Don't Get the You're Wrong Finger!
Do you know how to drive? If you've seen this finger you don't. I have been using my bike as my main source of transportation for about a year and a half now and while 99% of drivers are courteous to me that 1% pisses me off. I'm not asking for much, just follow the rules of the road and PAY ATTENTION when you drive. If you want to avoid getting this finger just follow a few simple rules.
1. STOP AT THE WHITE LINE!
I ride on the shoulder of the road most of the time and hence have to deal with the cross traffic at stop signs. If I don't have a stop sign, I have the right of way, and going beyond the white line enters MY lane of traffic. It's not so much that I'm afraid of slamming into the side of your car, it's getting t-boned. I don't have side impact air bags.
2. Don't cut me off!
Plenty of times I've been cut off while traveling on the main road where people will make a right turn onto that road right in front of me. Apparently some drivers want to ride along side me by timing it so they turn right as I am in front of their bumper. I'm not kidding. It's like they are trying to hit me. This usually happens in the morning when drivers are in the alpha state on their morning drive to work. Luckily the few times I've been cut off, there has been no traffic in the other lane (on coming traffic) so I'm able to dodge out of the way and ride along side them. If you do this in the early cold morning, sadly you won't get a "You're Wrong Finger" because I wear mittens, but a fist slamming on your car window. Yes I've actually had to do this. So wake the fuck up.
3. I have to follow the same rules as other drivers.
Some of the road I travel on has no shoulder. Or sometimes I have to make a left turn, which is easiest to do from the left turn lane. Both these situations require me to enter traffic. If at all possible I try to avoid these situations because I know I can impede traffic by not being able to go the speed limit (usually). This does not mean that you have the right to tailgate me and honk! Don't honk at me because I am in traffic. I am following all the traffic laws so fuck off. This has only happened to me three times. The most recent two times I was honked at by a single occupant SUV in congested Seattle city traffic. I was keeping up with traffic stop light to stop light but couldn't accelerate as quickly as they wanted. Boo hoo bitch. I'm actually doing you a favor by riding my bike. I'm saving you gas and road space cock monkey. The first time I was honked at I was turning left at a stop light. I was sitting there at a red light when another car (a 94 mustang) pulls up behind me, honks then yells "get off the road, fucking retard". Like his situation would be leaps and bounds better if I wasn't in front of him STOPPED at a red light. I turned around blankly stared at him and waited for the light to change. It turns green and he turns left and peels out past me on my right side. Oh he got a you're wrong finger.
4. Give me room bitches! (Updated 10/30/06)
When there is no shoulder and I have to ride in traffic don't fly past me with barely enough room. Fucking wait or go AROUND me! 99% of the time this happens we are in stop light to stop light traffic and you're not going anywhere anyway. If you need to get by me swerve around me to give me some room or at the very least slow down when you pass. It's pretty fucking scary to be nearly clipped by car mirrors going 35mph simply because some asshole can't slow down.
I guess I might be over reacting since a guy nearly hit me with his mirror a few days ago and I had the worst case of road rage ever. If it was any worse I could have turned green and crushed his car with my fists. As he passed in his new bright yellow Ford F-150 I hear the swoosh of his mirror near my head. I yelled "fucker" and gave him a HUGE "You're Wrong Finger". I even wanted to tap on his window at the next stop light and flip him off again, but I quickly realized he was in a truck and I was on my bike so I decided against it. Of course not for very long because while waiting at the light I contemplated cutting him off and riding in the center of the lane so he couldn't pass. But I again came to my senses when the green light came on, and I can easily go the speed limit in that section, 25mph, so I didn't have to worry about him. But it still would be very nice to give me some room.
5. Pedestrians need to move the fuck over! (Updated 11/10/06)
Now, I guess I'm not suppose to give the "You're Wrong Finger" to pedestrians since I am have to yield to them, but when three of them are walking abreast on the shoulder forcing me to go into traffic they are being asses. Move the fuck over bitches. How about a single file line! Fucking fat punk ass kids. Yes it's always fatty punk ass high school bitches that do this. Next one that does this is getting an elbow to the head as I pass. You've been warned. I don't care if you don't read this website. Move the fuck over or get an elbow to the head.