As an upcoming psychotherapist and as someone who has been influenced by the inner workings of the common pod, Mr M has become devoted to dissecting the cerebral leanings, the grey matter, the well, brain, if you will, of such a personality type. After much research, this is the diagram he devised of The Morphology of the Pod Brain. As illustrated below:

By having discovered and naming the various pod-brain regions, Mr M feels he is well on his way to showing the world a better understanding of pod thought and behavior. However, he is quick to point out that this may be vastly different from pod to pod, and he pontificates, "My hypothesis is that only the pod core is common to all pods. Everything else is just an expression of that core."

Therefore, this diagram is for one pod and one pod only. This Pod. And as such, This Pod can explain, with the help of Mr M, the above diagram.

CPU (CENTRAL POD UNIT): Makes said Pod tick. The epicenter of it all.

S & P AFFECTION GANGLIA: Causes unnatural feelings of closeness for the White Genius Doggie and his Pet Boy. Makes Pod want to carry Boy to all destinations and photograph him. Makes Pod want to give Boy birthday party. Makes Pod want to stick her finger up Boy's shorts.

BLOG IDEA GENERATOR: It's small and has a cranny. That explains a lot.

MUST,CAN'T,SHOULD STORAGE: May look small, but can store massive amounts of musts, can'ts, shoulds, shouldn'ts, and other irrational thought patterns.

HIGH 'G' BARRIER: High G is the highest common note on a standard Bb Clarinet. (There are higher notes but they are not seen in most musical pieces.) This small node makes it impossible for Pod to play High G when playing music. The barrier, of course, makes it totally possible to randomly play the note when it is not in a piece of music.

POPULAR CULTURE MEMORY: Storage of useless 20th Century information that makes Pod a whiz at trivia while not being able to do algebraic theories or scientific thinking.

POTATO CHIP/FORK INTERFACE: Dexterity device implanted in Pod's brain that enables her to eat potato chips with a fork.

PEDICURE PLEASURE CENTER: Sensory apparatus controller for the pedi-sensual areas.

BUM BA DA BUM BUM ACTIVATOR: Musical "flight or fight" response, allowing Pod, when faced with a musical passage beyond her abilities, to immediately begin playing a different musical passage that goes "Bum Ba Da Bum Bum, Bum Ba Da Bum Bum."

UNCONTROLLABLE LAUGHTER ACTIVATOR: Overly sensitive brain-spot that, when tweaked, causes Pod laughter of unstoppable means. Often activated in inappropriate situations/locations.

TUNA PASTA SALAD BARRIER: Spot in domestic portion of brain disallowing any success in matching the perfect Tuna Pasta Salad recipe.

ANTI-ALBERT NODE: Ellis, Albert - 1913 - . Pop psychologist and proponent of Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy. Uses profanity, Goddammit. Seeks to eliminate "irrational thought" from the brain of all who seek him. This node makes it impossible for Pod to finish any Albert Ellis publication.

MINDREADING CENTER: This area allows Pod to make decisions solely based on reading the minds of others, whether there has been an actual conversation with these people or not, or whether Pod is even acquainted with these people or not.

MR M EXASPERATION TRIGGER: One of the more foolproof of the Pod brain features, this causes total flummoxing, frustrating, and infuriating of Mr M, in thought, word, and deed.

INPUT SCRAMBLER/FILTER: Allows random information told to Pod to be filtered, scrambled, and interpreted to the way Pod wishes the information to be taken. For example, when being told, "I can't sit still to watch an entire movie like you can," Pod filters information and answers, "You're saying I'm lazy? I'm lazy and you're better than I am because you have too much energy to sit in a chair for two hours watching a movie??"

BRAIN TUMOR (MIGRATING): The discovery of the Pod Migrating Brain Tumor was most fortuitous in Mr M's short but illustrious career. By discovering the Migrating Brain Tumor, Mr M has cured relatively 75% of Pod hypochondria. Chest pain? Brain tumor has migrated and is causing it. Stomach pain, blurred vision, earache, fever, etc? Brain tumor migration. A brilliant medical advancement. However, the real joy of this is discovering the Pod Migrating Brain Tumor is indeed a giant smiley face.

And there you have it. The Pod Brain Morphology. The Pod in question eagerly told Mr M that when he is awarded the Nobel Prize for this particular piece of work, that she'd gladly go to Geneva. Mr M replied that this would be lovely, though he'd be in Stockholm accepting his award. Oh well.