I am very excited about the story you are writing. I want to learn much more about barrel racing and rodeo days and of course, Trigger. It seems like you have lots of ideas about what you want to write about, but you haven't shaped your story yet. Every story needs a beginning, middle and an end. Your first draft is more like a collection of ideas, than a story. Don't worry! Lots of stories start off this way! You have to have good ideas to make a good story, right? So now what you need to do is decide what your STORY is really going to be about. Is it about Shelby and Trigger? Is it maybe about the day Shelby gets bucked off of Trigger? Or is it about the friendship between Justin and Shelby? Will it be the sad story of the three horses who died? You're the author, so it is up to you to decide what you want to write about. It can be anything you want it to be * that's what makes writing so much fun! You have already collected a lot of interesting details to include in your story, so that's a good thing. And I am already eager to hear about your characters, so that is a good thing too. Now all I have to say is- ready, set* WRITE!

Your writing pal,

You know what I really love about your story? Not only is it full of lots of interesting details, but you also talk about how you feel about digging. The only suggestion I have to make to you for how to improve your story is to include even more details. For instance, could you tell us a little more about the time you dug up the chain and the bone. That sounds pretty interesting to me! Also, maybe you could use your imagination a little and tell us what would be the most AMAZING thing to find when you're digging a hole. Like I said, I really love this story, so everything you do from here on out is just going to make it better. Great work!

Your writing pal,

Wow, you are off to a very good start with your story! You have two interesting characters, Buddy and Junior and you've got a great beginning and a good ending. The thing about stories is they have three main parts * a beginning, a middle and an end. Your story still needs some work on the middle. Buddy and Junior go to Florida and there we learn that Junior will follow Buddy anywhere, right? He even goes down to the water with him. This is the place where it feels to me that something more interesting should happen in your story. Maybe Junior gets into trouble when he's near the water and Buddy has to save him. There are all kinds of possibilities * just use your wonderful imagination! After you work on the middle a bit more, your ending will work even better. When Danielle finds the dogs and her Mom puts up the fliers, how do you think Danielle feels? Does she want the owners to come forward and claim the dogs, or do you think she's hoping that no one will show up and that will mean that Buddy and Junior are hers? Telling us about how all of your characters feel is a really important part of writing a good story. Like I said, I think you're off to a wonderful start. Keep writing and I will be eager to see what you come up with.

Your writing pal,

- I don't know a lot about football * I'm more of a baseball and basketball fan - but I have two teenaged sons and they love sports in the same way that I'm guessing you do. I asked my son Nat about the characters in your story, and he told me that they all play for different teams (Vikings, Patriots, Falcons) and that Michael Vick is still very much alive and kicking. So I' m not sure why, in your story you chose to tell us that Vick had passed away in 1996. Hmmm, that's got me a little confused. But my guess is that you decided to put them all on the same team in your story because it would be pretty amazing if those great payers were all playing together instead of AGAINST each other! What a fun thing to try to imagine. We need to talk a little bit now about the story. I think it's wonderful to write about things that you really care about *like in your case, sports. But the same thing is true about a sports story that's true of a fairytale or a science fiction story or even a scary story *it has to have a good beginning, middle and end, and we have to care about the characters in the story. Otherwise, it sounds more like an article from the sports pages than a story. The way you, the author make us care about the characters is to tell us not just what they do but how they FEEL and what they THINK. That's what makes people, real ones, and fictional ones interesting! You've got lots of good, believable details about who played what position and about the games they played and how they scored, but if your story is going to be interesting to read it would be great if you told us how those players felt about playing football. You know how YOU feel about football, now what you have to do as an author is to imagine how THEY feel about it. Also, for those of us who don't know what these guys look like, it would be nice if you described them a little. I'm sure they're big, but HOW big? Can you compare them to something else? That often helps when you're trying to describe someone. And I'll bet they have very different personalities. Tell us a little about that too, okay? If you decide that you want to keep your ending, that one of the main characters dies, that's fine, but we need to know what happened, and also how the other characters in the story felt about losing him. I know this probably sounds like a lot of work, but I think you'll find as soon as you start thinking about this stuff that you already have all the information in your head, it's just a matter of taking the time to write it down. I look forward to seeing your story again when you're further along. Until then*Happy Writing!

What a cool story you are writing! I love to watch American Idol and I think it's a great idea to write about a girl who goes on the show. What you need in your story is a lot more details. I want to know much more about Jojo. What does she look like, how did she feel when she went on the show? Was she nervous? What song did she sing on the show? Did you make up the idea of a song called Girls, Listen Up? If so, maybe you can make up some words to include in your story! One thing that I think will make your story even better is some dialogue. Make your characters talk so that we can know them better. Think about what Jojo might have said to Christie after she beat her in the contest. Or what Jojo might have said when Oprah called. Keep going, this is going to be a great story!

Your writing pal,

Cheerleader seems like a really fun thing to write about and I LOVE all the details you've put into your story about the uniforms. That makes it easy to picture them! What I'd love to see you write more about now is the relationship between the girls. Is one girl the funny one? Is one girl the best flipper and another is the best at some other stunt? How do they feel about cheering? Right now all I really know about the girls is their names. That's not enough to be able to picture them in my head in those wonderful outfits you've described so well! One last thing I'd like for you to think about -could you maybe think of a better ending for the story? You take us on a fun plane ride, but then nothing happens once they get there. One way to help your characters come alive is to use some dialogue * make them talk to each other and we will instantly know a lot about who they are and what makes them tick. I can't wait to see what you come up with in your next draft! Happy writing!

Your writing pal,