Urinal Stance
In yet another way men are superior to women, not only can we piss standing up (or sitting down) we can do it in different ways with style. Here are a few ways men do it with style. By the way I am really proud of myself for my MS Paint skills. Women like dudes with skills.
The
Two Hander: This is the cautious mans stance where two hands are used to
direct the flow. Or as in my case two hands are needed to lift the massive
amount of weight so it's not touching the cold porcelain. The man with
this stance is usually a shy, modest man who has nothing to prove. He just
knows he has a job to do here and doesn't want to make a mess. This man
really has no style.
1-Hand
Commander (Left Handed): This can be done with either the left or right
hand with the left handed version shown. This man is a very confident man.
He can get the job done with one hand tied behind his back, literally, and he
proves it by using one hand to do his business. He has some style.
No
Hand Commander: This guy is a cocky son-of-a-bitch. His motto is
"I'm fucking badass and who cares if I make a mess?" Plus his package is nothing more than a nipple and there's nothing
to hold on to anyway. This guy is usually found in bars on Friday and
Saturday night using the line, "Are those breasts in your shirt or are you just
happy to see me?" This man has absolutely no style, just cocky (or
uncocky since he only has the nipple).
Olympic Distance Peeing Stance: We've all done it. You go into the bathroom and no one is there, no chance of someone coming in, and you really have to go. Can't waste the power in the bladder, let's see what it can do. This one has the most style because of its versatility. There are so many factors to judge this stance; distance, time, arc, the figure 8, one handed, no handed, the list goes on and on. This should really be an Olympic event.
Head
Tilt Back Ultra Relief Stance: This stance can be done with any of the hand
positions above and is usually followed by a long very audible sigh. Many
guys assume this stance at highway rests stops or after 5 pitchers of beer.
Hand
on Wall for Support Drunk Stance: This is done after 5 pitchers of beer but only
after having to go back to the bathroom only 5 minutes later. At this
point peeing has just become a nuisance and we are wishing that we had one of
those trucker bladders to pee into.
Toilet
Hugging, Piss on Yourself, Shit Faced Drunk Stance: Believe it or not I
have never been here. No really, I've never pissed on myself while drunk
AND hugging the toilet. I know this really isn't a urinal stance but guys
do this better than women too. On second thought that may not be something
to be proud of.