Vasectomy

Rest easy. I'm out of the gene pool.

Having a vasectomy was a horrible experience. Imagine lying on a table naked with your feet in some stirrups and your balls in some guy's hand. It's kinda like summer camp, without all the romance and Smores. Then, they send you home with an ice pack, some Vicadin, and one of those lamp-shade dog collars so you can't lick the stitches.

Then there's the awkward moment when you finish the procedure. What's the protocol? Do you shake the doctor's hand? Do you hug?

As I was leaving the office, the doctor said, "Now you might see some bruising and swelling of the scrotum." There's the understatement of the year. My balls were so purple and swollen, they looked like that girl "Violet" from Willy Wonka.



Violet aka "My Balls"

Matt Blunt Roast

Add "writer" to my credits. I just wrote a few jokes for the roast of Governor Matt Blunt. Also, Elliott Threatt said he used some of the jokes I wrote for the Allan Block 90th Birthday roast.

Shadow Falls Update

I spent the afternoon filming a scene for an upcoming episode of Shadow Falls.

More Radio!

Will C and I just 'roasted' Elliott Threatt on the radio for his 43rd birthday. I said, "Elliott, you look great for your age. You have a first class smile and third world tits."


Elliott Threatt

Butterflies

I was talking to a girl at the Joey and Maria's show who was so beautiful, I actually got butterflies when I talked to her. That never happens to me. I usually get crabs.

Mixed Signals

I met a gorgeous girl at the show this Saturday. I think she wanted me but I'm not sure because she was giving me mixed signals. Her eyes were saying, "Yes" but her mouth kept saying, "Get away, pervert!"