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| Author's Suggestions on Drafts |
| Suggestions for Theresa's Draft: | |
| Dear Theresa,
I love stories that are funny, and your story is one of those! Here's what I think though - I think you need to tell us a lot more about that whole fishing experience you had. How long did you fish before you caught a fish? Were you surprised when you caught it? What did you use for bait? How big was the fish? Also, why did you get punished later? Had your mom told you that you weren't allowed to fish, or were you in trouble for getting fishy water all over yourselves? One thing that might help here is DIALOGUE - that's when two or more people are talking to each other. What did your mom say to your sister and you when you got home? What did you and your sister talk about while you were fishing? It will be really fun to see what you come up with! One thing you need to be careful about is your ending. If you and your sister sneak off after your mom told you not to, we are going to wonder what kind of kids you are. Are you naughty kids? Won't your mother be worried? If this is a true story then you can remember back to how it really was and share that with us. If you are making the story up, you might want to work on your ending a little and see if it wouldn't make us happier to read an ending where everything works out okay and we're not worrying that you and your sister are going to get in trouble later for breaking the rules! I really looking forward to seeing what you come up with. You're off to a great start! Your pal, | |
| Sarah |
| Suggestions for Destinee's Draft: | |
| Dear Destinee, Wow, you have done some really wonderful writing! I love that you used dialogue in your writing and that you chose such an interesting topic to write about. I've never caught fish with just a bucket and I want to hear MORE about it! How big were the fish? Was it hard to catch them? How did you feel about putting the fish back after you caught them? Is this something you and your aunt have done before? Who taught you how to do it? Do you and your aunt get to go to the beach together often, or was this a special occasion. It's great when a story makes you ask questions. As you can see, your story made me ask a lot of questions! A good writer makes sure that any important questions her readers have are answered as she tells the story. I would say that one thing that would help your story be even better is more details about how things looked and felt. You could describe your Aunt Deja (whose name I love, by the way) and how that water felt, and what the fish looked like. Why were those buckets your "favorite buckets" were they special for some reason? I want to know so much more about your day at the beach! You're doing a great job. Keep up the good work and I can't wait to see what wonderful details you come up with next. Your pal, | |
| Sarah |
| Suggestions for Riley's Draft: | |
| Dear Riley,
Mrs. Ryall tells me that you have been sick and so have missed some writing time. I hope you're feeling better. I was sick recently too, and I feel a little behind on my writing too. Do you know the difference between fiction and non fiction writing? Non-fiction is writing about stuff that is TRUE FACTS. Things like - *The wolf howls at the moon. Wolves eat other animals. Are true facts. Facts are wonderful and interesting and I LOVE reading non-fiction books about animals because animals are SO interesting. Fiction is a made up story. Like about a wolf who does something interesting. It doesn't have to be a silly thing, like the wolf in Red Riding Hood dressing up like a grandma, it could be about a hungry wolf going out looking for something to eat. And then you can add facts to it like: *They eat deer, fish, rabbits and moles. They may look cute but they are not. The female wolf has a baby called a pup. But there has to be a STORY that you're telling, in order for us to be interesting in hearing you tell us about the wolf. What I would suggest is that you spend some time thinking about what interests you most about wolves. Is it that they look cute, but they really are pretty dangerous? is it that they have to hunt for their food? Whatever it is that interests you most would be a good place to start in thinking about what your STORY is about. Some writers are most interested in non-fiction, and some prefer fiction. there's nothing wrong with liking one better than the other, but I think for this assignment you should try writing some fiction. Make up an interesting story using all those fascinating TRUE details that you already have. It's funny, a lot of the other girls who sent me their stories need to add more DETAILS - you, on the otherhand have some great details but need to find a story to tell. I know that it's hard to catch up when you fall behind a little, but I'm sure you've got many good stories just waiting to be told. I can't wait to see what you come up with! Good luck! Your pal, | |
| Sarah |
| Suggestions for Ronda's Draft: | |
| Dear Ronda Your story is starting to take shape and it looks like it will be fun and have a lot of good action to keep your readers interested! Here are some suggestions for ways to make your story even better- *My cat is special to me. I think this is a really good first line. it makes us ask a question - which is exactly what you want your opening to do. The question we all ask is "Why is your cat special to you?" You give us one answer when you say she sits in your lap. Now you need to paint us an even clearer pictures (with words) of why your cat is special to you. This would be a good place to describe her. You can tell us things like what color she is, what her fur feels like, how big she is and stuff like that. But you can also tell us some even more interesting things - like what do you think she's thinking about when she's in your lap? Can you read her mind? can you guess how she feels? She always sits in my lap. You could try coming up with that kind of details by starting a sentence this way "When my cat looks at me, I imagine that she's thinking about..." and just fill in the blank. *I pet her back.Good! Now tell us what it feels like when you do that. Does she purr? *She got outside one day and she went into the woods. A fox tried to catch her and she had to run to the house. The fox chased her to our house and he got stuck through the doorway. I pushed him out of the door with my broom. He ran back to the woods.This is all VERY exciting. I love how you used the broom to push him out. But you need to slow down your story telling a little and give us more DETAILS. What did that fox look like when he was stuck in the door. Was it scary? Was it funny? Were you scared? Was your cat scared? What was your cat doing while you were bravely pushing the fox away? You need to help us to "see" your story in our heads while we're reading your words. *The cat went to the little door and he jumped on my lap and sat down on the couch.I'm confused here. What little door? Do you mean he came through a little door especially for the cat to get in and out? Was that why the fox got stuck? If so, you need to make this clearer. I think those doors are called "doggie doors" even when they're for cats, but I could be wrong. *Then the fox came back to the house and looked in the window. Oooh, I like this! Now, here's a place you can tell us what the fox might be thinking! does he want to eat that cat? Does he want to be your friend? Is he nice? Is he mean? Tell us what's going on in the fox's head. *Then the window broke and the fox jumped in to chase us around the house. We're going to want a little bit more of an end. We have some unanswered questions. Mostly what we want to know is WHAT HAPPENED????? Did the fox catch you? Did the cat hide? Did you call 911? What happened??? The word you have to keep in mind as you refine your story is DETAILS. You've got a very good story to tell with lots of action and excitement. That's wonderful! Now you need to use your details, your words to paint a picture of your story in our heads. Tell us what the characters are feeling and how they look and maybe you can even include some dialogue (that's when people talk) What did you say as you pushed the fox out of the door? I hope all of these suggestions will help you as you improve your story. I can't wait to see what you come up with next. GOOD WORK! Your pal, | |
| Sarah |
| Suggestions for Brittaney's Draft: | |
| Dear Brittaney,
A good imagination is a writer's best friend. You obviously have a very good imagination to have come up with the idea for your story about max the dinosaur! I also like that you included so much dialogue in your story, it's such a good way of letting your reader know what your characters are thinking. Now, here are some things that I think might help your story. We need to know MORE about everything. What is Dinosaur Land? Is it an amusement park? Is it make believe? Is it like time travel, a place that existed long ago? And why is Suzy there? Does she really live there? Why???? Where is her family? How did she get there? Is Max a kid dinosaur the same age as Suzy? Do they want to be friends? Does she ride on his back? have you ever read the book called Danny and the Dinosaur, by Syd Hoff. It's all about a kid who has a dinosaur for a friend. There's also a book called Dinosaur Bob, by William Joyce about a family that has a dinosaur as a pet. Maybe looking at those two books, which are probably in your library, would help give you some fun ideas. I think your main idea is a great one - a girl with a dinosaur as a friend. Now we want to hear a lot more about both of them. I think this is going to be a fun story to write and a funny story to read when you're finished! I can't wait to see what you come up with.
Your pal, | |
| Sarah |
| Suggestions for Alyiah's Draft: |
| Dear Alyiah,
WOW, what a good story. You have all the kinds of things that make stories great - dialogue, interesting characters, action, suspense and a good ending. So, how can we make your story even better? Well, I think you could make it a little longer. I don't mean add more plot, because your story plot seems pretty good. I mean add more DETAIL. More description. Tell us about how your characters look for instance. If you look at a book of butterflies you will see the most beautiful patterns and colors on them. What do Billy and Sheila and Sandy look like? You might also look in that same book about butterflies to find out what they eat - nectar from certain flowers mostly I think. AND here's an important thing - I don't think they have mouths!!! How can they bite the spiderweb without mouths? What could they use instead? Their feet? Their wings? Their imaginations? I know this is a made up story and in a made up story the author can make anything happen that she wants to. if you want to give your butterflies mouths, well you're in charge. But I think this is a pretty neat story and that it might be even better if it had some accurate details in it. One more suggestion I have is to improve your ending a little. You say they went home and had a good night together. What did they do? Did they talk about what happened? Did they eat something special for dinner? Did they give thanks for being saved from the web? This is going to be a wonderful story and you've done great work so far. Keep it up and you're going to have a winner on your hands! Your pal, |
| Sarah |
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