Baby Teeth

My son is losing his baby teeth and is waiting for his 'big boy' teeth to come in. I'm hoping my baby penis falls out soon.

Bedtime Stories for Dysfunctional Families

Here are some poems from my dysfunctional childhood:


Humpty Dumpty

Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall
Humpty Dumpty had a great fall
Mom blamed me.


Bring Along a Six-Pack
(Sing a Song of Sixpence)

Bring Along a Six-Pack driving down the street
Four and twenty beer cans under the seat.
Once we got pulled over, but everything was fine.
Daddy lied and told the cops that all the beer was mine.

Comedy

There are two reasons to do standup comedy: To get laughs and to get laid.

Guess which two I'm not getting?

Knock Knock

Even my kids are getting into helping me write comedy. Like the other day my 5-year old daughter wrote this:

"Knock, Knock"

"Who's there?"

"I dunno. You tell me. You're the f**king comedian."