~Main
~Cast
~Me
Part 2~
“Hi”
“Mmm”
“Can I sit here?”
“Mmm”
“Not very talkative, are you?”
Can’t you take a hint, damn it? I finally raised my eyes to the guy talking to me. Don’t know his name. And frankly, I don’t care. Never seen him before. He’s tall –well, almost as tall as I am- and blond, and wears those black, thin, metal wired glasses. I hate blonds. Can you tell I’m in a bad mood? He’s transgressing into my territory. I’ve been sitting at the very back of this lecture hall for two weeks now, and no one has come to sit higher than three quarters up, and now, here he comes, asking if he can sit here? I mean come on, I’m grouchy, but it’s not as if I own the stupid place or something. I’m not at the point where I’ll growl at him…yet. But if he keeps on asking his foolish questions through out class, he’ll find himself with a beautiful bruise blooming in his eye socket.
The prof, down there in front of the board, starts lecturing us again. He has one of those hypnotizing voices that you listen to no matter what else you’re doing. It doesn’t mean you actually try to get your brain to cooperate for once and make sense of the meaning of it all, but you still listen to the words flowing past you. The blond has been sitting quietly for the past ten minutes. I have to admit, if not grudgingly, that he can sit silently if he wants to.
“Hey, do you have an eraser?” Grrr!!!
“What for.”
“To erase”
I turn toward him with a glower. Smart ass. Then I frown at the pen resting casually in his hand and raise my eyebrow. I think he got the point because he smirks and turns the page to reveal a large and frankly quite beautiful pencil drawing. Aha. Fine. I toss him the asked item and go back to whatever it was I had been doing. Well, nothing actually, but I use all my concentration not to look at him. Or his drawing. Damn. I didn’t really get a chance to properly see what it represented. Not that I’m interested or anything. At 11 am sharp, I slink out by the backdoor without a backward glance. I hope he got my meaning.
~*~*~
Well, apparently not.
“Hey! It’s you again!!”
Can you see the dark clouds ready to explode right over my head here? I don’t stop to either wave back at him or even acknowledge his presence. I’m not in the mood. Well, I never am, but that’s beside the point. I’ve learned to live alone, and be alone, and I wasn’t about to let anyone disturb my hard won independence.
“In a bad mood again?” Grrr. Who does he think he is to presume to know me so well? Fuck you to hell bastard. And stay there. I only continue walking, not deigning to speed up or slow down.
After that, I didn’t see him for five days. Not that I counted or anything! I was back to my old routine. My apartment felt strangely silent, surrounded by its abandoned little park that had fallen into disrepair long ago when the young kids had left the neighborhood; and the long bus drives to campus seemed devoid of the little warmth they had previously held. But autumn was well on its way. And when he talked to me again, I simply didn’t have the strength to be so grouchy. And I didn’t like it. Because I used my anger to keep the loneliness at bay. The walls I had built around me to protect my sanity were slowly eroding. And I didn’t know what to do about it, except retreat into myself even farther.
“You dropped something.” What? No questions? No stupid comments? I sighed mentally, picked up the piece of loose paper that had fallen from my notebook, and nodded to him. Him. I didn’t even know his name, did I tell you that? And it was better that way. The less I knew, the less I would like to know. Well, that doesn’t make much sense, but…I didn’t want to get involved with anyone, in any kind of way. Even in the most pure and friendly one. I just couldn’t. So I just went home, made myself a cup of hot chocolate, and stared out the window in an attempt to arrange my thoughts into a semblance of order. I didn’t see the yellow leaves tumbling to the ground like snow in the wind, I didn’t see the white clouds hurrying in the graying sky. I barely saw the tall person slinking onto the old tennis court through a breach in the fence. The floor there was cracked, with yellowed weeds growing out all around. The net was long gone, either taken down by the landlord, stolen, or destroyed by the elements. No one used it anymore. Except him. Him with the large red sweatshirt, his head hidden by a hood, and dark blue jeans, of the baggy kind. Him on the skateboard. Seeing him there, flittering through the dying vegetation, all alone, in that empty and windy place made my heart ach. It was all so sad and…familiar. I don’t know. I couldn’t stop thinking about why he was there. Why not on the street, where there was plenty of asphalt in much better condition. Why here, where everything seemed to be dying? And then, he turned around, pirouetting on one end of his board, and the blustery weather blew down his hood, revealing a mass of long, blond hair. It was him. Suddenly, I got the strange urge to go down there and say “hi.” I was alone. I had always been alone. But that was okay. He was new here, and he didn’t deserve to feel like I did. No, I didn’t want him to be my friend. I didn’t want his pity. I only wanted to make him feel a little better. At least for a little while.
~*~*~
“This is a private property.” Well, that didn’t come out half as well as I had wanted it to.
“Oh? There was no sign.” At least he didn’t seem too put out by my introduction. He calmly rolled over to where I stood at the edge of the court, taking his time. I let my gaze wander all around the periphery of the fence. Anywhere, just to avoid his eyes. I didn’t seem so comfortable with my brilliant idea anymore. He made me feel too strange. As if there were two “me”, fighting inside of me for power and dominance. Two parts, and I neither knew what those were nor which one would win in the end.
“You come here often?”
“Sometimes. When I have time. I like it here.”
“Never saw you here before.”
“Oh?” he raised his eyebrow at my implication. Damn me and my stupid mouth. That came out all wrong.
“I live here. Saw you through my window.” And why did I tell him that?
“Ah.” He nodded in understanding, glancing at my torso. I followed his gaze and shivered. Hard. Damn him. I had forgotten about the little fact that I was wearing short sleeves in the middle of October. And now that he had reminded me, I couldn’t stop shaking, hugging myself for the meager attempt to keep the wind at bay. He flipped his skateboard to catch the edge in one hand, and took my arm in the other, then proceeded to steer me toward the entrance of my building. What was it with him? Why did I act like a little kid around him? Grrr. It irritated me. He let go of me when we reached the entrance. It was screened from the wind, and much warmer than the court had been, but still no place for one dressed such as I. I opened the glass doors and he followed me into the lobby, where I proceeded to sit down on the floor with my back to the wall. He tipped his head to the side a little, then sat down next to me. Now that he was out of the wind, his hair had fell into order, and I found myself missing the wild halo of blond strands whipping about his face. I caught myself staring and quickly glanced away before he could spot my faint blush. My eyes rested on his board, and I was amazed at how clean it was. I mean, it was white. Dazzling white. Despite the use I had seen him make of it in the dust out there. And it had two huge white wings drawn spread out. It really was beautiful.
“Like my skateboard?” I could plainly hear his amusement. And it brought me on guard again. I quickly mumbled somewhat of an agreement and looked away, frowning at a spot on the opposite wall.
I felt rather stupid, seating here, still racked by occasional shivers, and saying absolutely nothing. I mean, I had come down to…why exactly did I do that anyway? And now I felt stupid and uncomfortable and…and…I had drawn him away from his fun so he could sit in the silence with me inside an old apartment lobby? Because I didn’t want him to feel lonely? What a joke. I sighed, and stood up to escape this situation.
“Aquariel.”
Eh?! “Excuse me?”
“My name is Aquariel.”
Aha. I was somewhat stupefied by this revelation and stared at him for a long time, trying to decide what to do next. I mean, I was confused. It seemed to me that I’ve been a total ass toward the guy –well, not really on purpose- and he still wanted to hang around with me? I watched as his expression turned from a bright grin to a shy smile, to a pained half-frown, and I felt something inside of me crumble as well. It wasn’t right. And then, I did something that surprised even me. I retraced my steps to squat in front of him and offered him my hand.
“I am Nathaniel. Glad to make your acquaintance.” His lips curved back up, and heck, I became awfully proud of myself at that moment. Just that tiny little gesture and it had made me feel so good inside. Inside. Where resides all that counts.
~*~*~