Impressions

After a show, a guy came up to me and said, "Man. I loved your Jeff Foxworthy impression ."

I said, "What are you talking about? I didn't do a Jeff Foxworthy impression."

He replied, "You mean you were just naturally un-funny?"

Not my name

My grandma was a sweet, little old lady. But, sometimes she'd get my name wrong. She'd say, "Chuck..."

And I'd say, "That's not my name, grandma".

And she'd say, "Well, you were a mistake anyway, so who gives a sh*t?"

Expenses

I had to pay $730 because I blew a seal in my Honda. I have to say, my wife was pretty upset. And now, the seal won't stop calling me.