavy subject to tackle when one's resistance is down, so I deferred on that one till tomorrow. One thing I found so strange about yesterday and last night. It seemed like the longer I stayed up, the drier my skin got, till around 4:00 this morning my hands were like chalk! There must be something about sleeping with your hands under covers that moisturizes them. I've been slathering lotion on my hands and arms since then, and they're still dry. I mean, I know I had it pretty damn cold in here to stay awake, but I'm not kidding. Chalk! Oh, and something that came out of the weirdness that was the Blogathon of 6:00 this morning...Stennie has decided she's entering her kitty Buster in the race for the governorship of California. She said she's "been considering it for some time," but realized with the recall that the time is right. So support Buster for Governor! (This was, by the way, the same hour at which she invited us all to "sponsor her tired ass" in the Blogathon. It was a long night.) # ( 9:00 AM ) EK B - Mission Accomplished Well, bloggers and bloggees, ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls and children of all ages, guess what. I have just completed Blogathon 2003. It's been a wild 24 hours, and I've loved it. I've typed harder, thought harder, surfed harder, and definitely laughed harder than I ever though possible. I just want to thank Ed and the Community Band for letting me try to raise some funds for them. And most of all I want to thank my buddies and family members who sponsored me. You really have no idea how touched I was that you'd help me out. So thank you to: Mom, Dad, Pat, Brian, Sandy, Mr M, DeepFatFriar, Stennie, LilyG, Mike, Michelle, Feffer, King Tom, Kellie, and my new buddies Jellybean and Krizzer. Special thanks to Mr M who came to visit me, LilyG who sympathy blogged with us, DeepFatFriar who was there on Messenger, and Stennie who got me through those brutal early hours. And to all of you who were there online, in chat and with your comments, believe me, that kept us from giving up. Or me, anyway. And now you know what I'm gonna do? I'm going to put on my jammies and pretend it's dark outside. And sleep. Thanks again! # ( 8:30 AM ) EK B - 8:30 I cannot believe I'm so close to finishing the Blogathon. It started out so frantically and busily yesterday morning, and the time flew. Everyone was on line, everyone was talking and trading blogs back and forth. I had a million ideas. Around 3:30 this morning, the ideas were failing and the Sandman was trying to get me to nap. Then at 5:00, when #squeeze closed shop and Stennie had to watch a movie in earnest, I thought I'd never make it through the last four hours. And now it looks like I'm going to. These last few hours, when it's just been Stennie and me (till early risers Lily and Deep Fat Friar came round to keep us company again), we had the discussion at one point of how we were going to go to bed. I couldn't decide between the Comfy Chair with a blankie, the top of the bed with a blankie, or just diving right into the covers like it was night-time. No question for Stennie. She was divin' in. I think I shall be too. This has been an experience like no other. And it's been a blast. And I made some money (hopefully, now it's your turn) for the Community Band. And it's almost over! # ( 8:00 AM ) EK B - Well. Looks like someone's gonna have to change instruments yet again.  What's your inner band instrument? (By the way the "definately" was these people's spelling not mine, thank you very much. I guess it was a flute player typing.) # ( 7:31 AM ) EK B - Musical Instruments I Should Like But Don't Violin - too prissy Trumpet - too loud Saxophone - too nasal Harmonica - too breathy Organ - too churchy Musical Instruments I Shouldn't Like But Do Oboe - pleasing Bassoon - happy Accordion - goofy (in a good way) French Horn - Alpine Autoharp - folksy # ( 7:00 AM ) EK B - Boy, Mike's just savin' my ass here. I should have pulled this list out earlier. Let's do one more round of Mike's Blog Topics. Why Elvis Costello Rules Well, my darlings, I could have started this one at 9am Saturday and still not be finished. The man is a Prince among men and a God among princes. He's the tops, he's the Tower of Pisa, he's the smile on the Mona Lisa. (with gapped teeth.) George Michael vs Andrew Ridgely: Who'd Win In A Fight? You've got to be kidding. These two would stand around and bitch slap each other until everyone went home. If anyone could have an edge it might be Andrew simply because of the seething hatred he must feel for George, breaking up Wham! and going off on his own and leaving Andrew with no talent. Best Drinks To Get Drunk On Beer and shots of Goldschlager or Jaegermeister Long Island Iced Teas Whatever my sister and I were drinking in the pool Friday Best Fast Food Restaurants Wendy's Arby's Fazzoli's Why People Might Think I'm Gay Again, is this me or Mike? Cause if it's Mike, well.... If it's me, on the other hand: I always have short hair. I seldom wear dresses. I never wear heels. I don't have a shape. I have a low voice. I'm always talking about going to bed with Michelle and Heidi. I've been seen in a gay bar. Coolest Gay Celebrities Ever You know, there's actually a blogger during the blogathon keeping a list of this very thing. And let me tell you, that list rocks. I'll sure I'll be using his. Graham Norton Alan Cumming Steven Fry Hugh O'Brian Michael Stipe Danny Kaye Rupert Everett # ( 6:30 AM ) EK B - Let's go back to Mike's Magic MishMash Of Merchandise for some more blog topics. Songs About Me Now is this about me? Or about Mike? About me, there's "Shadow Boy," by Scruffy the Cat, "I'm A Loser," by the Beatles, and "I Never Picked Cotton," by Roy Clark. About Mike, "Sex Machine," by James Brown, "Glad To Be Gay," by the Tom Robinson Band, and "Timothy," by the Buoys. Coolest Ways To Kill People I read "The Lovely Bones" several months ago, where the perfect murder weapon was an icicle. You stab someone to death with it and it melts, thus eliminating evidence. But personally, I'm all about killing people with my bare hands. Best Stuff To Eat For Breakfast Egg Sandwiches (with cheese, bacon optional) Pizza Ice Cream Home Fries Waffles Churches Lead Very Small Rocks And a Coke Books I'd Like To Read (but probably never will) Moby Dick (if only to discuss with Mr M) My Life, by Arnold Stang Any Albert Ellis Book "Sorry, Mom!" (What To Do When Your Mom Finds That Box You'd Been Hiding) # ( 6:00 AM ) EK B - Flash Back I pledged to you at the beginning of the Blogathon that I was reprinting 2 blogs. I still don't know if I feel comfortable with that, reprinting things. So why do I feel more comfortable with linking? Couldn't possibly tell you but I do. I can remember doing two distinctly band-related blogs in my history, one funny, one not. If you're trying desperately to stay up and need some reading material, try these out. One is about band music, it's September 28, 2002. The other is about my band experiences, and it's May 21, 2002. Enjoy. # ( 5:30 AM ) EK B - You know, I was given something last night. A secret weapon. I was wondering if I'd have to use it, and it looks like maybe I shall. Let's bring it out..... careful, careful........ there. Blog Topics From Mike!! Just in case anyone out there didn't know, Mike, the magnificent blogless bastard, just happens to be the king of coming up with ideas for blogging. If the man would actually get off his sweet patootie (and it is sweet, no mistake) and have a blog, it would be the toast of the town. Let's look at this list he's given me.... Let's start with these. Now I'm not going to go into elaborate essays on these, let's just pick a couple and give some answers. Ranking The Monkees: Easy peasy - 1. Mike - While not the most likeable, Mike was the most talented, sang well, and his later success bears this out. 2. Peter - Definitely the cutest and most likeable, had a musical background. Probably did the most drugs. 3. Mickey - An all around good schlub, pretty smart-alecky. Had creepy hair, but was pretty funny. 4. Davy - Little talent. Little man. Danced well, had the accent. But that's about all. Famous People I Could Probably Be Real Friends With * Queen Elizabeth (we're namesakes) * director Lars Von Trier (I don't see his movies, he doesn't see my blog) * Spongebob Squarepants (we have the same dress sense) * That guy who plays the brother on "Everybody Loves Raymond" # ( 5:00 AM ) EK B - Four more hours to go. #Squeeze has shut down. Stennie's watching a movie. I'M ALONE!!!!! So what am I going to do? I've still got "Black and White Overnight" to keep me going, and "Bugs and Daffy" are on the Cartoon Network. I can walk through the house, but I don't want to give myself a chance to sit on the couch, or heaven forbid, the comfy chair. I had to sit on the bed when I took out my contact lenses, and I really didn't want to get up. Mr M left his tobacco pouch, maybe I'll sit and smell it a while. Maybe I'll take it and try to fashion a cigarette out of some tissue paper. Or one of those lip savers I mentioned earlier today. I could get out the clarinet and go at it again, but I'm bleary-eyed and frankly, I don't think motor skills and reflexes are up to it. I could start the Simpson's jigsaw puzzle I've had, unopened, since before I moved. But a jigsaw puzzle would probably put me to sleep even if I was standing up. I know! I'll order from late night TV commercials. "Country's Greatest Hits," a bottle of Leptoprin, and a Scoot-around Scooter. Or maybe not. I could go wash my face again. Maybe I'll try that one. Amazing how quickly fatigue hits. All right!!! Things are looking up - the contestant on "What's My Line" is a chicken plucker! I've been given the will to go on! # ( 4:30 AM ) EK B - What I've Seen On TV Today I've had the TV keep me company for part of the day while participating in the Blogathon. Even when Mr M was here to keep me real-person company. Let's see if we can recap some of my viewing: Movie, "Bob Roberts" (started it before Blogging began) "Last of the Summer Wine" (Britcom) "As Time Goes By" (Britcom) "One Foot In The Grave" (Britcom) "Home To Roost" (Horrible Britcom) "My Hero" (Stupid Britcom) Movie, "Bugs Bunny Superstar" Bits of movie on video, "The Lion In Winter" Video, "Eddie Izzard: Unrepeatable" "Soap" (Sitcom) "Square Pegs" (Sitcom) "Fernwood 2-Night" (Great Sitcom) "Bewitched" (Sitcom) "The Dick Van Dyke Show" (Sitcom, watched till I realized it was one where Rob's in the army) "The Newlywed Game" (Game Show, yes, I'm as embarrassed as hell, but we're being honest) "Hollywood & Crime" (Court TV show;Bob Barker's sex lawsuits) Now I'm watching, well, it just went off, VH-1's "Before They Were Stars" where I got to see Kid Rock dancing in a high school dance recital. To "The Age of Aquarius" by the Fifth Dimension. Outta-site, Kid! It also showed Madonna as a cheerleader, and in a student film where she let an egg run off of her mouth as if it were, well, you know, just imagine it. Even then, ever the slut. Oh, I also got to see Motley Crue's Tommy Lee in his share of dance recitals, tap and ballet. I saw one of these not too long ago with Justin Timberlake (aged 12 or so) in a beauty contest. Now, I'll be very honest and say that as these boy band people go, Justin's pretty fair, and I don't have much against him. But these clips. My Lord, had I known someone was showing these? He was not only in the talent portion, but the beauty as well, modelling evening wear, sportswear, activewear. And, well, as you suppose he would, he won the big grand prize. And he cried. Ahhhhhh. And I now just found Game Show Network's "Black & White Overnight." "To Tell The Truth," "What's My Line," "I've Got A Secret." Peggy Cass! Orson Bean! # ( 4:00 AM ) EK B - Music the Community Band Will Definitely Not Be Buying With Your Kind Contributions Singin’ In The Mud O Lord, What Is My Hairdo All About 867-5309 Ext 2247 Press 1 Press 1 Press Pound My Heart Got A Smash In The Face The Pater Familius March Upon My Merry Thresher Never Hit Your Grandma With A Great Big Stick The 1813 Overture Prosciutto Y Pimiento For Winds Number 7 I Drowned Our Son # ( 3:30 AM ) EK B - Music the Community Band Will Most Likely Not Be Buying With Your Kind Contributions Gin N' Juice In A Gadda Da Vida The Orange Blossom Special Turning Japanese The Theme to "60 Minutes" Rock Lobster Papa’s Got A Brand New Bag Surfin’ Bird I Love Onions The Pearl Girl Tampon Song # ( 3:00 AM ) EK B - Most Bizarre Band Moments - WINNER! The winner of the most bizarre band moment is such that it really can not be described well. It happened between Mr M and I, who were playing off the same stand at a concert. And oddly enough, the concert was at the self same retirement village that our last runner up happened at. We were playing a lovely arrangement of songs from the musical "Guys and Dolls." Now, a little background on this. The piece starts out with the trumpet race call, you know, think post-time at the Kentucky Derby. Then the band hits two notes, with a rest in between, and "Fugue For Tinhorns" starts right in, and we're off on our way. Well, on this particular night, the post-time trumpet call came, and when we hit the two notes - the first note a B natural and the next a C - I, in my infinite not paying attention, hit a Bb and a C. And Mr M, in the one count rest in the music before "Fugue For Tinhorns" started, let out a blaspheme that absolutely knocked me over laughing, and I'll never get over it in a million years. Of course, only I heard it, so no one else even knew what was going on. And since it can't be really explained that well, Mr M and I, for you, the reader, have lovingly recreated it . Just click here and relive the most bizarre band moment in Community Band history. Hope you enjoy it. # ( 2:30 AM ) EK B - Bizarre Band Moments Runner Up One of our most enjoyed - and enjoyable places to play is a local retirement village. The folks there are very nice, very appreciative, and they always have a good time when we play. It is a joy. My next Bizarre Band Runner Up moment comes from a concert there. It was summer, and we were playing an outdoor concert for the folks. It was a lovely evening, and there were lots of residents out listening to us. We played our show, and were well-received. As Mr M and I were putting up our horns - clarinets, to be exact. Plain old clarinets - a nice and friendly lady came up to us. Not an elderly lady, looked to be late fifties or so. And she said, "This was so wonderful tonight. This was so nice it took me right back to my days at Julliard." Then she asked. "What are those horns you're playing?" As Mike, man of mystery remarked upon being told this, "Maybe she studied poly-sci at Julliard." # ( 2:00 AM ) EK B - Awwwwwwwwwwwww Aww, guys, look who came to help me out at the Blogathon. What a sweetie. # ( 1:30 AM ) EK B - Bizarre Band Moment Runner Up We've had some wild things happen in the history of the band. I mean, when you go out and bring music to the people, sometimes the people are going to be not what you're expecting. We've had odd concerts, like the one where we had one trombone, one trumpet, and sixteen flutes and a French horn or something like that. Basically a combo of instruments where no song will work. But we soldiered on and did the job. The first of the runner-ups for bizarre band moments happened in the little town of Narrows, VA. The folks of Narrows are so sweet, and when we play there lots of people show up to hear the music and socialize. This concert happened at the town's municipal park which is nicknamed, oddly enough, "The Boon." (Don't ask me, I don't know.) Narrows is right on the banks of the New River. Which makes for a beautiful scene, but the bugs? Well, let me tell you! So I had decided that this year I was not going be eaten up by bugs. I came equipped with a can of Off. This was the first concert we played after I'd gotten my brand new wooden oboe. (I'd been playing on a student plastic model.) I put my new oboe together, and sprayed my arms and neck liberally with Off. Off's an interesting named product. I noticed in a few minutes I had black all over my hands and arms. And my white shirt! What the hell? Then I realized what was happening. The Off had taken off the finish of my new oboe. It was rubbing Off on me! I high-tailed it to the restroom to try to wash some of the ugliness off. No soap, as public washrooms never seem to have. I did the best I could, got the blackness off my skin, but it was still on my shirt, of course. I did the best I could and went back down with the band. While I was tuning up, I put the reed in my mouth and went "Blecccccccccch!" I had Off on my reed. I spat on it extra hard and wiped it off with my shirt (yes, Ms Hygiene here), but it didn't really help. Still tasted like rot. So we began the concert. Got the first song done, and the second, everything moving along. Then it happened. About three measures into the third song, I started to feel funny. Really funny. I mean, as in, "Hey buddy, the lights are growin' dim." I had ingested Off. And I was gonna die. And we had about five more songs to go! I stopped for a moment and grabbed the arm of the person next to me and told them if I started leaning hard that meant I was passing out. Then between songs I told her what was going on. She was concerned. I was concerned! I was dying! Well, needless to say, I didn't die. But I was sick the entire concert, felt woozy, and the taste in my mouth was that of a person who's just eaten a nuclear sandwich. I literally spat out the window ever five minutes all the way home, and when I got home, spent the rest of the night washing my mouth out. And I was OK the next day. But I'll swear, it was nothing but sheer will that kept me upright during that concert! Bizarre! # ( 1:00 AM ) EK B - Acrowinner three crowned, and back to our regularly scheduled blogging, which was, if you recall, a Top Ten list. And so let's continue. Top Ten Things About Being In The Blacksburg Community Band (Bottom 5) 5. We once played a PDQ Bach number - When i was in high school the choir sang a PDQ Bach song and I remember thinking, boy, that must be so fun. And I always wanted to play one. A couple of years ago I got my chance when at our spring concert we did "Grand Serenade for an Awful Lot of Winds and Percussion." That was back when I was playing the oboe. On of the movements calls for playing just the oboe reed. Funny stuff, but boy, it IS hard to play a really really bad piece of music. 4. Non-Marching - This is one of my favorite community band features. We're a sitting band. Even in the 4th of july parade, the band is perched atop a flat bed truck to play. Maybe that's why it's so effective when different sections of the band stand up and play during 'stars and stripes forever.' The audience didn't know we had it in us. 3. Free Wine at Mt Lake - One of the most fun concerts we do all year is at the Mountain Lake resort near Blacksburg. It's the annual wine-tasting, where people gather, walk the lawns of the resort, and taste a variety of virginia-made wines. One of the perks of playing with the band is that they're nice enough to give us our own wine glasses for free, so we can taste. We play 2 sets at the wine tasting. Between the sets we walk around and taste wines. Oour second set is always really fun. 2. We have funny people - Seems like almost every practice or concert, we have at least one person who makes a great quip that just makes me laugh. I'm a sucker for funny people. 1. Making people happy - There's not much better than seeing people have fun, and knowing you're part of the cause of it. We've played at retirement communities and the veteran's hospital, and in town, and for elementary kids, and as background music while people are enjoying an event. And every time you see people clapping along, or tapping a foot and smiling, or better yet, dancing, we've had that happen a couple of times, it makes you feel good. And having someone come up to you after a concert and say thanks, they enjoyed it, well, that sure ain't bad either. # ( 12:30 AM ) EK B - Acrowinners Three Wow! I had no idea we'd have so many acro entries! I'm touched, I'm jazzed, I have to pick amongst all these good ones! The answer to "Why are pledging to the Community Band?" was to be answered with P M E I L. The entries were: *Practice Makes Elizabeth Improve Little *Pledging Means Everyone Is Lucky *People's Music: Enjoyment In Listening *Put music education into lives *Please make Elizabeth instantly lucky *Potatoes make evil, inane lutes *Play maltuned, evil instruments less. *Puts more energy in life. *Plays music even I like. *Pledging Money. Elizabeth is Loquacious. *Playing Music Eases Indigestion Luckily. *Pledging Makes Ears Instantly Livened. *Please - music's expensive in locality. And WOW. Some of these are funny, some are true, and all of them are good. My hardest judging yet. Mmmm. But judge I must. Honorable mention goes to Kellie, who's in the band so she knows that "Playing Music Eases Indigestion Luckily" is not necessarily true! And winner this time and don't ask me why, but ever there should be a reason to give a band money to me, and I guess to Lily too, is because "Potatoes make evil, inane lutes." Every band should be able to buy their own lutes. Thank you acroers, for sticking around to play! PS - Dutch apple pie! And everyone's invited! # ( 12:00 AM ) EK B - Time for a Top Ten list! Since I don't want to do any big long blogs, I'm cutting my Top Ten list into two, the bottom five and the top five. That way we'll keep things peppy and lively. And now: Top Ten Things About Being In The Blacksburg Community Band 10. We don't have uniforms - well, we dress alike, but it's a black or khaki pants (depending on the season) and white shirt kind of thing. No blazers, vests, sashes, epaulets, or funny hats. Unless you want to count the BCB sunvisors, which are definitely not mandatory. 9. Great cooks - come to our spring concert or or christmas concert. there'll be treats for everyone, band and audience alike, at the after-concert gathering. everyone brings a dish, and there are always culinary delights galore. ditto for the various music sorting sessions we have throughout the year, which are often themed (spanish food, greek, italian). You know, I like people who aren't afraid to enjoy a good morsel. 8. We have our own composer - Steve Brown, who is a percussionist with the band, and the current band president, writes music, and we're often the recipients of his work. He's written western themes, an Irish piece, a Christmas number, and some nifty marches, two of which we've been playing this summer. 7. We have our own arranger - Mr John Howell, from the Music department of Virginia Tech, and the low brass section of our band, has arranged several songs for us as well, including a great Christmas medley, an arrangement of the Manheim Steamroller version of "God Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen," and a tone poem that recreates the sinking of the titanic. Complete with the part where the ship turns over. That turning over part was fun. 6. We don't try to play rock music - concert bands trying to play rock music can be funny and embarrassing, and i personally have never found it very fun to try to play things like "i can't get no satisfaction" on the clarinet. I mean, I'm playing the clarinet - of course i don't get no satisfaction! thankfully we've not as yet tried that. Oooooooooooooh, bet you can't wait for the bottom five, can you?? Now, I think I'm going to have some pie. # Saturday, July 26, 2003 ( 11:30 PM ) EK B - Well, folks, it must be told. In the past hour, I've yawned twice. I know there's no need for panic, it's just a yawn. I just need another cold drink, and maybe cold liquid upon the face. In with all of my ideas I'd scratched down on a TheCompanyIWorkFor notepad, ideas like "band background," "what we do," "good songs played," "bad songs played," in the middle of all that was this: "Dead men I've fallen in love with" This made me giggle the past couple of days when I looked at it. It's just absurd. It also happens to be true. I seem to fall for the older men anyway (Donald Sutherland, Geoffrey Palmer), so I guess it would just go to figure that I'd fall for when they're already dead. Marcello - Marcello Mastroianni. Now, I gotta say, I loved him when he's alive and I still love him now. Was there ever a cooler, suaver, more hip, with-it, continental, yummier man than Marcello? The hair, the face, the voice, the sunglasses. Marcello! I love you! Watch Marcello in "La Dolce Vita," then in "8 1/2." Then try him in "Big Deal On Madonna Street." Then "Divorce, Italian Style." Then "Ginger & Fred" and "Dark Eyes," two made in his later years. Even as an older man, he was one adorable fella. I love you Marcello! Cary - Cary Grant. I've always liked Cary too, I can remember when I was younger, Cary Grant was an older man with white hair all the girls seemed to still swoon over. It was only when I started discovering how this man got famous that I fell hard. I mean, "Bringing Up Baby." Wouldn't you try to hold up that man's wedding with a bone? "The Philadelphia Story?" Has there ever been a cooler ex than CK Dexter Haven? No wonder little sister Dinah loved him. Didn't we all? "North x Northwest," Roger Thornhill - wow. Cary is one handsome, funny, cool guy. Cagney - Now, I'm the first to admit I was never that much of a James Cagney fan. I knew people revered him as an actor, and that people did really bad impressions of him. Then when I started on the old movie kick (thanks, Stennie), I discovered Cagney. He was mean. He was tough. He was on the wrong side of the law. And he was sexy! Leapin lizards, what a guy. Then I saw him in some musicals, hoofin' it for all he was worth. But even as a dancer, he was still tough. No sissy moves there at all. And even as an old guy, in one of the most dispicable roles one could take, Captain Morton, he still showed us what a hell of an actor he was. Love you Jimmy. # ( 11:00 PM ) EK B - Acrochallenge Three! I promised the Deep Fat Friar we'd have an acro at 10pm, and I'll be damned if I didn't forget. And I'll be he's in bed now. Hope not, anyway. This acro (I hope there are some of you out there to play) is going to be "Reasons I'm pledging my support to the Blacksburg Community Band." And here are the letters, randomly drawn, you know it, I won't say it again.... P M E I L So, that's why you're pledging. Hmmmm. This acro ends at 12:30am est # ( 10:30 PM ) EK B - This blog comes to you courtesy of Mr M. Also of the Blacksburg Community Band and wanting to help out in the 'war effort,' so to speak. He's telling me of a dream he had about my Grandmother, Mamaw Bowles, who he swears he knew as a child. Mmm hmmm. Take it away, Mr M. "OK, so this isn't so much a storied dream, just what was going on as I dreamed. I saw Grandma Bowles standing at the stove making Ho-cake batter, and she paused for a minute, and looked over at me and said something that my mother told me long ago. She said to me, 'Bruce, just remember something. Sex is a terrible thing.' And then I woke up." Boy, Mamaw Bowles sure was smart, especially where he's concerned. Too bad he didn't listen to her. (Wonder if the sexual remark and the fact she was making Ho-cake batter had any kind of Fruedian significance?) # ( 10:00 PM ) EK B - I've been playing some duets (halfheartedly) with Mr M again. He gets quite disgusted when I don't take these things as seriously as he does. I was just thinking, the piece I uploaded the other week or month under the heading "Wanna hear me laff?" was indeed us playing the duet he wants to do on the recital. Wanna hear part of it again? If you do... And yes, if we perform it in October, it'll be a damn sight better than this. And without the laugh. And we won't skip like this crappy recording, either. I hope. # ( 9:30 PM ) EK B - OK, there's always a downside, I guess. If I'm going to do the Best Pieces Of Music We've Played, I guess it's only fair to do the worst. There have been several pieces we've played that I've flat-out not liked, but I tried to be very objective about picking these out. And in doing so, actually came up with a rather short list. But a rancorous one. Worst Pieces We've Played "Irish Tune From County Derry" - By Grainger. Known to you and me as "Oh Danny Boy." And not the Conway Twitty rockabilly version. People seem to love this song, and it goes over well with audiences, but it's sooo slow and full of whole notes. Clarinets (and oboes, for I've played it on both) have about 30-some measures of rests before we even start playing. And we're playing very high notes with very soft pianissimos. Not good. On the same sheet of music with this piece is another Grainger tune called "Shepherd's Hey" which is great fun. Unfortunately, its predeccessor is not. Sorry. "Tannhauser Overture" - By Wagner. It's no secret to all who know me that I hate Wagner. I guess if one is lenient they could forgive the fact that he's Hitler's composer, I don't guess it was his fault since he was composing when Der Fuhrer was but a tot. But when I listen to his bombastic tunelss pomposity, I can't help but see burning swastikas and a sweating Hitler giving speeches on the balcony. To me Wagner's only good contribution to the arts was writing the music that would later become Bugs Bunny's "What's Opera, Doc?" ("Kill da wabbit!") "Battle Hymn of the Republic"/"God Bless America" - I'm going to make a statement sure to secure me my own personal chair in the Hot Place. As a rule, I don't like patriotic music. There are some things we play I really enjoy, like the medley of Armed Forces songs and the odd Sousa march, but overall, your traditional flag-wavers leave me very cold. And these two are about the worst of the bunch. And not only do we have individual pieces of them, both songs show up over and over in most patriotic medleys we play. "La Forza del Destino" - by Verdi. It's overly dramatic, masturbatory in its difficulty, and well, not fun to play. And I can't even imagine being an audience member and having to listen to this one. Wagner-lite. You know, why hasn't Looney Tunes made a cartoon out of this number? It's ripe for the pickings, I tell ya. # ( 9:00 PM ) EK B - *twheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeet!* HALFTIME! Well, folkies, it's 9pm here on the east coast, and since I started at 9 this morning, that must mean it's halftime. OK, who do we have on tap for our halftime show? Well, of course we must have a Salute To All Things Bet. The lights dim and onto the field marches the Virginia Tech Marching Virginians for a little rendition of the Hokie Pokie! Thank you, thank you, and now it's time for a salute to Sherman and Peabody!!!! (wild applause!) And out come Shermand and Peabody themselves, in their Roman chariot pulled by the big white horse. They begin a musical number based on the Huey Lewis and the News song "Back In Time." Sherman's having fun learning the dance steps, but Peabody's having none of it. He's leaning against the chariot looking bored and disgusted. A group of background dancers stick their finger up Sherman's shorts. Next the Dixie Chicks come out and sing, followed by an apology for apologizing for insulting the president. They miss a few notes and harmonies, for which they apologize, then take it back, apologizing that they apologized to us for the notes and apologizing that they apologized to us for apologizing about the president. Next Mr Peanut comes out for a soft shoe and lively rendition of "Don't Get Around Much Anymore." All the women swoon. As do some of the men. Then there's a rousing appearance by House Plunder, who bring down the house with their jugband version of "When The Saints Go Marching In." And finally, everyone gathers together for a final mass performance of the blogger's theme song, "Well, if they asked me, oh I could write a blog~" (with apologies to Frank Sinatra.) (And the Dixie Chicks apologize to Frank for apologizing to us about, well, you know....) # ( 8:30 PM ) EK B - Now another blog about the Blacksburg Community Band, the folks I just happen to be blogging for. Best Pieces of Music We've Played: "In The Miller Mood" - A medley of Glenn Miller numbers. Terrific arrangement, lush, extremely fun, and containing a few tunes a little off the beaten path. Has "I Got A Gal In Kalamazoo," "Moonlight Serenade," "Little Brown Jug," "At Last," and "Anvil Chorus." I could play this one every concert and be happy. "Hoagy Charmichael In Concert" - You do know that Hoagy wrote every song ever written, don't you? Well, he did. Just ask the musicologists in #squeeze, we know everything. This mirrors the above Glenn Miller number in that the arrangements rock (cause they were done by the same guy) and the songs are not your everyday favorites. Has "In The Cool Cool Cool Of The Evening," "The Nearness Of You" (one of my personal faves), "Heart And Soul," "Stardust," and "Up A Lazy River." "Looney Tunes Overture" - This one's fast and furious, and you don't have to look at Vin Diesel. And fun. It's a medley of "This Is It," "Merry Go Round Broke Down," and "Merrily We Roll Along." It's hard to get the fingers going that fast, and it flies along. And you want to giggle while playing it. "Light Cavalry" - By Von Suppe. I will always know this as the "Theme to Dudley Doright," even though it actually isn't. I love this song, it's fast, slow, lyrical, has a march, and great parts for brass and woodwinds alike. And a Big Finish. And we play it well. "Bugler's Holiday" - By Leroy Anderson. I know, I don't normally like to hand over the musical spotlight to the trumpets, being a clarinetist, but this song's fast and fun and has the one thing going for it that all bands love - it sounds harder to play than it really is. "Florentiner March" - By Fucik. This is one of the marches the colliery band played in "Brassed Off." We played it first! It's a hard number to play, great melody line in the woodwinds, then some great tweedly-dee flourishes in the middle, too. And doesn't move at too fast a clip for a march. I like that. "Big Band Favorites" - This is a collection of some of the great Big Band tunes. Had me from the get-go by starting off with "Here's That Rainy Day." Then goes to "Stompin' At The Savoy," "In The Mood," and everyone's favorite (well, it should be) "Woodchopper's Ball." # ( 8:00 PM ) EK B - Dinner Break Now, wasn't that a heart-rending story? Did it warm your cockles? It sure did mine. We have all kinds of fun times like that in band, and I shall be telling you about some of them during the evening. You'll laugh, you'll cry, you'll bless the day I was born for telling you. Right now, I'm taking a bit of a break. Mr M and I are watching Eddie Izzard's "Unrepeatable," which I haven't seen in ages, so it's making me laugh a lot. And I'm also taking a pizza break while I watch Eddie. Pizza and Eddie, now there's a combo that can't miss! Talk to you soon, fuller and jollier, I'm sure. # ( 7:30 PM ) EK B - One of the great things about the Blacksburg Community Band is that we're not exactly what you'd call a "rigid" band. You know, you must be at so many practices to play, you must show up at every concert, no talking during practice, assigned seats and parts. I was in a rigid community band once. I'm not anymore. Blacksburg's band is kind of an easygoing organization. And I've always liked that. When you come to see us play, you don't get a band who sit with furrowed brows agonizing over every note. Ed, our director, gets the audience into things by being very fun and conversational, and the band is occasionally very conversational with him between the songs. Ed seems to take the attitude with us of, "you're adults, you know how to play, how to act, when to come, now let's have fun so the audience will too." And it makes for an exciting, fly-by-the-seat-of-your-pants existence at times. The last concert we played had a full section of flutes, clarinets, french horns, and percussion. We also had 3 saxophones (really interesting for the big band number we did), 3 trumpets, and for a long time, two people in the low brass section. By concert's beginning, and with Ed moving back to euphonium and auxiliary director Steve Brown stepping up to the podium, we had four in the low brass. And all went well. We've played some memorable concerts in the past. And I have a list - a very interesting list - of some of the more bizarre moments in band history, you'll want to stick around for that. Our very first concert was at Mountain Lake. Mountain Lake is a resort near Blacksburg. It is, believe it or not, a lake that's on a mountain! Wow. It was where a great deal of the movie "Dirty Dancing" was filmed, those cabins and the big shots of the gazebo and the main building right there on the screen are ours. Or its, I should say. It's such a good thing the filming all happened before Jerry Orbach joined "Law and Order" - I'd have been up there tailing him all over creation. The occasion of the first concert was a celebration at the resort, that had to do with a bike race. The bikers started in Blacksburg, rode a course that led them out on a very hilly highway 460 about 10 miles, then up the mountain, ending at Mountain Lake. That may sound like a rough course of you don't know the area, but if you do - well, it's an impossible course. We were to be up there playing when the bikers came across the finish line. Then playing some more when their dead and withered bodies were hauled away. (By the way, in the true spirit of the movie "Breaking Away," I wanted to have us be able to play something peppy and European like "The Barber of Seville" while the bikers were crossing the line, but we were far from that point then.) This was in the spring of '89. April or May or so. We had just formed in January of '89. We were virtual babies up there. But we had a collection of tunes we'd learned, fairly easy stuff, but we were ready to play. I remember little of the concert, I do know we started off with a Sousa march, probably "King Cotton" or "The Washington Post," and if I'm not mistaken we did the same dixieland number we're doing this summer at shows. But I do remember one of our numbers was the first song we ever played at that very first band practice (if I recall correctly, and I think I do), Leroy Anderson's "The Syncopated Clock." Now, most of you know "The Syncopated Clock," whether you realize it or not. It's got that ever-present tick-tock of the woodblocks, and is basically the theme of every late late show ever on TV in the 50s and 60s. It has an ending very much like that of the music played in the "Final Jeopardy" round of "Jeopardy." You know, the ending has notes and pauses. In fact, the more I think about it they may be identical, except the final two notes. Where "Final Jeopardy" ends dum dum dum dum dum (rest) dum (rest) dum, "The Syncopated Clock" ends dum dum dum dum dum (rest) dum (rest) dum (tink-a-tink tink tink tink tink tink tink) BOMP BOMP. However, I missed a rest. So instead of: dum dum dum dum dum (rest) dum (rest) dum (tink-a-tink, etc) BOMP BOMP we got: dum dum dum dum dum (rest) dum DUM! dum (tink-a-tink etc) BOMP BOMP My first ever solo with the Community Band. As a side note, I also found the true value of the windclip, or the clothespin, if you're a layperson. We passed them around to anchor down our music at Mountain Lake, and as I sat there with my music all clipped to my little stand, along came a big gust of wind - and blew my entire stand over. You'd be surprised how often this happens. It's a dangerous business, this music making.... # ( 7:00 PM ) EK B - Dammit! Feffer had an outstanding "Band Concert Comments" Acronym, and it was seven minutes too late. It was: "Good Until Ed Violated New Ordinance." Wonder if he knew our director's name is Ed, or was just an incredibly astute guesser? Anyway, Feff, it was a valiant valiant effort, lad. I'm proud of ya, boy! # ( 6:30 PM ) EK B - Wow. I can't believe it's 6:30 already. The day has pretty much flown. Time flies when you're busy, we always say at TheCompanyIWorkFor, but unfortunately, at TheCompanyIWorkFor, that's not always true. It'll be busy and draggy both. I'm currently zipping back and forth between here, looking at some blogs, trying to keep up, changing my i-mood (I was "guilty" because I was neglecting Mr M, but I don't think he minds). Mr M is in the living room watching "The Lion In Winter," which I saw just recently, so I can go in and out and know I'm not missing anything. I'm starting to think about dinner as well. I have a frozen pizza, a nice one, or we could send out for pizza if he wants a greasier one. I also have pasta and sauce, but no salad or anything to go with it. It'll end up being pizza. I hope, anyway. Either way, pizza's a non-cooker. I need that. Stennie's into movie #5 if I'm counting correctly, that's astounding! Go say hi to her. (OK, I know. This has won the "most boring blog of the day" post. What do you want, I'm not Noel Coward, you know.) # ( 6:00 PM ) EK B - Great Bands Through (TV & Movie) History, Pt 3 Nairobi Trio: From the old Ernie Kovacs show. Three men dressed in Gorilla masks, overcoats and hats, who played piano, xylophone, and conducted. The xylophone player always hit the conductor with his mallets. Springfield Elementary Band: Band of earnest little musicians features features twins Sherri and Terri on flute and one Lisa Simpson on saxophone. Who plays a different sax solo every week. Lose a competition at the fair to a lesser band who used glow sticks. Lisa writes Bill Clinton to protest, to no avail. Wellsville Fighting Squids Marching Band: From the TV show "The Adventures of Pete and Pete." Both Pete (that's Big Pete) and Ellen are in the band. Ellen plays french horn, Pete plays trombone. Ellen is chosen to dot the "i" when the band spells SQUIDS on the field during the halftime show (the highest honor a Squid can attain). The stress of such an honor puts a strain on Pete and Ellen's friendship. Brave Sir Robin's Minstrels: From "Monty Python and the Holy Grail." Sir Robin's minstrels follow him everywhere, singing his praises as he roams through the forest seeking the Holy Grail. "He is not at all afraid to be killed in nasty ways," they sing. "His head smashed in and his heart cut out and his liver removed and his bowels unplugged and his nostrils raped and his bottom burned off..." In the frozen land of Nador, King Arthur and his Knights were forced to eat Robin's minstrels. ("And there was much rejoicing.") Emmett Otter's Jug Band: Certainly the cutest darn band you'll ever see. A band of rag-tag muppety creatures who play out a musical version of "The Gift of the Maji." Go up in competition at the local talent show against the formidable Riverbottom Gang. Emmett's mom lends her washtub to the cause. Get out your hankies. And that concludes Great Bands In (TV & Movie) History. Thank you. # ( 5:30 PM ) EK B - Acrowinners, Part Two Well, this could be easy.... The letters were G U E V N O. The entries: *Gee, uniformed Elizabeth -- very nice oboe! *Giant ukeleles exceed Virginia's new ordinance. *Gah! Usually eating vegetables never offends. *Glockenspiel uneven. Euphonium virtoussic. Nubile oboist. *Got ugly early. Violins noticably off-key. *Gutsy. Unflinching. Ecstatic. Very nearly orgasmic. *Germany, under Elizabeth's very nice order *Georgetown University educated, Virginian, nuked Oxford. *Give us eleven virgins (nubile only). OK, we DID get a couple more entries! So, here we go, honorable mention goes to Lily with her very complimentary "Gee, uniformed Elizabeth - very nice oboe." And winner is deepfatfriar with his not-so complimentary "Got ugly early. Violins noticably off-key." I never did like violins, anyway. Thanks to all who played. More acronyms will appear later! # ( 5:00 PM ) EK B - All right. I played the duet with Mr M. Did I tell you about the duet? Mr M has all intentions of giving a recital in October, and he has all intentions of my being in it to play this duet with him. He also has all intentions of whipping me into shape so I won't embarrass him too badly while doing it. It's a hard thing. Mr M is drawn to these atonal, arhythmic pieces of music that, well, have little reason to have been written. So, of course, this is one of those. It's fast, in 6/8, but not march 6/8, just weird 6/8, and has triplet after triplet after triplet. And the second part, which I'm playing, has loads of high Gs popping in and out everywhere. If you remember the Pod Brain Morphology, you'll remember I have a high G barrier in my brain that allows me not to be able to hit that note during performances. You know, the blogathon and being online with all my buds here isn't very conducive to a good practice anyway, really. Oh, here's a funny for those of you who were not in #squeeze (and you know who you are) when it happened. Mowing Boy, dear, stalwart, valiant Mowing Boy came to get his money for mowing today, and once again walked right into my house! Then the minute I realized what he did he got all embarrassed and went back out and knocked. I think my door being open throws him off because he's used to opening the screen door to ring my doorbell, which is on the door. Either that or the newly cleaned screen door window threw him. Anyway, I always laugh uproariously when this happened, which has now been twice, but if it ever happens again I promise I'll laugh uproariously once more. What's going on in #squeeze? Let's see? On discussing the movie "Bugs Bunny Superstar": Well, we get funnier than that, I promise. You'll see! (only a half hour to go on acronym and one enterer! eeep!) # ( 4:30 PM ) EK B - Great Bands Through (TV & Movie) History, Pt 2 Grimley Colliery Band: The only movie actual form of a Community Band I could come up with. They're from the grimy coal town of Grimley, in Northern England. Broke, depressed, and with a conductor whose lungs have seen too many trips to the coal mines. Do a mean "Concerto de Aranjuez" and "Florentiner March," (both songs the BCB does) and enjoy a pint or two as well. Or three or four. And having Ewan MacGregor doesn't hurt. River City Boys Band: Well, what can be said about these fellas? Led by the one and only Professor Harold Hill. Got horns, instruction books, and uniforms via the Wells Fargo Wagon. ("Have you ever theen thuch a beautiful tholid gold thing? Oh, thithter!") Use the Think System to learn their music, which consists of one song, "The Minuet In G." Sound like hell till their parents see them in their uniforms. Iowa people haven't been so excited since Frank Gotsch and Strangler Lewis lay on the mat for 3 ½ hours without moving a muscle. (Oh, that was exciting) Mayberry Town Band: From "The Andy Griffith Show." A TV form of actual Community Band. Led by Andy (who plays baritone). The worst band in the state. Have a deaf saxophone player and Barney Fife on the cymbals - Andre Kostelanatz Marchers, no less. Appear in 2 episodes. In one they trick the Mayor into getting a trip to the state competition (he'd vetoed it previously), and in the second they're resurrected one Sunday afternoon to perform a concert that night ("Relax to music under the stars"). Sound better, according to Andy, "when moving." Freddy Fleet And His Band With A Beat: Mayberry's "other band." A rock and roll swing band, they play all Mayberry town soirees. Taught Barney "cool" music terms like "bread," "threads," and "make the scene." Helped the Mayberry Band fool the Mayor into letting them go to Raleigh by marching with them at a second audition. Have a beatnik trumpet player named Phil Sukle, who uttered the line I long to utter at band: "I thought I was playin' it straight, Constable. I mean, I thought I was playin' it kinda quaint." Stay tuned...even more! # ( 4:00 PM ) EK B - Acrochallenge Two! OK, let's have another acrochallenge! Let's see the last one was naming a band. I was thinking this one should be a statement of opinion. Same rules apply, randomly drawn tiles, three entries, yadda yadda, but this time, let's make your acros be this: What you say to your friend as you're both going home after a concert by the Blacksburg Community Band. The letters you have to work with are: G U E V N O There you go, this one may be harder. Let's end it at 5:30 est, or in 90 minutes. Whichever comes first. # ( 3:30 PM ) EK B - Well, who has shown up at my door but one Mr M. Tagging along with him were his clarinet (he won't leave home without it), a briefcase (I don't even know what's in there), and his new laptop, from which he says he's going to hook up with us here. Maybe I can get him to lend a few words of wisdom to us here. For those of you who do not know Mr M, you need to be able to experience just one iota of what I go through on a daily basis. Let's see if I can get him to talk for you... Well, what a letdown. Instead of a ranting tirade as usual, I got a tired-ass "Yeah, tell them to send money." And that was while he was chomping on an egg sandwich. (Egg sandwiches seem to be the order of the day here.) Maybe later we can get him all riled up and he'll rant at you and scare you like he does me. But on the other hand, what he said did make lots of sense. You should send money. After sponsoring me in this year's Blogathon. At 4:00, we're going to have another musical Acrochallenge! Be around, you'll just die if you miss it. Oh, GOD. Mr M's gonna play the clarinet. Hahahahah, it always makes me laugh. Here's how he practices: "dum dum dum dum lalala, dee dee *shit!* lala deedee dum dum lalala dee dee *shit!* lala de de dum dum *shit!*" Come to think of it, I don't know why I'm laughing, that's exactly how I practice. Except I don't get out quite so many "lala deedee dum"s before I curse. And my curse words are far worse than *shit!* # ( 3:00 PM ) EK B - Since I'm blogging for a band.... Great Bands Through (TV & Movie) History, Pt. 1 Jet Screamer's Band: Jet Screamer was, of course, the Elvis-like rock idol on the Jetsons (voiced by the one and only Howard Morris). Sings the brilliant (and Elroy Jetson-penned) "Eep Opp Ork Ah-Ah." Has a band of beatnik musicians, some horn players, a dude on upright bass, and "Daddy-O [George Jetson] on the boom-booms." They play, and we all do the Solar Swivel. The Wonders: From the movie "That Thing You Do!" Also known as the Oneders. Cute Beatles soundalikes wearing matching suits, they burst onto the scene with their big - and only - hit, strangely titled, "That Thing You Do." Discovered by a really nice man in a camper van. They like Wisconsin. Atlanta A & T University Band: The college band in the movie "Drumline." Have a director more insterested in music than showbiz style tactics. Have apparently one of the toughest drumlines in the business. Have a bald uppity drumline section leader and a young, brash, irritating freshman drummer. Win the Southern Band Competition in a tie-breaker by having a drumline "drum off" with the rival competing school, thus sealing the dumbest plot-twist in band movie history. Faber College Band: From "Animal House." Their brief appearance is still very endearing. In the Homecoming Parade, these band members are so devoted to their Drum Major, they follow him (well, they think it's him, it's actually Stork) into a dead-end alley, smashing their horns and themselves. stay tuned...more to come! # ( 2:30 PM ) EK B - AcroWinners OK, it's time to announce the first acrowinners of the day. As you recall, you had to give me a band name with the following letters: O L E P Band. The entries were: *One Life on Earth Peace Band *Ornery Limey Eastender Punk Band *Oddly Limp Empty-headed Pop Band *Oh lord, Elizabeth's Pepto-bismol Band *Orff's Lovely Erudite Prokofiev Band *Orbiting Luna-Earth Podview Band *Otters Love Eem- Pah Bands. *Oooh, Lake Emerson Palmer Band! *Oscar Levant's Electric Piano Band *Oscar Levant's Elegant Psychedelic Band *Only Lily Eats Pez Band *Oompah, Latin, Experimental Progressive Band Good entries all. Because of time constraints I can't get too flowery here, but I'll announce one honorable mention and the winner, OK? Even though many were good and deserving. Honorable mention goes to Jellybean's "Ornery Limey Eastender Punk Band" I think I saw them once.... And winner, because it conjured up the most hilarious visual in my widdle mind, goes to Stennie with "Oscar Levant's Electric Piano Band." # ( 2:00 PM ) EK B - I'm in #squeeze, watching "Bugs Bunny: Superstar," and waiting for Mr M to come (he's just now leaving). I'll be so excited to ignore him while he's here, just like he ignores me when I'm there. I've been waiting for some of the great Looney Tunes cartoons to make it to DVD. And Mike, blogless magnificent bastard and man of mystery, told me that later in the year that should happen. Only problem is, they're not letting ME compile it, dammit. That's the secret of its success right there. We can have clips of the animoators talking in between, but the cartoons have to be uninterrupted and with no voice overs! Pure and pristine! And I'd have: *What's Opera, Doc? *Rabbit of Seville *One Froggy Evening *The 3 Little Bops *Little Red Riding Rabbit *High Note What else do we need. Anyone? # ( 1:30 PM ) EK B - Hope you're thinking on your acronyms. I forgot to tell you about time, let's end this one at 2:30, give everyone a chance to think. In the meantime, as promised, I need to clean this filthy screen door in my den. I've already washed the fry pan used to make the egg sandwich. Stennie and I decided that was waaaay more housework than need to be done in a day's time, so once I can actually see out the door, all shall, in fact, cease and desist. I'm watching a great movie on FLIX as we speak, "The Lady Eve" with Barbara Stanwyck. However, came in too late to call it complete and thus get to count it on my movie list. Damn. I'm getting ready to enter #squeeze as well. Then we'll have some on location blogs! Maybe if something hilarious happens I can report it with a bit of chat dialogue, and you can see just how incredibly brilliant and witty we are. A regular Algonquin Cyber Round Table. OK. Windows on screen are officially streaked, but 95% cleaner than I started with. And I can see out the front door. Now on to #squeeze. # ( 1:00 PM ) EK B - Oh, my lord. You've waited. You've been patient. You've been good. And now it's reward time. And what time is that? Acrochallenge!! Yes, boys and girls, we're gonna have some blogathon versions of everyone's favorite (usually) Monday activity, Acrochallenge. Just in case someone new's checking in, here's how it goes: I give you a series of letters, that come from tiles randomly drawn from the acrobasket. Then you have to come up with anywhere from one to three entries of acronyms that match those tiles. Then I pick a winner who gets - nothing! Other than the admiration of the other acroers and myself. Today, the acros are going to be a little bit different, simply in that they will be musically themed. That should make things fun. The first one, the last letter is already set, it's B, and will always stand for BAND. the other letters are for you to come up with the name of your band. A fancy band, a jug band and rock band, what ever kind you like. Like if the letters were A G F B, you could have the Agnes Gooch Fireman's Band. Got it? Here's the letters: O L E P Band There you have it, now............go! # ( 12:30 PM ) EK B - What the... Ever the clarientist, I'm always looking for anything that will help me play better without my having to do horrible things like practice scales and pieces of music. I mean, this is the 21st century, dammit, why should we have to practice? So I ordered a few things from a catalog last week. A device that supposedly helps lung capacity, and therefore breath support, and two different kinds of lip-guard devices (when I play a lot, my teeth tend to wear a hole through my bottom lip). Now, first of all, when I called this place to order, I got without a doubt the surliest salesperson I've ever encountered. He kept going on about how the computer was going way too slow and he was actually going to have to take my order by writing it down on paper! God forbid. And groused and groused and groused over it, couldn't find the items (which is their own fault, they don't put item numbers on the items). At first he was kind of funny, but boy, did he start to grate by about item #2. So I got my items yesterday. And I hate to admit this, but I don't know how to use them. I mean, I know what they're for, but how they work is a mystery to me. Made even more interesting by the fact that each item is enclosed in a plastic zip-lock bag - with no instructions! Just an item thrown into a bag. The breathing machine has two tubes, no idea where they connect because there are four holes, so no matter where the tubes go there's not enough air to float the little ball inside. And the lip guards, well, i don't know, I guess I'll just wad them up and stick them to my teeth, and see what happens. I'm going to let Mr M check them all out and see if he can figure anything out. That breathing machine's got me thinking. Ahhh, the life of a musician...... # ( 12:00 PM ) EK B - All rightie! One yummy egg sandwich later, and I'm really getting into things here. Now I know some of you have already been up a while (like us bloggers), but if you're like me, just now eating your egg sandwiches and having your juice or coffee, surely, surely you need to check your horoscopes to see what you need to do today. Don't trust the paper, they'll lie to you. Trust podview. For at podview, all lives have to have a little music in them. Musical Horoscopes Aries: Decision and indecision follow you today. You know you're going to mow the lawn. You don't know what music to listen to while you do it. Listen to the stars. Put something frenetic like "Sabre Dance" into your walkman and it'll only end in tears and possibly a severed toe. Go peppy but tame, like "Honky Tonkin'" by Hank Williams. In fact, put in Hank Williams' Greatest Hits. It'll make you enjoy that post-mowing beer so much more. Taurus: Your orb is askew, Taurus. Eat nothing but sweets today. This is imperative to your survival, and therefore your immediate happiness. Try a couple of Hostess Snowballs and then go for a swim later in the afternoon. And by the pool, listen to The Archies, Ohio Express, Tommy Roe, and Edison Lighthouse - you know, bubblegum music. Gemini: Generosity swirls around all aspects of your life today. You're drawn to giving until it literally hurts, then giving some more, till it becomes excruciatingly uncomfortable. You will be compelled to make a mix tape of "Money," "Silver and Gold," "Hey, Big Spender," "Baby, You're a Rich Man," and other monetarily-themed numbers. You'll then go sponsor me in the Blogathon, if you haven't already. Cancer: Cancer is restless today! As you stalk around like a caged animal, your temper will flare. You'll hurt the one you love, and the one you are only faintly acquainted with as well. Stay away from small children and those with weak constitutions, it could be dangerous. Soft and soothing music will only raise your ire. The stars suggest popping "1812 Overture," "Night On Bald Mountain," and the "Gotterdamerung" into the CD player. Leo: Hello,Leo, you lazy so-and-so. Well, today, anyway. It is imperative that you not change out of your jammies today. Do not go outside, not even to take out the trash or water the plants. Lie on the sofa. Slip in some Percy Grainger, like "Shepherd's Hey," "Country Gardens," and "Irish Tune From County Derry." And stare at your pink fuzzy slippers till you drift off to sleep. Virgo: Virgo. The virgin. Sh'yeah, right. The stars know you, Virgo. And the stories we could tell. This will be a day like most others, making dates, breaking dates, carving notches in the bedpost.... You should listen to some "Let's Get It On" by Marvin Gaye. It'll get you in mood for what you were probably going to be up to anyway. Libra: Show Tunes!! Show Tunes!! The key to your happiness today is "Show Tunes!" And not playing them, either - singing them. Go to your local town square and start belting out "Luck Be A Lady Tonight," "Singin' In The Rain," "76 Trombones," "Consider Yourself," and, of course, "Oklahoma!" (complete with a to-your-knees ending of "O-K-L-A-H-O-M-A OKLAHOMA!!"). Then when the police come to take you away, start into "Gee, Officer Krupke." Scorpio: Scorpio, you little devil. The opposite sex just loves you to death. And why? Well, it's certainly not your looks or brains. Or the way you dress. It's your dancing ability! Whether it's the jitterbug, the tango, or the buck and wing, your fancy footwork sets you apart from the rest. This weekend is no exception. Dance your tootsies off tonight night or you will die a fiery and horrible death. Dance less than a few hours and you will survive, but have terrible cramps. Listen to some Big Band numbers, Glenn Miller, Woody Herman, and Benny Goodman today to get you in the mood. Sagitarius: You're in a whirlwind today, a flurry of activity. Yes, it's July, and you're going Christmas shopping! (you always were that type.) You're especially prone to cheatability today, so watch the store scanners as they tally up your swag. And wear a hat, because it's going to be hot, and no one wants to have in their obituary, "Died of heatstroke while Christmas Shopping." In the car, listen to your "Rudolph The Rednosed Reindeer" soundtrack, as well as "A Jolly Christmas From Frank Sinatra." And remember the stars on your list, please. Capricorn: Today is a parade for you, Capricorn, so get out and march - out the door, down your driveway, through the alleyway, and out onto your main thoroughfare. Put on your headphones, and load up your personal stereo with some John Phillip Sousa - "The Stars and Stripes Forever," "Washington Post," and " The Liberty Bell March." Then after you're limping home after getting hit by that car, cue up a nice rendition of "Taps." Sorry about your leg. And the stars take no responsibility for your smooshed fife, either. Aquarius: Aquarius is influenced by all things classical and lyrical today. Woo a fair maiden, drop a hanky in front of a handsome gentleman. Put on a toga and set a laurel upon your head. Recite an ode to a Grecian urn. (What does a Grecian urn?) Pick up a lyre and play like there's no tomorrow. If a lyre's not available, then play a few tunes by now-defunct Boston garage band the Lyres. There was no tomorrow for them about 10 years ago. Pisces: O Fishy One, the brightest and kindest of all the signs. The stars see for you an arduous task ahead, a day of nonstop creativity. Every 30 minutes. With no sleep. At all. But there will be a reward at the end. For the job at hand, have a collection of music at close range, with a wide variety. But don't forget, you'll need something to give you a jolt of energy to keep going. Maybe a little band music. Maybe a little Community Band music. # ( 11:30 AM ) EK B - Oh, crap. Bad block of Britcoms. Well, I've (through my comments) had my first complaint. Someone's complaining that I'm not using the f-word today. My public, they love me as I am, I suppose. Maybe we'll have a vote. To f or not to f? OK, now, something special's coming up in one scant half hour, but till then, you'll have to do with this meager post. I've had a blessed shower, which was wonderful, but left me with this lingering thought: Ultra Swim is a great shampoo as far as getting chlorine out of the hair, but why does it smell faintly like skunk pee? You'd think they'd want to do something about that, wouldn't you? Unless they have done something about it, and it flat-out smelled like skunk pee before. Oh, well, in any case, I don't guess that's going to coerce Ultra Swim to become my official shampoo of the Blogathon, is it? But showered and dressed, contacts in, hair goop on, and ready for - yes, could it be, it is - an egg sandwich! Hang around, for what you see next will guide your whole day. # ( 11:00 AM ) EK B - I've been pretty lucky this morning, I've have British comedies to keep me company. I started out with "Last of the Summer Wine," then went to "As Time Goes By" (starring one of the many old men I'm in love with, Geoffrey Palmer), and now it's on to "One Foot In The Grave," which is a brilliant idea for a comedy that Bill Cosby bought and re-made over here and completely f---ooooooooh, flummoxed up. Because he was afraid to have himself as the lead character as completely unlikeable as he has to be to make it work. Why is it everything must be wrapped up neatly and tidily in America? Rainer Werner Fassbinder would have none of that! (Anyway, if I'm not mistaken the final hour of Britcoms suck, with the odious "Home To Roost" and the completely inane "My Hero," starring Ardal O'Hanlon, the poorest excuse for a comedian or actor across the pond. So I'll have to find something else.) Anyway, I do believe I'm going to try for a shower now. Wish me luck. # ( 10:30 AM ) EK B - Learning OK, only 3 blogs in, and there are some things I'm already learning. First of all, this is way more hectic than I was expecting! Will it even out as time goes on, or get worse? Or maybe I'll just get into the swing of things. Silly me, I thought I'd already have a shower and an egg sandwich by now. Maybe by next half-hour.... I'm finding there is no time for proofreading either. I did have time to go back and correct a couple of mistakes in the first post, but if things get frenzied here, you're going to see me laid bare before you, typing-wise. Well, I promise typing-wise would be better than the other way. I've already watched a movie this morning, believe it or not, but I haven't had time to put it on my movie list (that's probably something I should have stuck in the glossary). But that will come. I also am not nearly as sleepy or bleary-eyed as I expected. That's good. And Lord have mercy, I just realized how incredibly filthy my screen door glass is in this room. If I'm going to spend 99% of my day in here, that will have to be cleaned. Boy, I really do want a shower and an egg sandwich. I'm going to work on that in the next hour. # ( 10:00 AM ) EK B - Background I thought you might like a little background on me by way of things you may hear (or see) me say either today, or if you decide to leaf through my blog a bit. By way of a little glossary. Stennie - my friend and web maven, who's also blogging today. You could sponsor her too, you know.... Mr M - my best friend and tormenter. He'll be down today during some of the blogging. I'll make him say hi. the comfy chair - a chair in my living room that is so big and comfy, one could live in it. And often does. It's where I cuddle to watch tv and movies, read, and sleep. Pairs with the awesome ottoman. The Comfy Chair - the name of my webpage. It's linked over there, if you wanna look. #Squeeze - this is an IRC channel formed by the fans of the British pop band Squeeze, so we can get together and converse. The thing of it is, though, the band broke up, and we all got to be such good friends, we don't really care. There's only one thing that's not discussed in #Squeeze and that's Squeeze. I shall be doing a couple of live remotes from there this afternoon, and in the wee hours of the morning. #Squeeze is the home to Stennie, Mike (the magnificent blogless bastard), LilyG (the oh-so scary one), Michelle (a blogging babe-o-rino), King Tom (who owns the cutest doggie in the world), Feffer (who makes me laugh just by breathing), and you know what? They all sponsored me. Now is that not cool? TheCompanyIWorkFor - this is the big company that I work for (oddly enough). I just prefer not to say their name on the airwaves. Sandy from TheCompanyIWorkFor sponsored me too. DJTaytieMac - my precious nephew and coolest kid in the world. Is a band kid himself, a drummer. I almost always refer to him with this epithet, or Taytie, but please, give me a little credit. I'd never call him that in public. He is 14, you know. Gwanny & Paw - my mom and dad, who became named thusly when the above-mentioned DJTaytieMac was born. Gwanny gave me money, and Paw, fearing she'd call him a cheapass if he didn't, matched it himself. pod - apparently describes my personality, according to Mr M. It's a zen kind of thing a, "I can't explain it, but I know it when I see it." relatedly... podmobile - my car, the 1999 dark green Subaru Forester. I love my podmobile. Let's see, I think that about does it. Wow, 3 down, 45 to go. # ( 9:31 AM ) EK B - Well, it's blog two. Now, when does this end? I'm tired. Nah, nah, just kidding. I thought maybe I should tell you a little bit about the folks I'm blogging for, the Blacksburg Community Band. The Band was formed in 1989, and serves as a way for residents of Blacksburg, the New River Valley, and surrounding areas to share their love of music with each other and the citizens of the area. They play have a spring concert every year, and play a Christmas concert with some other Blacksburg musical organizations, as well as the towns of Blacksburg and Radford, VA's 4th of July ceremonies. They play at schools, retirement villages, in towns, veteran's hospitals, and most places people ask for us. We'll play anywhere we can make someone happy. There are no dues, auditions, or other requirements for being in the band. Just a will to want to join up and play. They are a great organization. And yes, as our friend Cy Sperling says, I'm also a member. And they deserve your help. Do you know how much one piece of music for a band costs? Anywhere from $50 - $120 dollars. So when we play a concert of 8 numbers, well, just imagine it, cause I don't have time to multipy! We have certain instruments we needed to buy (generally percussion), too. No funny percussion sounds, no happy, laughing audience. But the Community Band is a great organization and does the Blacksburg area a world of good. So if you've sponsored me, your money's going to a great cause. # ( 8:59 AM ) EK B - HELLO! And welcome to Blogathon 2003. I'm going to be sitting here for the next 24 hours writing blogs and trying to 1)entertain you and 2)raise money for the Blacksburg Community Band. I have coffee, chocolate, and TV. That's a good start. Since so many of you have been so nice to give me your pledges for the band, I'm going to make a couple of pledges to you for today. * I pledge to make it through the 24-hour period. I don't know how I'll feel about this statement at 3:45 am Sunday, but I'm determined - and shall - do it. * I shall (if I mood's willing) change my mood once an hour to reflect my own personal, well, aura, if you will. * I shall, for the next 48 blogs - I can't believe I'm saying this - not use the f-word. All of my regulars know I have a mouth like a sailor, but I shall work clean for the Blogathon. * I shall entertain you with with some Acrochallenges! (a regular podview feature, for those of you not in the know) * I shall use two re-printings from past blogs, which I hope you don't mind, but one's quite relevant and one I just want to reprint. * I promise to make this a fun event for both you and myself. If I start to get cranky, creepy, or whiny, you just go right to those comments and tell me so. Remember, just because the blogging has begun doesn't mean the pledging has stopped. You can still pledge any support you like so I can help out my Blacksburg Community Band right here. Thanks, and see you in 30! # Friday, July 25, 2003 ( 10:51 PM ) EK B - Now I lay me down to sleep Sherman & Peabody at my feet Tomorrow I shall rise at dawn To start upon the Blogathon I'll rub upon my eyes so bleary And start the morning very weary But coffee and a shower done I'll sit and write blog number one With very many more to go I'm hoping the ideas will flow Will I be able to entertain you Or just drone on and on and drain you And what about in the afternoon When I start thinking 'this must end soon' And know that I have hours yet To blog and ponder, struggle and fret Just one more paragraph to write To get me through this sleepless night And make it on to Sunday morn Blog one last time with brain so worn Know I've completed the task at hand To make some money for the band I'll curl up in the Comfy Chair And nap all day That's only fair. # Thursday, July 24, 2003 ( 6:31 PM ) EK B - Boy, I really am stoked for the Blogathon (and I must be, because I never use the word "stoked"), but it'll be coming at the end of a hellaciously hard week. One of the girls at work (San) has been on vacation this week, and the other two are sick. I mean hacking, coughing, wheezing, freezing, sneezing, aching - and complaining - sick. They've been all going in and out to the doctor, which has made us even shorter staffed. And we've been busier than hell this week. I've been swimming, so I'm sore and I'm tired, physically. I had the leakage of the washing machine. I called the Sears man, which, have you ever called the Sears man? Lawks a mercy, what an ordeal that is. You don't just call your local branch, you have to call the national headquarters and speak to a computer for ten minutes (and I mean speak, not just push buttons), then a hateful lady for another ten. Mr Sears man was supposed to call me within 24 hours, and may have, but the phone rang three times and stopped before I could get to it, so if he's wanting me to be that fast, he can, politely, bite me. I had the afternoon off today, but didn't get to enjoy it, I came home long enough to do two loads of laundry whilst holding my breath (I've never had the leak while washing in cold, so I did cold loads), then practiced the clarinet halfheartedly about a half hour, and it was time to go have my car serviced. Which took two hours, and the rest of my day off. I needed to go to the grocery, well, still do, but I'll save that till tonight. I've got to clean my filthy house before Saturday because Mr M is coming down to keep me company on Blogathon day. Finally, when I got home from doing the car, I just sat down in the Comfy Chair and put in "O, Brother, Where Art Thou." I needed a five-star movie. And I'm forgoing dinner because frankly, I don't think I have the energy to eat it. I have to rest up before Saturday. # Wednesday, July 23, 2003 ( 5:20 PM ) EK B - The Devil's Box I don't know if I've ever mentioned this to you or not, but my TV is haunted. It's not my big TV in the living room, it's my smaller one by the computer in the den. Or dennette, to be exact. It's an old TV, so old that instead of the cool black or silver finish televisions have today, this one has a wood grain finish. The screen is 17 or 19 or so inches, and for years it was my main TV - nay, my only TV. So it certainly has a been a good one. But it's still haunted. Here's what it does. It turns on at random. Or maybe it's that it refuses to turn off. In any case, the scenario goes roughly like this. I'm sitting in front of the TV, which is hooked into the cable box. The remote turns off the cable box which automatically turns off the TV. Only sometimes when I push this turning off button on the remote, the cable box turns off, but leaves my television on. Now, there being no cable box on, there's no picture, but I know the TV's on because the screen has a darkish green tint to it instead of a darkish gray. (Many would never notice such a thing, but my eyes are trained to all where TV is concerned.) So, I now need to turn off the TV. I press "TV" on the remote, then "power." And the television pops off. And I put the remote down, and the TV pops right back on, *boing!* with the "03" channel in the corner and the darkish gray screen becoming a darkish green screen. This will happen several times - "off." *boing!* "off." *boing!* "off." *boing!*" - and finally the last "off" will take and I can get up and leave the room, for the only reason I ever turn a TV off is when I am in fact leaving a room. I used to ponder about this a great deal, that I was somehow using my remote ineffectively. Maybe I was waving it around when I should be holding it straight at the TV, or maybe I was putting it down too quickly after pushing the button. After all, I've never been to electronics school, and I've only read directions to about 1/4 of the things I own, so I could be what is known in the trade as an unfit remote control owner. But then I realized it had nothing to do with the remote. I realized this when, after pushing "TV" and then "power," I didn't get the *boing!* because my TV never even turned off. And so I pressed "power" again. Nothing. I pressed it and held the button down, then held it down while moving and scanning and twisting the remote around in front of my TV. No turning off, no change from darkish green screen to darkish gray screen. So I put down the remote, went to the actual TV - yes, folks, I walked right up to my TV! - and pushed the "off" button on the set. And started to walk away, when I heard *boing!* and on had popped my TV again. (It is at this point I must sadly tell you that my TV doesn't make an actual *boing!* noise when turning on, it's more of a subtle *twong!* But the way it pops right on is quite *boing!*ish.) Well, needless to say, when this first happened it was a might creepy. I was fully willing to accept that I could be an unfit remote owner, but now I was beginning to think maybe I was the owner of an unfit finger. And what's worse, once the TV knew it had me, it started to play with me. I'd turn the TV off and would be all the way across the room with my hand on the door to leave, and *boing!* on it would come. Even now, if I have to go the route of turning off the set instead of using the remote, the set will turn off, then wait till I'm up the two little steps and into the kitchen and I hear *boing!* If I stand there and wait, of course, it turns off and stays off. And so I came to the conclusion that my TV set is haunted, and I leave it at that. It's probably just the Devil's way of saying to me, "Listen, ya lazy sod, all you wanna do is watch that idiot box anyway, why turn it off? Leave it on all night! Watch it forever!" But I personally like to tell myself it's haunted by the ghost of a dead TV star, like Ed Wynn, or Richard Deacon, or Howard McNear. And they're saying to me, "Come, keep the TV on, it's good! We're here, we're your friends - stay with us by the TV!" And by the way, I've never known the set to act like this when anyone else is around in the house. What is it Keyser Sose says? "The greatest trick the Devil ever pulled was convincing the world he didn't exist?" # Tuesday, July 22, 2003 ( 8:27 PM ) EK B - Acrowinners! OK, time's up, acroers. Let's pick a winner. A slim edition of acrochallenge this week, I'm afraid, but that's OK, here's what we got. The letters were T I V A. The entries were: *They're in Virginia, absolutely. *Tossed into Vyvyan's area. *That imbecile vaccuumed -- alas. *Tina isn't voluptuous anymore. *Tonguing? I'm very adept. *Turned into virtual assholes. *That's it. Venice acronymmed. *Testosterone influenced vampire anime. *Taking intravenous Viagra? Alright! *Think it's very alarming. *That Igor visited Australia. *To in vite Anastacia. *To Igor's virtual auditorium. OK, there you have it. Now, I must say right off the bat that Kellie's "To Igor's virtual auditorium" rocked. It sounds like something out of a space-age B-horror movie: "To Igor's virtual auditorium!" However, Kellie, my dear, you did break the golden acronym rule when you gave us more than three, so you must be disqualified. But the hutzpah with which you did it ("OK - so I did 4.") was truly admirable. And I do feel very sorry for poor Tina, the subject of Deep Fat Friar's "Tina isn't voluptuous anymore." Let's send her an e-card and cheer her up. But this week's winner, which is sure to make men everywhere sit up and take notice, is Venice with "Taking intravenous Viagra? Alright!" However, I'm sure that line was uttered from one man to another. Thank you, acroers. See you next week. # Monday, July 21, 2003 ( 10:55 PM ) EK B - Swimmingly Well, guess what I did tonight for the first time this summer? I went swimming. First of all, it wasn't technically the first time in the pool this year. That honor came on Friday night, when I arrived for Paw's birthday party and my sister was in the pool drinking. And well, it just looked so inviting I joined her. We hung around in the pool and drank and drank, till finally Paw cut us off and said he'd serve us no more drinks till we were on land. So we went patio-side, where I was served another drink and promptly spilled it all over the place. I was safer in the water. It's so late to be having the first swim of the year. I think I started last year sometime around the end of May. But summer here has just been, well, nonexistent. Rainy, cold, ugly, stormy. Then when it finally did get nice, I was involved with the whole band July 4th thing, and, well, here I am at the end of July taking my first swim. If you'll recall an overly lengthy blog I did last summer, there are few things I ask for in life, and one of them's a good pair of swim goggles. Last year I bought a boatload of them. Well, four pairs, that's a boatload for a summer, I guess. I unearthed them, and my neato earplugs I also bought last year, and headed out for a swim. The goggles that worked the best of the four I have no recollection of wearing last summer. I remember buying them, but that's all. But they worked quite well, and I pushed them to each eye ("pbbbbbbt," the sound of victory in a swim goggle) and started doing some laps. Remember me, anal girl: laps in groups of three, breastroke, freestyle, backstroke. Boy. Yours truly sure is out of shape. Along about lap #4, my arms started to feel like lead pipes. About lap #6, I started to giggle because they hurt so much. So after lap #6 (the second grouping) I took a little breather to get the giggles out and start back up. All told, I did finally get in 18 laps, which isn't bad considering how hopeless I felt at the start. Then I did some kicks and water weight exercises, and just enjoyed floating around. Then it was back to the Poderosa to do laundry, where, for the second time today I was swimming. Seems my washing machine has chosen to do another leak while filling up. It did this a few weeks ago, Paw came over and worked around with it and it quickly stopped and never did it again. Till tonight. I sprung into action by saying, "Oh, dear, I'm leaking again," and pushing a towel under the machine. I'll check it out later. Funny how some things send you into Emergency Mode, and others you just take with a grain of salt. We'll see how big a grain of salt I'll be taking it with when the floor beneath my washing machine gives way, I guess. # ( 5:27 PM ) EK B - Hello, boys and girls, lads and lasses, chaps and chapettes, it's Monday and time for Acrochallenge! I'll be judging again this week. And there is a very important feature of this week's game. If you can correctly tell me where my favorite white polo shirt and my little cosmetics bag of my good make-up is, you automatically win, without even sending an entry. But in case you don't know what I did with them (as I surely do not), you can play along. Three entries each, making acronyms that correspond to the randomly drawn tiles from the acrobasket. I'll end the judging around 8pm est tomorrow night, or after I've gotten my hair cut. Here are this week's acroletters: T I V A Now, if I were in "Gods and Generals" I'd give a long sililoquy now about the divine providence of the brain that brings you an idea that inspires you to make an anagram. But I'm not. So I'll just say, have at it. # Sunday, July 20, 2003 ( 9:12 PM ) EK B - Hair, Wool, and American History This weekend, as per usual, I found myself at Mr M's, and we went movie hunting. And I thought, "Well, good. I'll get some newly-released stuff, that's a change from the mediocore black and white stuff I've been disappointed with lately, as well as the cable movie schlock I've been disappointed with." I had my eye on "Phone Booth," I don't know why really, Colin Ferrell isn't that appealing to me, but there you have it. Anyway, I kept browsing on down the line till Mr M came to me with one he wanted to see, "Gods and Generals." I wouldn't have picked it, but he wanted to, and I had no problems with that. Then we realized we were having the "see this, I want this" conversation right at "The Gangs of New York," so we got a copy of that as well. We started with "Gods and Generals." First of all, this is one long mother of a movie, almost 4 hours. I didn't time, but I'd be willing to say 30 minutes of that is taken up with the opening credits. "War and Peace," those opening credits were. But then the movie starts. And believe me, it doesn't end. Now, this movie is full of words. Everybody in this movie speaks a lot. There's roughly one sililoquy per character of the movie. I wasn't really aware of that yet, though, because after about three scenes - and three bloated speeches - I was dozing off in lalaland, waking up only when I heard Yankee cannons comin' down the road. Mr M realized this was going nowhere fast. So while he fixed dinner, he suggested I watch the first of the Ted Turner Civil War movies, "Gettysburg." So he popped in the VHS of it and puttered off. And I tried to watch. Now, "Gettysburg" the movie came first, but chronologically happened after what we're watching in "Gods and Generals." That really only matters in two ways. First, of course, are the actors. Could Turner get actors from the first movie to be in the second one? Then there's the look. Can we accept that actors in "Gettysburg" who were supposed to look years younger in "Gods and Generals" now looked ten years older (including John Bell Hood, whose experience in the war, if we watch both films, must have turned his beard from white to black)? Maybe you could. Mr M and I couldn't. So can we get the same actors? Affirmative on Jeff Daniels, who looks more like Joshua Chamberlain than Chamberlain himself, and has obviously not worked on the big screen since people realized he was in "Dumb and Dumber." Affirmative on C Thomas Howell, who plays Chamberlain's brother, also named Chamberlain, and who probably prayed to God every night another Turner War film would be produced so he'd have a job and the car wouldn't be reposessed. Kevin Conway got a ride on both horses, as did Bo Brinkman, who played Major Taylor, Lee's "assistant," in the closest living-person version of Mr Burns/Mr Smithers I've ever seen. Negative on Martin Sheen, who played Robert E Lee in "Gettysburg." He was apparently busy being President of the United States of TV, so in "Gods and Generals" we get Robert Duvall as Lee, who looks a lot like Lee, in a "four hours in make-up" sort of way. It's like "The Lee you recognize was earlier in the war. By the time Gettysburg rolled around, he'd changed significantly, into [what Mr M describes as] an 18th-century European psychoanalyst." Negative as well on Tom Berrenger, who played Longstreet in "Gettysburg" and apparently was off making another cheapass slasher film during the filming of "G & G." So before Longstreet developed into Tom Berrenger, we're to believe he looked an awful lot like Bruce Boxleitner. And in what can only be described as the weirdest casting in the history of sequels/prequels, in "Gettysburg," General Pickett is played by Stephen Lang. In "Gods and Generals," General "Stonewall" Jackson is played by....Stephen Lang. Stephen Lang wearing the same fucking beard! The same beard!! And here's where my blog actually begins. (Yes, you're welcome for my wasting your time.) So. I started out watching "Gods and Generals." Besides horrible speech-giving and searingly ugly sentimentality, it had beards. Lots of beards. On both sides of the war, men wearing wool uniforms weighing approximately 125 pounds also seemed to be wearing wigs and beards of at least 30. Bushy, wiry, scraggly, waist-length, or curled, everybody had a beard. After we abandoned "G & G" and went to "Gettysburg," so to speak, I saw the same. Beards. Wool and beards. C Thomas Howell did get the distinction of having a huge bushy mustache and sideburns, which looked really fetching on him since he looked barely old enough to grow a decent mustache, much less one of that magnitude. We had men (and I'm sure these films were made with some "experts" who will attest to the fact that it was accurate, I'm not disputing that) whose uniform sported bright red pants, which one would think would be tantamount to having a target painted on one's ass, and what's worse, some had bright red hats! "Hey! Here I am! Shoot me in the head!" After not completing either Civil War effort, we decided to give "Gangs of New York" a try. I would best describe "Gangs" as "weird." Certainly looks good, this New York of old Martin Scorsese has given us. And once again, I'm not disputing accuracy, I've only been to New York City once in my wretched life and that was in 1989, not circa 1860. But brick breweries that open up to reveal catacombs and more levels of hell than Dante's Inferno? New one on me. But there's a weird feeling about this movie, maybe prefaced by the fact that Scorsese got Liam Neeson to be in his movie and killed him off in 10 minutes. But one thing can be said about "Gangs of New York." There's an awful lot of stink in it. Gritty realism, I think they call it. Hard men living hard lives. No man in this movie has a clean face. Or hair. I could smell these people, and I wasn't even there. I mean, I wasn't even in the theater! I waited for home-release and took it and put it in a machine and I could still smell these people! Apparently, season knew no wardrobe in 19th century New York. Because people wore the same thing all the time. Tight wool pants, suspenders, waistcoat, jacket, boots, and hat. Now there's a recipe for sweat. Much has been written about Daniel Day Lewis's "sinking" of himself into his role of Bill "The Butcher" Cutting, and how he basically became this character for the length of filming. Boy, what a joy to be around him. Two things stood out for me about Lewis's performance. First of all, after about an hour, he turned into Robert DeNiro. It was almost alarming, the quickness with which this happened. I think that may have been around the time Lewis went a little round the bend. The second was the incredible filthiness of Lewis's fingernails. They were so dirty, they brought attention to his hands in almost every scene. They were a thing of beauty. "Gangs" was also not without its hair attrocities. Lewis's Bill Cutting had a big handlebar mustache and a case of hat hair no amount of fluffing would cure. Leonardo DiCaprio's Amsterdam (nice name, there) had a shoulder-length greasy mane that occasionally sported the odd braid here and there. Here's a guy fighting for his life, robbing people, falling in love with the odious Cameron Diaz, and planning a murder, and he has time to give himself random braids? Give me a break. The opening scene of "Gangs of New York" is formidable, aside from the brewery/catacomb/Dante's Inferno. When the two gangs meet face to face to have the battle that begins our saga, we have one group, the Immigrants (made up of many different sub-gangs) and the Natives (The Butcher's group). The Immigrants have people who wear animal pelts and look quite Flintstonian, some who paint their faces green, others who wear clothes they've painted with red stripes, all led by a priest who shows up in his cassock ready to do some fightin'. The Natives are all dressed like New York dandies, in the above-described wool pants, waistcoats, and jackets. And top hats. Big top hats. (I know when there's a possibility of my imminent slaughter, my first thought is, "Where is my top hat?") These hats were of varying heights - I remember asking Mr M if top hat height was some sort of marker of social status or penis size - and of course Bill "The Butcher" had the highest of all. One very small substory in this film's saga of murder and revenge is the continuing immigration of the Irish to America. And how some were basically taken straight off the boat to join up in the Union Army to fight in a war they knew nothing about. At one point, a line of Irishmen are getting ready to head out, and one mentions to the other they're headed for Tennessee. "Where's that?" the other replies. A valid point, even to this day. Anyway, "Gangs of New York" wasn't a bad film, it just wasn't a particularly good one. In other words, I'm glad I saw it, but I won't be watching it again. Today, before the Blacksburg Community Band concert (sponsor me to help them!) and before Mr M had to shove off back to Richmond, we gave "Gods and Generals" one more try. It was a little easier this time, because we relied heavily on the "fast forward" button of the DVD remote. We made jokes, and counted sililoquies, and Mr M brought up the fact that, during all the battle scenes - these scenes of horror, with bodies flying through the air and limbs being shot off and eyeballs being gouged - there was this soothing, stately, dreamlike music playing in the background. And that became so unbearable it was all I could think about. We still didn't make it to the end. We made it to the second disc, though, which I consider an accomplishment. Another one for my "movies I didn't make it through" list. By the way, during this morning's viewing we found a scene where an entire battallion of Irish immigrant soldiers charge the hill. How nice of "Gangs of New York" to ship them out for Ted Turner. # Friday, July 18, 2003 ( 1:25 AM ) EK B - Hey Dad My Dad: *smokes like a chimney *can be a horse's ass at times *likes to golf *laughs at my jokes when no one else in the family does *has lost most of his sight *loves bluegrass, the blues, and old time country music *once blew my mind when saying, when talking about why he hated beauty contests, that he hated that he was expected to think the chosen woman was the most beautiful woman in America, when he found no one more beautiful than his wife and daughters *loves his cocktail hour(s) *says several different movies are the best movie he's ever seen *writes songs and plays guitar *ceased to be Dave and became Paw after my his grandson Taytie was born - he's now Paw to Tay, the rest of the family, assorted buddies, and all of Tay's friends as well *crashed a Halloween party given by my sister for her "cool" friends - he dressed as the old country singer String Bean, and won the costume contest! *loves chestnuts *hates computers so much the one time I did get him at the computer to play "Jeopardy" with me, he made me type in his answers *has a tone to his voice that can cut you to ribbons and make you cry in an instant *taught his kids that no one's better than anyone else *has been known to cry over birthday and Father's Day cards, but always hides it *taught me to think for myself, and is now horrified at how diametrically opposed to him I am in almost every area of socio-political thinking *likes meat and potatoes *was born July 18, 1929 So happy 74th birthday to My Dad. Love you Dad! # Wednesday, July 16, 2003 ( 10:23 PM ) EK B - I have no idea what's going on with my blogging abilities. I seem to have none. I haven't wanted to make a blog since my "Have I told you I love you" blog of Friday. In the hopeful part of my heart I'm holding out that this is because I'm really excited about the Blogathon (you did know I was doing the Blogathon, didn't you? And you can sponsor me?), and I'm saving up all my creativity and ideas for that 24-hour period. But the hopeless side of my heart, which unfortunately is much bigger, is saying it's just because there's so little I care about right now that no ideas will flow. Ever. Again. Yep. Bet's in a funk. A bad one. I haven't been this depressed since January, and that was a biggie. I hope it'll pass, but as of now, I see no ladder down in the hole. I shall live. I took a drive after work, to the next town west. In my infinite wisdom I thought their town's pharmacy would have better birthday cards than my town's pharmacy. I thought this knowing full well what a cultural wasteland their town is. And I say that as a resident of Bluefield, Virginia. On the way back I rented a few movies. All black and white (you're welcome, Stennie). While I was certainly happy to get the Sundance Channel, within a month I've found out that Independent Film can leave a lot to be desired. Yes, for those of you who check my movie list, last night I actually watched a movie called "Fuckland." I watched the first of the B & Ws, and was utterly disappointed. How can a George Cukor movie with Cary Grant in it be so dull? "Fuckland," however was what I call a "paper movie." To me a paper movie is one that's a good idea, at least on paper. It's just the finished product that's lacking. "Moulin Rouge" was a paper movie. Nice idea, shitty finished product. "Fuckland" is about an Argentinian who decides he's going to go to visit the Falkland Islands and impregnate as many English women as he possibly can. To up the Argentine population. It's shot in a documentary style. It actually held my interest for a while, and I must admit the scene of the Argentine going all over creation looking for condoms only to come back to his hotel room and poke them all up with a straight pin made me chuckle. For about a moment. Oh well. At least at the end of my days I can look back and tell people I once watched a movie called "Fuckland." # Tuesday, July 15, 2003 ( 8:27 PM ) EK B - Ahhh, Acrochallenge. We got some entries, and we're gonna pick a winner. First of all, the letters: D D D U K M H Next of all, the entries: *David Duke Dies! United Klans Mourn Him! *Doesn't Daffy Duck use karate most handily? *Dear Diary: Don't understand Ken. Maybe homosexual? *Does Dennis (doofus!) utter krap? Most heartily! *Damn Dodgers! Departed urban kingdom, moved Hollywood-ward. *Dearly departed doggie -- unstintingly kind, most heavenly. *Debbie Does Dallas, United Kingdom, Malta, Hamburg. *Damsel distressed; Dooright untied knots. "My hero!" *Dreary ditty drives Uncle Kracker's minor hit. *Daring Dick Did Underwater Karate. Many Highkicks. *Did Donald Duck Unwittingly Kill Mickey’s Horse? *Dusting Dirt Down Under Kangaroos May Highjump. *Dude, doing drugs unsupervised killed Mike Hernandez. *Dear Diary. Dead Uncle Ken. Manana. Helen. *Don't drive drunk, unless Karl Malden's helping. And last of all, the winner. And I don't know that I can pick one, because every single one of you had one that made me laugh right out loud. This may be the best overall bunch of acros we've ever had. Lily's "Damned Dodgers! Departed Urban Kingdom - Went Hollywood-ward," was great, as was Venice's "Debbie Does Dallas, United Kingdom, Malta, Hamburg." And Kellie's mysterious "Did Donald Duck Unwittingly Kill Mickey's Horse?" was certainly worthy. But this week, and for the very first time ever, there has to be a tie between the two men. They can fight it out to the death for the Grand Title, because I sure can't decide. The co-winners are: DeepFatFriar with "Dear Diary. Don't Understand Ken. Maybe Homosexual?" Mike with "Dude, Doing Drugs Unsupervised Killed Mike Hernandez." Brilliant. And thanks to everybody. You've all done very well! # Monday, July 14, 2003 ( 2:10 PM ) EK B - Yes, I promised it, and so it shall be. Another round of Acrochallenge! Again this week, the exalted high judge will be me. I'm toying with a judging suggestion given to me some time ago that's a pretty dang good idea. As always, you get not one, not two, but three, count them, I know you won't, chances to make an acronym with the tiles drawn completely at random from the acrobasket. I shall do the judging at 8pm est tomorrow night. And please, don't let the fact that I'm participating in the Blogathon make you suspicious of my judging. I'll make it perfectly clear. I can be bought. And without any further ado, I shall now draw the tiles. I'm feeling lengthy today. D D D U K M H Holy damn. I guess that's what happens when you stir up the letters. # Sunday, July 13, 2003 ( 9:54 PM ) EK B - Taking a pass I love you all dearly, but I am so damn tired and sleepy. I've not slept well this weekend (well the first night was fun because I was up chatting into the wee morning hours), and my leg hurts. I'll be around tomorrow with a nice acronym for you all, and hopefully a blog then. But till then, please excuse Bet from blogging as she's not well. See you tomorrow, lovies. # Saturday, July 12, 2003 ( 1:42 AM ) EK B - I Am Loved. Well, it's not Friday anymore, but this day may well have been one of the strangest ones I've spent in a long time. I'm not sure where to start. I entered Friday still fighting a urinary tract infection, both knees and ankles hurt, I'd been having to go in to work early every day this week, I was tired, I was cranky, and I was tired of getting yelled at by people for some minor mistake TheCompanyIWorkFor has made that shouldn't be that big a deal to people, but they seem to be getting very ugly about it. (Maybe I'll tell you about that another time; the next time I get yelled at for it.) But it was Friday, and I could see the light at the end of the tunnel. I called for my pee-test results and Smokin' Dr Javier said, "You have a little bacteria, but not much." Well, fuck you, Dr J. I have enough to make my sides hurt and my woo feel like a red-hot fire poker's being stuck in it. We worked a person short in the office today, and we were busy. But I worked my way through it, and all I wanted to do was go home, sit quietly alone for a while, then make a small dinner, curl up in the Comfy Chair with a blankie, a drink, and a Cary Grant movie, and veg. When I pulled in my driveway, my mom and dad were in it. Well, their van was. They were standing outside smoking. (That is nice. They won't smoke in my house, even though I told them it's ok.) Anyway, earlier in the day I'd given Dad the key to my house because he told me he'd fix the old soapdish that came off my old shower wall because it had been stuck on 40 years ago with old glue. Which is nice, bless his heart. I like it when he does things for me. But when I pulled in the driveway and knew I wasn't alone, I wanted to cry. Now, please know that I love my parents. And please know that I certainly appreciate when they take time out to do little things for me here and there. It's wonderful. But they were there. And I wanted to be alone. And they really wanted me to come in and look at the soapdish and they wanted to tell me about the soapdish, and I really was about to cry but I held it all in and thanked them profusely hoping they'd get the hint and head home but they didn't, and so the only thing I knew to do was turn on the TV. And they left, and I was finally alone. And I went online to argue with Comcast some more. Just as I was getting comfy at the screen, the doorbell rang. And I looked outside, thinking it might be Mowing Boy, but there was no car anywhere. Now, I'm normally big on not answering the door. I'll let a doorbell ring till Jesus comes and it doesn't bother me. Phone too, for that matter. But I hadn't heard from my next door neighbor in a little while, and she's a nice little lady and I thought it might be her needing something. So I answered. I came face to face with my very first salesman. That's something blissful about the Poderosa. For a house that's on a main thoroughfare, it's amazingly devoid of kids selling raffle tickets, political candidates, and door to door salesmen. But here was this nice-looking, smiling guy at my door. ("Oh shit, salesman," I immediately thought.) He said hi and started talking about going to college, did I go to college, what did I do, here's what he wanted to do, on and on and on. First of all he said what he wanted to do was what Richard Gere did in "Pretty Woman." "Oh, you mean, fuck Julia Roberts?" I wanted to say, but I didn't, and let him keep talking. He wants to buy up all these companies and split them up, and etc, etc. "Oh, you mean, fuck the little guy and make thousands of people lose their jobs?" I wanted to say, but I didn't, and let him keep talking. Then he said he wanted to retire from this at 50, and ultimately his goal was to be President. His delusions of grandeur notwithstanding, I had to admit that someone who was going to fuck Julia Roberts and buy and sell companies and make people lose their jobs was certainly going to have some Presidential Experience. He kept talking about the points he had to acquire to get money for college. Finally, in the telling me of his life story - and let's make this clear, he was telling me this whole life story through a crack in my door - he produced a little flyer with his "points." It was magazine subscriptions, which I had actually suspected all along. I smiled and told him I wasn't interested, and for some reason he seemed shocked at this news. "But it's for college!" "I understand, but I'm really not interested." "But I get points, just for one subscription!" "I know, I'm sorry, I just don't think so. Sorry, again." And on and on. People nowadays just will not take "no" for an answer. Now, Stennie did a great blog about the blind light bulb salesman who tried to sell her light bulbs over the phone. Who finally, when she refused, said, "But I'm blind!" I may be able to come close to that one. After many backs and forths of "But it's for college!" and "I'm sorry, but no"s, this guy looked me right in the face and said, "Have I told you I love you?" Now, I certainly dream of hearing those words from a man, but not one standing on my doorstep trying to sell me magazines. Well, after a moment of incredulity, I started to laugh a little, and said, "Well, that's certainly nice to know, but I'm really not interested. At all." And he finally got the hint he was licked, and beat a hasty retreat. "Have I told you I love you." Holy shit. He's never gonna be president with a line like that. Fucking Julia Roberts, now, that might be a different story. # Thursday, July 10, 2003 ( 11:21 PM ) EK B - I'm Bet. Fly Me. OK, guys and gals, it's official. I am signed up to be a participant in the 2003 Blogathon. I shall be slaving over a hot keyboard for my guys (and gals), the Blacksburg Community Band. We play music for the Community and around the New River Valley. We bring music to those who otherwise would not get the chance to hear a live band play. We have fun, and want those around us to have fun. And we all volunteer our time, energy, and enthusiasm. But we still need funds for things like music, assorted instruments, etc. Being merry musicmakers is not without expense. So if you'd like, go over to the right there. No, over there. Ahem.... There. Yeah, that's it, right above the Carey Salt Soldier (who loves the Blacksburg Community Band), and sponsor me for whatever you can. I and the band will thank you. And remember that Stennie's blogging for the National Film Preservation Foundation in the blogathon. This happens July 26, I'm sure you'll hear lots more about it from both of us. But come by and visit us while we're clicking away here. We'll both be having some fun stuff going on, I'm sure. # ( 9:58 PM ) EK B - Please Be Kind To Your Ground Meat Products I don't know whether to laugh or cry at this. Well, actually I do. I laughed heartily. Pirates infielder apologizes, fined for sausage race attack I mean, damn. Even the hot dog went down. (Actually, I had no idea there was such a history on this subject.....) # Wednesday, July 09, 2003 ( 9:08 PM ) EK B - Bet For A Day Redux If you could only see me And know exactly where I am You wouldn't want to be me Oh, I can assure you of that Yep, those are lyrics from a particular favorite oldie of mine, "Kind Midas In Reverse," by the Hollies. And today I'm feeling a little more like King Midas In Reverse than I normally do. Come. If you dare. Be Bet today. * Wake up. In the 4 steps from my bedroom to the bath, realize this will be the day I go see Smokin' Dr Javier for something to cure the infection. Take shower. * Call Dr's office, ask if I could see the Dr today. Receptionist sighs heavily; "Well...you could come on up and we'll see if we can work you in." I ask if maybe tomorrow would be more fortuitous. Another heavy sigh; "Well, not really, one's as busy as the next." Decide the longer I wait in their office, the more work I'll miss. Tell them I'll be there shortly. * Stop by work as this is my "early morning week." Early morning meaning I get there before everyone else and get all the computers up and running, set the phones, etc. I only have early morning one week of every four, but it still blows like the wind. * Get to Smokin' Dr Javier's office. Walk in to find a huge crowd - of one other person. This compounds my feeling of unlovedness from his staff, who probably think I'm a hypochondriac and a waste of his time. Also realize that if one day's as bad as the next, he'll only have one patient tomorrow morning as well. * See S. Dr. J. He takes my temperature, then sits me on a table and gives me a rapid series of kidney punches, asking after each one, "Does dat hurt?" I answer, "Well, it's not particularly pleasant." He's not in a joking mood today. He then makes me lie on the table while he pushes his fingers through my jeans, panties, and skin of my abdomen. "Does dat hurt?" "I've felt nicer." He writes me a new prescription, but also tells me for precautions I need to go to the hospital and pee in a bottle. Well, he puts it a little more eloquently, since he went to medical school and all. I hope. Hands me a prescription for Cipro, another drug that's effective in - fighting Anthrax! I can now safely laugh in the face of Anthrax for the next few weeks, I'm sure. * Get my follow-up appointment on the way out. Catch a glimpse of my chart. Office visits have now gone from $45 to $60. More cigarettes for Dr. J. * Head straight to hospital. Sit in mass of sick people. Am called to register. Do so, then go back to sit in mass of sick people. Read my book (a bright spot of the day). Am called to pee. Pee. Hit cup on first try. High-tail it out of hospital. * Walk out of hospital doors to see that it is raining cats and dogs. Step in a poodle. (sorry, it's a joke I can never resist.) Walk to my car in the rain; am rained on so hard I get the helpless giggles and can't maneuver between the cars to get to mine. Am more than soaked. * Get to my car. Touch the door handle. Rain miraculously stops dead. * Head to work. B-O-R-I-N-G * Go have Chinese with the girls for lunch. Decide that we're going to take the lucky numbers from our fortune cookies, head out in search of a Powerball station, and play for the $250 million. * Drive all over town in a new torrential downpour to find a place to play. Finally do. The rain makes the ink on my lucky numbers run and blur. Realize we don't know how to fill out the ticket. Some nice lady helps us out. * Back to work; we spend the afternoon deciding how we're going to spend our winnings, and how funny it will be when all three of us quit work on the same day. * Make it back to the bosom of the Poderosa. Immediately get online to see what can be done about my crappy website problems the past two days. Decide to go the "online analyst" route instead of the "phone expert" route. Get Kelly online. Kelly's favorite word is actually. Kelly says actually the provider has been having some "issues" with internal errors and they're actually working on the problem, and that I actually do have actually lots of actual web space left. Decide not to worry about this, as it's on their end. Actually. * Decide on crabcakes for dinner, fire up the oven. And decide to practice again tonight. On the way to the clarinet, stop by for laundry, fire up the washer. Go get an armload of laundry. Bring it back to the washer, only to find water gushing out from under the washer. Spring into action by dropping the laundry and hopping around the laundry room yelling Wuuuh! Wuuuuh! Wuuuuuh! Then realize it might be nifty to shut off washer. * In typical daughter knee-jerk reactionary move, call Dad. Not really thinking ahead that a) Dad is not particularly sighted, b) Dad knows sod-all about plumbing, and c) Dad is in full swing of his cocktail hour. I know this the moment Dad answers the phone. Seems Mom's not around, and Dad doesn't drive, so he says if I come and get him he'll "look at things" for me. I have vision of house falling in on my precious head. * Go get Dad. Bring him here. No water, save for what was under the towel sopping it up. Dad pokes, prods, probes, and does other things that start with "p" as well. Finds nothing. Neither do I. We start washer back up. It runs its total cycle with nary a drop of water coming out of it. I'm reminded of all the cars I've taken to the garage that stopped acting up the minute a mechanic got in sight of them. * Apologize to Dad. He apologizes to me. We stand there and apologize to each other a while, then he starts looking longingly at the Podmobile, and I know there's a cocktail at home with his name on it. Run Dad back home. * Come back to Poderosa. Finally get crabcakes in oven at 8:30pm. Fix a salad. Start this blog. * Eat dinner while watching movie that I've been watching two days. It's not moving me in the least. Also think about this "bottomless pit" thing, my sordid appetite the past two weeks, and how I can feel myself expanding. Also think about how every inch of my wretched body hurts lately. Get depressed. * Come back online. Finish up blog I started while the crabcakes were baking. Hit publish. Get a window asking me if I want to save what I've just typed. I say "Yes! Please! OK!" Hit the OK button. Go to my blog. Only the first half of what I've written published. The rest is kaputfinitogone. Say a flurry of curse words. * Start thinking about bed. Or chair. Decide against sleeping in the Comfy Chair. I spend too much time there, I'm starting to grow to the thing. Will go to bed. * Bring on the Cipro. And the $250 million. # Tuesday, July 08, 2003 ( 10:58 PM ) EK B - Wee Wee Wee All The Way Home Today my purpose is to whine. No, not about the voting against my pronunciation, which I could whine on about for days. You know, just because I stressed that one vote with one's ears and not one's heart, now that one has, I can say that I didn't mean I actually wanted one to vote with one's ears! In other words, I wanted the voting to be scientific when I was sure that science was on my side. Or to put it another way, as I often do, don't listen to what I say, listen to what I mean. No, I'm whining today because I'm not exactly myself. I'm a bit under the weather. I mentioned that on the 4th of July I had a searing backache, the seeds of which were planted the night before. But a few happy little pills (I go runnin' for the shelter of the Betster's Little Helper) and I was OK. What I refrained from mentioning, generally due to my good taste and ladylike manner, was what happened after the festivities of the 4th. By the time we got back to the car after the program, I had a small problem, in that I had to have, well, as it were, and as Francois himself will tell you, I had to have a little pee for myself. Now, with the infinite wisdom of the Blacksburg Police Deptartment's getting-cars-out-of-parking-lots-after-very-populated-events planning (which, by the way, is nonexistent), the wait transformed my wanting a little pee for myself into my wanting to unload the Atlantic Ocean from my system. The wait got up to over an hour, and I became more and more uncomfortable. Then finally we started moving. Upon arrival at Poderosa East, aka Mr M's house, I shot like from a gun into the restroom. And it happened. Instead of a nice stream of relief, I got a drop of urine passing through my body and an AAAAAAIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEE! Oh, my God. I had a urinary tract infection. Now, those of you familiar with the world of UTIs are currently shedding tears for me as you read this, and for this I thank you. For those of you who aren't, let me give you a brief description of what it feels like. It's three-fold. 1) The sensation of having to wee is intensely uncomfortable. 2) The act of weeing does not take that discomfort away. 3) The act of weeing produces a sensation startlingly similar to that of having a glowing red-hot fire poker shoved into your most private area. It actually could be four-fold, if you want to add to that the fact that sitting, standing, lying down, or striking any of the seven basic ballet positions does nothing to alleviate this burning poker sensation, so one generally just sits on the toilet and cries. Which is what I did for a few moments Friday night, until I realized that wasn't getting me anywhere. I hopped up and past Mr M (who was making burgers), and drove out to Kroger (a grocery chain), which was thankfully still open. The first aisle I saw upon entering the store had bottled water, so I ran over there and picked up a six-pack. I was cradling it in my arms like an infant, walking up and down the aisles looking for medicine. I was scouring every single box on the "pain relief" aisle. I wasn't finding what I was looking for. My eyes started to well up. I was standing there, clutching my water, with this pathetic pained look on my face, beginning to cry. I'm surprised Kroger didn't call the police. Or the Department of Mental Health. Finally, I spotted what I was looking for - Uristat. Uristat and its cousins, Azo-Standard and Cystex, are little pills that take the pain away (not the infection, just the pain), and make you wee orange. That's the measure of success. As soon as you wee orange, your pain is going to start to subside. I grabbed the box from the shelf, ran to the checkout, the little man had to pry the six-pack of water out of my arms to scan it, I paid, ran to the car, and like a junkie pawed open the water and the Uristat and got my fix. (I couldn't wait the two miles back to Mr M's.) After about a dozen more painful and unsuccessful wees, I finally started to see Nirvana - drops of orange in the bowl. At least I knew I could stave away the pain till I got back home Saturday and began taking some antibiotics for the infection. And here's where the story gets weird. Not interesting, just weird. When I got home, I found some drugs my mom had given me. (The family that drugs together hugs together?) It was an antibiotic called Doxycycline. Prescribed to her for the same condition. And yes, I know I'm not supposed to take other people's medications, but I do. So there. I think I had actually listed that as one of my more podly characteristics, I'm afraid to take an over-the-counter sleep aid, but think nothing of popping down someone else's prescription meds. And so I began taking Doxycycline. And it hasn't helped. In fact, if anything, things are digressing. Most odd indeed. Today I went into Yahoo while I was at work to check out this Doxycycline. I found out what I'd basically thought, it was some derivative or other of Tetracycline, and I'd better stay out of the sun, and yadda yadda. But here's what's interesting. Doxycycline is apparently used to fight Anthrax poisoning. So bring on the mysterious powdered envelopes! Or maybe it said Doxycycline gave people Anthrax. Because I've sure been sinking since starting to take it. I'm tired and hot and grumpy and what's worse, I've become something of a bottomless pit. I can not get filled up, food-wise. And come to think of it, I'm bloaty. If I don't feel better tomorrow I'm going to pay a visit to smokin' Dr Javier, and get some Bet-tailored drugs. And if he prescribes me Doxycycline, I'm screwed. # ( 10:23 PM ) EK B - Acrowinners Interesting goings-on at The Comfy Chair. My movie list seems to disappear and reappear and disappear at will. Most frustrating. While I'm working on it, though, in case you didn't get the Comfy Chair update email, you may want to check out Mr M's brilliant diagram (and my brilliant explanation thereof) Pod Brain Morphology. Also interesting is the slowness of the internet today. Four entries in Acrochallenge, and as of tonight, only two entries in Stennie's trivia. And I'm both of them!! Weird. Anyway, without further ado, we have a champeen to crown. The letters this week were A S A L S. The entries: *Accent: sounds alike, lovely still. *Alas! Stupid asshole lacks subtlety. *Always sniff asses Lassie sniffs. *Alas, someone always leaves stoned. *Alan Sues: a little sissy. *A sane, average Larry Storch. *Anal sex always looks silly. *Anyone seen a large suitcase? *As soon as llamas ski. *Apparently, she always loses Sherman. *About Saddam? Absconded, leaving strife. *Ask Satan about licking sulfur. Now. First and foremost, although it's a lovely example of an acronym, how dare Lily accuse me with "Apparently, she always loses Sherman." Everyone knows we're joined together. At the finger and shorts. And Jellybean definitely gets an honorable mention with "Accent: sounds alike, lovely still." Ahhh, that almost makes up for ratting me out to Captain Asshole. And how could we not love Mike's "Alan Sues: a little sissy." Funny, and the understatement of the last half-century. But the winner this week must be Deep Fat Friar for his inquisitive and slightly mysterious "Anyone seen a large suitcase?" I don't know, it just made me laugh. Thanks to all who played, and see you next week! # Monday, July 07, 2003 ( 8:03 PM ) EK B - Well, I'm just crushed. Apparently, my pronunciation is not quite as hot as I thought it was. In fact, it seems to be less than tepid. I shall forgive you, for I asked you to be truthful, but geezus christ, one vote?? Could I have just gotten one vote?? And yes, Krizzer's right. You're all off my blogroll! And while I'm writing you all out of my will, let's pass the time by playing a little game of AcroChallenge! This week's judge shall be none other than me. Because the one person I wanted to designate as judge this week is off criss-crossing this great land of ours. So I'll take up the slack, and tell you that you get three entries each to make acronyms using the randomly drawn tiles from the acrobasket. Since I'm posting late tonight, we'll have proceedings end at 9pm est tomorrow night. And here are the letters: A S A L S Have at it, acroers! And it's not too late to vote below. I'd just love one vote before it's all over with.... # Sunday, July 06, 2003 ( 11:04 PM ) EK B - Vote Early and Often! All right, ladies and germs, step right up to the booth and show your registration cards. You're going to do some voting today. I've known Mr M for some years now. And for some years he has made fun of my accent. He often tells the "blonde/blind" story to people about me, which is a very long and involved story, but it has to do with the fact that I couldn't discern between his using the terms "blonde" and "blind." And this is supposed to be my fault, because I mispronounce words. And ever since, I'll say a word here and there, and he'll say, "Repeat that," and I will, and it's just hats and horns. Just total pleasure he gets from it. And he'll tell me to say this word and that word, and chastize me because this word sounds like that word and that word sounds like the other. He's quite crazed when it comes to this subject. I personally think he's a little nuts. And so we're going to settle this right now. We're going to vote. We made sound files of me saying four words. In two groups of two. And we want you to vote and tell us if you can (and you can, believe me) hear a difference between the words that I speak. Or if you can't tell any difference between the two words (but you will). Now, to make this scientific, I must say you are not voting for me or for Mr M. You're voting strictly on what you hear. Are you hearing the exact same word twice, or two different words? Here is ballot #1. Listen and vote (in comments). Here is ballot #2. Listen and vote. OK. There you have it. # ( 1:09 AM ) EK B - A Weekend With Pictures Well, I can say I've done my civic duty in spades this weekend. Independence Day festivities in Radford, VA Thursday night (curiously held on the 3d), attending - as observer only - the July 4th parade in B'burg, then the July 4 festivities in B'burg. It was long, it was hot, it was summer. But it was ultimately fun. Thursday night's foray in the horrid Radford-provided chairs left me with a tremendous backache, so Mr M provided me with a couple of his special back pills on Friday. That was certainly a help, not only could I not feel my back, but by about 8:30pm I couldn't feel my face, either. I was happy, as I recall. It was also a strange night for bugs. Blacksburg's July 4th celebrations are legendary for their bugginess. And last night's was tremendously bug-free. In fact, I even commented on it. Turned to the person beside me and said, "Boy, it's tremendously bug-free tonight." And it was generally agreed upon. Then, round about 9:10pm, it was like we were descended upon. There none, then there were millions. I mean, every bug in town must have come in the same car. Thankfully, we were 3/4 through by then, and it was a few songs and on to the fireworks, which, might I add, were spectacular this year. Best they've been in a long while. Then of course there was the "birthday party" we were speaking of. You know, Sherman was turning 9 yesterday. So there was a party, with cake and a present. It is documented - as is S's actual appearance in the Blacksburg July 4th parade, on the band float - on the Galerie de chien et garcon, in the Comfy Chair. Please go and look at the newest three pics, because I promise they'll be worth your while. # Thursday, July 03, 2003 ( 3:52 PM ) EK B - Catch-Up Day Boy. Do I have a lot to do today. Remember back when you were in school, and it would get to be "crunch time?" You know, you had 2 research papers, a math project, and exams coming up within a few days. And you knew you were going to get it all done by the deadline, you just had no earthly idea how. That's kinda me today. I have clothes to pack, prescriptions to fill, a party to get ready for, a job to work at - half a day, anyway - a gas tank to fill, a massive head of frizzy hair to tame, and another jaunt eastward. I know I'll get all that done, just thinking of it makes me tired. I've decided I'm definitely Blogathonning. It's just down to the details as to who I'm doing it for. I still desperately want to do it for the Community Band, and I'm in the final stages of seeing if they fit the exact details of a "charity," as according to the Blogathon rules. If not, I have a back-up, though I hope I don't have to use them, and yes, that did sound as horrible as I thought it would. They're certainly worthy of the money. (By the way, I mis-typed earlier, "Blogathan." "Yes, this is Cissy, and here are the twins, Jonathan and Blogathan.") So, get out your pocketbooks for me, for me and Stennie. Now, as to the party. File this under "Two Grown Adults With Nothing To Do." As you know, I am now the official keeper and landlady of a certain erudite white doggie (though he hates being called that) and his pet boy. They came to live with me in the Poderosa, and the WABAC is somewhere in the crawlspace underneath. They don't let me touch it, which is OK, because I hate the crawlspace under the Poderosa. I'm convinced Mr Snake still lives down there, possibly with his wife and 17 snakelets. So Mr M and I have decided that, as a cartoon character and an orphan, Sherman has no birthday. Then we decided his birthday should be July 4th. And so it has been declared. Is it an excuse to be silly? Of course it is. It's also an excuse for cake. There's a guestlist for his birthday party Friday that you won't believe! I'm taking along my camera to get some candid shots. I'll publish them when I get back home. (Including his present, which is pretty primo indeed, if I do say so myself.) I have two thumbs up entertainment recommendations for the upcoming weekend. The first is audio, it's Gillian Welch's new CD "Soul Journey." I sure do like Gillian (and her co-hort David Rawlings) an awful lot, and this new effort doesn't disappoint. I listened to it three times last night back and forth from Blacksburg. (Some songs more. Much more.) It's basically just straightforward folk music, with Gillian's lazy, lazy voice going into your ear and slowly, pleasantly permeating your whole sensory apparatus. Kind of what I'd imagine heroin to be like, actually. (Anyone? Mike?) "Look At Miss Ohio" is just great, "One Little Song" is a cutie, about coming up with ideas to write songs about. (Anybody who blogs can sure relate there.) And I dare you to listen to "I Had A Real Good Mother And Father" without getting a little misty, though I pass on to way past misty. I got a DVD I'd ordered a few days ago yesterday. I was so eager to watch it, I slipped it in the TheCompanyIWorkFor DVD drive of my computer. I mean, really. If they hadn't meant us to watch movies at work, why the hell did TheCompanyIWorkFor give us DVD drives and big nice LCD screen monitors. It's like a fuckin' drive-in - we're supposed to watch movies! But of course, as happens every single time I have a few minutes and try to loaf, I popped in the movie only to have 47 people come out of the woodwork to need my help. So I waited till I got home from band, played around online awhile, and did a load of laundry, and then decided it was movie time. It was 12:30am at starting time. I gotta quit staying up so damn late. Anyway. The movie was a documentary called "If I Should Fall From Grace," and it's about Shane McGowan. Now, Shane McGowan is something else. He was the lead singer of one of the great punk bands of all time, The Pogues. The Pogues weren't so much a punk band as they were a band of punks. They played Irish music, and played the hell out of it. I loved them dearly. They broke up, needless to say, which is good, really. Bands that are on fire like the Pogues were, sometimes it's good to have them burn up quickly instead of trying to keep the flame lingering. This documentary (I don't know if it's theatrical or TV, that's why I haven't put it on the movie list yet) shows Shane now. After the Pogues, after the solo career, and after decades of serious alcohol and drug abuse. From the Shane we see in the early Pogues clips, to the latter ones, to Shane now - in performance and interviews - we see the decline in all its glory. Or unglory. It's horrendous. From the young, wiry, full-of-piss-and-vinegar guy we remember, we now see Shane as bloated, tottering, limping, slurring, stumbling, hollow, bitter, and, well, drunk. And toothless, but he was always that. And the reason this movie holds our attention so hard is that we don't know what to feel about Shane. I started out feeling sorry for him, but not for more than a few moments. I certainly wanted to be angry at him. His family seems to have made no effort whatsoever to get him straightened out, they just live with him as is, which, who knows, is maybe the way to go in that situation. He doesn't seem to be overly tortured or unhappy, certainly no more than me, and I'm relatively sober. I guess what it did for me (besides, to quote Mike, Man of Mystery, "make me never forget to brush my teeth") is make me realize what a long long time ago it was that Shane McGowan wrote songs that literally took my breath away. With lyrics like "It was Christmas Eve, babe, in the drunk tank" and "The last time I saw you was down at the Greeks/ There was whiskey on Sunday and tears on our cheeks." And this. THIS!! Thousands are sailing again across the ocean Where the hand of opportunity draws tickets in a lottery Postcards we're mailing of sky-blue skies and oceans From rooms that daylight never sees Where lights don't glow on Christmas trees God, I cry just thinking about "Thousands Are Sailing." (here are the rest of the lyrics.) And that, my friends, was, and hopefully still is, the genius of Shane McGowan. If you don't have a chance to see the movie, go find the Pogues seminal album "If I Should Fall From Grace With God." A masterpiece, and probably on my top 10 of all time. And all that said, it's time to get cracking. I won't be around tomorrow, and it'll be late Saturday. Hope everyone has a safe and very happy 4th of July, and if you're reading from non-US parts, hell, it's on Friday, take the day off and celebrate with us anyway. # Tuesday, July 01, 2003 ( 10:55 PM ) EK B - To Blog Or Not To Blog, Tuna Or Not Tuna Let's get this right out of the way. Mr M makes a mean tuna pasta salad. It's so mean, it bit me on the hand and I had to have stitches. No, wait, that was him. It's so mean I've requested it the past two weekends I've been at his house. It's just tuna, pasta, some peppers, onions, mayo, and spices, and last week he added Roma tomaotes. But it pretty much rocks. The thing is, I try to make this tuna pasta conglomeration, and it's just not the same. The first batch I made, frankly, just flat-out sucked. Ended up throwing it out. The second batch was passable, edible, but it didn't really, as Briscoe Darlin says "twang my buds." I worked up another batch last night. This was better. This was the closest I've gotten yet. But it's still not there. It's just...well, just not the same. I don't know if he's dipping some unknown body part in his or what. So Mr M is the winner in tuna pasta. I personally have declared myself the winner in meat loaf and mashed potatoes, though I freely admit I'm declaring this unilaterally. He wins in burgers, I win in brots, I win in eggs. (He undercooks.) He definitely wins in fried apples, home fries, and coffee and tea. We probably tie in spaghetti sauce, we're both pretty good there. Oh! And he wins mightily in asparagus. I never even liked asparagus till Mr M came along. Mr M is also the creator of the, well, it used to be called the $7 salad. Then owing to inflation it became the $14 salad. When we had a large batch at Thanksgiving, it became the $23 salad, certainly very impressive indeed. It's quite good too, with artichoke hearts, and hearts of palm, and I think, celery and olives, and, as Mr M himself told me, and I quote, "a shitload of garlic." I really wish I cooked more. And cooked better. And liked cooking more. That's one more respect in which I'd like to be more like my sister. She's a - well, I won't say "maven," that's Stennie's word - a marvel in the kitchen. Speaking of Stennie, I read her this morning. Read her like a book, I did. Well, actually it was her blog I read. Seems it's time again for the annual Blogathon. This is where, on a certain day, July 26 this year, people blog for 24 hours to raise money for charity. You know, like your walkathons, danceathons, smokeathons, rockathons, sleepathons - there's one I'd be good at - insultathons. Masturbathons - there's an interesting one, could be a little painful towards the last. "I spent all my contribution money on batteries!" (It would take place in May.) The thumbtwiddleathon. The gameathon could be fun, I think I personally could spend a flat 24 hours playing games. The rehearseathon, I personally couldn't play a horn 24 hours, but I know some who could. Probably not even to raise money. The sewathon, where at the end, you walk away in a new suit of clothes. The batheathon, pledge $5 for every hour I can stay in the bathtub. The hookathon? "24 johns in 24 hours!" Or if you're really ambitious, 48. Aaaaaanyway. We're talking Blogathon, or were, till I got sidetracked. I've been toying with the idea of maybe joining the Blogathon this year. The idea really appeals. There are a couple of things that are nagging at me, though. (As always. I've got to have the naggingest brain in the history of modern psychiatry. Or ancient! Any psychiatry! This is why I don't have a dog after over five years. Have I told you my latest reasoning against having a doggie? Ticks. Ticks! Brilliant.) The thing that worries me about doing the Blogathon isn't that I couldn't stay up the required 24 hours, or come up with ideas to blog about. The thing that bothers me is that I'd feel like I was copying. Once again, copying Stennie, who comes up with cool and original ideas. It bothers me that I'm sure I couldn't come up with a handful of people willing to donate to my cause. Or that I have friends who aren't online and I don't know how they'd contribute. Or I don't know who I'd designate the money to. The Cancer Research Institute is on the suggested list, that was Stennie's last year's recipient, and we all know cancer needs its ass kicked. But she came up with another cool charity this year, the National Film Preservation Foundation. Can one just just pick anyone to give the money to? Here's what I was thinking. Blacksburg Community Band. Hey, we're a non-profit organization who aids the community and soothes the savage breast through music. And we always need funds for new music, instruments, and the like. Macular Degeneration International/Foundation for Fighting Blindness. A cause near and dear to me. Dad suffers, and I fear I'm next in the lineage to contract it as well. The Nature Conservancy. A longtime favorite charity of mine. Works to save our ever-diminishing nature community. A doggie-kitty charity. I like Canine Companions, which helps match helper dogs with the disabled. But anything that helps out our pet buddies is fine. So. Will I blog, will I not blog? Maybe I'll research a little more, see how the contributing process is done, feel out to see if I'd actually get more contributions than my own. Don't touch that dial. # ( 8:54 PM ) EK B - Acrowinners! Well, well well well well well well well well well well well well. Well. It seems we do have some acro entries, even though I spent a day thinking we had nary a nibble. My comments are fixed, of sorts, there's still the bugaboo of a link to delete a comment or ban a commenter. Please don't touch that. I hope I can get it fixed and make it go away. I mean it, now. No touching. We had a fine group of acros this week, to the rather unfortunate letters of O N O U Q N. I'm really sorry for that, I am. Here were the entries: *Outside, Ned outs unsuspecting quaint neighbor. *Older nonetheless, Owen uses Quick (Nestles). *Oregon (northwest of Utah) questions nudity. *One nation. One unusually queer nation. *Often, neonates ooze umbillically. Quite natural. *Obsequious nanophysicists occasionally understand quizical nuances. *Orel's nasty, odiferous underpants -- quite noisome. *Oh no -- obviously uneducated Qazy nearby. *One Nantucket obviously undercooked quahog -- nauseating. *Only Ned ogles ugly queens nightly. *Oh, Neptune: our unusually quiet neighbor. *Oh, no! Over! Under! Quick! Now! *Otto needs opium, undeniably quality narcotics. *Only Nancy's otter usually quietens Nancy. *One nearsighted opossum; umpteen questionable newborns. *Oh, no one uses quills now. *Order! Now! Once - used queensized nylons! *Ooooh. Norbert opened up Quincy's nose. So there you have it. And it just so happens, here comes de judge! So without further ado, may I introduce the lovely Krizzer! First of all, I must say what a delight it is to visit Bet's blog. It's much roomier than it looks on TV, and truly, the Chairs are even Comfier than I'd hoped! And that's a good thing, 'cause I'm exhausted. Visting multiple blogs in one week has really worn me out. All this travelling! Anyway, now that I'm all cozied down in the Comfy Chair, I'm ready to JUDGE ACROS! And when I say judge, I mean JUDGE. And not in nice way. I'm here to pick you all apart! Just kidding. This week's Acro was EXTREMELY tough! In fact, it was so tough, I couldn't come up with anything. So instead I wrote you this poem.... This Acro is so tough I just don't have the stuff! ONO and UQN I've broken pencil, chewed on pen, Given up, and tried again How I envy Mike and Sten... That ten-cent tile is rough. It ain't no piece of fluff! I start to mope And then I hope That judging is enough! Just get to the judging, Krizzer: So here we go: Honorable mentions go to all who participated, since I couldn't think of anything! The Award for "Entries Containing the Largest Number of Words I Don't Know" goes to: Deep Fat Friar for his entries: Often, neonates ooze umbillically. Quite natural. Obsequious nanophysicists occasionally understand quizical nuances. But the Grand Prize Winner this week is: BET for her entry: Order! Now! Once - used queensized nylons! I love the idea of trying to flog used nylons, especially queensized. So there you have it. And no, I'm not just kissing up to the hostess! Thanks for having me! Keep on Acroing! -Krizzer Wow. I've no idea what to say, really, except that Kriz is my favorite judge of alllll tiiiiiime. And that brings to an end another week play. See you next week, same acrotime, same acrochannel. # |
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