Waiting

During the return trip to Brallian and while the boys are out chasing the demons, Adria and Bree remember why they hate waiting, and have a chance to answer at least one unasked question.

5 Saille 2045

Adria relaxed on the bed, watching idly as Bree threw one of her throwing darts into the wall. The noblewoman's aim was improving, and the caricature of one of the Company of Unusual Headgear they had drawn with chalk was well pocked with dents. She's still afraid to put some power in her arm, Adria thought, but that was to be expected considering they were in a Inn. Perhaps with a more suitable target, Bree would not be so shy. Although, Adria did not believe that there was any target more suitable than the ill-fated members of the Company.

I should've plugged them all full of arrows, she grumbled to herself for perhaps the fifth time that night. It wouldn't have taken long, and then they'd be out of my hair. They're always showing up at the wrong times and ruining my good mood . . .

Not to mention she'd sworn to eliminate the lot of them when they'd barged in on her wedding night, if they dared show their faces to her again. Adria always kept her word. Her eyes narrowed. Wait, had she really sworn to eliminate them, or was it that she just thought they needing killing? Or squishing, rather, like bugs. Adria frowned to herself, pursing her lips. The memory was fuzzy; she had been cold. One thing was clear: they irritated her, and therefore should stay far away if they wished to live long lives.

Bree threw another dart, but it bounced off the wall without penetrating. Her arm must be getting tired. She had been throwing for quite some time. How long had the boys been gone, anyway?

What if something had gone wrong?

Adria supressed the urge to throw on her armor and go stomping around the streets. She wasn't familiar with Brallian, and it looked even more confusing than Londoun. Getting herself lost would do her no good. Perhaps Bilbus had found a safe place for the night, and would return in the morning. Adria wished for a stab of irritation, but what she got was a pang of worry. That man did not know how to take care of himself. Without her to watch his back, he'd pick a fight that would get him killed. Fighting Neverborn indeed. He didn't understand who he was. If he were killed, the del Cartachs would be gone forever. Everything she had worked for - nearly died for - would be undone. He didn't know how important it was that he was alive. At times, he seemed determined to put himself in a grave to spite her. Where would the del Cartach line be then?

Another thought caught her attention, a suspicion hovering at the edges of her mind. Perhaps all was not lost.

Bree was sitting on the floor crosslegged, working on cleaning her rapier. After the long voyage from Hellenas, she was finally alone with the healer.

Adria cleared her throat. "So Bree, I had a question I thought you might be able to answer. I don't have much knowledge in this area, since I was raised by my father. I was wondering . . ." The words didn't seem to want to come. Spit it out, Adria thought to herself. "I was wondering, as a healer . . . how does a woman tell if she's . . . pregnant?"

***

Stupid bloody men! Where are they?? It's been dark for hours! They should be back by now. By all the gods, what if they ran into the demon? What if…

"No you don't Breanna..no what ifs. Take a deep breath and focus on what you're doing before you cut yourself.

Bree dribbled a little more oil onto her rag and worked steadily on the blade of her rapier. The weapon wasn't really in need of cleaning, but it helped keep her hands busy and she was thankful for the distraction.

Adria had been fidgety all evening as well and she couldn't blame her at all, but all of a sudden Adria had gotten very still. Bree gripped her rapier and ran through her mental check list of the room.

Where are the windows?
In front of me. There's nothing coming through them
What about the door?
Beside me, and I hear…
Adria cleared her throat. "So Bree, I had a question I thought you might be able to answer. I don't have much knowledge in this area, since I was raised by my father. I was wondering . . ." Adria paused, sounding a little uncertain, "I was wondering, as a healer . . . how does a woman tell if she's . . . pregnant?"

Pregnant?? That can't be what she just said. Can it? Is she? Bree took a deep breath and forced herself to relax her grip on her rapier. She looked up at her companion , studying the younger girl's face and then taking a brief look down the length of her body. Hard to tell with the armor, but she has been acting awfully oddly lately, but still…

Bree took another little breath and then in a calm, relaxed, voice, she began with the list of signs that she knew by heart. "Well, in the beginning, the lady is generally very tired and may sleep more often than normal. The lady may or may not be nauseous and she may crave certain foods. But the most telling symptom would be if the lady had missed her moon tide for more than one consecutive month. You see, it's not uncommon for a woman to skip one moon tide occasionally for no apparent reason, but the body won't typically miss more than one cycle in a row unless there's a baby."

Bree's voice trailed off and stopped, not sure how much further to go. Those were the signs, as far as she knew them, and typically, as a healer she would have followed this description with a few questions of her own, but Adria was her friend and she wasn't sure how to preceede. Would she answer truthfully or would she take offense? But if she is, and we continue traveling this hard and face the dangers we'll be facing here in the next few months, she could lose the baby as well as her own life. Bres help me! Could I save her if it came to that or would I lose her like Elizabeth and momma?

Good grief Breanna..jumping the cart before the horse much? It could just be curiosity. Most newly wed brides wonder about these things. But Adria doesn't seem to worry about the typical things. Making up her mind, Bree forced her fears to the side and tried to force her face into the healer's mask of neutrality, but her voice cracked slightly as she began. She cleared her throat and began again, "Ha…have you missed a cycle Adria?"

***

"On the trip to Hellenas, yes. At least one." Adria frowned to herself, unsure if she were hoping it was due to a baby, or nerves. It was not good timing for a child . . . or perhaps the timing couldn't be better. "I may miss a second, soon. It could be because of the ship, I guess - but it was so odd, since I wasn't hardly sick at all."

Adria collected the sum of her knowledge about pregnancy, which wasn't much. Ladies who were "with child" withdrew from their social obligations and stayed at home, resting. She knew their tummies got fairly large. After some months the baby was born, or there was a tragedy and the mother or child or both might be lost. Childbirth was risky. Adria knew Bree was a skilled healer, and that assuaged her fears somewhat.

"How long do I have, Bree, if I'm pregnant? I don't know how many more months we'll be travelling. I don't want to have a baby on the road." Adria slumped against the pillow crammed beneath her chest. She had a vague sense of how long pregnancy lasted, pinning it down to somewhere between five or six months and a year. She was hoping for a longer period. "Can I even travel?" While she was all too sick of staying in inns and moving from place to place, she didn't want to leave Bilbus by himself. Who would watch over him, if not for her? The idea of being stuck back in Portsdale waiting for the party to return was not appealing in the least.

***

Bree stared past Adria into the empty space of the room and began counting to herself and racking her mind as she tried to think of any other sign, anything she remembered reading about or overhearing in the shop but she was drawing blanks. Instead of the words in books all she could see were the images of her sister dying as the baby wailed in the silent room. Oh Brigid..please not this..not now. How am I going to be able to help her through this? By all the gods Breanna, you are a healer, and a good one at that. You've attended how many pregnancies and seen them safely delivered? You are panicking for no reason. Adria is young and healthy and she has you. Stop this. You'll scare Adria and that's the last thing she needs right now, especially if it is just stress. Bree smiled reassuringly at her friend, and somehow managed to keep her voice steady and calm, "Adria, it really could just be the stress of all this travel. Of course if you add in the demons chasing us and the possible end of the world, a missed cycle wouldn't surprise me at all." Bree got up and sat cross legged on the end of Adria's bed facing her. " I need you to really think about this though, has it just been the one missed cycle or have there been more? What about the other signs? Have you been overly tired or hungry lately? What about nauseous when we weren't sailing? Have your clothes begun fitting oddly?"

Adria wrinkled her brow in thought.

"If you are with child, there's no reason why you can't continue traveling if that's what you choose to do. As long as you stay healthy and listen to what your body needs, you'll be just fine." Bree consciously blocked out images of her mother and sister. "I've known women in merchant caravans to travel right up until the day the baby is born and then set off again just a few days later. If, and I mean IF you are pregnant, the baby will most likely arrive sometime in either Muin or Gort, probably right around the Harvest Festival. There's still plenty of time."

***

Adria felt better. "I could still be recovering from my . . . injury, I suppose. I still don't feel as strong as I was, and I haven't gotten my weight back completely." It had been months since she'd awoke in Londoun, and she still felt the effects. Maybe no one else would notice, but she was a hair slower than before. It frustrated her.

"We were six weeks on the ship, right?" She counted on her fingers under her breath. "I've only missed one cycle, then. I should start one next week. I haven't really felt anything odd, except I wasn't sick on the ship. I've been cheerful lately, actually." She didn't want to mention that sidestepping a nasty foretold fate might have something to do with her good mood.

"At any rate, if I were pregnant it doesn't sound so bad. We'll be back home well before the Harvest Festival. I hope." Adria snorted. "If we're still chasing orcs and demons by then, my pregnancy will be the least of everyone's worries." She grinned and rolled to a sitting position on the bed, the pillow still clasped to her chest. Her mood was mixed and oddly enough she felt slightly disappointed. Bree sounded certain that her missed cycle was nothing. Did she really want the baby? Now? So soon, and in such circumstances?

Later might be too late . . .

"Bree, don't tell Bilbus, please. I haven't said anything to him. It's not certain. He doesn't need more things to worry about." Adria said, then winced. She might welcome the pregnancy, but Bilbus' thoughts on the subject could be quite different. They hadn't discussed it. What if it was too much, too soon? What if he left? Adria felt sick. Gods, how long could she hide the pregnancy and avoid telling him?

***

Bree studied Adria's face and couldn't help but see the uncertainty in her eyes. Bree twisted her wedding ring on her finger. If it were me, would I be any less uncertain? A baby? Now? Under these circumstances? I'd be downright terrified, not only of what could happen, but of what Eric would do. Would he send me home to wait? Would I keep it from him? No. But that's my choice, not Adria's. Besides, if it comes to that, she can't keep it a secret forever. Babies have a way of making their presence known. Something niggled at the back of Bree's mind, something about the presence of a baby, but she couldn't quite put her finger on it.

Bree smiled thinly at Adria , "No, I won't tell Bilbus. That's entirely up to you. Besides, you're right. There's no real need to excite anyone until you know for sure." Bree found herself twisting her ring on her finger again. With a conscious effort, she quit fidgeting, pushed a loose strand of hair behind her ear and placed her hands carefully in her lap. "Adria, I know I shouldn't ask, but would you be happy about a baby? I'll understand if you'd rather not answer the question, but sometimes it helps to talk these things through. I understand that this is a scary possibility, I know it would be for me too. But this isn't something you have to go through alone. You have me and you have Bilbus. I know your relationship hasn't been exactly ideal, but I've seen the way he looks at you, and he does love you. Give him the opportunity to be there for you." Bree gave an evil grin before continuing, "Besides, If he fails, we still have the handcuffs we used on Eric, we can attach him to a hook somewhere and torture him until he sees reason."

***

Adria smiled, but it didn't quite reach her eyes. "I hope there's no need for that. He's rather stubborn. It's not that I think he won't want the baby -" she paused and her shoulders slumped. "I don't know, Bree. It's so soon. There's a lot happening right now. Getting pregnant isn't the best idea in the world. It's just . . ." Her throat constricted, making her force out her words.

"Bilbus doesn't think he's going to live through this, and there are things I can't protect him against. He just threw himself at that Neverborn in Hellenas, Bree, and I had to drag him away from the fight. What if I hadn't been there?" She gestured to the darkened city beyond the window in frustration. "What about now, when I'm here and he's out there?"

"He's the last del Cartach, and he doesn't know what that means. He dies and it's all over. I tried so hard to fix everything and make it right, but it doesn't matter if he's dead. My father will have won, even from the grave. I can't let that happen. It's not fair and I won't let it happen. I just barely survived the last time, and now he gets himself gutted by an orc and it's over?! No!" Adria smacked her hand against the headboard for emphasis and it felt like she nearly broke a knuckle. Tears came to her eyes and she pretended it was from the pain in her hand.

"Well, I can't save him from everything, Bree. I try, but there's only so much I can do. If I have the baby, then the line will continue, and at the least my father will have lost." She wiped the tears away on her sleeve, resisting the urge to bury her face in the pillow and bawl. "I don't know what I'd do if he died. I just don't want to go home alone."

***

Bree absently reached for her healing pack and took out a small jar of ointment. She removed the cap, smelled it briefly, and said softly, "Arnica. It's good for bruises." She handed the jar over to Adria and continued speaking very softly, "I know what you'd do. You'd do the same thing I would. You'd mourn and just when you thought you couldn't possibly go on, you'd find a way." Bree tried to grin, but found it just didn't quite make it, " At least that's what I have to believe I'd do," because if I think anything else, I'll be lost.

Bree shuddered and folded her arms across her midsection. "I don't know if I'll make it through whatever is coming. I don't know if Eric will make it, or Kasey, or Rishala, or any of us, but I think the only thing that's going to keep us going is if we can each find things worth living and fighting for." Bree smiled, this time feeling it soften her features, "Maybe for you and Bilbus both it'll be a baby, even if the timing is bad, and even if you're a little unsure, everything happens for a reason. "

***

Adria rubbed a little of the ointment on her hand. "I don't find that much consolation, Bree. Not after this year. Reasons don't help when your heart is broken."

She shrugged to herself, turning the smooth jar in her hands. "I don't want to give Bilbus anything else to worry about, and if that means keeping the pregnancy from him as long as possible, I'll do it. I don't know if he's ready for it, or if he'll want it. Gods, for all I know the marriage is what's making him want to take on Neverborn. Maybe a baby would make it worse." The thought depressed her. What if nobility wasn't agreeing with her husband?

Adria tried to get herself under control, but the tears welled up worse than before. She buried her face in her hands. "Bree, I don't want to be a mother!" she sobbed. "I don't know anything about babies - I don't even know my mother! I'll make a horrible parent and the baby will hate me and everything will be ruined! Bilbus is going to die - I'm going to be all by myself - the baby won't have a father - I don't know how to take care of a child." She sniffled incoherently. "Hells, I had a cat once and it ran away!"

Adria flopped on her back and clutched the pillow to her face. "I'm going to be an awful mother!" she wailed.

***

Bree moved closer to her friend, took the jar gently from Adria's hand, and pulled the bruised hand gently away from the pillow and Adria's face. Bree slowly massaged more of the ointment into the reddening bruise on the younger girl's hand, but for now the best she could do would be to let Adria cry and to let her know that someone was there for her. Adria's fingers tensed beneath Bree's hand but she continued the massage while Adria continued crying. Once the ointment was sufficiently rubbed in, Bree released Adria's now limp hand, and pressed a clean handkerchief into the fingers.

"Adria, I don't honestly think you'll be an awful mother if you'll just give yourself half a chance. Allow yourself a chance to love the child more than you've loved anything before. As for the rest, there are plenty of women around who can help you learn about babies and how to care for them. Besides, we're not even sure you're pregnant yet. I'm glad you're thinking about these things, but at the same time, as hard as it may sound, worrying about it isn't going to make either answer any easier. Babies have a habit of making their presence known when they're darn good and ready and not a minute before.

Master Shipley's voice echoed in Bree's mind…Babies have a habit of making their presence known. From the earliest stages, the baby is a living thing and all living things have a life force Breanna. If there's a life force, it can be detected.

Bree tried to contain her excitement, but couldn't quite keep it from entering her voice.."Oooohhhh…that's it!! Adria do you want to know? I can't guarantee that this will work, I've only seen the casting done once before a long time ago, but I think I may be able to feel a baby's life force. That is if you'd like me to try. If not, we'll know in a week or two anyway. But if it would ease your mind, I'd be happy to at least try."

***

Adria pulled the pillow away from her face and sat up. Bree was right - she shouldn't get flustered when the baby wasn't a certainty. She blew her nose in the handkerchief and pulled herself back together. I didn't like that cat anyway . . .

"I'd like to know, either way. If this heka . . . thing will tell, let's do it. What do you need?" she asked, wary that Bree would have to hack off one of her fingers.

***

"Hmm..nothing much, just a few hairs from your head." Bree smirked at Adria with an evil grin, "Then of course, I'll need a lot of blood from your right wrist." At Adria's shocked expression, Bree giggled and said, "I'm just teasing Adria. I shouldn't need anything. It's just a matter of meditation and a little heka." I think. "I just need you to lay back, and lift your shirt so that your stomach is exposed. Then I just need you to relax a little."

Bree turned her back on Adria giving the younger girl what privacy she could, lowered the lantern to nothing but a very low glow, and rummaged in her pack for the little packet of lavender she kept there. She went about her ritual, placing the lavender onto a small glass plate, and then placing the plate on top of the lantern, allowing the herbs to slowly heat and give off their scent. Once that was finished, she turned back around and knelt besides Adria's bed. Adria lay there, with her shirt partially open, but her body hummed with tension.

"Adria, I'm going to press my hands into your abdomen before I try this casting. Sometimes you can feel the baby just by pressing on certain points of the abdomen. Then if I don't feel anything or if I'm not sure, then I'll go ahead and try the casting. You will most likely feel a brief very intense wave of cold when I cast but I promise it won't hurt." Bree smiled reassuringly at Adria who was visibly much paler than she had been a few moments ago. " I need you take a few deep breaths with me. As you breathe, I want you to breathe in through your nose. Picture your lungs filling completely with cool clean air, and then blow the air completely out through your mouth. …that's right…very good. Let's try a couple more." Bree breathed slowly with Adria and watched as the younger girl physically relaxed. When Adria was calm and breathing normally again, Bree placed her hands just above Adria's bared stomach and began drawing the flows of heka towards her.

With a slight thought, Bree felt her hands warm, and she pressed them into Adria's abdomen, feeling as she did for the little knot that would grow. Ahhh..right there! Unless that's part of the digestive tract. Bree pressed a little more firmly, this time cupping the little knot gently in both of her hands. "Hmmm." God's I can't tell, it feels like it could be, but it could be anything. I'm just not sure. Bree opened her eyes, and watched Adria breathing. She was beginning to tense up again. Bree took a few more deep breaths thankful when Adria began following the breathing exercise until she had relaxed completely again. Bree felt the panic rising within herself, "Oh Brigid, help me. Is Adria pregnant? I can't tell, I can't let her down, I won't let her die."

Bree could hear Master Shipley's voice in her subconscious. Just the sound of that voice allowed her to seize her panic. Relax Breanna, breathe. You'll do no one any good if you panic now. Pull the threads of heka towards you. Feel the heka penetrating every fiber of your being. Good. Now, when you feel that you can hold no more, let the heka go through your hands into the girl.

Bree struggled with the strands of heka, trying to allow them to flow gently, but at the same time keep control of them enough to do what she needed to do. Just when she thought she couldn't hold on to them any longer, she realized that she didn't need to hold them all. She took another deep breath, let a few small strands go, and listened to Master Shipley's instruction in her mind again.

Picture the heka running through her body. Follow each strand to it's destination. See the heart, beating healthy. Follow the blood through the body. Feel the girls life force and feel what's normal for her. Once you've found her rhythm, follow the strands to what you seek.

Bree concentrated on Adria's natural rhythm, her breathing, the way her blood flowed in and around the body. She lost all track of time while she concentrated on the natural flow of Adria's life. Once she had determined what Adria's life force felt like, she followed the force deeper until…Yes! There it is, very faint, not the same as Adria's, distinctly different, but life! Bree felt the little spark warm under her hand. I'll see you safe little one. With that whispered promise, Bree released the heka, and the world around her swam. It was hard to let go and to not feel her friend's life in her hands. With another deep breath, Bree wiped away the tears that she hadn't realized were falling, took one of Adria's hands and placed it gently over the place where the spark lay deep within its mother. "Say hello to your baby Adria."

***

Adria had been concentrating on sensing how Bree was manipulating the heka, but the casting was too complex for her to follow. Bilbus had taught her a few things during the trip to Hellenas, enough to at least rise her above complete ignorance of magick. She still hesitated to use her new skills and was not comfortable with heka use, but it seemed silly to ignore the usefulness of a little magickal armor or healing in the right moment. She'd never be as practiced as Bree, but it was a start. The noblewoman was so focused on following the heka threads that she almost didn't hear the healer speak.

Her hand twitched on her stomach, bringing her back to the present. Adria opened her eyes. Had Bree just said . . . ?

The skin under her hand felt the same as always. There were no obvious lumps or protrusions, nothing she could feel or sense, yet something tiny grew under her fingers . . . A rush of emotion washed through her, and she was unsure if she were happy or upset. She had contemplated the consequences of pregnancy, but she had not had to accept them until now.

I'm not ready to be a mother, Adria thought, struggling with the news. I'm not ready for Bilbus to be a father . . .

She sighed to herself, trying to shed her tension like a second skin. Ready or not, the baby was a certainty. Though she feared her impending motherhood, her fear of the events of the near future was far greater. The world was a dangerous place, and now she had two souls to protect.

Just keep it alive, she told herself. Worry about being a mother in eight months.

Adria sat up stiffly and swung her legs over the side of the bed. She stared at the shadows that flickered across the floor from the lantern, feeling suddenly tired and overwhelmed.

"Thank you, Bree. I guess that was the answer I was looking for." She glanced up at the older girl and managed a smile. "This'll be our secret for now. How long do you think I have before the baby is . . . noticeable?"

***

Bree smiled shakily at Adria before slumping to the floor with one of the other pillows. The world still spun, but she managed to shove the queasiness aside to answer Adria's question. "I'm not sure. Every woman and every pregnancy is different. Your body is going to change fairly drastically and clothes may hide it fairly well for a while longer. I would guess though that it'll probably be fairly noticeable, at least to Bilbus within the next few weeks. Forgive me for saying so Adria, but shifts don't tend to cover much and I doubt you're going to want to sleep fully clothed all the time, or sleep away from Bilbus."

Bree sighed and looked away from Adria before continuing, "As a healer, I must keep your secret, but as your friend…, Adria, please don't keep this secret too long. New fathers sometimes need as much time as new mothers to get used to the idea of being a parent. Babies are truly a miracle, even the ones that decide to come along when it's least convenient. Give Bilbus a chance to share this with you." Providing he's not dead out there somewhere. Where are they?? Bree rubbed her eyes and stood up. "I think I could use a little tea and maybe…mmmmmm…I wonder if they have any chocolate cake downstairs. That just sounds absolutely divine to me! Would you like anything?"

***

"Hmm? Tea sounds nice, I suppose," Adria replied, distracted.

Where will we be in a few weeks? she wondered. And how in the hells am I going to break this to Bilbus? Bree was right; she couldn't keep it a secret forever. A few weeks of cover wasn't much time. Gods, I'm going to get fat, Adria realized with a considerable amount of disgust. She wasn't sure which was worse - having to be honest with her husband about the pregnancy, or letting him think she was suddenly gaining weight and seeing if he was stupid enough to bring it up. How observant could Bilbus be in the wintertime anyway? He rarely looked anywhere besides her cleavage. Adria considered her odds carefully. No, perhaps he woudn't have much chance visually, given that they often dressed in darkness and she would be wearing cold weather gear over and under her armor, but on the other hand his physical observations tended to be . . . thorough. She felt her cheeks warm.

I'll tell him later, she decided firmly. . . . after Erelhei Cinlu. He has enough to worry about until then.

If he ever comes home tonight . . .

Bree had slipped on her shoes and was heading for the door of their room, presumably in search of cake.

"Do you think he'll be happy about the baby?" Adria asked her curiously, before she could leave. "I've been so wrong about Bilbus, sometimes. I don't know how he's going to react to this."

***

Bree stopped at the door, not looking back just yet. Would Bilbus be happy about a baby? Bree thought through everything she knew about Bilbus, his lechery, his obsession with stealing things, and his love for Adria. These things she knew because he was her friend, but she didn't really know him well enough to know what he'd think about this huge change in his life with Adria. If she told Adria that, would it scare her enough to make her keep the pregnancy a secret or worse yet to seek out a way to end the pregnancy without telling him at all? She didn't know. But she couldn't lie. Not to her friend.

Bree thought about children in Armagh, the children who had been orphaned when sickness had taken their parents and left them behind. She hadn't been more than a little girl herself then, but she knew that those same children, those who had stayed in Armagh had grown up to be very loving adults. They wanted families of their own more than anything and were more than happy when a baby was born healthy to them. Would Bilbus be any different? He had suffered the loss of his family and lived in an orphanage for several years. Would he be any different? But he had also grown up as a thief and without a family to show him what a family was like..would he accept the idea of having one of his own?

Bree turned towards Adria and answered quietly, "I don't know Adria. I really don't know. I do know that most of the children I've ever known who lost their parents at a young age, crave families of their own. I don't think Bilbus will be any different. Besides, he always seems very fond of the kids. Whenever we pass through a village with young ones, he laughs at their games, and seems genuinely pleased with their antics. He played as hard as any child I saw in the Centaur village." Bree smiled at the memory of Bilbus running with the little centaur boy trying to keep the ball away from the larger boys. "I think he'll be happy Adria." With that, Bree reached for the door and began the search for tea and chocolate.

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Last Updated:1/27/03
Questions or comments? E-mail Breanna L. Ceiturin