“Damn that DEVIL rum!”

or

“I don’t THINK it’s broken”

It was going to be Duncan’s 2^nd birthday and for the past few years, we have camped out on Memorial Day weekend. Our first attempt was at a campsite on Old Hickory 5 years ago. It was beautiful but didn’t work well with our little sailboat. The next year (and for the next 4) we got better and better campsites on Percy Priest Lake in Nashville. This year we hit the jackpot…right on the water and next to the dock!

We made a reservation in November last year. Our only concern at this point was what to do about Duncan on the boat. Mama needed something on the boat to feel more secure letting Duncan go out sailing. SO, I asked Santa to bring me some boat rail netting. You stretch it and attach it around your boat to the lifelines and it acts as a big play pen.

The week before our trip, I spent nearly an entire day cleaning and putting up that netting. We even did a little test with Duncan and it looked good to Mama, Nana and Daddy. Duncan realized something was going on. He suddenly started doing the cutest little “act.” It happened 3 or 4 times during the week before camping. He would find any hat laying around, put it on and grab a bag of toys or blocks or anything and head to the gate that closes off the room from our stairs. We’d ask, “Duncan, what are you doing?” “Bye, bye” he’d reply. “Where are you going?” we’d ask. “Boat!” was the answer each time. He SO loves the boat and it is even one of his favorite words!

The plan had been all along to sleep on the boat anchored off the campsite where we’ll cook and hang out. Since Rayna is pregnant, we had to change the cooking plans. I figured out how we could get away every night without having to cook. See, if I cook it is for about 8 to 10 people and she gets to clean up the mess. Needless to say, while there is running water and electricity, there is no dishwasher. Hell, there’s not even a sink! So I can understand her point.

Now is a good time to tell you about Abigail. Duncan’s little sister is due around September 21 of this year and he’s named her already. From what I understand little boys like to name their sister after someone they are sweet on. Duncan’s is a little girl in his class at daycare. Mine was our baby sitter. Oh well, I started out with older women but ended up with a younger one, who knows what he’ll do!

When the day to setup arrives, I’m pretty pumped. I’m confident I can make this trip a success. I’m confident that if I do, it’ll mean more to come and maybe even another one before the little one gets here.

I had put the boat in on Thursday across the lake so all I had to do was setup camp on Friday then go to the boat and sail or motor back over. Maybe doing it for the past 5 years helped but the setup just seemed to go fast and time just breezed. The site was SO beautiful. Absolutely perfect for what we were trying to do…ok, sand instead of rocks at the waters’ edge would have been perfect, but beside that, absolutely perfect. We almost looked straight into the sunset each night.

With everything setup I cut on the weather radio and hear bad news. The great sailing weather was going to blow in a very dangerous storm late on Sunday. It looked like our trip may be cut short, but it was going to be beautiful for a while!

Our buddies Howard and Susan are camping up the lake and call. They think I’m hinting that I need a ride to my boat so before I know it they come to the site using their powerboat. Howard is TRULY a king and is there with his wife and their 2 kids (Houston and Samantha, little cuties!) to take me to my boat across the lake. He zooms us across to Hamilton Creek and I have to say, a powerboat WILL get you there fast!

By the time I am back at the campsite, Rayna is there with our dinner. Now while she didn’t have to clean or cook, she did have to go pick up food while I setup camp. Fair trade don’t you think? Well, she did have to pay for the food too so I don’t know.

Our friends start showing up and setting up their gear and eating ribs, beans and chips. The food went great with beer. My wife had thrown me a birthday party a few weeks ago and there was plenty beer left so I brought plenty with me. Well, it went a little too well with the food…or maybe it was the beautiful view….or maybe it was having Duncan out with us camping…or the thought of sleeping on the boat but I had entirely too much beer.

When it was time for bed, with everyone on the boat, we motored to a spot off the campsite and dropped anchor. This was my first time doing that and while I had been told what to do and I had read some stuff online about how to do it, I hadn’t actually done it.

Somehow I do it…I get the boat anchored and while Rayna puts Duncan in the v-berth forward, I inflate the bed and set it up with these sailboat sheets I found at Walmart. The boat looked cozy with the lantern on. This is going to be SO perfect. They are going to be asleep soon with the boat rocking and I’m going to go ashore and hang out with everyone for a bit longer. After everyone is in bed and kissed good night, I put in the hatch boards and the little screen I have so they’ll get some ventilation. I get the hatch all together and locked down like I always do.

I’m only a little way out, not too far to swim but I have this little rowboat (Thanks David!). After too many beers, I’m trying to row this damn thing for the first time while I bring a line ashore to tie off from the bow. It takes me FOREVER. I finally give up and step out of the boat and was in about, oh, I don’t know…knee deep water. Oh well, I wade in and we tie up the boat to a tree.

I hang out with my friends for a while but at some point in the night, I decide to try this rum my cousin gave me for my birthday. Stuff is called Sailor Jerry’s Spiced Navy Rum. I found out later she meant it as a joke but the thing had the most beautiful bottle. It looked like something Captain Jack Sparrow would be drinking from in “Pirates of the Caribbean.” I mean I had to, you know? Like that cenote in Mexico in 2000, remember that one?! I believe the label says something about Jerry being a world famous tattoo artist and that this is his own special recipe. That it is a bit stronger in alcohol with a hint of cherry…yea, whatever, let me have a swig. And another.

And another.

And another.

And I’m not sure when I stopped drinking this stuff straight because it goes down so smooth and is a little sweet but sometime later my friend Kenny says, “Hey, Rayna is yelling at you.”

“What?”

I turn around and I see this shadow coming up out of the hatch on the bow of the boat. What the heck is she doing? Well, I start hearing things that I’m sure Duncan shouldn’t have heard. Lots of words that all add up to just one thing. Thank goodness I’ll have the boat to sleep on because she’ll be going home and I won’t be able to come with. I don’t know what I did but I’m in big trouble.

I jump up…er…stumble up and run for the water line. I grab the little rowboat and the line tying our boat to shore and use it to pull myself out. When I make it to the boat (which takes some time) I grab the netting and pull around to the stern (back of the boat) and pull myself in. All the while asking, “what’s wrong, honey?” “What have I done?” “I was just right there, what have I done?”

Once I get in the cockpit, which, doing it from the rowboat…after beer and rum, took a stupid amount of time and I finally get to where I can see Rayna and I ask again, “what’s wrong honey?!” “What did I do?”

She has the lantern on and is NOT happy. She says I locked her in. It got stuffy inside and she couldn’t sleep and couldn’t get out to get some fresh air. I had locked the hatch boards and they couldn’t get out. She had started by yelling through the screen to get my attention and when that didn’t work she began beating on the boat and yelling so that I would hear her. She even thought about kicking out the little screen but after waking Duncan, she realized she could open the hatch and crawled out…6 months pregnant and all.

I DID WHAT!?!??!?!??!

Duncan thought the bow hatch was cool…he didn’t know what that little door was for but when he saw his mama crawl out into the night , he knew just what it was for. His mother later told me he had this little “oh now THAT’S neat” grin. I’m glad someone had a grin.

PLEASE tell me I didn’t do that!! Tell me I didn’t lock up my wife and baby on their first night out on the boat!

Yep, idiot, you sure did.

I just closed up everything like I always do. You know, like I do when I’m leaving the boat and sleeping…SOMEWHERE ELSE! Well, Rayna didn’t have to beat up on me long because had I had something to flog myself with I think I would have done it.

I felt worse than dirt. I don’t think it was the rum (remember, no rum until AFTER I had imprisoned my family) and probably not the beer either. I was just doing what I had always done. Much of what you do on a boat has to become habit or it takes you forever to get anything done. I told her that I didn’t think I have ever done anything this bad to her.

She saw that I knew what I had done and took it easy on me. Even told me that she liked sleeping on the boat. It was comfortable but got stuffy with the hatches closed even with the little screen in. She was willing to stay on the boat but she was staying up in the v-berth with Duncan (there’s always a fine isn’t there? Actually she wanted to make sure little man didn’t try to crawl out!).

I was not really prepared for bed since I had rushed out to the boat and was soaked so I had to get completely undressed to get in bed. I definitely wasn’t going ashore after pulling this stunt. The boat was comfortable and seemed like a great place to sleep with the rocking and sloshing Rocking and sloshing.

Back and forth.

Rocking.

Sloshing

Yep, you guessed it. If anyone was at the dock fishing, they had quite a view. Not like the one behind me though because under a nearly full moon, SHOWING a full moon, I gave up to Neptune that VILE devil rum which was his. Oh, I was gonna pay for this in more ways than one.

And pay for it I did. We tried sailing on Saturday with Duncan but the winds were light and it got steamy out. Rayna didn’t have a lot of fun and got tired and overheated and I didn’t feel that well either (for a lot of reasons!). By that evening she was just exhausted and decided to take Duncan home for the night. Earlier in the day I had a run in with the “Barney” running the campgrounds. I’ll spare you the details but he got onto me like I was TRYING to get away with something when all he had to do was ask…or even command. But he was a jerk and put me in a bad mood.

My cousin who gave me that Devil rum came out and talked me into a late night sail under nearly full moon. I told her that while we would sail, I didn’t ever want any of that rum again. It ended up being absolutely the best night sail I’ve ever had. Under a nearly full moon with a few other sailboats out enjoying the natural light, we listened to Jimmy Buffett and had a blast.

Late on Sunday morning, we decided to go sailing but the “seas” had kicked up at our campsite dock. Whitecaps were being blown into the dock. Getting from the anchor spot to the dock proved tougher that I was prepared for. In an effort to stop her from running aground, I ran forward at the last minute and jumped off intending to stop the momentum. Instead, I hit bottom early on my right heel and felt it all the way up to my hip. OH, I didn’t stop the boat either, scratched the side and did a number on the keel too.

It didn’t stop me though because I went out anyway with my cousin and Herman. I practiced “heaving to” (which allows you to nearly stop while sitting in wind) and anchoring in a cove where I met Adam Dread (the greatest morning radio show host Nashville ever had!) and generally had fun (drinking WATER). The sailing was WONDERFUL!

We had fun but the skies darkened a bit and we knew that we had to break camp early before the storm came in. We motored back to camp and when trying to tie off the boat to shore, I stepped hard on my heel again and by now, the ankle started to swell and I could hardly walk on it. I struggle to do what I can and begin to put the trailer in the water at this dock for the first time. I discover that the ramp is not steep or deep enough to retrieve my boat so I have to motor across to Hamilton Creek while Rayna and Herman drive over to pick me up.

Luckily, my cousin and her fiancé helped us pack everything up because with my foot this way, it would have taken forever. The tent was impossible to pack right with the wind whipping off the lake but we are able to get it wadded up and the rest of our stuff home before the storms came through later that night.

We were both exhausted and I could hardly walk. Pizza for me and ice water for my ankle begin to sooth things. I had a podiatrist appointment on Tuesday so it was good timing in a way. He took an x-ray and said it wasn’t broken. So I turn 40 and have my first “athletic” x-ray. Oh well, I could be sitting at home on the couch!

Now what did I learn this trip? I learned that our campsite of the past few years probably isn’t the best for our next few years. I learned to practice things before figuring them out with the family because they’ll be happier and you’ll get to sail more. Try the ramp before you NEED it. Say no to that Devil rum. No, no NO.

And take off the little clip that locks the hatches while staying on the boat. TAKE IT OFF!