Beer Commercials
I was going to devote this entire page to how stupid the beer commercials on TV are. I was going to complain how they are aiding to the problem of alcoholism, etc. However, I gave up that idea and decided that by doing that, I would be devoting my time to their cause. I would be drumming up a lot of publicity for the beer companies, even if it is bad press. Bad publicity sells, doesn't it?
So, instead I have the following suggestions for beer commercials. Sales may go down, but beer companies would be advertising what REALLY happens when someone drinks their product. They would be honest then, right?
Who: Family of Beer Drinking Father
Where: Anytown, USA
When: Any Friday Night
- It is payday. Beer-drinking father is late coming home from work. The family is sitting around for hours wondering where their father is. They wonder whether he will bring ANY of the money from his paycheck home with him. Or will he be rolled by someone, like before, who saw him in the taproom and saw how much beer he drank. The muggers saw him waving his money around that he had after cashing his paycheck.
Who: Family of Beer Drinking Father
Where: Anytown, USA
When: Any Night of the Week
- The kids come in from playing outside to find mother and beer-drinking father screaming at each other as loud as they can. The kids retreat upstairs and hold their ears, singing really loud to drown out their parents. It something they have done a lot.
Who: Family of Beer Drinking Father
Where: Anytown, USA
When: Saturday night
- Mom is working. The kids are left home with beer-drinking dad. Dad falls asleep with a cigarette in his hand. Everytime one of the kids tries to take the cigarette from the dad's hand, he snorts, wakes up, and says: "Get the hell out of here!" The kids finally give up and wait until the cigarette falls out of Dad's hand and drops down between the couch cushions. The kids wake their beer-drinking dad up and he gets the cigarette, puts it out ini the ashtray, and then he goes to bed. The kids pour glasses of water down the cushions of the couch because they are afraid that some of the light from the cigarette will burn down the house wiith them in it while they sleep. As adults, they become obsessed with fire and check, and re-check the stove to be sure nothing is left on. They have been left that legacy by their beer-drinking father, among other treasures.
Who: Family of Beer Drinking Father
Where: Anytown, USA
When: Any day of the Week
- A kid is outside playing and gets thirsty. She decides to bring her playmate in the house to get a drink, too.
Her mother, brother, and beer-drinking father are fighting, literally. Her father and brother are taking swings at each other, and her mother is in the middle, trying to break it up. The embarassed kid never invites anyone into her house ever again, because she never knows what will happen when she does.
Years later, kids are attending Adult Children of Alcoholics Meetings in an effort to feel 'normal', long after beer-drinking dad dies due to complications associated with excessive beer-drinking.
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