Iago: Zazu, I've been thinking about this Pooh craze, and I figured out a way to cash in on it.
Zazu: Knowing you, it will be a way to crash in on it. Do tell, though. I could use a good laugh.
Iago: Well, I've come up with a great new attraction idea, which would combine the Pooh stuff with outer space. It's called Captain Eeyore. It's a 3-D movie about a stuffed donkey, who lands on an enemy planet with his pal Pooh-ter and some of those other Hundred Acre Wood characters, and he gets captured and meets this evil queen called the Supremes Leader -- maybe we could get Diana Ross to play that part -- and he transforms her and her planet through the power of Hunny. And rock music. There would be lots of 3-D effects, like Heffalumps and Woozles flying through the air. And his space ship would be shaped like a Hunny pot. The whole flick would be a real THRILLER. So whaddya think, huh?
Zazu: Iago, have you been drinking those Buzz Lightbeer Space Ranger Spins over at the Contemporary again? I told you lite beer and coffee make a strange boilermaker. Especially in a blender.
Iago: Hey, I only had one. And that was way back at breakfast this morning. So what's wrong with my idea?
Zazu: It's already been done. It was called Captain Eo. '
Iago: Captain Nemo? I thought we talked about the Submarines last week.
Zazu: Not Captain Nemo, squid brain. Captain Eo! With Michael Jackson in the lead role.
Iago: Michael Jackson?!? Holy Heron, that would explain the Diana Ross thing, wouldn't it? I must've blocked the whole attraction out of my brain.
Zazu: See what one stray flake of dandruff can do?
Iago: No, no, it's just that when ever I think about having plastic surgery, I get a mental image of Michael Jackson, and it makes me wanna hang onto every precious inch of this beak. Doesn't he ever look at THE MAN IN THE MIRROR? And don't those surgeons know when to stop?!
Zazu: Apparently they have no more self-control than you do when those ROCKIN' ROBINs fly down here to perform in the Tiki Room every winter. One would think you'd never seen a red breast before. You are ONE BAD APPLE.
Iago: Goes back to my early childhood. I was SPOILED a WHOLE BUNCH.
Zazu: And we all know how appealing spoiled eggs are.
Iago: Please, my brain is scrambled enough as it is. Now I'm having flashbacks of that Eo thingy. Wasn't there a Major Domo character in it? I thought you were a Major Domo.
Zazu: In case you haven't heard, I've been promoted. I am a Bird Colonel now. And you are a Major Dodo. Eo's crew consisted of Hooter, Fuzzball, the Geex, Major Domo, and Minor Domo.
Iago: I'm sorry. Could you repeat that? I lost you after "Hooter."
Zazu: Put down that Viagra and listen to me. Captain Eo was quite an impressive piece of work. It was produced by George Lucas and directed by Francis Ford Coppola. Special effects were done by Industrial Light & Magic, which is owned by Lucas. ILM also produced Body Wars at Epcot. Captain Eo was 17 minutes long, and cost $1,000,000 per minute to produce. On 20 September 1986, "Disney's Captain Eo Grand Opening" aired on television. The attraction had premiered a week earler at Disneyland and at Epcot. It also made it to Tokyo Disneyland and Disneyland Paris. Now, it's gone from all of these parks, with the most recent closing being at Disneyland Paris this summer. Honey, I Shrunk The Audience is the replacement attraction (though not open in Paris yet), but it's called Micro Adventure in Tokyo Disneyland.
Iago: Are you telling me that we're discussing another extinct attraction?
Zazu: Errr, yes.
Iago: I hate that. I NEVER CAN SAY GOODBYE. As for Paris, I never GOT TO BE THERE, either.
Zazu: It's really not a BAD flight. Even you could memorize the directions. Simple as ABC. EASY AS 1, 2, 3.
Iago: Well then, I'LL BE THERE before you can say "Eo is Greek for 'dawn'."
Zazu: How on earth did you know that?
Iago: I dunno. It just dawned on me. Or maybe I should say, it just Eo'd on me <snort>.
Zazu: You're really beginning to get on my nerves.
Iago: Oh, have a flaming Pepsi and calm down.
Zazu: BEAT IT!
The music selected to accompany this page is "A Whiter Shade of Pale" by Procul Harum.
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