Thursday March 18th, 2004

Be careful what you make fun of or ridicule.  There is always someone near by that will take great offense.

In college, I used to alternate days studying and days that I would watch television.  My roommate Derick would sit at his desk and study all night long with ear plugs in his ears.  I think Derick never made anything less than an "A" in all his years of studying chemical engineering.  Television watching for me was very much an interactive affair back in those days.  I would talk at the set whenever I saw something outrageous or interesting.  Derick always ignored me....that is, except only one time.

I was watching Friends on NBC.  It was the first season and if you can remember back that far you might remember that Ross's character was married with his first child on the way.  You may also remember that Ross's wife left him while pregnant for another woman.  That was too much for me.  I sat there talking to the set.  "This is a bunch of crap.  Come on!!  Who leaves their spouse for someone of the same sex while pregnant.  Nah!"  This was only time Derick ever spoke to me while he was studying.  He tensed up and gripped the edge of his desk.  He then turned around with fire in his eyes that burned into me with laser intensity.  "IT HAPPENS BOB!!  IT HAPPENS!!"  He turned back around to the desk and resumed studying.  I was left trying to figure out what that was all about.  

Turns out that his dad left his mom for another guy.  This happened while Derick was in high school and his dad was a teacher there.  Apparently everyone knew.  What were the odds?  I felt like a schmuck.  

Smells are the sense that is closest connected to memory.  You pass a woman in a hallway, smell her perfume, and start to get emotional for some reason.  Then you realize that was the perfume that your grandmother used to wear.  Smells of things long forgotten transport us to the past more so than pictures.

Sunday March 7th, 2004

I remember one night driving home like a mad man to see my parents and brother.  As soon as I got in, I grabbed them and pulled them out of the house.  At that moment, thought well after dark, the sky was afire with bright reds and greens.  The largest solar storm in the past 50 years was buffeting the Earth and kicking up the Aurora Borealis.  We all stayed out there for two hours and for the first time in several years shared a family moment that was not tied to a major holiday.  When I think back to that moment, I can't help but to wonder why I needed such an event to get us all together.

Monday March 1st, 2004

Ten Laws of Power (I do not necessarily endorse these)

1.    Never outshine the master

2.    Never put too much trust in friends, learn how to use enemies

3.    Conceal your intentions

4.    Always say less than necessary

5.    So much depends on reputation - guard it with your life

6.    Court attention at all costs

7.    Get others to do the work for you, but always take the credit

8.    Make other people come to you - use bait if necessary

9.    Win through your actions, never through argument

10.  Infection: Avoid the unhappy and the unlucky

Most people look to the right  when recalling the truth and events that actually happened.  People look to their left when "creating" or spinning out new versions of past events.

If they cannot meet your eyesight and/or they are tapping their feet and/or they are touching their face while talking to you, they are most likely lying.

A gentleman never makes himself the center of attention.  His goal is to make life easier, not just for himself but for his friends, his acquaintances, and the world at large.  Because he is a gentleman, he does not see this as a burden.  Instead, it is a challenge he faces eagerly every day.

Sunday February 29th, 2004

When you try to run that other car off the road.  Try to strike it with the front quarter of your car hitting the rear quarter of your target from the side.  You will be using the heaviest part of your car (the engine) to move the lightest part of your target (the trunk).  Results may vary.

I remember Jody from college very well.  I can remember the first day that she showed up as a perspective student at Bethany.  She had that quality that made you stop and look at her.  It was borderline brilliance or criminal insanity, you could not quite tell.  For the longest of time her freshman and sophomore  year she was hung up on James.

James was from Massachusetts and as cool as they came.  He did not go often looking for sex, but accepted it willingly each and every time it came his way.  In that casual way, I guess he was a player.  Jody was really willing with him not long after she met him.  James always would turn that off.  It was very strange.  Jody was attractive, much more than most of the girls.  She was also a lot of fun to be with.  And most of all, she was willing with James.  

I asked him one time, just out of curiosity, why he did take advantage of the situation.  "Because trolls don't sleep with people, Bob."  James said.  "I look into her eyes and I see that I am the man of her dreams.  She looks into my eyes and does not realize that it is just another fun ride.  It would devastate her learn that I do not look at it more than that.  So, nothing is ever going to happen with her.  Trolls don't sleep with people."   If only every troll had that philosophy.

Wednesday February 25th, 2004

I ran with what would be considered a less than popular crowd in high school.  They were the oddballs that did not seem to fit with any group.  Most of them were sons and daughters of professors at Bethany College.  We listened to the Cure and Red Hot Chili Peppers and partied every weekend.  We lived by our own rules.  Seth got his doctorate and is teaching.  Sara is an Army doctor in Hawaii. Jesse was a teacher for a few years, but he started building houses (less stressful he said).  Popular does not equal successful.  Check everyone over before you pass judgment.

Don't cross the streams.  Good safety tip Egon.  

Count on your deepest darkest secret getting out.  Maybe not today.  Maybe not tomorrow. But it will get out there.  Learn to live with the choices you make or learn to make better choices.

Guys should know better to ask a woman about her past.  It is not the gentlemanly thing to do, but we just can't help ourselves and desperately want to look behind that locked door.  I think it is because of the innate urging that we have to find out stuff comes from a secret desire to believe that we have found new territory.  That we are like the explorers of old discovering new land.  When we do find out it is never pretty.  The information blows our minds and devastates the relationship.  Afterwards when the anger subsides, the guy realizes that  was all in the past and whoever the girl was, she is not that now.   At the end of the day, she chose him.   Unfortunately, like most epiphanies, it comes too late.

Tuesday February 24th, 2004

Some people need to have misery or problems all the time to give them something to complain about.  Their troubles give them definition in life that would otherwise be lacking.  Avoid these people if you can.

Yes, all women are crazy.  Guys are just going to have to accept it.  Also, they should be glad for it.  If women were sane, every man would be single and our species would die out.

The most insidiously dangerous weapon on the planet is a good looking woman who knows it.

If the first time you head about feminism and thought "Women should know their place", you need counseling.  If the first time you heard about feminism and thought "Don't they have dominion over us already?", you need clinical professional help.

Don't make fun of a person's musical choices.  People are sensitive to this particular criticism.

Want to be happy?  Marry someone who does not need you in any way other than your love.  Those are the ones that you want to stay with you.  

Some of the happiest married people that I know could have just as easily been happy being single for the rest of their days.  Is there a connection?

The unexamined life is not worth living.

There is not much good writing left on television.  Everything seemed to go down hill after Serling and Hitchcock ended their run.

The brain is like any other muscle.  If you are not using it, it is atrophying.  

If you are able to, you want to have your doctor and lawyer as your personal friend.

First Rule of Fight Club: Don't talk about fight club.

Second Rule of Fight Club: Don't talk about fight club.

Fate only happens if you let it.  You control your future even if you do not think that you do.  

A friend of mine was upset at a misfortune that he saw.  He thought that the universe/God/whatever was not fair.  I looked at him and said, "Would you rather people got exactly what they deserved?"  Cold comfort for the world's unpredictable cruelty.

Monday  February 23rd, 2004

Be careful of wanting to get the last word in.  You just may get it.

It's not paranoia, it's a healthy respect for the likely events that may happen to you.

Never fly straight and level for more than 30 seconds.  The Baron's crosshairs are creeping up your tail.

Do not use that comb in the blue fluid.

On a long enough time line, everybody's chances for survival drop to zero.  Get to it doing what you want to do.

Everyone believes in something.  They may say they don't but they do.  Even atheists believe their beliefs based on faith.

Long distance relationships are always problematic.  You don't know all of what is happening in a person's life so there are gaps in your knowledge.  Your imagination fills these gaps.  Imagination never disappoints.  You may end up loving a person that really does not exist.

You are not the same person you were 5 years ago.  You are not going to be the same person in 5 years.  This is not a bad thing, but remember that the only constant is change.

It takes a lot of planning to make something look spontaneous.  

Planning your career/life should be done like writing a "chose your own adventure".  Put plenty of options into your plans.  You may find the road that you chose blocked for one reason or the other.  Don't get stopped for a year or two not knowing how to continue your life.  There are a dozen different ways to reach Rome.

Wear sunscreen

Take the path less traveled

Every woman's first child is usually their husband/boyfriend.

Good memories never fade

Evil only occurs when good people stand by and say nothing.

Sunday February 22, 2004

A few years ago in a medical school, a rather gifted and talented med student interrupted the lecturer.  "Sir, why do we as doctors perform surgery on a patient that has little chance of surviving it?  Isn't that cruel and stringing them along when they can be putting their affairs in order?"  The normally calm and kindly lecturer became quite agitated.  "Stand up mister," he said.  "I want you to take your books, and leave this auditorium."  The student looked startled.  "Do it now!"  As the student started to leave, the lecturer continued, "On your way out, think of another career you might be good at.  You see if I have any say in it at all (and I do) you are out of this school and I will see that you get into no other school in this country."  The student looked bewildered and was gasping for air.  He stumbled and dropped some of his books, but made his way to the door.  When the student put his hand on the door handle, the lecturer called out at him.  "Stop, come back to your seat."  The terrified medical student returned to his chair.  "You ask a very good question." the professor said kindly.  "It reflects on your intelligence that you would ask such a thing, but I'll tell you now why I did just want I did now."  The young student looked up.  "Your career has been been gifted and without flaw so you lack the one experience that you need to understand your question.  I wanted you to feel what it is like to have lost all hope.  That is why we do whatever we can to help them.  To give them hope."

Friday  February 20th, 2004   

Never give up.  Fight to the last.  Even if it is a futile battle.  Maybe your struggle will inspire others to succeed where you did not.

It is amazing how mature wisdom resembles being too tired.

Store the beer in a dark place.

Men are more sentimental that women.  It blurs their thinking.

Always listen to the experts.  They will tell you what cannot be done.  Then you can go ahead and do it.

Get that first shot off fast.  It will upset your target enough to make the second one hit it's mark.

Life can deal you a bad hand.  But buddy, at least you are still in the game.

If it cannot be expressed in numbers or figures, it is not science; it is opinion.

Delusions are functional.  If mothers knew how most children really were, they would probably drown them.

You can have peace.  You can have freedom.  Don't count on both at the same time.

Learn all that you can about massage.

Don't try to teach a pig to sing.  It wastes your time and annoys the pig. 

A person is not measured by the amount of their wealth.   They are measured by the number and quality of the people that love them.

Any kind of Jello dye that you absorb through the skin takes days to get out.  It will be sweated out.  Scrubbing will do no good.

A fox met a scorpion near a wide stream.  The scorpion asked for a ride across to the other side.  The fox sniffed "Are you mad?  You will sting me and I will drown and die."  The scorpion looked up at the fox, "Yes, but I would die too.  I cannot swim."  The fox thought about that for a moment then decided that it did make sense.  He allowed the scorpion to climb onto his back and then he walked into the stream.  Halfway across the stream, the scorpion stung the fox.  The fox cried in pain "You fool!!  We will both die now!!  Why did you do it?"  The scorpion got out one more sentence before they both passed under the waters: "Because it is my nature to."

The most important thing that you can do is to teach a young person how to think for themselves.  Not what to think, but how to think. 

You don't have to be faster than the bear, just faster than the slowest guy you are with.

Wednesday  February 18th, 2004  Wednesday

I remember speaking to my father while in high school about my life career plans.  I told him that I was interested in the legal profession or maybe even running for public office.  My father looked at me and said "Those are both fine things to do, but have you considered a more noble career like selling crack or pimping whores?"  Dad was funny that way.

Did I learn any good advice to pass on after my experiences in college?  Maybe one.  You do the right thing not because you expect a reward or approval.  You do the right thing because you may be the only one in the position to do it.  You do the right thing even though it may destroy you.  At the end of the day you have to look yourself in the mirror.  It is so very important that the person that you see in that mirror is someone that you can like.

Never pass up a good thing.  This may be the only time it ever comes your way.  Don't pass up temptation either.  I may not come your way again either.

Don't be in a hurry to grow up.  You will get there soon enough.  Each age has its own intrinsic benefits.  Enjoy each year for what it is.

Worry only about the things that you can change.  The things that you cannot affect should not be worth your grief.

No one is going to remember what you had.  They will only remember what you gave.

The most precious gift that you can ever give someone is your time.

If you are good looking, popular, wise, or wealthy, you have an obligation to use your gifts for good.

Children are empty vessels.  They become what you fill them up with.

The last words on your death bed should not be "I should have spent more time at work."

Never leave a relationship in a worse condition than when you started it.

Letter writing is great.  Pulling a letter out written by a loved one years later reinforces that these events happened.

Dancing is the second best form of exercise.

Cherish your memories fondly but always look toward the future.  Each episode of your life will be different from the previous, but that does not mean it will be a bad thing.

You are made up of all the good and bad things that have happened in your life.  You cannot pull on the threads that you do not like in the tapestry of your life and not have the entire thing come apart.

You can accomplish anything if you have the right soundtrack playing in the background.

You have the rest of your life to sleep.

The math professor that hooked you up with hottest looking girl in the freshman class should have a building named after him.

Be nice to your friends and family.  You may need your bedpan changed one day.

There is no greater evil than loosing a child.

Skydiving, whitewater rafting, rock climbing, scuba diving and repelling are all good activities that all parents should promote to their children.

Be kind to the soldiers and their families.  They sacrifice much so we can sleep fat, stupid, and safe at night.

The most enchanting word that anyone can hear in any language is their own name.

More often than not, they are not so concerned with how sexy you are.  They are more concerned with how sexy you make them feel.

There would be more peace and less war if massage was taught in every school. 

There will always be people that do things better than you.  There will always be people that do things worse than you.  You have little control over that.  Focus on how you perform your own job.

Don't be afraid to get your hands dirty. 

One of the greatest crimes that a person can commit is to be boring.

Smile.  You are traveling.

Never allow there to be the slightest doubt between you and the people that you love.  Always let them know how you feel about them.

It's only money.

If you see a 350 pound 60 year old man run by you faster than anyone you have ever seen, FOLLOW HIM!!

Don't say to yourself, "I'll do that someday when I have the time."  If you are not doing what you want to do right now, you are in serious trouble.  You may never get another chance.

It is not their clothes, tattoos, speech, or piercings.  It is the character of their heart that matters.  Of course Travolta also said "You dress up like it is Halloween every day and don't be surprised when a monster tries to jump you."

If you are ever to fall in love the right way, you are going to have to like and love yourself first.  This is the difference between being the person who is needy and the person who you can lean on.  

When you go to the restaurant order something you have never eaten before.  Try reading a book that you consider dangerous.  Try to find out why someone believes differently than you.  Never stop questioning why things happen.  It is O.K. to have definite opinions and beliefs, but have them after a thorough examination of all the angles.  Never lose your intellectual curiosity.

Debate is necessary for anyone that truly believes in their beliefs.  Debate is the crucible in which the irrelevancies are burned away leaving just the pure product: the truth!!

Always take the time to create those perfect, special moments.

A person never stands so tall as when they have helped out another individual.

Know the people that you helped.  It will make you a better person for it.

Most young people have no idea of their potential.  Most are limited by their imagination or know only what they grew up around.  If the full scope of what they were capable of doing was made available to them, there would be little to stop them.