This is my first posting on this site and I wanted to give all you out there an idea of whose writings you are looking at. This is kind of an introductory essay.
I am a pizza delivery guy for Pizza Hut in Oregon. This is essentially just one massive complaint for all you ignorant, belligerent, no good assholes that have a bad day, order a pizza and take your frustrations out on me.
Point 1: I didn’t make your damn pizza! If your pizza is missing a topping, don’t immediately assume that while I was on my way to your house to bring you said pizza, I did not say to myself, at any point in time, “Hey, I think I’m going to piss off the people that ordered this pizza. I’m going to strip from this pizza, that I don’t like to eat mind you, all of it’s Italian Sausage, and eat it or throw it out the window, or what ever it is that you think I do with it, just to piss off someone that directly effects how much money I make on any given night of the week.” Thus, if your pizza is missing a topping, call the store back after the delivery guy leaves, complain to a manager that will give you free pizza, then ask to bitch at the cook. It’s their fault, not mine.
Point 2: Don’t assume that you are the only impatient, too lazy to get off your fucking fat ass son-of-a-bitch out there that ordered pizza. If the person on the phone tells you it will be 45 minutes, they’re probably not a delivery driver and have no fucking clue how long it’s going to take. I have other deliveries before yours. Deal with it.
Point 3: It’s not fucking funny when your neighbors order pizza, and you stand on your front porch until I get there just to crack some dumb-shit, no brained joke about how the pizza I am carrying belongs to you and not to the people I’m taking it to. So quit fucking asking me.
Case point 4: Tip the pizza guy! Some of us have to pay for school, some of my co-workers are raising five person families on their Pizza Hut pay, which will be a whopping $6.90 in January. Remember, there is always someone out there that is worse than you. Chances are, if he’s delivering pizzas, he’s one of them.
I know that there are lots of great people out there that order pizza from me. 4454 N.W. Bramblewood, if you’re out there in cyber-land, this complaint does not apply to you. In fact, I thank you for great courtesy. I do not mean to step on the toes of my good customers that might not tip, but they have a smile on their face and a good attitude. I appreciate those customers to the fullest extent. Thank you for that.
On another note, those of you who are like the people I described, and you know who you are, stop it! If you curse at me again, I’ll curse back. If you say something derogatory about my being, how I do my job, if you insult my momma, anything to that extent, your delivery will be turned into a pick up when I leave your house, with your pizza in my hand!