Friends
This is a little list of people I
know who would stop if they saw me stranded on the side of the road, I think.
If you think you're my friend or if you would stop to give me a ride and your
picture isn't up here it's because I don't have a picture of you so just send it
to me. If you're already on here and want a different picture to fucking bad.
Trust me these aren't listed in any order of importance, you're all equal
friends.
This is Megan. We met in
college while living in the wonderful dormitories. Aww, she looks sweet doesn't
she. Trust me looks are deceiving. She's the only person to ever pissed me off
so much I broke her water gun in half. She's also really good at putting snails
(or bull testicles I have no idea what they were) under your dorm room door. Of
course we're friends because we invented the scrotum dance together and because
she has A.D.D. and anytime you're bored just hang out with Megan and she'll
entertain you even if it means putting a 3' diameter snowball in someone's room.
Jake... is that you?
Well anyway I think this is Jake. As you can see he likes wrestling but he also
likes computers and finding any electronics device at the premium price of
free. We're friends because there is only about 20 cool people in the
Tri-Cities and he's one of them. Plus he knows more about pop culture than you
and is good to have around when you need to know the first movie Fred Savage was
in after his work on Wonder Years.
He looks menacing but I
don't think he would hurt... well... anything. Now I said would not could so
watch your step around this guy. We met while in the cougar marching band in
college and he is definitely one of the smartest guys I know. Maybe it's just
because he is good at math and english and it doesn't take much to impress me.
Oh he can also juggle 7
balls... with his hands!!! His name is Fowler. I so rarely call him by his
first name I can't remember it.
Randi Corleon. Hehehe, just
kidding. That's not her real last name, but her pet name for me is Tota. No
not Toto the 80's stadium rock band that wrote such hits as Rosanna, Tota. It
stands for Tip Of The "A" because I was the tip of the "A" when we spelled "USA"
in marching band and that's how she was able to find me on the field. I think
we originally met because she was able to drink more alcohol than me. Yeah,
ME! She's also a good partner in crime when committing pranks on unsuspecting
souls.
He's afraid of cameras but
he's a glutton for punishment which is why he took this picture himself. This
is Kevin and he's probable the oldest friend on this list. We met in
kindergarten, don't remember how. Hey, you people are lucky I remember what
happened yesterday. Most of our time is spent watching TV, Beavis and Butthead
style, making fun of everything. We watch a lot of Saved by the Bell,
infomercials, and a lot of other really bad television then we quiz each other
on stupid TV trivia. Like, what was the name of Zack's love interest after
Kelly? He's better at the trivia than me plus he has a vocabulary like Meriam-Webster.
If we're not watching TV we're... uh... weee're... shit. OH YEAH, we think of
great Flapjack production projects, like Johnny on the Spot, coming
soon.
Looks aren't deceiving here.
This girl will kick your ass. She's 7 foot, 438lb. Well maybe I exaggerated a
bit. This is Kevin's girlfriend, Kim and that's how we met. Don't think she's
as big of a fan of watching TV as Kevin and I are but she owns the Saved by
the Bell board game and that can get you a lot. She does like to try and
get you into trouble by saying you touched her breast and then go tell her
boyfriend. I'd touch Kevin's breast before I'd touch Kim's, why, because I'm a
good friend. I can't believe I said I would touch a mans breast. By the way if
you know what Meatloaf won't do for love she would like to know. Kim, gekko and
geico are different. Hehehehe.
This is Ookham, CEO of
Ookees Cookies, call sign Charle. Why is Ookham a friend, because everyone in
the northwest has at least one Asian friend. Like everyone who lives in San
Francisco has at least one gay friend. Ookham is also one of the 20 cool people
in the Tri-Cities. Plus you can't beat a guy who would dress up as a country
boy complete with a straw hat for Halloween. He also dressed up as a yacht
captain for New years. He's kick ass. If you ever meet him ask about his
experiences with the wonderful people in South Carolina where he was in training
for the army, it's so much fun to hear those stories.
What the hell are you doing
Mark? Well from the looks of the picture Mark likes to kiss the red dixie cups
when we're done with them, but I guess that's why he is a CEO of Flapjack
Productions. I met Mark because he is Kevin's brother and one of the 20 cool
people in the Tri-Cities. He is famous for the blap, blap, blap (helicopter
sound effects) and voice of Mumar in Revenge of Mumar Quadaffi. He also
thought of the best name for a DJ EVER!!!! I would tell you the name he came up
with but it's so perfect that I don't want anyone to steal it. The name will be
revealed in a new Flapjack movie.
Oh I remember when
Brett and I used to go to that pump house and... wait a minute that was Cindy.
No it wasn't, I was all by myself, I don't even know a Cindy. I was alone, so
alone. Anyway this is Brett, a friend I met at college. I have no idea why he
decided to pose in front of an out house, excuse me, pump house, but I know he
can't read very well and maybe he thought it said pimp house or point north. I
have learned a lot from Brett like what sound bunnies make when making more
bunnies and why yahoo fight clubs can be so fun. So if you ever see Brett say
hi and yell unf at him.
YOU! You
are still dangerous. But you can be my wing man anytime. This tall drink of
water is Luke. He is the head boom operator at Flapjack productions. He saw
the first movie Revenge of Mumar Quadaffi and had to send in his resume.
The skills he showed in his resume needless to say impressed us beyond our
expectations and he jumped up as head boom operator and has been far more
beneficial than we could have possible imagined. His skills in creating such
characters as Luke and Other Luke along with his rock throwing skills are just
unparalleled. If you ever get a chance go see his first film War in the
Backyard, ask your local video rental place, you won't be disappointed.
Everyone, this is Kallyn. We met
because she is Marks girlfriend. Since meeting she has taught me many things,
including: how to dance the best and most subtle robot ever, how to draw (click her pic to see an example of her talent), the name of every zoo animal, which is
buttons, and why children are great, until they turn 5 years old. And I don't
know why but something tells me she can free style rap with the best of them.
I've never seen her do it but you can tell. If you ever meet her call her out on
it and start battling. I dare you.
I don't know why it took me so
long to post this friend. Everyone, meet Ginger. We met in college
because she was in marching band and in the trombone section and no one can
resist the Cuizno charm. Actually I have no idea how we met but I'm glad
we did. She made many a band trip enjoyable and you can't beat a women
who... well, there are so many reasons why you can't beat Ginger, including the
fact that her name is Ginger. That's like a super hero name or something.
Anyways, track her down if you're ever in Park City, Utah. You won't be
disappointed.
Geez, just look at that face, he's
so pretty isn't he? Everyone, this is Schilling. You've heard about
him in many stories of mine most notably the Crystal
Method/Audi weekend. Schilling is easily the most beautiful male
friend I have (sorry Kevin). He enjoys fashion, expensive cars, playing
the piano, reading and interior decorating. Boy that almost makes him
sound gay. He even does this effeminate thing with his hand whenever he's
eating or talking. But after walking in on him doing the deed with his girlfriend
while in college I can assure you he's not gay. Although he does live in
San Fransico now...
Ahhh, so many memories with this
guy, Josh. I saw my first porn video at his house. We skipped school
to, of all things, watch Godzilla in the theaters. We saw nearly
100 other movies together while in high school. And of course there were a
million stupid things we did while in band, from band camp to concert band.
The stories go on and on. Schilling, Josh and I form team "D-double-O
D-double-O Style", because we we're the shit.
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