300, reasons why this movie sucks.
For those who haven't seen the movie 300, you're luckier than I. This is simply
a bad movie and I'll give you 300
reasons not to see it.
1. The fucking narrator. I always love it when a movie requires no actual acting
because the narrator tells you exactly what you are seeing on the screen then
tells you how it's suppose to make you feel. I am dead serious. This is
how this movie is presented. What the fuck? Did they get John Madden to narrate
this movie? Ass.
2. This movie is George W Bush's' wet dream. For those who only watched this
movie solely for the gore and retardedly went into a trance at seeing a leg cut
off, there was a story line (although a very poor one) to this movie that you
missed. I'll summarize it for you. 300, lets call them "troops", are sent to a
battle that no one thinks they should be involved in, not even their high
council, I'll call them "the United Nations". But that never stopped barbarian
King Leonidas (aka GW Bush) to do what ever he fucking wanted. After weeks of
fighting and obvious failure, a member is sent home to request for more troops
in the typical "I told you so" fashion of a spoil brat all because they were
fighting for "freedom". Fucking Republicans.
3-113. At a run time of 117 minutes, I'd say only 7
minutes was exciting
for me; the credits. Can you believe that? Nearly two hours of nothing but limbs
and heads getting chopped off. Ooohhh it's in slow-mo... BULLSHIT! It was
like being shown the same card trick over and over again. It was neat the first
time, try something new Zack Snyder (director).
114. It was based on Frank Millers graphic novel. Every where you go this is
what you hear, not that it is based on the supposed true story of ancient Greece
and the Persians. No that won't sell a movie. We need to say it's based on a
"Graphic Novel" aka picture book. That's all it is, nothing more.
115-300. Every line of dumb orchestrian dialogue. I guess with no plot
there's really no reason to say anything. Might as well make it pointless
and just yell everything. "THIS... IS... SPARTA!" "I... EAT... COOKIES!"
"MONKEYS.... THROW... SHIT!"
I've had shits that were more exciting than this movie.