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~ Dark Winds ~
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~Main ~Cast ~Me
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I couldn’t concentrate anymore. All I kept seeing was Kito with wings. No. No! I didn’t want to. Because then it would mean that something had drawn us together. That our meeting had not been natural. That I … that I didn’t like him because of him, but because …of…what he was. And I couldn’t get that heavy lump out of my throat. No. Please. No. The whole angel-deal again. Was it the same thing I had done with that kid on the street? Was there something here, or was I imagining stuff? Perhaps it was simply natural, and I was being paranoid. But… I grinded the heels of my hands into my eyes and desperately applied myself to my work. Something, anything…just to forget, at least for a little while. And for once in my life, I didn’t want the workday to end. I didn’t want to go back home, in the cold, to my silent, lonely apartment.
“The usual please.” “I need to see your ID kid.” Only then did I bother to notice the new barman cleaning glasses behind the counter. “Eh? Where is Marcel?” “His little girl is sick. He took a day off.” I was entranced by the way he cleaned those glasses. That barman was just so… efficient. No list movements. But too many lost words. I needed to get drunk please. “He knows I’m of age, so I never bother to bring my ID anymore.” “I’m sorry kid, but I can’t let you have anything. State policy.” That fact was dropped on me like just another cleaned glass back into the bar. Simple work. I groaned. Oh no. Oh fucking no. Why today? Of all days, why today! Why did everyone think I was a kid? Yeah, so I had turned 21 a few months ago, but did that mean that I looked that young? Ah. I was too tired to growl. What was wrong with the world today? I slammed my head into the counter instead and let the shiny white dots dance in my eyes. I think I’ll finally get that brain damage I’m trying to accomplish here. “Here you go. It’s all I can give you. But this one’s on the house.” I heard the clink of glass next to my head and the distinct smell of orange juice. Orange juice, while I needed ten shots of vodka. “I… …Thanks.” “No problem.” “Hey kid… whatever is wrong… it will get better someday.” “Yeah.” If he only knew. I took the glass and made my way into the farthest corner, which also happened to be the darkest, and the one at which I usually sat. The apartment would feel way too quiet, and I knew that I would …not feel good at all if I found myself all alone. Screw homework for tomorrow. One day wouldn’t kill me. And hopefully I won’t come to regret this. But right now, I needed to just forget about everything. After downing the juice and ordering a cup of hot chocolate, slumping on the chair and closing my eyes felt absurdly good when accompanied with the buzz of normal life playing around me. How I wished it would only let me in to play too instead of leaving me outside. I don’t know how long I sat there, lost in my thoughts. Every other customer had left, and the light outside had changed from the bright sunny day to the darkening evening. I was finally about to call it quite when I noticed him sitting in a corner, and my heart clenched, new doubts assailing me. Had he come on his own volition? Had he been drawn here because I was? Did he… was he aware of that infinitesimal tugging at the heart? The little needles that threaded through and left lines of silk to pull at me? So many of those little threads that combined to an unbelievably painful tug? I softly laid my head on the little table in front of me. I didn’t want to think about this. It hurt too much. … And it made me sick. So instead, I looked at him. God knows I liked looking at him. It was actually very relaxing. Almost hypnotic. And giving me very strange ideas.
I stared into the dark reddish shadows of the café, wondering whether I was courageous –or actually stupid- enough to do it. I mean, there he was, sitting by that table with his eyes closed and an even, calm breathing, for the past half hour. I’m pretty sure he was asleep. Yeah, but what if he wakes up and catches you red handed? Ah well, it will be too late by then. And you can always a) pretend you tripped and careened into him, b) the hat fell off by itself or c) run like the wind! Hee hee. Way too much hot chocolate. I should stop having that much sugar to finish the day. It makes me do strange things. But then, I’ve been wanting to do that for a very long time. It’s always the things you can’t have or can’t see that are most attractive, don’t you think? So yeah. The café was practically empty except for the bartender, who actually was a woman –do they have names for women in such …careers?- and she didn’t seem to be paying either one of us any attention. Unless she had the technique of “look but pretend not to” down to a pat. Anyway, it was a little weird. I mean, the café being completely empty. Not that I minded. The fewer eyes watching me make an ass of myself the better. Come on, you won’t get another opportunity like this! Curiosity is bad, you know? Way too tempting. I should know. I have had too many bad experiences to count or remember. Or perhaps I just don’t want to remember them. Or… I think I am trying to procrastinate here. Damn me. I know myself too well. That did not make much sense. Wait. Why am I discussing with myself? Yeah, procrastinating again. Move it!! All right, all right, I will. Jeez. I took a deep breath, did all the “compose and calm yaself deal” and almost chickened out because it didn’t help one bit. My heart was going on as if I had just ran the hundred meter dash, and my palms were becoming very cold. Not to mention the churning stomach and the dry throat and…grrr, stop it. Go there right now, or you’ll regret it forever. So I stood up, leaving my coat on the back of my seat, and I made my way as quietly as I could to his corner. He didn’t stir, and for a moment, I lost myself in contemplation. It was the first time I had seen him so unguarded, and so peaceful. I so wanted to take a picture of him right then, afraid that my memory wouldn’t be able to remember him for long enough. The defined face, the preeminent cheekbones, the long, dark lashes brushing his fairly tanned skin, his long slender fingers stippled together on his stomach…and his ever-present hat. The hat that had started all this fantasy. Well, not really, but it had helped. He never took it off and by now, I was crazy with curiosity as to what his hair looked like. Was it short and spiky? Did he cut it off and was now ashamed of showing it off? Was it long and wavy, or medium and straight? Or… I just had to take a look. I glanced back toward the bar. Then the door. Still no one. Perfect. I slowly extended my hand toward his head, careful not to let any shadows fall on his face, and just as I took hold of the thick material, his hand snapped up to curl tightly around my wrist. Oh Shit. As I startled and tried to jerk my hand away, I tugged the hat off… and stared. Never mind the eyes burrowing into me. Never mind whether there was anyone else in the room. His hair. It was…wow. I mean… …. wow. It was like a wave of dark copper, with reflections of pure red, straight and glistening…all the way to his butt. I couldn’t stop myself from raising my other hand and almost passing it through the luscious tresses. I stopped myself just in time and felt my cheeks explode with heat as he cleared his throat. Oh my god. Only then did I take note of the awfully embarrassing situation I was in. I jerked my hand back, but he held it too firmly in his. For once, I had no want to feel his skin on mine. My mind was a hundred percent zeroed in on a quick escape. I glanced at his eyes and for no reason blushed even more if that was possible. By then, I most probably looked like a very bad case of sunburn. Try to the third degree perhaps. And those eyes. They were the worst. They kept on looking at me and I had no idea what he was thinking at that moment. I was too flustered to. But they weren’t accusing. And that perhaps was even worse. “I, I, I…I errr, I stumbled and it fell, and I err, I…” shit! Stop babbling! You’re making it worst! He knows you’re making it all up! “You are not a very good liar.” And now please god, let the ground open up and swallow me whole, would ya? I was about to faint with shame. What the hell had made me go up to him and simply tug his hat off? Too much thinking was bad for me. I’m a freaking head case, I swear. I looked away, not even struggling to free my hand anymore. For such a little guy, he was pretty strong, and it wasn’t for me lacking in determination to flee. But then since he wasn’t saying anything, I glanced back at him and … gaahh… he was smirking! I don’t think I could get any redder. “You could have asked, you know?” Now he was starting to piss me off. It’s easy to channel embarrassment into anger. Did he really think I could simply go up to him and ask him to take his hat off please because I really wanted to see whether his hair looked like the way I had imagined –scratch that. Fantasized- it to be? No. I didn’t think so either. “Yo, listen. I’m sorry. So will you let me go now?” I tried not to growl, but it was getting close to impossible not to. I was pretty embarrassed. Where did you think all those emotions went? He smiled again and let go of my hand, then twisted his hair into a…whatever it was… and hid it under his hat once more. Of course, I stayed and watched. And he watched me. I grew angry again, and stormed off, hearing him giggling of all things! Yeah, definitely time to lay off the hot chocolate. It only confused me to no end. When had Kito turned from the breathtakingly beautiful, to the insanely annoying, to the cool composed, to the sexy … just plain devious sexy? … *Grown* I need painkillers.
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