Life is hard.
Life in general confuses me most of the time. Here are a few of the specifics that I really don't get.
1. Why is it nice to meet me?
There seems to be a custom to say "Nice meeting you" as a greeting when you meet someone, why? Because I shook your hand and didn't punch you in the face? I can see saying it after our conversation is over but to say it as a greeting is a little optimistic cause I still have the option of punching you in the ear.
2. Why did everyone care about Martha Stewart?
The old A-sexual hag can rot in a creatively ornamented coffin for all I care. She lied, went to prison then she was watched by the media as though she is a known terrorist. We should hire the paparazzi to hunt down Osama. They would find him in like two seconds.
3. What are women thinking?
I have no idea. Not one. Something derogatory?
4. Why does Playboy put in pictures of the centerfolds when they were younger?
I don't care about the life and times of a playboy center fold. Does anyone need to see them when they were a 7 year old gymnast? No! People should treat these women what they are, objects for artwork. Done.
5. Is Ty Pennington gay?
Actually I know the answer to this one, it's yes.
6. Why do people put their feet up while driving?
This is the most white trash thing you can do besides driving without a shirt. What is it with people? "Oh being a passenger is so hard. I wish there was a way I could sit back relax and put my feet up". Bullshit! Put your dam dirty feet down bitch. Yes it's usually a girl who's not in the kitchen, which makes it more annoying. I guarantee you no one will ever put their feet on my dash. If they do they will be kicked out on the side of the road and left there to rot.
7. Am I the only one who thinks fabreeze smells like shit?
Hey lets replace your bad smell with a different bad smell. Lets replace dog shit with horse shit. Different shit same smell.
8. Talk to your doctor about fill in the blank ?
Shouldn't he already know what's best for me? And if he hasn't heard about what I ask him is it really the best thing to be taking? People are stupid.
9. Oprah is not attractive
Oprah is not attractive. Look at how the make-up is caked on. Oprah is not attractive. Look at how the make-up is caked on. Oprah is not attractive. Look at all the make-up she cakes on. Oprah is not attractive. Look at how the make-up is caked on. She's an old asshole hag.
10. How come Taco Bell comes out with 3 million new products every month?
Just because you reshaped the taco shell doesn't make it a new product. Just because you added a different kind of cheese doesn't make it a new product! Going from a flour shell to a corn shell doesn't make a new product!! Fuck!!!
11. What's with the baseball cap under the bike helmet?
They make helmets with visors. Plus don't all hats have that nub on the top?? That has to be real comfortable under the helmet.
12. The king question of all of them. Why do headlights need to stay on when the key is out of the ignition?!?!?!?!
Fucking morons. Well actually I should just be embarrassed since I'm the one who can't remember to shut off his lights. I used to drive a car that didn't buzz when you left your lights on so with in the span of about 3 months I went through 3 batteries. I would learn to live with it if there was a good reason but there isn't. There is no reason to ever have the car lights on without the key in the ignition! Period. I mean exclamation point!