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~ Dark Winds ~
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~Main ~Cast ~Me
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Part 15 -
Damn my stupid hair. Grrr. And damn the stupid wind. It’s like a fucking hurricane out there. And it’s freaking cold! My scarf is flying around, the wind tugging at it and strangling me. My hair forms a moving curtain of stinging black strands, completely obstructing my vision but for little peaks out from time to time. Really not a good idea when walking fast to keep warm. Yeah, that’s one of the disadvantages of not living on campus. It’s far! Blah. I hate the cold. I hate the wind. I hate winter. Period. Bah, it’s not even winter per say, but it definitely feels like it. It’s the middle of fucking October for God’s sake!! I think I need more body fat. Insulation, you know? Yeah, definitely. Or maybe I should get warm wine. Not that I’ll be able to get any on campus. Or anywhere around here for that matter. Drinking warm mulled wine is just not done in this country. Perhaps a simple shot or two would do the trick? It’s worth a try, no? Especially since there’s this nice little café right around the block from my dingy little apartment *grin*. Great for when you want to get completely trashed. Not far to walk home then. With that wonderful plan in mind, I already felt a little warmer. At least warm enough to pay attention to the world again. Warm enough to see the scrawny kid leaning against a door, trying to keep out of the wind. I glanced at him, and then again, and again, and almost ended up braining myself on a lamp post. But I couldn’t keep from thinking about him. What if he was very cold and very hungry…and just simply miserable? What if he was lost? *sigh* “Hey kid.” Okay, so that probably wasn’t the best way to start a conversation. He didn’t say anything though. He only looked at me with suspiciously wet eyes. “Are you lost?” A shake of the head. “Are you waiting for someone?” A moment of indecision before another shake followed. “Do you want me to get you something to eat? Something warm, eh?” I could plainly see the hope that shone out of his eyes, and just as plainly, the mistrust and fear. Poor little kid. Maybe he thought I would kidnap him or something. The world was one fucked up place for little kids to be left out on the streets to starve and freeze…and…other bad things. Whichever came first. “It’s just in there. You see that little café? The one with the yellow, and orange and red lanterns inside?” a weak nod. “My name is Nat by the way.” I kneeled down before him, at the same time blocking some of the wind with my body. “I don’t like being hungry too. It hurts my belly. And I would really appreciate some company while I get something to eat, what do you say, eh?” Maybe it was my wining smile *snort* but the kid finally took a step forward, a shaky resemblance of a shy smile on his face. When we finished eating, I paid for the meal, and gave a little extra to the barman to give the child another meal tomorrow –and of course told the kid to come back here for a little more-. Only when I finally left for home and the warm, happy feeling dimmed a little did I wonder whether this had been the real me acting like this or that new angel side. It stopped me dead in my tracks on the sidewalk. I’ve never thought about what exactly this whole holly deal would entail. Not that I had a choice, but still… Would I have done the same thing otherwise? I dearly wished to think so. But… I wasn’t sure. It scared me. It scared me quite a lot not to know what was going on with me. I dropped my bag right next to the door, threw my coat on a chair, and turned myself toward the mirror that hung in the hall while closing my eyes. I’ve never tried simply willing my wings to appear. It had always been the contrary, rather. But now, I desperately needed to see them for some reason. I imagined how it would feel like to fly, and to fall through the air. The wind blowing harshly on me, just so, the sun spiraling all around as I cart-wheeled through the sky…all to no avail as my reflection remained stoically normal. I gritted my teeth in annoyance, and kept on trying. Neither invoking all recollections of my flights nor attempting to slip and actually fall onto the floor worked, except to give me a bruised elbow and a headache. And by that time I was really ready to fall on my face from fatigue and frustration. Why now? Why wouldn’t they appear now that I needed to see them so much? To see their unnatural color? To make sure they were real? To see … if they were still there? I shivered hard at my last thought. All those time I had wished and begged them to be gone. All those times I had wanted to be normal again… To forget this had ever happened… And now… Now I cried as I dropped on my bed, lying down on my stomach. I cried for the loss that hurt so much to think about. I cried for the familiar weights that were not there. And I cried when the shadowy darkness of midnight feathers brushed my face.
~*~*~ The thoughts provoked by that boy plagued me for the next few days. Even Agnes noticed my subdued mood, although this time, she couldn’t get anything out of me. I mean, I wasn’t about to tell her the truth, was I? And anyway, I didn’t really know what to think of the whole thing. Were my suspicions true? Was I imagining everything? Did…did I really want my wings to disappear forever? The painful ach in my chest told me I wouldn’t give them away for the world. But… how many times had I wished for light to replace the darkness? For black to turn into white? How many times had I wished to be normal at least among some people? *sigh* No, I could never tell Agnes about all of that. Not only because the first reason being that she wouldn’t believe me. And even if I showed her my wings, I wasn’t sure if I actually could. I think I read too many books, but in all the ones dealing with strange things, the people who learned about them got their memories wiped out or…bad things happened to them… Okay, so this was not a book –although it didn’t feel all that real-. But still, better be on the safe side. And where the hell was Aquariel when I needed him? I had learned that he wasn’t actually a student at the university. Well, everyone, including the teachers and the officials, thought he was, but… well, that’s on advantage of being an angel on a mission. He could go to classes to check on me, but he didn’t have to do the actual work. It was all sort of fuzzy, really. Anyway, I was about to go to lunch, which was always comforting, no matter how low I was feeling.
Food. Finally. Warm food. Actually better than on campus. And in better company. All right. Better is a relative word. Yes, Agnes is making me laugh, even though she simply can’t stop talking. Nathalia, though, can’t seem to be able to pay attention to her plate, while Kito only looks there, as if expecting his food to bolt out of his tray as soon as he glances away. Sheesh. No, he won’t look at me, and he is still wearing a hat. Damn him! What’s up with his hair! I need to see it! The curiosity is driving me insane! How long have I known him? A few weeks now? And not once have I seen him hat-less. Gahhh… “Next time you wave, use all your fingers.” Eh? *snort* that, people, is some of the random things Agnes talks about every few…seconds. The sillier, random things she says, the harder it is not to simply crack up. And then it’s the dumb hour for real, except that it usually lasts more than an hour. I was busy trying not to choke on my ice tea, and keep listening to Agnes. What caught my attention next, however, came from the other conversation at the table. “…with Aquariel.” Eh? Did I hear right? Just when I needed the guy! “You know Aquariel?” Aha! Kito finally looked up! Although it was for a mere split second. Damn. “I know an Aquariel, yes.” “It’s not a common name. Can’t be that many of them running around town. Tall blond with glasses?” “Yes. What’s his last name?” Ah…errr… well I actually never thought of asking him. Shut up you. “I don’t know, but it’s probably him.” “Where do you know him from?” Yay! I was finally having a conversation with Kito! Even though it was about another guy. Oh well. And come to think of it, I didn’t know his last name either… Kito’s I mean… “Univeristy.” “Windstorm?” “Yeah.” “I graduated from there last year.” “…” … my mind stopped. ‘We are still very good friends. I keep in touch with him. Actually, he graduated from your school last year.’ … Oh no. Oh fucking no. This is not him. Right? This is not a normal sort of coincidence. Not after what had just happened in the past few days. … ‘Riel, the next time I see you, I’ll have a word for you. And it will not be very enjoyable. I swear. Because this cannot be happening. I was not looking at another angel. … Or was I? He truly was beautiful, but then my own personal image broke the rule of celestial creatures being beauties. Or perhaps I was the exception that made the rule… I tried imagining him with two huge iridescent wings blooming from his back and illuminating him in their soft glow. And I was blinded by my vision, eyes wide, until someone shook me painfully by the shoulder and I was dropped back into the world to be stared at by three pairs of curious and slightly worried eyes. “Ah…err… excuse me.” I managed to mumble before I quickly made my way out, all thought of food forgotten, and still feeling Kito’s gaze in between my shoulder blades.
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