Dan Glover, the peace-crowd’s chief lackey

Felt being a "black" was quite tacky

So he said with a song

As he fired up his bong

"I’d rather be ‘Afro-Iraqi’".

There once was a gullible Moony

Who accepted a date with George Clooney.

She took it all back

When he went with Iraq

And said "I’m a dupe, not a loony".

Starry-eyed Susan the Red*

Lured Saddam Hussein to her bed

But when she went out

To powder her snout

He buggered Tim Robbins instead.

*Susan Sarandon

There once was a ne’er-been named Lee

Who resembled a mutated flea.

When he started to push

His blood-Spike in George Bush

He became ne’er-been flea history.

A dreaming old bishop named Tutu

O’er paradise soars in a U-2.

He’s reluctant to share

This recurring nightmare

For this heaven is red, white and blue, too.

A monk, hearing Angie* called "Sister"

Thought fate had delivered a twister.

"She can’t be a nun

She’s more like a Hun

And an antediluvian blister."

*Angela Davis

The impeccably natty Dan Rather

Shaves close ‘fore the camera-folks gather

But when his image came back

From his chat in Iraq

The stuff ‘round his mouth wasn’t lather.

Jihad Janeane* had a yearning

To view the autumn leaves turning.

She called it okay

But not nearly as gay

As watching the Stars & Stripes burning.

*Janeane Garafalo

Our make believe prez, Martin Sheen

Thought all his detractors were mean

So he ordered to jail

His incoming mail

And vetoed his answer machine.

"Michael Moore is really no mutt,"

Says his father, Jabba the Hutt.

"He’s a blue-blooded hog’s prick,

"A registered dog’s dick

"And a thoroughbred horse’s butt."

A canary is daft Cheryl Crow

The sound of her voice makes you glow.

But just like you’ve heard

Of that sweet little bird

She’s yellow from head to her toe.

I can’t get a line on Rich Gere

There’s really no proof that he’s queer.

But it’s hard not to note

The rumors that float

Of creatures deployed up his rear.

Deafness led poor Chrissie Hynde

To the best E.N.T. she could find.

He said, "Here’s the facts.

"It isn’t ear wax.

"It’s the tallow that drips from your mind."

Ed Asner, the peaceniks’ proud Caesar

Bristled when called "an appeaser".

He said, "It’s not true.

"You haven’t a clue.

"I’m a rat, and a treasonous geezer."

A website has barbarous Babs*

On which she blithers and blabs;

It displays an affinity

For broad asininity

And gibberish up for the grabs.

*Barbra Streisand

There’s no sport in dissing Mike Farrell.

It’s like shooting fish in a barrel

When the target’s a simp,

A professional wimp

And a charmer in ladies apparel.

A reverend idjit named Jesse

Felt war with Saddam would be messy.

He developed the hots

To preach to the Scots

And now he’s sleeping with Nessie.

Our comical searcher, Hans Blixie

Had a crush on a chicksie from Dixie.*

But he said with a pout

When she ushered him out,

"I’m no stud, but you sure ain’t no pixie."

*Natalie Maines

Ah, Ritter, we know him so well,

He’s the sly baby-sitter from hell.

Baghdad has snap shots

Of Scott with some tots

Now he anchors Saddam’s show-and-tell.

Michael Moore has a fixation

To heap unearned guilt on our nation

But I’m content in my mind

That one day he shall find

He’s no more than a fat aberration.

A gender-confused Lenny Kravitz

Developed some might weird habits.

He started to lurk a

Round in a burqa

Yelling, "Now you can’t tell if I have tits!"

A politically bent necromancer

Was delighted to throw in with A.N.S.W.E.R.

He said they’re hell-bred

And dead in the head

And terminally stricken with C.A.N.C.E.R.*

*Cowardly Anachronistic Numbskulls Championing Empty Radicalism

Helen Thomas, every protestor’s granny

Was Rosemary’s Baby’s first nanny.

She said: "My next part –‘

(As she picked on a wart)

"Will be Craven’s gore-pic ‘Death boat Annie’!"

If Moore is a documentarian

Then Kofi Annan is Hungarian.

For the way that he acts

Fast and loose with the facts

He’s much more a fabricatarian.

Madonna and Guy had a quarrel

About being wed at Balmoral.

He told her, "Don’t fret

"For your image, my pet.

"You’re still fundamentally immoral!"

I’m remiss in forgetting Al Gore,

The quintessential media whore.

He’d pucker up and smack

The hind-end of a yak

To get himself noticed once more.

Peter Arnett better write well

And beware every lie that he tell,

For two scribes with more style

Named Mauldin and Pyle

Can’t wait to escort him to hell.

To every Nobel Prize winner

Invited to speak at a dinner:

If you use the occasion

To sully our nation

You’ll end up preaching to thin air.

(For Oscar Arias)

No Pearls of wisdom from Jam

(Their brains are related to Spam).

But with music that sounds

Like artillery rounds

You’d think they could help Uncle Sam.

‘DeGenova’ defies every rhyme;

I’ve tried them all, plain and sublime.

But the answer is simple:

The cancerous pimple

Deserves not a jot of my time.