1. One Sunday the lacrosse team had a game.
2. That day the team won the game.
3. On Monday they had a game but the best player was not there.
4. On Tuseday the lacrosse team had another game.
5. On Wednesday the championship came and the best player came back.
6. They won the championship.

Thanks for sending me your ideas to look at. I don't know anything at all about lacrosse so I'll look forward to learning something about it from your story. One thing you might start thinking about is some good details to include in your story. Things like what equipment is used and whether the players wear uniforms. Are there goals? Is it played indoors or outdoors?

I like your idea about starting your story by having the team win a game. That's an exciting way to begin. After that I get a little confused. I think you've got too many things happening. Too many games. It seems like what you want your story to be about is how the team deals with the fact that their best player may not be able to play in the championship game. That's a good idea! It gives you lots of opportunity to create some tension in your story. Will he make it back in time for the game? Will they be able to win the game without him? BUT, be careful, be careful. Don't let your story get bogged down in too many lacrosse games! Have the team play the first game, then set your audience thinking about the problem you've created with that missing player. Then YOU the author decide what will happen in the end. Maybe you'll surprise us and decide not to have them win. Who knows? I can't wait to see what you come up with.

I think you've got some terrific ideas here and I'll look forward to seeing what you do with them. Good work!!

-Sarah

1. One day at the beach Staci went to get her friend named Brenna.
2. Then Staci and Brenna went to go get Patrick .
3. Then at 2:00 we all were at the beach.
4. Then we put shells in the bucket.
5. The next thing we did was play volley ball.
6. After we played volley ball.
7. We all ate crabs and they were good.
8. We left from the beach.
9. I could not find any shells.
10. I love the beach a lot.

Thanks for sending me your ideas to look at. It's a good idea to list your story points the way you have. It will make it much easier for you to write your story. Good work!

I have a few suggestions which I hope will help you. Remember, you're the author and so you're the one who gets to make the final decisions about what will be in your story. My job here is just to guide you and let you know what I think, okay? So, here's what I think...first of all even though it's fun to put yourself and your friends into your story you might find that it's easier and more fun to write about made up people. That way you can make them act the way you want them to without having to worry about what Patrick or Brenna think about what you're writing about them. Sometimes I put real people in my stories - but usually I make them up. It's so much fun to use your imagination!

Okay, now about the actual story...I like the idea of writing about the beach. There's so much to describe and you've got some good ideas already. Crabs and shells and volleyball games. Those are all fun things to write about. But, you need to think about how to keep your story interesting. I think you've got the beginning seed of a very good, and maybe even funny story about how the girl collects all of these shells and then in the end when she leaves the beach, she can't find them! What happened to them? That could be interesting and fun to write about. Why don't you think about your story a little more and see if you can come up with a storyline - something that is more than a list of things, something which has a beginning, middle and end. I think you've got a good beginning and a very good ending - maybe you can spend a little time working on the middle and see what you come up with.

I love the beach too, and it's the perfect setting for your story. I'm looking forward to seeing what you decide to write about it. Keep up the good work!

-Sarah

1. I went to find my dog.
2. I called all my friends and some other people but no dog.
3. I almost caught my dog.
4. I lost him again and I can’t find my dog.
5. I looked all day.
6. I miss my dog.
7. All of a sudden I spotted him.
8. I screamed you won’t get away.
9. I was chasing my dog again.
10. I caught up with him but he got away because he spotted a rabbit.
11. I couldn’t catch up with them.
12. I thought I would never see him again.
13. I finally got my dog back.
14. Now my dog and I are happy.

Thanks for sending me your story ideas. It's a very good way to start writing a story, getting all your thoughts in order so you know what you're writing about.

I love to write about animals so I can see why you'd choose to write about a dog. Here's what I think - you have to make sure your story is interesting. Basically the story goes like this - you lose your dog and then almost catch him and then lose him again and then finally catch him, right? That's a very good sequence of events. BUT the way to keep your readers interested here is with DETAILS and CHARACTER. I like the idea that right when you're about to catch the dog, he spots a rabbit and chases it. That's very good. But I want to know lots of details like - why did he run away in the first place? Does he run away a lot? What does he do when he runs away - does he hide or does he tease you staying just out of reach. You could go in a number of different directions here. This story could be funny if you decided you wanted it to be. Or it could be the kind of story that has you on the edge of your seat wondering what will happen. Here's a suggestion you might think is totally weird - what if you told the story from the point of view of the dog?! Have you ever written a story from someone or something else's point of view? I LOVE to do that. Look at FOLLOW THE MOON - that story is told from the turtle's point of view. Just a suggestion for something to think about, okay?

It seems like you're off to a wonderful start. I'll be looking forward to seeing what you come up with. Have fun writing!

-Sarah