THE BANGLES: In the 80s, I liked the Bangles a whole lot for a rather short period of time. I wish it could have been longer. I blame Prince for that, you know. "Manic Monday," and it all went to hell. And oddly enough, we kind of find that out here. Well, in a roundabout way. But first, we get to see it all begin. Vicki Peterson wanting to start her own girl group, recruiting her sister Debbie, getting Susannah Hoffs in an ad, and finding a girl bass player who soon leaves to join her boyfriend's band. They get Michael Steele from the Runaways. They're gals, they're poppy, they have a 60s look. And they have fun! They're in it to play music and have fun! Wooo! Then someone discovers Susannah is cute. Cuter than the rest. So cute she should stand out front and sing all the songs, endlessly rolling her eyes from one side to the other in a come-hither fashion. And hither comes Prince. So anyway, the Bangles get famous, and then they get more famous, and then they get too famous. Well, Susannah does, anyway. No one's particularly happy, so they fire Miles Copeland as their manager ("We will now have...........a moment of silence..........for the biggest mistake..........the Bangles ever made," says Michael.) Then Debbie gets married, only Vicki goes to the wedding, and the shit hits the fan. It ends in tears, with them splitting and going nowhere in general, and Susannah going there via a solo career. After some time apart and spitting out some kids, the girls get to talking about reuning, which happens through Austin Powers. Groovy, baby. They seem all happy and peaceful now, but I think I just wanna remember them as they were those 2 or so years in the 80s. *** ½
CHER: OK, my mates, I need help. I've actually watched this Behind the Music TWICE. I can't review it. It's not that I hate her, though I certainly may, but hell, my favorite ones to review are generally on people I hate. It's really just that I find Cher ONE OF THE MOST BORING CELEBRITIES ON THE FACE OF THE EARTH. The only good thing in this show was her son Elijah, who looks like Satan. Therefore, if any of you can write me a BTM review on "Cher," I'll print it here. Hell, I might even send you a goodie as well. Just be sure to mention her son. Who looks like Satan. (no stars. yet.)
SEAN PUFFY COMBS: Rap's big gun (Puffy, gun - get it? It's funny!), grows up in an average middle class neighborhood in Mount Vernon, NY, save for the fact that his father is killed in a drug deal gone bad. That should make for an interesting hour, what with all the money, death, and destruction that surrounds Mr Diddy. So why is this so dull? He rises through the ranks to become the somethingest something in the record industry. Who knows, I was trying to get past the part where he talked about falling in love with music like you fall in love with the woman you're going to marry, then in the same breath said he went straight for the producing gigs because he knew that's where the big money was. After his buddy Notorious BIG is shot dead he lifts - uh, samples - the Police's "Every Breath You Take," and raps over it to remember his dead friend. He then goes on to have more hits with "Let's Dance," by David Bowie, and "Kashmir," by Led Zepplin. Has 2 kids by 2 women he didn't marry (guess he didn't fall for them like he did music), then meets J-Lo, and we know the rest. The affair, the dress, the club shooting, the breakup. You know, sometimes it's fun to watch someone with a massive ego, like Journey's Steve Perry, and sometimes it's just a drag. The half star extra he may have earned for this quote - "I don't know how long it took Jennifer to get into that dress, I just know it only took a second for me to get it off her" - was taken away by this one: "I guess I'm the epitome of the 21st Century entrepeneur." Thank you, Mr Modesty. Oh, and he hangs with Martha Stewart. *
CREED: Little Scott Stapp is brought up in a home run by his dentist father, who believes in family values and tough love. A born again Christian, Stapp elder has "found The Truth," and is by-God gonna make his kids know it too. As such parents rarely understand, THIS SCARES THE SHIT OUT OF A LITTLE KID. Scott says he was 7 years old and consumed with visions of heaven and hell and life after death, and he'd lay in bed at night praying to God, "God, if you're real, please turn out my bedroom light. Then I'll do whatever you want." Scott has a love of singing, and is told by a minister he has a call upon him. Stapp younger decides he wants to be a singing evangelist. His home upbringing makes him something of a social outcast, his going to school with tie and briefcase, and being grounded for a week here and there because of transgressions and sins like "not brushing his teeth good enough." Grounding comes with copying the Bible. Yes, what a lovely use of the Bible - punishment. As an adolescent, Scott brings home Def Leppard's "Pyromania," and that lasts about till the water gets hot. Dr Stapp confiscates it, because rock music is perverse and "downright gross." In high school, Scott finds a buddy in Mark Tremonti, a Michigan transplant who loves playing guitar. When Scott turns 16, he gets his first taste of freedom: his own car, an ancient Datsun. (Great clip of Dad solemnly saying, "I still don't know if that was a good idea.") Scott is at the point now where he's starting to question his beliefs, whether they're actually his, or just rhetoric pressed into his head from birth. He and his dad start butting heads, and Scott makes a getaway into the night, climbing out his bedroom window, putting the Datsun in neutral, and drifting it down the street. He's only gone for a month, but as a result, Dad refuses to pay his prep school tuition, and he has to work as a janitor at his school to pay tuition. To please Dad, he goes off to a Christian college in Tennessee. For the first time he's face to face with drugs, alcohol, and wily college women. He makes the mistake of smoking some pot, gets told on, and is hauled into the dean's office. Because he's been told honesty leads to forgiveness and redemption, he tells what he did, and is promptly expelled. His dad won't have him back home either, so he lands in a small run-down apartment off campus, one with no electricity or water. He has no furniture, and sleeps on a pile of towels. He bids farewell to the church, hurt by their "you made a mistake, so piss off" attitude. He sits in his apartment and writes all day, lines that will soon turn into the songs Creed will record. He's now experimenting with different kinds of drugs, and finds a girlfriend who turns him on to classic rock, Led Zeppelin and the Doors. He becomes enamored with Jim Morrison, and because he's read that Morrison once lived in Tallahassee, FL, he heads there too. And once there, who should he meet? Jim Morrison! No, not really, Jim Morrison's dead. Mark Tremonti! They start strumming and humming and jamming with Mark's guitar and Scott's lyrics. Scott Phillips comes along and they enlist him as a drummer. They get a bass player too, but we won't talk about him cause he's gone by the end of the show. They form a band and call it Naked Toddler, but it soon transforms into Creed. They play a local club, and its owner is so taken with them, he becomes their manager - and sinks his own money into getting them into a recording studio. They do the normal sending of the recordings to companies, radio stations, and whoever'll listen. They get offered a contract by Wind-up records, who says Creed will be their #1 concern. Well, actually, their only concern, as they have no other bands on their roster. Creed signs on; Scott Stapp and Bass Player sign their contract and leave a bloody fingerprint on the page. Scott Phillips and Tremonti pass, causing a little hard feeling between the four of them. The contract comes back - turns out if there's red on it, it's null and void. On Stapp younger's 23d birthday, he meets a girl named Hillaree (yes, it's spelled that way), and falls head over heels. She tells him if he wants to be with her, the drugs and drinking will stop. This sets the tone for Creed's first ever tour. They tour hard, going back to some cities 3 times in one year. Radio airplay of the songs follows, and the album starts to sell. Scott and Hillaree marry, and before you can say "let's count the months," Hillaree tells Scott he's about to be a dad. Inspired, Scott pens "With Arms Wide Open," a pretentious ode to an unborn child. It's coupled with a pretentious video and becomes a pretentious hit. The baby is born, they give him a pretentious name (Jagger), and bring him up on stage in front of 50,000 screaming fans every night so Scott can sing this song while holding him. Which makes it quite hard to strike those leather-pantsed Rock God poses he's known for. Scott says his son has even helped heal the relationship with his dad, and that he now knows his dad was just doing what he thought was right. Yeah, yeah. We end with a clip of Creed's producer talking about the strength of the band, their live show. Seeing them live is "excuse, me, but a religious experience." Oh, I really wish he hadn't said that. ***
HALL & OATES: Everyone's favorite 80s pop duo (except for you Wham losers) grew up just miles from each other in Philadelphia. They meet as teens and warily size each other up. They're both in singing groups, but Darryl Hall's (he's the tall blonde one, for you uninitiated) group's suits are much better, and John Oates (the short dark one) is left in awe. They end up rooming together while both go to Temple University, and start writing songs, mainly from their life experiences (John wrote "She's Gone" after being stood up one night). They decide to head up to NYC with their songs, and the only person in the music biz who shows any interest is a glorified gopher. Named Tommy Mattola. He wants to manage the duo, and helps them get out three albums that dive-bomb to nowhere. Mattola moves them to RCA, but they need a hit, and lo and behold, Darryl meets his soulmate in Sara Allen. Out comes "Sara Smile." Hall & Oates are on their way. Their first RCA album features an EXTREMELY androgynous-looking H & O on the cover, and rumors circulate that they're gay, they're lovers, they're makeup wearing transvestites. They record "She's Gone," it's a hit, then they go to #1 with "Rich Girl." They get a million dollars and wonder when it'll start going downhill. Soon Sara's sister Janna is helping them all write, and comes up with "Kiss On My List," one of their biggest hits. Hall & Oates are on the front lines of the MTV revolution (those are VH1's words, not mine), and I must admit, the most enjoyable thing about this show is listening to them talk about making all those videos. (Yes, they KNOW they were bad.) However, the immense fame is trying, especially for Darryl. At the height of their fame, they get to play the Apollo Theater with the Temptations, and realize they've now done it all. They make a tacet agreement that this is it, Hall & Oates are going out on top. John (Oates) drops out and lives the quiet life, living with all the land and cars and planes he'd amassed. Darryl makes a solo record that fizzles. After 3 years, they realize going out on top wasn't all it's cracked up to be, reunite, and realize they're not that hot anymore. They also realize they don't have as much money as they thought they did. They also realize Tommy Mattola's going to leave them, because he's been offered a job as head of CBS records and Mariah Carey's future husband. Oates goes through a divorce and sells basically everything he has. In the meantime, Darryl and Sara get word that sister Janna has leukemia, and she dies after a 3-year battle. Darryl and John get back together in 1996 to make an album, "Marigold Sky," and they tour, doing new arrangements of the old classics. In 2001, Darryl and Sara break up, after 30 years together. And we get Sara talking about having to hear "Sara Smile" at the grocery store, the pharmacy, the discount store. John Oates goes west, to Colorado, builds a house, gets married, and has a child. They're still best friends. BTM uses a technique in this show I've not noticed in any other, which is, whatever song they mention, Darryl is there to play it on an electric keyboard and talk a little about it. I don't know if that was his idea or theirs, but I hope it's a one-off. Save that shit for "Storytellers." I don't want the music; I want BEHIND the music! Mainly for just getting to see how they've aged, and the clips of them laughing at themselves, **½
ELTON JOHN: Shy and chunky boy overcomes the odds and becomes.... yeah, yeah, we know. I've heard this one before. Only I gotta preface this one by saying when I was younger, I loved Elton. No, I really loved Elton. I worshipped at the First Church of Elton, and I knew all the hymns by heart. So I may have enjoyed this more than most, and probably more than even I should have. Anyway, we get to see little Reg Dwight play his way from weekend pub boy to bloated superstar, all along the way falling in love with his manager, spending more money than any human has a right to have, and becoming seriously addicted to food, alcohol, drugs, and his own press. We get lots of old clips of when Elton had no hair, interspersed with interviews of him now, when he does have hair. We get to relive his marriage, his suicide attempts, his coming out (and let's be fair, at a time when it was definitely NOT the thing to do), and his libel suit against the tabloids who said he was doing some very untoward things with some very young men. We even get to meet his rather nebbishy boyfriend, and see clips from said boyfriend's documentary on Elton, complete with scenes of his being a complete foot-stamping, hissy fit-throwing, expletive-spouting asshole. Which is hilarious, because those who work with him just laugh at him. And in the interviews, he laughs at himself. So, hurrah to Elton. So what if he hasn't had a decent record for 15 years, and did that whole Princess Diana/Candle In The Wind crapola? He still makes for a greatly entertaining episode.. **** ½